I do really love Christmas. To me, it used to be a very sad holiday because my mother was usually too sick (read: drunk) to really do anything... and years that we had the money to do the tree and gifts and decorations, she usually gambled it all away before she had the chance to buy gifts. On several occasions, I gave up my gifts so that my little brother could have a "real" Christmas.
That's not to say that presents are the most important part of the holiday... my younger years taught me to appreciate the season for the atmosphere more than anything else. I have a true love of the holiday spirit, but my memories will always be slightly tainted by having been told one to many times that the pawn shop wouldn't give my mom enough money for her rings, so I wasn't going to get much if anything.
However - now - I am in a financially comfortable place where I can both give and receive gifts and can truly experience the holiday without feeling like I'm being left out of some spectacular thing. The Universe's family is so generous and loving during the Christmas season with their gift-giving that, our first Christmas together, I was totally floored by the mound of presents there were with my name under the tree.
As I walked out of the grocery the other day and dropped a few dollars into the Salvation Army donation bucket, I had this overwhelming sense of excitement. I've gone from depending on the charity of others for Christmas gifts to being able to give back to those children... I hope my small donations can keep their Christmas memories happy.
Christmas is a reminder to me of how far I've come... and for that, I'm very thankful.
