Married? Give me advice!
king_ghidorah
First Post
Well, I can give you the advice of someone recently divorced.... 
I wish you the best. Marriage is a wonderful and rewarding relationship, and I hope you have a long-lasting relationship.
- Communicate honestly. Especially about the stuff that is hard to communicate honestly about.
- Remember to maintain your separate lives. Don't expect her to be your only source of happiness and fulfillment, you will both grow to regret and resent that.
- Learn when to compromise and when to stand your ground. Learn to acknowledge and face when you chose the wrong path.
- Maintain 3 checking accounts- yours, hers, and a shared account. The shared account is for all your household bills. Your individual accounts are for your personal expenses.
- Marriage is work. There is play there, too, and it's good work, but it won't work just because you love each other and have rings on your fingers.
- Set aside time for each other. Remember to romance each other.
- Set aside time for yourselves. Maintain separate lives so there is always something to share and discover.
I wish you the best. Marriage is a wonderful and rewarding relationship, and I hope you have a long-lasting relationship.
billd91
Not your screen monkey (he/him)
king_ghidorah said:Well, I can give you the advice of someone recently divorced....
.
- Communicate honestly. Especially about the stuff that is hard to communicate honestly about.
Honesty, in general, is good but to quote Ray Romano "Honesty. Don't believe the hype." There are times when your spouse doesn't really want to need to hear what you think is the truth. Learn to recognize those times and when telling the truth will cause unnecessary pain. Necessary pain is one thing, unnecessary pain is another.
Try to resolve fights before you go to bed for the night. At the very least, arrive at a space where you can still share the bed even if there are unresolved issues. Do anything you need to, including swallowing your pride and apologizing first, to stay out of the guest room or off the couch. Don't let fights fester.
Make sure you both agree on and stick to the family budget. Money issues cause fights like you wouldn't believe.
Teflon Billy
Explorer
Use it to learn the lessons that will make your second marriage so good (works for me 
)
)
AdmundfortGeographer
Getting lost in fantasy maps
Some big ones:
Apologize when you are wrong, and don't wait to do it. You can't believe how important this really is. The act of apologizing is like applying mortar where cracks appear. Don't just assume the other "knows" you are sorry, go say it.
Likewise, admit when you are wrong.
Don't try to "score points", how ever you do it. If anything quickly builds resentment to the other, it is this. If you see a perfect chance for oneupmanship against your spouse, resist.
Say "thank you". Regularly.
Show your appreciation, especially during moments when you aren't feeling it very strongly just then. Even going through the motions on this can get you both through the stretches of time when romance isn't there.
While each person needs to have their private life, this is not the same as an excuse to keep secrets from the other.
Be ready for sex when you're not in the mood, but the other is.
I could go on, but much of it becomes ever more focused towards specific situations.
Regards,
Eric Anondson
Apologize when you are wrong, and don't wait to do it. You can't believe how important this really is. The act of apologizing is like applying mortar where cracks appear. Don't just assume the other "knows" you are sorry, go say it.
Likewise, admit when you are wrong.
Don't try to "score points", how ever you do it. If anything quickly builds resentment to the other, it is this. If you see a perfect chance for oneupmanship against your spouse, resist.
Say "thank you". Regularly.
Show your appreciation, especially during moments when you aren't feeling it very strongly just then. Even going through the motions on this can get you both through the stretches of time when romance isn't there.
While each person needs to have their private life, this is not the same as an excuse to keep secrets from the other.
Be ready for sex when you're not in the mood, but the other is.
I could go on, but much of it becomes ever more focused towards specific situations.
Regards,
Eric Anondson
Dark Jezter
First Post
I've never been married yet, nor am I engaged to be. However, I can pass along some of the pointers given to me by my dad, a great man who has been married to the same woman for over 30 years and raised 3 children to adulthood. Hopefully his wisdom can be of use to you.
- Trust is the most important thing in a marriage. Any romantic relationship where the particapants can't trust each other is destined to fail.
- The ability to forgive and a sense of humor are important as well.
- No matter how busy life becomes with jobs, children, hobbies, etc. Try to set aside one night a week just for each other. Go out to dinner, catch a movie, do something the two of you enjoy doing and forget about the stress of real life for an evening.
- The most common issue that couples fight over is money. Make sure that the two of you agree on a familiy budget and consult each other before any major expenditures.
- Never say bad things about your spouse (or children) in front of others. Also, let your spouse (and children) overhear you saying good things about them.
- There will be tough times where you'll be tempted to call it quits, but remember that such problems are only temporary. If you can work through the problems that inevitably arise in a marriage, your relationship will be strengthened as a result.
Stone Angel
First Post
Congrats I say. I don't know about marriage but I have been living with the same girl for five years now. This is what I have learned thus far.
Money: Have an account for you have one for her that you each spend out of. Also make sure that you have an account for bills and such. That way if she wants to go out shopping or you want some new dnd books you won't fight about it because you are each spending your own money and there is still cash for bills.
Sex: I can't stress this enough. It is healthy and very theraputic. Sometimes there will be more than and sometimes less but this is a basic
Romance: You can't have one without the other most of the time
Communication: If you are married I am sure that you know your spouse well, but you have made a change in the relationship so you need to make sure that both of you are talking about how you feel even if it's brief and over dinner.
Alone time: Try to make it out with the guys once in a while and get an hour or so to yourself everyday. And she should likewise go out with her girls.
I wish the best of luck and once again I am happy for you.
The Seraph of Earth and Stone
Money: Have an account for you have one for her that you each spend out of. Also make sure that you have an account for bills and such. That way if she wants to go out shopping or you want some new dnd books you won't fight about it because you are each spending your own money and there is still cash for bills.
Sex: I can't stress this enough. It is healthy and very theraputic. Sometimes there will be more than and sometimes less but this is a basic
Romance: You can't have one without the other most of the time
Communication: If you are married I am sure that you know your spouse well, but you have made a change in the relationship so you need to make sure that both of you are talking about how you feel even if it's brief and over dinner.
Alone time: Try to make it out with the guys once in a while and get an hour or so to yourself everyday. And she should likewise go out with her girls.
I wish the best of luck and once again I am happy for you.
The Seraph of Earth and Stone
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