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Message: <blockquote data-quote="HeapThaumaturgist" data-source="post: 2402231" data-attributes="member: 12332">Personally, I prefer things be handled as unobtrusively as possible.  Over the years I've gotten a distinct impression from alot of gamer-types that their belief in being "up front" involves, to be blunt, being a jerk.  I knew one guy at a convention ... he asked me to come over and run half a dozen creatures for a huge combat.  I did so and, having nothing else to do, stayed near the table to see how the rest of the session resolved.  After a moment he turned to me and said:  "Okay, let me be 'up front'.  I don't allow people to watch my sessions, it's distracting to everyone at the table.  So I'd like you to leave now."  I'm sure he thought he was handling things in a reasonable and "up front" manner, but it came across like he thought -I- was rude for being there and I felt mildly embarassed by the whole situation.  There were about half a dozen ways that could have been handled, most of them private, but his brand of "up front" was more "calling out in front of half a convention room".  For some reason that situation has always stood out in my mind, even years later, and I've tried since then to do things privately and take people's feelings into account.  He could have said something phrased in such a way as to take some of the affront onto himself, or suggested that I might "enjoy" something else more than watching the rest of the game, etc.  I've had a few problem players, and I've since tried to handle the situation without being a horse's posterior about it.  For me, I'll put it this way.  Back during my dating days I've had women turn me down two ways:  One is up front, usually in a room full of people somehow, at a bar or a club or a party.  The other is a gentle brush off at a later date, or even the "fake number" gag.  While I was always upset at the fake number or brush-off, I was upset about them ALONE, on my own time.  When you get shot down up front in a group of people, you're not only getting shot down, you're getting embarassed in front of a group of people.  THAT aspect is often why people don't "handle things well".  --fje</blockquote>

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