Talking To People Is Hard

[Kaodi]

I am kind of a shut in but while the weather is nice this year I need to try and get out a bit more. So I went down to my FLGS for board game night for this first time thinking that maybe because it was my FLGS I would have an easier time talking to people and joining a game. But it did not really work out that way. I was on time, which was apparently kind of late, and things seemed like they had gotten started already. There was a facilitator of some sort around who kind of looked around a bit and there was a group playing 7 Wonders which I suppose is relatively fast. But I did not want to butt in the middle even to say hello so I kind of say nearby awkwardly staring at a table for like 45 min.

This reminded me uncomfortably of what it has been like in the past when I went out to the bar too, even with friends; sitting around not really knowing what to do with myself. I was getting close to leaving when they finally finished and one of the players graciously asked me if I wanted to sub in. Things went okay after that. I would probably go back again but the fact that there is no cell service in the back of the store because it is in a basement feels like a capital-P problem because I need to be able to see if my Mom has texted me to make my way back immediately. So I am likely going to try and find something closer and above ground. There is a different place that has D&D One Shots that I might try even though these days Finder 2e games are more my style.

It is just all kind of, idk, frustrating that social hangups do not go away just because the people involved should be part of your "crowd" . I do not suppose there is anything here so far that necessarily needs commenting on though I am curious as to what peoples experience of conventions is in this regard since I have never really been to one of those for gaming either.

 

[Retros_x]

Dont be too hard on yourself. I am a relatively outgoing person and I am quick to make new acquaintances - but even for me its hard to talk to complete strangers when I am completely alone in a foreign environment. It is hard! I have to push myself and just start talking about something.

A lot of Introverts I know say that they hate small talk, because its so irrelevant, they want to have deep connections etc. Thats an understandable desire, but most extroverts I know, I include myself more on that part of the spectrum, also love deep talk and want deep connections. But you cant start with deep talk. Small talk is powerful. Its the equivalent of dogs/cats sniffing each other out when they dont know each other. You talk about harmless uncontroversial light topics to sniff each other out, get a vibe off the other person.

On a convention or boardgame evening like you describe I just start about how its my first time here, do they like it here, do they like the game they are playing, can they recommend a game, is there an open table anywhere, even stuff like how the traffic was coming here. Anything to get the ball going and sniff each other out.

 

[Whisper-Kitten]

I really don‘t do well in social situations of any kind, especially if I don‘t know you well. I still struggle with carrying on small talk even if I do know you. So I empathize a lot with this.

 

[Thierry-Advent]

It is hard to talk to strangers in a game store or at conventions. Next time, before going, ask for a demo, to join a table, or for an opponent on the store's FB page. If you have an appointment to game, that is a good start.

 

[AnotherGuy]

I think we generally make too big a deal about it in our heads and trip ourselves over it.

 

[dragoner]

Yeah it is, I agree 100%

 

[Zardnaar]

In NZ its very easy at least FLGS. Its surface level though.


Deeper conversations virtually impossible at least once your friends drift off.

People have known 20+ years you hear indirectly via wives generally. So and so is stressed because xyz.

Take the British stiff upper lip, mix it with Maori warrior culture, colonial isolation and a Southern Man harden up mentality.

One of my friends from school, D&D player over a decade told me stiff 3 years after school.

Murican men they cry to much. Bit of a stereotype.

Southern Man stereo type. Bit of a joke even in 1995.

 

[aco175]

Conventions are a bit the same if you do not have tickets to games in advance. Last year I went and one of the afternoon games was cancelled and there was a bit of a split with the people running the whole convention and the group running the D&D stuff or mostly Adventure League stuff. The first just said that I can pick another game for that time and the other said that they will do something if we wanted to come back to the room and they would see how many people they had. I ended up bringing something to run myself after another incident a few years ago that was similar, so I just ran a pick-up game with several others that showed up thinking something might be more organized. I would rather have played, but do not mind helping out when needed.

I think sometimes the people organizing things do not see the misses or the suddenly come up and need to react to something and it might not be the best way. It might be that 20 more people showed up then they were thinking and now there is not enough tables or seats. They are working on that and do not see the people in the corner. Or, they see them but are working on a few other things that are 'on fire' now and hope to get back to you. They could also just we a worker not caring and just getting paid to work tonight and has the 'everyone seemed to have fun attitude' to his boss.

I'm not sure how to put yourself out more or be more social. I guess some is giving people the benefit of them actually trying even if things do not go right. Other times you might need to see something and then pitch in or just offer to help somewhere you feel comfortable in doing.

You likely will not find a table for the quiet people just wanting to play and be ok with others asking to play too. It would be great if a table had a poster advertising that it is cool and you are encouraged to approach, but you may need to be the person making it. I'm guessing that a lot of others would come to the table and feel like it is what they came for.

 

[Koloth]

You learned some things on your FLGS outing:
Show up earlier. If you are too early, you can spend that time shopping.
The cell comms are poor. Might see if the shop has a land line or shop cell and if the shop would be willing to take messages from your mom.
Add 'check cell reception' to your checklist before getting into a 6 hour session.
Letting your mom know where you are going in case comms fail needs to be part of your going to the FLGS check list. Cell batteries die. That two bar signal can become no signal if you turn the wrong way(My house does this one. I keep a land line because I can't trust the cell signal.) In a bad case scenario, if your mom knows where you are, the emergency responders can send someone to find you if comms fail.

Count your trip as a success. You got out. You played a game. You learned things.

 

[payn]

It is hard to talk to strangers in a game store or at conventions. Next time, before going, ask for a demo, to join a table, or for an opponent on the store's FB page. If you have an appointment to game, that is a good start.

I second this advice. Breaking the ice in person can be difficult. Setting up a planned intro game online ahead of time might help ease a person into the local community.