Are we weasels or nice people?

[JoeGKushner]

In looking at the tales of 'booting' a player, I noticed a lot of times that people just up and left or changed the game date or something... spineless.

Are we weasels who are adept at avoiding any type of confrontation, or has having those confrontations simply taught us that yeah, it's better to go that route in order to spare someone's feelings.

For a long time, and to a certain point, I believe that yes, it is weasely. However I've now been in situations where I think... yeah, we're going to have to dump this guy with the soft touch.

 

[BiggusGeekus]

It entirely depends on the situation.

I had to dump a guy out of our Shadowrun group. I was willing to give him a chance, but the other guys didn't like him because he had pretty bad BO. They would schedule last-minute games and he'd rush over to try to make it, but then he wouldn't have time to take a shower. He was aware of his problem, there just wasn't much he could do about it at the time. I was kind of disgusted with how the rest of the group was handling it, so I decided I would call him directly and talk to him. The guy was heartbroken. He was crying on the phone before the call ended. To give sense of scale, we were in our early 20s at the time and he was probably very concious of his problem and had years of facing situations just like that. In hindsight, I kind of wish I had lied to him and told him that the group broke up.

Sometimes a confrontation can cause more harm than good. I think that was one of those times.

 

[fafhrd]

As a group, we gamers tend towards eccentricities. Quirks are largely accepted with a laugh and a nod. The problem is that sometimes serious, disruptive or even downright scary issues can be hiding under the accepted deviations. IME, when a group of average gamers finds someone heinous enough to try and get rid of them, the situation already falls well outside of social norms. So yes it's a bit spineless, but an evaporative response can sometimes avoid a more upfront but really unpleasant letdown.

 

[Crothian]

I weill always confront. Sure it might be the wrong thing to do, but I perfer to confront and ddeal with it then to be backhanded and sneaky about getting rid of someone.

 

[reveal]

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

 

[Kanegrundar]

I'm with BG on this one. It all depends on the situation. If a person is likely going to be dramatically burt by the booting, then it's time for the soft touch. However, if he/she's acting like an ass, then give them the ol' boot.

Back in college, we had a bad BO player with a poor attitude. His problem wasn't genetic and from what a few people that knew him back in HS said, he wasn't that way before. He just simply didn't take the time to shower...ever. Plus, he was an overbearing ass that tried to control everything the party did and go pout when we went a different direction. When enough became enough, he got pissed and called us all sorts of names. I felt bad for the guy to a point. The group DM and I talked to him calmly, and he got pissed that we were coming down on him since he makes that sacrifice to play the game. Well, we only played once a week, so the rest of the time was his choice. Finally, the Dm had heard enough of his ranting and told him not to show up anymore. The last I heard he had been kicked out of several other groups and no one has heard from him in a while. Like I said, I felt bad for a bit, but the way he acted afterwards made me glad that we had washed our hands of him.

Kane

 

[Ashrum the Black]

Hmm, I suppose it depends on the situation really.

There are times when not dealing with the root problem (whatever it is) may be to everybody's benefit. I've seen groups break up over the internal strife this type of thing. It's like a marriage where you can almost gaurentee that the couple doesn't know how to fight yet. They fight dirty, the bring up unrelated incidents, and generally turn it into a huge verbal brawl. People can end up with some pretty hurt feelings, or worse, ended friendships.

On the other hand, some folks need to be adressed directly. For example,take the guy that came over and was surfing porn on his DM's PC and fondling himself from the other thread. Confront him and get him out of there.

Now take the guy that turns everything into a huge drama. His roleplaying, his job, and his life all revolve around his personal sense of it. You want him gone because he just doesn't fit in, or he's never on time, or no shows for all kinds of differant reasons (did I mention this guy likes drama?) Him, I would at least consider making gone, and try to avoid the drama that his expulsion would engender. This is not a gaurentee, but I would at least consider it.

I personally prefer to be up front about things, but sometimes it is just better for all concerned to sweep things under the rug and move on.

-Ashrum

 

[WayneLigon]

In looking at the tales of 'booting' a player, I noticed a lot of times that people just up and left or changed the game date or something... spineless.

Yes, I agree but I, for one, hate confrontation. Only occassionally can I tell someone 'get out' because I can too easily imagine it happening to me. I know how badly I would feel and it pains me to inflict that on someone else. Since I've gotten older, I'm much better than I used to be; I have told people outright rather than just changing the game date or location (not really an option for me). It still makes me feel sad and rotten, though.

 

[Desdichado]

I'm not a nice person specifically because I don't weasel out of things for a fear of confrontation. I'm too confrontational.

 

[JoeGKushner]

Well, would you feel better if your gaming group kicked you out with a "Hey, this really isn't working out." or latter on you discovered through someone's slip that "Yeah, they're all still playing but well... you know..."