Altalazar
First Post
The Book of Just Jesus
Where Just Jesus was conceived
I was born into a lower middle class family, on the outskirts of what passed for civilization within the Empire of the Golden Sand. My mother was in danger of being persecuted by the authorities for violating their strict religious rules. She was pregnant out of wedlock, but was saved when a craftsman from Jakar agreed to marry her. They arranged to flee the city until after my birth, and though my step-father had to lose some important business deals, several strangers helped out my parents with finances when I was born, so they were able to feed me and clothe me before returning with me back to Jakar.
I spent most of my early years learning my father's trade as a craftsman and woodworker, mostly creating simple furniture for the simple people on the outskirts of the city. Though I was always thorough, I probably just did not have the natural talent that many of my brothers showed in the trade. As I got older, I started to hear a higher calling. Perhaps it was the many injustices I saw around me. Perhaps it was the whisper of the divine, but I began to feel a responsibility for fixing all of the injustices in the world. I left my father's shop and began a journey to find myself.
For many moons, I wandered alone, lending a hand where I could, dispensing wisdom as I helped. I gave water to slaves being mercilessly marched through the dessert. Though others would be beaten for such a thing, the guards never laid a hand on me. I knew my actions were just, and my aura of goodness kept them in their place. Others I came upon I would touch and through a miracle of goodness, I could heal them of their wounds, their diseases, and perhaps even of death itself. Never did I ask anything in return. I left only my wisdom behind.
I finally came upon a simple, yet wise prophet, who was doing good works of his own, helping others start fresh and clean new lives. I had a spiritual awakening as he helped cleanse me in the same manner. I would become a prophet for good myself, fighting injustice as my life's calling.
For years, I wandered, gathering like-minded followers with me as I went. Always the poor would flock to me, even as the rich turned a blind eye to the sufferings around them. I always spoke peacefully, and evaded the arrest of the agents of the Emperor.
I was successful until one fateful day, when I could stand the corruption of the merchants no more and knocked over their dealings across the sand-covered rocks. For my piety, the Emperor sentenced me to death: a slow, painful execution in the desert.
But at the time of my sentencing, I was already on my way to the next town, to bring my message of the true faith, of peace. I was at the outskirts of town when, for no reason I can discern, my faithful ass stopped and refused to go any further. No matter how much I prodded the donkey, he would not budge. I was still attempting to get my ass moving when the centurions appeared around me and arrested me. As I was dragged away, my donkey just looked back at me with his large doe-eyes and slowly chewed his grass. "Judas, how could you do this to me?" I asked of him as he slowly slipped away into the distance of my vision. "I forgive you… My Ass!"
As fate would have it, after my would-be execution, I was brought back from the brink. My former followers had been scattered to the winds, perhaps executed themselves, but my heart still beat within my chest. I vowed to never give up my fight for goodness. I vowed not to bring peace, but a sword, to stop the evil of humanity with the only means that worked. I still teach patience and wisdom, but for the unredeemable evil of humanity, I give the sword. Through my sacrifices, I will bring redemption to the people of the world, though they perhaps do not deserve it. As I was taking all of these vows, I boldly ventured forth out of town and happened upon Judas, My Ass. He was right where I had left him, looking at me with his big doe-eyes. Nothing about him had changed, but when I mounted him, I heard a jingle in his saddlebags that was not there before. Inside I found 30 pieces of silver. As I counted them out and back into his bag, Judas noisily chewed his grass in my direction.
Travels through the Desert
In my travels as a paladin of faith, I fought many battles with the forces of evil, and I saved many for the greater good. I found few that truly shared my vision. I found none that would share my fight. None save one.
I was walking through the desert by myself for many weeks when I happened upon a caravan. The caravan trader was a large man, with a long, black, full beard. He rode upon an impressive stallion, which he referred to as 'Mary'. His robes declared him a Bedouin of the desert. His great scimitar declared him a great warrior. When I patiently began to explain to the caravan trader about the One True God, he did not rebuff me. He listened carefully, then began to laugh and slapped me on the back. "Yes, let us both embrace the one true god. Let me tell you what his angel said to me…"
We talked long into the night until the morning. I learned his name was "Mohammed". Though he embraced the One True God, he did not do so in the proper manner. There is much promise in him, but his aggression and worldly ways distract him from the true path. I resolved upon that dawn to stay with him until he has fully seen the light. Such a man must not be allowed to stray from the path of the One True God - especially when his footsteps are so near the trail.
For many moons we traveled the desert together. Every day we would walk to a new town for him to ply his wares and every night we would talk until dawn, arguing the merits of the proper way to worship the One True God. Great progress was made. As time wore on, his caravan grew smaller and smaller as we spent more and more time arguing, often through the day. When the last of his entourage left, we still argued yet more, for weeks on end. Famished, having forsaken food for the word of the One True God, we were finally stopped in our tracks by a small creature in our midst. This strange creature had a wicked twinkle in his eye. I sensed trouble from him, and yet I took it upon myself to teach him the path to the One True God as Mohammed looked on in amusement. After I was finished, this little gnome said, "Sounds great! My name's Ellwicki! I'm a cook. Can I have a job?" Mohammed laughed his great laugh and hired him on the spot.
We spent the remainder of the day cooking for the gnome, while he sat and played with small coins in his purse. When I pointed out to him that the coins needed to be given to the poor, as I had done with all of my coins after obtaining that which I needed, he stopped his playing and said, "what coins?" Upon closer inspection, I saw he was right - he had no coins in his hands. And yet I heard a jingle. This one will bear close watching if he is to achieve the path to the One True God. "Follow the path," I said to him. "OK!" was his response, with his crooked little smile.
And so we traveled on, the caravan now down to little more than a gnome cook named Ellwicki, Mohammed and his Stallion Mary, and I, Just Jesus, sitting upon my Ass, Judas.
While tending to one of the many flocks Muhammed would move to and fro to bring to market, one of the sheep wandered up a mountain and out of sight. I accompanied Muhammed up the mountain. There, at the peak, we beheld a burning bush. Then a voice boomed down from above. "Yeeeeeeaaaaaah!"
We both moved back as a figure sprang out from the bush, hair on fire, body smoking black and smoldering red as he began to roll about on the ground. "Oh Element of Fire, why hast thou forsaken me!?" He shouted to the heavens.
Muhammed and I patted him down, though it took much effort to finally quench the flames. When we were through, we both prepared to introduce ourselves, but before we could utter a word, the still smoking man stalked past us down the trail, then quickly returned holding a bucket, which he then, with great glee, used to completely extinguish the burning bush. He then stomped on it repeatedly for good measure, before tossing the bucket aside and stepping up to us.
"My name is Drakyve. I'm a Cleric of Fire."
"Mohammed is my name. I am a trader and a follower of the One True God."
"Jesus. Just Jesus. I know the true path to the One True God."
"Ellwicki. Cook."
"Hey, where'd HE come from? And give that back!"
Though he was following a false god, there seemed to be hope in him for something more. He seemed to pay special attention to me, showing the proper respect to the One True God, when we would sit around the fire and cook at night (while the gnome would pick at his toenails). He showed the proper level of fear and respect, especially when I pulled him next to me, close to the flames of the fire, in order for him to better hear the One True Path to the One True God.
The final disciple came in an unexpected manner. We were talking and walking along the desert in the cool of the evening when, under a cloudless sky, a massive bolt of lightning flew forth and incinerated a cacti.
"Stand back and show respect, for I am a master of the power of electricity! Stand back or I shall electrocute you in balls of flashing, swirling lightning!" said a diminutive figure in a blue robe standing upon a flat rock. "Behold, I am Si Nu, master of all that is electrical, sorcerer of the blue magic!"
Beyond that, we couldn't quite figure out why he traveled with us. We told him of the One True God, both my way (the correct one) and Muhammed's way, but he did not seem to believe. His faith was weak, but he did ask many questions.
"Show me a trick! Show me your miracles!"
"But you must have faith FIRST, my son," I'd say.
"I don't believe you."
"That is why you fail, my son." This was going to take a lot of work to get THIS one on the One True Path to the One True God.
From Crystwyth into the Flames
And so it came to pass that we traveled together, always arguing the case for the One True Path to the One True God. The days turned to weeks, the weeks to months, and the land changed from desert to forest to the city of Crystwyth.
While I had only a short chance to bring the One True Path to the One True God to the poor pagan townsfolk of Crystwyth, a raven-haired messenger came forth to bring a message from the flaming false god to the false flaming cleric.
We accompanied the idol worshipper to his den of misguided evil to see what message was to be conveyed. A cleric of fire named Trammel (FALSE GOD!) met us in the temple. I eyed the floor suspiciously for evidence of the tax collectors.
Trammel spoke. "We have a sacred Urn (IDOL WORSHIP!) We wish you to take to our secret temple of learning a fortnight to the southeast. (FALSE GOD!). For this, we shall pay you all 1,200 pieces of gold, in advance. Mara will accompany you, and she shall bear the urn."
That gold would help a lot of the poor. Trammel was unconvinced when I pointed this out to him. "That gold would help a lot for the poor," I, Just Jesus, said.
"I am unconvinced," said Trammel.
Si Nu then pointed out that there might be an accident in carrying the Urn, which was sealed, closed with wax. "This wild boar messed with us once. Now that boar was quite a tasty snack for us that evening, I tell you. Your chickens could face a similar fate if you don't watch your step!"
Trammel seemed to ignore the many hypothetical questions we launched his way. As far as he was concerned, Mara was faithful and would not die, the urn would not break, and it would all arrive safely and on time.
"But you can only be sure of that if you have the true faith," I, Just Jesus, pointed out."
To that he had no answer. I think the flames of the temple are indicative of what awaits this Trammel.
The coins were split between the disciples and I. 240 gold coins each. I spent seven coins on food for me and my Ass, Judas. Then 233 went to the poor of the town. If only the others could see the One True Path to the One True God. Instead, they saw material wealth and held their gold. They have a long way to go - this is a true test of faith.
We trod upon the road, heading toward the city of Griffendorf, on the way to the hidden temple of learning to the southwest. I stood beside Judas, while the gnome rode upon my Ass. Mohammed mounted Mary, while Drakyve and Si Nu followed behind.
An infidel heads into our path.
In between four days of enlightenment about the One True Path to the One True God late into the night, we came upon a man upon the road. He shouted out to us in his pagan drawl.
"Give up your valuables. We have you surrounded!"
Already the heat was rising to my head, my heart pounding true. This was an evil one. An infidel. A forsaken one. I knew what I had to do. I had to save him. I drew forth my Greatsword of Purity and Truth. It glistened in the early morning light between the green leaves of the trees. I charged him straight and true, along the One True Path to the One True God.
"I love you," (Yes, though he did not know it, Just Jesus Loved Him) I shouted to him, giving him one last chance to repent to the cause of good. His lips were still pursed into his evil grimace as my Greatsword of truth found his heart, slicing all the way into and through to the other side. Six feet of blade protruded from his back, his blood glistening red in the sun. The hilt made a perfect cross of blood over his heart. As I pulled the blade free, twisting his body, Mohammed rode by on Mary, his scimitar glistening in the sun, separating his head from his neck. His body slowly slid down the length of my blade, until he lay on his back at my feet, his arms spread out toward heaven, the sword held aloft, its tip still in his heart, forming an eight foot cross of steel and blood over him.
"I forgive you, my son," whispered I, Just Jesus, as I slipped the last length of steel from the heart of the bandit. Two arrows flew past my head just then, one from each side, but neither striking true, for the hearts of the archers were hardened to miss.
While the other disciples moved about, I turned to the right and again gave all of my heart to the poor, condemned soul.
"I love you!" screamed I, Just Jesus, as I charged south on the path of righteousness, the Greatsword of Truth slashing across the torso of the archer, sending his blood spraying up to the heavens in an offering of his life toward the One True God. My forgiveness reached his ears before his lifeless body hit the ground with a 'thud'. (FALSE GOD)
Meanwhile, across the beaten path, the one known only as Si Nu has let loose with a wand of colorful witchcraft against the other misguided archer. He collapsed to the ground as well, reaching it before I could give him my forgiveness.
Drakyve proceeded to 'heal' the fallen, but his powers (FALSE GOD) were more negative than positive and he met the fires of the false god (FALSE GOD) in the underworld.
"THAT'S the true price of following a false god, Drakyve. You'd best learn the error of your ways before it is too late," I, Just Jesus had spoken.
While taking stock of the alms for the poor we found upon the bodies of the fallen, we find many coins and many weapons, including a shining longsword, still in its sheath. This will feed many families.
Meanwhile, Mohammed had begun to follow the tracks upon the ground (see how easily he follows the worldly tracks - if only he can turn his tracking skywards, to the One True Path to the One True God!) to the camp of the fallen bandits. I followed Mohammed. Now if only he will follow me.
We returned to the road to find the others burning the bodies. The head still lay behind their sight, off the edge of the road. I carefully picked it up, gathered the blood, and made a large red cross on the each of the bodies before the flames consumed them. I slipped the head into the bags on my Ass - but not before putting the red sign of the cross on the forehead.
Arrival in Griffendorf, Si Nu gets cross.
The next day we arrived in Griffendorf. Si Nu proceeded to buy gallons of spirits and laid himself low. Taking pity on him, feeling only love in my heart, I, Just Jesus used the blood of Just Jesus to inscribe a cross upon his passed-out forehead.
Now if only Si Nu would drink the Strawberry Jesus Mohammed Milkshake of Righteousness instead of piss-warm beer.
Back on the Road
On the Seventh Day, we rested, then headed out of town, towards the nearing pagan temple of learning. I had a vision that night, after one particularly long night of arguing with Muhammed. A figure came to me from the sky and I said to it, "My Ass has a better listen than me." And thus spoken were the words of the prophecy!
-----------------------------
(The Book Continues soon - that is background and most of the first night of adventuring. Yes, it is an odd bunch, and though we barely got anywhere the first night, the roleplaying was immensely fun. I hope no one takes offense - the names are more tongue-in-cheek than anything else - call it loosely inspired by a certain two religions.)
Where Just Jesus was conceived
I was born into a lower middle class family, on the outskirts of what passed for civilization within the Empire of the Golden Sand. My mother was in danger of being persecuted by the authorities for violating their strict religious rules. She was pregnant out of wedlock, but was saved when a craftsman from Jakar agreed to marry her. They arranged to flee the city until after my birth, and though my step-father had to lose some important business deals, several strangers helped out my parents with finances when I was born, so they were able to feed me and clothe me before returning with me back to Jakar.
I spent most of my early years learning my father's trade as a craftsman and woodworker, mostly creating simple furniture for the simple people on the outskirts of the city. Though I was always thorough, I probably just did not have the natural talent that many of my brothers showed in the trade. As I got older, I started to hear a higher calling. Perhaps it was the many injustices I saw around me. Perhaps it was the whisper of the divine, but I began to feel a responsibility for fixing all of the injustices in the world. I left my father's shop and began a journey to find myself.
For many moons, I wandered alone, lending a hand where I could, dispensing wisdom as I helped. I gave water to slaves being mercilessly marched through the dessert. Though others would be beaten for such a thing, the guards never laid a hand on me. I knew my actions were just, and my aura of goodness kept them in their place. Others I came upon I would touch and through a miracle of goodness, I could heal them of their wounds, their diseases, and perhaps even of death itself. Never did I ask anything in return. I left only my wisdom behind.
I finally came upon a simple, yet wise prophet, who was doing good works of his own, helping others start fresh and clean new lives. I had a spiritual awakening as he helped cleanse me in the same manner. I would become a prophet for good myself, fighting injustice as my life's calling.
For years, I wandered, gathering like-minded followers with me as I went. Always the poor would flock to me, even as the rich turned a blind eye to the sufferings around them. I always spoke peacefully, and evaded the arrest of the agents of the Emperor.
I was successful until one fateful day, when I could stand the corruption of the merchants no more and knocked over their dealings across the sand-covered rocks. For my piety, the Emperor sentenced me to death: a slow, painful execution in the desert.
But at the time of my sentencing, I was already on my way to the next town, to bring my message of the true faith, of peace. I was at the outskirts of town when, for no reason I can discern, my faithful ass stopped and refused to go any further. No matter how much I prodded the donkey, he would not budge. I was still attempting to get my ass moving when the centurions appeared around me and arrested me. As I was dragged away, my donkey just looked back at me with his large doe-eyes and slowly chewed his grass. "Judas, how could you do this to me?" I asked of him as he slowly slipped away into the distance of my vision. "I forgive you… My Ass!"
As fate would have it, after my would-be execution, I was brought back from the brink. My former followers had been scattered to the winds, perhaps executed themselves, but my heart still beat within my chest. I vowed to never give up my fight for goodness. I vowed not to bring peace, but a sword, to stop the evil of humanity with the only means that worked. I still teach patience and wisdom, but for the unredeemable evil of humanity, I give the sword. Through my sacrifices, I will bring redemption to the people of the world, though they perhaps do not deserve it. As I was taking all of these vows, I boldly ventured forth out of town and happened upon Judas, My Ass. He was right where I had left him, looking at me with his big doe-eyes. Nothing about him had changed, but when I mounted him, I heard a jingle in his saddlebags that was not there before. Inside I found 30 pieces of silver. As I counted them out and back into his bag, Judas noisily chewed his grass in my direction.
Travels through the Desert
In my travels as a paladin of faith, I fought many battles with the forces of evil, and I saved many for the greater good. I found few that truly shared my vision. I found none that would share my fight. None save one.
I was walking through the desert by myself for many weeks when I happened upon a caravan. The caravan trader was a large man, with a long, black, full beard. He rode upon an impressive stallion, which he referred to as 'Mary'. His robes declared him a Bedouin of the desert. His great scimitar declared him a great warrior. When I patiently began to explain to the caravan trader about the One True God, he did not rebuff me. He listened carefully, then began to laugh and slapped me on the back. "Yes, let us both embrace the one true god. Let me tell you what his angel said to me…"
We talked long into the night until the morning. I learned his name was "Mohammed". Though he embraced the One True God, he did not do so in the proper manner. There is much promise in him, but his aggression and worldly ways distract him from the true path. I resolved upon that dawn to stay with him until he has fully seen the light. Such a man must not be allowed to stray from the path of the One True God - especially when his footsteps are so near the trail.
For many moons we traveled the desert together. Every day we would walk to a new town for him to ply his wares and every night we would talk until dawn, arguing the merits of the proper way to worship the One True God. Great progress was made. As time wore on, his caravan grew smaller and smaller as we spent more and more time arguing, often through the day. When the last of his entourage left, we still argued yet more, for weeks on end. Famished, having forsaken food for the word of the One True God, we were finally stopped in our tracks by a small creature in our midst. This strange creature had a wicked twinkle in his eye. I sensed trouble from him, and yet I took it upon myself to teach him the path to the One True God as Mohammed looked on in amusement. After I was finished, this little gnome said, "Sounds great! My name's Ellwicki! I'm a cook. Can I have a job?" Mohammed laughed his great laugh and hired him on the spot.
We spent the remainder of the day cooking for the gnome, while he sat and played with small coins in his purse. When I pointed out to him that the coins needed to be given to the poor, as I had done with all of my coins after obtaining that which I needed, he stopped his playing and said, "what coins?" Upon closer inspection, I saw he was right - he had no coins in his hands. And yet I heard a jingle. This one will bear close watching if he is to achieve the path to the One True God. "Follow the path," I said to him. "OK!" was his response, with his crooked little smile.
And so we traveled on, the caravan now down to little more than a gnome cook named Ellwicki, Mohammed and his Stallion Mary, and I, Just Jesus, sitting upon my Ass, Judas.
While tending to one of the many flocks Muhammed would move to and fro to bring to market, one of the sheep wandered up a mountain and out of sight. I accompanied Muhammed up the mountain. There, at the peak, we beheld a burning bush. Then a voice boomed down from above. "Yeeeeeeaaaaaah!"
We both moved back as a figure sprang out from the bush, hair on fire, body smoking black and smoldering red as he began to roll about on the ground. "Oh Element of Fire, why hast thou forsaken me!?" He shouted to the heavens.
Muhammed and I patted him down, though it took much effort to finally quench the flames. When we were through, we both prepared to introduce ourselves, but before we could utter a word, the still smoking man stalked past us down the trail, then quickly returned holding a bucket, which he then, with great glee, used to completely extinguish the burning bush. He then stomped on it repeatedly for good measure, before tossing the bucket aside and stepping up to us.
"My name is Drakyve. I'm a Cleric of Fire."
"Mohammed is my name. I am a trader and a follower of the One True God."
"Jesus. Just Jesus. I know the true path to the One True God."
"Ellwicki. Cook."
"Hey, where'd HE come from? And give that back!"
Though he was following a false god, there seemed to be hope in him for something more. He seemed to pay special attention to me, showing the proper respect to the One True God, when we would sit around the fire and cook at night (while the gnome would pick at his toenails). He showed the proper level of fear and respect, especially when I pulled him next to me, close to the flames of the fire, in order for him to better hear the One True Path to the One True God.
The final disciple came in an unexpected manner. We were talking and walking along the desert in the cool of the evening when, under a cloudless sky, a massive bolt of lightning flew forth and incinerated a cacti.
"Stand back and show respect, for I am a master of the power of electricity! Stand back or I shall electrocute you in balls of flashing, swirling lightning!" said a diminutive figure in a blue robe standing upon a flat rock. "Behold, I am Si Nu, master of all that is electrical, sorcerer of the blue magic!"
Beyond that, we couldn't quite figure out why he traveled with us. We told him of the One True God, both my way (the correct one) and Muhammed's way, but he did not seem to believe. His faith was weak, but he did ask many questions.
"Show me a trick! Show me your miracles!"
"But you must have faith FIRST, my son," I'd say.
"I don't believe you."
"That is why you fail, my son." This was going to take a lot of work to get THIS one on the One True Path to the One True God.
From Crystwyth into the Flames
And so it came to pass that we traveled together, always arguing the case for the One True Path to the One True God. The days turned to weeks, the weeks to months, and the land changed from desert to forest to the city of Crystwyth.
While I had only a short chance to bring the One True Path to the One True God to the poor pagan townsfolk of Crystwyth, a raven-haired messenger came forth to bring a message from the flaming false god to the false flaming cleric.
We accompanied the idol worshipper to his den of misguided evil to see what message was to be conveyed. A cleric of fire named Trammel (FALSE GOD!) met us in the temple. I eyed the floor suspiciously for evidence of the tax collectors.
Trammel spoke. "We have a sacred Urn (IDOL WORSHIP!) We wish you to take to our secret temple of learning a fortnight to the southeast. (FALSE GOD!). For this, we shall pay you all 1,200 pieces of gold, in advance. Mara will accompany you, and she shall bear the urn."
That gold would help a lot of the poor. Trammel was unconvinced when I pointed this out to him. "That gold would help a lot for the poor," I, Just Jesus, said.
"I am unconvinced," said Trammel.
Si Nu then pointed out that there might be an accident in carrying the Urn, which was sealed, closed with wax. "This wild boar messed with us once. Now that boar was quite a tasty snack for us that evening, I tell you. Your chickens could face a similar fate if you don't watch your step!"
Trammel seemed to ignore the many hypothetical questions we launched his way. As far as he was concerned, Mara was faithful and would not die, the urn would not break, and it would all arrive safely and on time.
"But you can only be sure of that if you have the true faith," I, Just Jesus, pointed out."
To that he had no answer. I think the flames of the temple are indicative of what awaits this Trammel.
The coins were split between the disciples and I. 240 gold coins each. I spent seven coins on food for me and my Ass, Judas. Then 233 went to the poor of the town. If only the others could see the One True Path to the One True God. Instead, they saw material wealth and held their gold. They have a long way to go - this is a true test of faith.
We trod upon the road, heading toward the city of Griffendorf, on the way to the hidden temple of learning to the southwest. I stood beside Judas, while the gnome rode upon my Ass. Mohammed mounted Mary, while Drakyve and Si Nu followed behind.
An infidel heads into our path.
In between four days of enlightenment about the One True Path to the One True God late into the night, we came upon a man upon the road. He shouted out to us in his pagan drawl.
"Give up your valuables. We have you surrounded!"
Already the heat was rising to my head, my heart pounding true. This was an evil one. An infidel. A forsaken one. I knew what I had to do. I had to save him. I drew forth my Greatsword of Purity and Truth. It glistened in the early morning light between the green leaves of the trees. I charged him straight and true, along the One True Path to the One True God.
"I love you," (Yes, though he did not know it, Just Jesus Loved Him) I shouted to him, giving him one last chance to repent to the cause of good. His lips were still pursed into his evil grimace as my Greatsword of truth found his heart, slicing all the way into and through to the other side. Six feet of blade protruded from his back, his blood glistening red in the sun. The hilt made a perfect cross of blood over his heart. As I pulled the blade free, twisting his body, Mohammed rode by on Mary, his scimitar glistening in the sun, separating his head from his neck. His body slowly slid down the length of my blade, until he lay on his back at my feet, his arms spread out toward heaven, the sword held aloft, its tip still in his heart, forming an eight foot cross of steel and blood over him.
"I forgive you, my son," whispered I, Just Jesus, as I slipped the last length of steel from the heart of the bandit. Two arrows flew past my head just then, one from each side, but neither striking true, for the hearts of the archers were hardened to miss.
While the other disciples moved about, I turned to the right and again gave all of my heart to the poor, condemned soul.
"I love you!" screamed I, Just Jesus, as I charged south on the path of righteousness, the Greatsword of Truth slashing across the torso of the archer, sending his blood spraying up to the heavens in an offering of his life toward the One True God. My forgiveness reached his ears before his lifeless body hit the ground with a 'thud'. (FALSE GOD)
Meanwhile, across the beaten path, the one known only as Si Nu has let loose with a wand of colorful witchcraft against the other misguided archer. He collapsed to the ground as well, reaching it before I could give him my forgiveness.
Drakyve proceeded to 'heal' the fallen, but his powers (FALSE GOD) were more negative than positive and he met the fires of the false god (FALSE GOD) in the underworld.
"THAT'S the true price of following a false god, Drakyve. You'd best learn the error of your ways before it is too late," I, Just Jesus had spoken.
While taking stock of the alms for the poor we found upon the bodies of the fallen, we find many coins and many weapons, including a shining longsword, still in its sheath. This will feed many families.
Meanwhile, Mohammed had begun to follow the tracks upon the ground (see how easily he follows the worldly tracks - if only he can turn his tracking skywards, to the One True Path to the One True God!) to the camp of the fallen bandits. I followed Mohammed. Now if only he will follow me.
We returned to the road to find the others burning the bodies. The head still lay behind their sight, off the edge of the road. I carefully picked it up, gathered the blood, and made a large red cross on the each of the bodies before the flames consumed them. I slipped the head into the bags on my Ass - but not before putting the red sign of the cross on the forehead.
Arrival in Griffendorf, Si Nu gets cross.
The next day we arrived in Griffendorf. Si Nu proceeded to buy gallons of spirits and laid himself low. Taking pity on him, feeling only love in my heart, I, Just Jesus used the blood of Just Jesus to inscribe a cross upon his passed-out forehead.
Now if only Si Nu would drink the Strawberry Jesus Mohammed Milkshake of Righteousness instead of piss-warm beer.
Back on the Road
On the Seventh Day, we rested, then headed out of town, towards the nearing pagan temple of learning. I had a vision that night, after one particularly long night of arguing with Muhammed. A figure came to me from the sky and I said to it, "My Ass has a better listen than me." And thus spoken were the words of the prophecy!
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(The Book Continues soon - that is background and most of the first night of adventuring. Yes, it is an odd bunch, and though we barely got anywhere the first night, the roleplaying was immensely fun. I hope no one takes offense - the names are more tongue-in-cheek than anything else - call it loosely inspired by a certain two religions.)
