Christmas Songs - D&D Style

It's a day late, but what the hay???


The Twelve Days in the Dungeon
To the tune of the "Twelve Days of Christmas"

The first day in the dungeon the DM sent after me - a kobold crying, "Please don't kill me!!"

The second thing in the dungeon the DM sent after me were two stinky goblins and a kobold crying please don't kill me!!"

The third... Three fat orcs, two stinky goblins and ...
The fourth ... four hobgoblins, three fat orcs...
The fifth ... Five Rust Monsters!! four hobgolins...
The Sixth ... Six Mad Hook Horrors
The Seventh ... Seven Umber Hulks, Six Mad Hook Horrors
The Eight ... Eight Morbid Bodaks, Seven Umber...
The Ninth ... Nine Vicious Slaadi ...
The Tenth ... Ten Towering giants ...
The Eleventh .... Eleven Lumbering Golems ...

The Twelth day the dungeon the DM sent after me, TWELVE Great Wyrm Dragons, Eleven Lumbering Golems, Ten Towering Giants, Nine Vicious Slaadi, Eight Morbid Bodaks, Seven Umber Hulks, Six Mad Hook Horrors, FIVE RUST MONSTERS, four hobgolbins, three fat orcs, two stinking goblins and a kobold crying, "Please don't kill me!!"



Hack 'n' Slash
To the tune of "Jingle Bells"

Dashing through the gore,
With a +5 holy mace
Through the orcs I go
Smashing in their face
Heads of shoulding fling
Making blood sprays bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A slaying song tonight Oh!


CHORUS:
Hack 'n' slash, hack 'n' slash, killing all the day
oh what fun it is to run, hacking all the way oh
Hack 'n' slash, hack 'n' slash, killing come what may
Oh what fun it is to run, killing all the day.


See the cleric turn
See the ranger fight
See the mage draw back a bow
DUCK! He's on your right!


CHORUS...


It's beginning to Look like a Trap
To the tune of "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas"

It's beginning to look a lot like a trap...
Everywhere we turn.
There are side grooves in the walls
Pit traps up in the hall
Careful, watch your step and please try not to fall...
It's beginning to look a lot like a trap
Is truly about to spring
So limber up all your toes
Get ready to face some foes
And remember to duck when you hear the ping!



Deck the Orcs!!
To the tune of "Deck the Orcs."

Deck the Orc with a mace +5
Fa la la la la la la lala la la la la
Bash his head until he's not live
Fa la la la la la la lala la la la la
Don we now our full plate armor
Fa lala Fa lala la la la
So the cretons cannot harm us
Fa lala la la la la la la la la...



Ottie the Ogre's Cooking Song
To the tune of "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays"

Oh there's no dish like gnome for the holidays...
Nice and plump, not too stiff like the dwarves...
Not to skinny like the elves, boy they keep good on a shelf
And there's no dish like gnome for the holidays...



Well, that's all.. A belated Merry Christmas...
 

s/LaSH

Visitor
I think Jingle Bells has spawned more alternate lyrics than any mere mortal could contemplate. My favourite always had to be the one that began:

Slashing through the foes
With a good two-handed blade
O'er corpses we go
And through the gore we wade;
Mace on helmet rings
Making bodies fly
What fun to sing a slaying song
And watch those suckers die!

Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let them get away
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
We'll make a lot today
(repeat chorus)

There's more, but I can't find the file. A thoroughly fun song to sing, though.
 

delphonso

Explorer
Well... I'm in the festive mood, so why not staple a few more onto this corpse?

Let 'em Roll! Let 'em Roll! Let 'em Roll!
(To the tune of Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!)

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But the booze is so delightful
And the wiz just got a new scroll
So, let 'em roll, let 'em roll, let 'em roll.

The bard keeps eyeing the barmaid
Not again, he's tryin' to get laid...
The rogue peeked through the keyhole
Let 'em roll, let 'em roll, let 'em roll

The barbarian just wants to fight
His first punch erupts a cleric in gore
And a paladin does what's right
Now they're both out on the floor

The DM is slowly sighing
And the NPCs are retiring
And since you forgot the gnolls
Let 'em roll, let 'em roll, let 'em roll!
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Up on the rooftop snowflakes fall
But you still hear Cthulhu's call
Up from the deepest darkest of seas
Heralding the old ones
Insane pleas

Chorus

Iä, iä, iä!
What do you say?
Iä, iä, iä!
What do you say?
Up on the rooftop
Click, click, click
Down thru the chimney with
Tentacles thick

First comes the taking
Of little Nell
Oh, dear Cthulhu
Do it well
Show her your visage
She laughs and cries
Horror will open
And shut her eyes

Repeat Chorus

Next comes the stalking
Of little Will
Oh, just hear what
A glorious trill
Here comes a shoggoth
"Tekeli-li!"
Run down the hall
And attempt to flee!

Repeat Chorus
 

Lanefan

Victoria Rules
The rest of it only makes sense if you're in the game I play in, but the first line of a recent rewording goes:

On the first day of [world name] the DM gave to me - a brand new character sheet.

The other eleven all represent creative ways we've found to die in that game (thus explaining the constant need for new character sheets!), except for five it's Five sacks of go-old.
 

jasper

Rotten DM
Christmas is coming, the nobles are getting fat
Please put a silver in the old adventurer's hat
If you haven't got a silver, a copper will do
If you haven't got a copper, then God bless you!
 

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