Talking To People Is Hard

[Meech17]

I second this advice. Breaking the ice in person can be difficult. Setting up a planned intro game online ahead of time might help ease a person into the local community.

Many LGS' these days have Discord servers. Pop into one and lurk around the channels for the things you're interested in.

This can also give you the opportunity to sort of pseudo... pre-make friends? Get to talking to someone on the Discord and ask them questions about the game they're running or whatever. Maybe even ask if they're willing to show up a little early to run you through the rules. You'd be surprised. People trying to get others to play their weird, niche, games are often very accomodating. They have a lot of incentive to be welcoming if they're trying to recruit players.

Then you already have a contact, and something to talk about when you meet them in person for the first time.

 

[Meech17]

The cell comms are poor. Might see if the shop has a land line or shop cell and if the shop would be willing to take messages from your mom.
Add 'check cell reception' to your checklist before getting into a 6 hour session.

Doesn't hurt to ask if they have WiFi as well.

Count your trip as a success. You got out. You played a game. You learned things.

Talking to people is hard. Making friends as an adult is hard, but you're getting there. You'll improve at it with time and effort.

"Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something" -Jake the Dog

 

[payn]

Many LGS' these days have Discord servers. Pop into one and lurk around the channels for the things you're interested in.

I definitely prefer Discord over FB. Nobody under 50 uses FB anymore.

This can also give you the opportunity to sort of pseudo... pre-make friends? Get to talking to someone on the Discord and ask them questions about the game they're running or whatever. Maybe even ask if they're willing to show up a little early to run you through the rules. You'd be surprised. People trying to get others to play their weird, niche, games are often very accomodating. They have a lot of incentive to be welcoming if they're trying to recruit players.

The communities im in make it a point to help folks asking for intro and learning games ASAP.

Then you already have a contact, and something to talk about when you meet them in person for the first time.

Yeap.

 

[jaycrockett]

It is just all kind of, idk, frustrating that social hangups do not go away just because the people involved should be part of your "crowd" .

I don't have much advice I just wanted to let you know this is 100% me. You aren't alone in this. I did play D&D at a convention last year and it ended up being a great time.

 

[Blue]

As both an introvert and someone with social anxiety, I feel what you're saying.

I have over five decades of coping strategies, and a lot of directed work like taking public speaking classes to improve, and I still can't stand things like work gatherings at a bar. Blech.

First things first, your idea of looking for your peeps is a good one. A FLGS will be full of members of the gaming tribe But when talking to them takes them away from things they are already involved in, not interrupting is the right call. As others have mentioned, show up early. That also allows you to get to know a person at a time as they come in which is much easier and less imposing than a group that's already chatting.

If your FLGS is just providing space and anyone can set up games, consider signing up and bringing one you know. This means people will be coming to you and introducing themselves. A variant on this is bringing a favorite obscure game that's straightforward to learn and a sign "Learn to play XX". Helping people falls into a whole different mental/emotional category for me than social introductions and small talk.

Tap the people you now know to introduce you to others. Going up to someone cold is hard. Having someone who knows them go "Hey, have you met @Kaodi yet?" is much easier. (And the flip side of that is remember to do that for others, a lot of us gamers will appreciate the help.)

Wear a shirt with something vaguely related you like on it, giving others another opening to approach you. "Hey, I really liked Project Hail Mary too!".

Remember it's not random small talk, you've got the games, the FLGS, and all that related stuff to talk about. "Have you been part of the game night for long?", "What's that guy's GMing style", etc.

I have trouble remembering names, and I flip that around to leverage it. When I meet someone new I mention it, and repeat their names back to them. Makes them feel special, worth remembering. And if I want to talk to someone later but don't have an icebreaker I just use that -- "You're Eddie, right?".

Best of luck!

 

[Minion X]

Practice looking people in the eye when you talk to them and smiling. It helps. Social interaction is about playing roles, and the better you play, the better the reaction you get.

 

[wicked cool]

Some tips from an old timer introvert

-it gets easier

• you will have to make first moves in social situations and they may not go great all the time
• if you f it up laugh it off after. Seriously don’t dwell
• bar talk. Take baby steps .

99% of bars have sports on. Take an interest even if what’s on doesn’t interest you. Maybe that day you are going see what game is on. A famous phrase used is did you “catch the game last night”.
-flgs. Most of the people there are in the same boat. Eventually you will settle in

What about a hotspot for phone? Give your mom the number for store for emergency

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

I used to have the hardest time talking to people. I could be painfully shy as a teenager, breaking out in a sweat if I had to talk to someone. Then I somehow ended up being the lead singer in a band. Going out there in front of a bunch of people (and often making a fool of myself) eventually made it so that talking to just a few people didn't phase me anymore. I followed that up with pursuing a Journalism undergraduate degree, where I literally had to talk to strangers I might not have anything at all in common with.

But short of that somewhat extreme form immersion therapy, I think what I've learned is that a conversation isn't on one person. Start by asking a question. How's your convention going? How was your weekend? Are you playing any cool games at the con? If you want to up your conversational game, pay attention to them. If they have an interesting t-shirt or tattoo (or at a con, some flare on their badge), you can use that to broach a subject. Say someone is wearing a Shadowrun t-shirt - you can ask them if they're playing or running any Shadowrun games, or what they think of the new edition. But there's nothing wrong with sticking to a few standard icebreaker questions in your pocket. Just don't talk about the weather...

Really, sometimes the best thing you can do to keep a conversation going is to listen to the other person.

 

[payn]

I used to have the hardest time talking to people. I could be painfully shy as a teenager, breaking out in a sweat if I had to talk to someone. Then I somehow ended up being the lead singer in a band. Going out there in front of a bunch of people (and often making a fool of myself) eventually made it so that talking to just a few people didn't phase me anymore. I followed that up with pursuing a Journalism undergraduate degree, where I literally had to talk to strangers I might not have anything at all in common with.

But short of that somewhat extreme form immersion therapy, I think what I've learned is that a conversation isn't on one person. Start by asking a question. How's your convention going? How was your weekend? Are you playing any cool games at the con? If you want to up your conversational game, pay attention to them. If they have an interesting t-shirt or tattoo (or at a con, some flare on their badge), you can use that to broach a subject. Say someone is wearing a Shadowrun t-shirt - you can ask them if they're playing or running any Shadowrun games, or what they think of the new edition. But there's nothing wrong with sticking to a few standard icebreaker questions in your pocket. Just don't talk about the weather...

Really, sometimes the best thing you can do to keep a conversation going is to listen to the other person.

I learned to play guitar because I'd rather be up on stage then in the crowd and God forbid have to dance.

 

[Retros_x]

Going out there in front of a bunch of people (and often making a fool of myself) eventually made it so that talking to just a few people didn't phase me anymore.

True, I played a lot of theatre. It really helps with overcoming anxiety of making a fool of yourself, being more self-confident etc.