D&D 5E How to convince better half

I had my wife watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and that killed any chance. My son got all into it and my daughter came over to watch some a few months ago, but never wanted to join.

If my family was a baseball team, I would batting 330, but as of now, we are just almost a Meatloaf song.
Paradise by dashboard light?
 

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Li Shenron

Legend
Hi all - for some of the old-school gamers here, do you have any tips for enticing your better half to the D&D side? I gamed back in the day and this quarantine has sprung the itch again, however, having a young family presents a few challenges as well as opportunities. My kids are intrigued, being 7 and 9 and full of wonder, but my wife is at that time in life when she's always busy, and likes to veg out with netflix or a good Stephen King book, etc. Any tips for bringing her over to the gaming side? I don't think she has a good conception of what D&D is besides being on the nerdy side of the spectrum and involving dice, although she had a penchant for fantasy and horror during her studies, so I know she can appreciate good lore. ;)

Thanks!

Do you already have other full-family hobbies? Not something that only some of you really enjoy and the others just get along, or a sport where one plays and the rest of the family watches... If you are among the majority of families who struggle to find something everyone really likes doing together (and doesn't happen just once a year, like going on holidays or opening Xmas gifts), consider D&D an opportunity for finding that full-family time together. Every mom is busy, but it's hard to believe she wouldn't want to seize that opportunity.
 

SirGrotius

Explorer
Sage advice!! I particularly liked the reality checks and baby steps if she expresses a modicum of openness.

It's interesting, we started the quarantine playing board games and spending a ton of family times, but sadly we've become relegated to more and more screen time. I'm trying to change pace.
 

jayoungr

Legend
Supporter
I am not an expert on convincing the reluctant, but an approach I sometimes use is this: "Try it once. If you hate it, you don't ever have to do it again; I won't pressure you."

One other thing: If you do get your wife to take you up on that offer, consider running a quick one-shot with new characters, instead of trying to fit her into an ongoing campaign. Something where she can experience a complete story in one session, and where she isn't dropping into a situation where everyone at the table knows what's going on, requiring lots of backstory: "Oh yeah, that's Greenstaff, our druid friend. He saved us from an attack by Fleabog--oh yeah, Fleabog is this sentient shambling mound that lives out in the swamp. Oh yeah, a shambling mound is this big pile of living weeds..." It might make her feel lost to take in all that exposition and explanation.

But you know your wife better than I do. Maybe coming into a rich, living world with tons of backstory is exactly the sort of thing she'd get into. Use your best judgment, and good luck!
 

aco175

Legend
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toucanbuzz

No rule is inviolate
Been married for 14 years and wife has ZERO interest in D&D. It's my thing with my friends, and she has her things, and somewhere in the middle we have the things we both like. One of my gamers has been married longer with 5 kids and same thing. Wife ZERO interest but his oldest loves it.

I wouldn't do anything extra. If your kids are interested, they'll probably ask mom to join at some point for a family game.
 

moriantumr

Explorer
My partner has little interest, but our friends make sure she is invited and welcome if she ever wants to join. I would ask one of the players to dm if she did want to try it out. A new player, especially a spouse, can misread or misjudge the dm player relationship with a personal one. I would not want to invite that misunderstanding into their first play experience with RPGs. If they enjoyed it, and wanted to play with my normal group, then I would have a chat about expectations and how our personal relationship is different than one in which I am a dm and they a player.
 


SirGrotius

Explorer
Been married for 14 years and wife has ZERO interest in D&D. It's my thing with my friends, and she has her things, and somewhere in the middle we have the things we both like. One of my gamers has been married longer with 5 kids and same thing. Wife ZERO interest but his oldest loves it.

I wouldn't do anything extra. If your kids are interested, they'll probably ask mom to join at some point for a family game.

This seems spot on. It's like zero interest/intrigue, which I found so surprising from someone who reads King, Tolkien, etc. but a laissez-faire approach is in order, and maybe seeing others play will pique curiosity or not. I'm fine either way. ;)
 

Charlaquin

Goblin Queen (She/Her/Hers)
Hi all - for some of the old-school gamers here, do you have any tips for enticing your better half to the D&D side? I gamed back in the day and this quarantine has sprung the itch again, however, having a young family presents a few challenges as well as opportunities. My kids are intrigued, being 7 and 9 and full of wonder, but my wife is at that time in life when she's always busy, and likes to veg out with netflix or a good Stephen King book, etc. Any tips for bringing her over to the gaming side? I don't think she has a good conception of what D&D is besides being on the nerdy side of the spectrum and involving dice, although she had a penchant for fantasy and horror during her studies, so I know she can appreciate good lore. ;)

Thanks!
Recommend Critical Role to her. It’ll fill that role of something to veg over after work, and give her an example of D&D being played. That’s how I got my partner into it. Though, they were already kind of interested but intimidated by the perception that the rules would be really hard to learn.
 
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Unwise

Adventurer
OP, I asked my wife for her advice on DMing planning.

"Just to help me prep for this game, if you were in this situation...what would you do?"
"I'm running a game where I had a female ghost haunting a family mansion, but I can't think of a good motivation for why, any ideas?"
"Got any good riddles for a sphinx encounter?"
"What do you think would make a really action packed finale for an adventure on the high seas? any suggested monsters? how would the PCs survive that?"

Then I would tell her about how things played out and the funny/dumb things the PCs did. Soon she was hooked into wanting to see how the scenarios she helped design played out. Then she wanted to join in properly.
 

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