Transcription of a D&D session - The Cult of Tentacles (updated 11/7)

[xnosipjpqmhd]

I recorded my last campaign on cassette tape so that the events could be written down accurately later. Then I decided to go ahead and transcribe it word-for-word.

Here is a portion of the transcript from session 5, which took place on 19 Jun 2004. For the most part, the text is unedited, though I have tried to veil the profanity. All wisecracks, side conversations, and sarcasm are included. You have been warned.

MEET THE HEROES:

• Ulfgard Rhohofsson is a hulking seven-foot smith of Suel heritage. For the most part, he has lived his entire life in the Barony of Veemme, the southernmost region of the Hold of the Sea Princes.
• The dwarf known only as Longbeard was raised by gypsies and knows little of his heritage. His only clue is a cryptic sigil carved into a small black stone. He came to Veemme in hopes of discovering his past.
• Nepzillian Tavonin is a devotee of Pelor. He ran away from Veemme a decade ago after his parents died under mysterious circumstances. Now he has returned.
• Roland of Monmurg is a teenage minstrel who has lived and traveled in the northern cities. He came to Veemme in search of an famous yet elusive bard named Agadinmar.

THE STORY SO FAR: The heroes have returned to their home town after having visited Tavonin House, the winery where Nepzillian was born, where they met a healer named Kelakor who has been attending to Nepzillian’s bedridden grandfather, Nikkathyr. Sensing mysterious motives in the healer, Ulfgard had used a simple charm spell he learned from studying his late mother’s diary. Kelakor seemed to become more talkative under the influence of the spell, and he invited Ulfgard to meet with him in the town in two days. It is now two days later, Sun Day the Second of Reaping, and the heroes have finished eating an early lunch at Ulfgard’s smithy in town.

SESSION 5 : PART 1
Summary: Ulfgard is eager to meet with Kelakor, so the heroes go to Marel’s house. First the heroes knock on Marel’s door, but they are unable to get her to let them in. So they go around to Kelakor’s entrance in the back. There Roland befriends a goat. After knocking on the door a few times, the heroes decide to enter.

Ulfgard: Let us go to Kelakor. Go to the…
Longbeard: Is that near Philadelphia?
Ulfgard: I’m gonna take the haft of my hand axe and put it up my sleeve, so that the head of it is in my hand. That way if I need to at any time, I can sort of…
Longbeard: I’m holding his spear, but I’ve also got my mace.
DM: Where’s your halberd?
Longbeard: The halberd’s strapped to my back.
Ulfgard: Did you take a proficiency in that?
Longbeard: Not yet! Not in the halberd.
DM: He’s got like five weapons!
Longbeard: I haven’t moved up yet.
Ulfgard: We’re all one point away. That’s right. Ok, make sure you do that.
DM: I’m a bastard, aren’t I?
Nepzillian: Nothing worse than a DM who can do math.
Longbeard: Yeah.
DM: Ok, what do you do?
Ulfgard: Knock on the door.
DM: Ok.
Longbeard: With the mace.
DM: You don’t get any response.
Ulfgard: Knock again.
DM: Louder this time?
Ulfgard: Uh-huh.
DM: The curtain parts. You see one eye and a little bit of grey hair.
Ulfgard: This is in his area that he’s at?
DM: No. This is Marel’s. [shows picture of Marel’s house]
Ulfgard: Ok, well, we don’t want that one. I’m sorry. I digress. Was this his doorway that he was at, Kelakor’s? [points to a map of the town]
DM: That’s the one he-- yes. [points to a door on the map] Here are the rooms he rents.
Ulfgard: We’ll go to that one. Sorry. I can see her, she goes to the door and wonders what happened.
Longbeard: You forgot to leave the bag of flaming poo.

Kelakor the healer rents the back portion of a large house owned by Marel Tavonin, widow of “Old Man” Sevelard Tavonin, a widely respected elder of the town who passed away a few years ago. The Old Man was Ulfgard’s grandfather and Nepzillian’s great-grandfather. Marel, his second wife, is Ulfgard’s grandmother.

DM: Ok, you go to the back door. There’s a horse out here and a couple of goats grazing. The windmill is slowly turning in the wind. [shows a picture of the windmill]
Ulfgard: Is there anything odd about the windmill today?
DM: Its just as decrepit as on any other day.
Ulfgard: Ok.
Nepzillian: Any lights… oh, it’s daytime. Never mind.
Ulfgard: Knock on the door.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: Knock again.
DM: A little louder this time?
Ulfgard: Yep.
Longbeard: Second verse same as the first.
DM: Still no answer.
Ulfgard: Try the door.
DM: Ok, it rattles a little bit.
Ulfgard: Is it unlocked?
DM: Well, it doesn’t open. Are you gonna try to force it?
Ulfgard: Sure. Well, waitaminute. Let’s have Roland see if he can get the lock.

Roland’s player was late to this session, so the minstrel was being played as an NPC here.

DM: Roland pulls out a long, thin tool that he had concealed in his lute. He sticks it into the hole--
Longbeard: Ouch!
DM: In the lock on the door.
Roland: Ah ha!
DM: He turns the handle and it opens.
Longbeard: Cool.
DM: He stands back.
Ulfgard: I’ll go in.
DM: Ok, you walk into what appears to be an enclosed back porch.

Roland’s player arrives, having shaved his long hair off.

Nepzillian: You look human.
Roland: Sorry I was late.
Ulfgard: That’s alright. We went ahead and started. You look great. Gosh! Gee manee!
Roland: Thanks, brother.
Ulfgard: Who cut it?
Roland: Sara.
Ulfgard: Did she?
Roland: Yeah, but she cut it last Sunday, so it’s grown some.
Ulfgard: You don’t look homeless. That’s weird.
Longbeard: You don’t look like you would fit on the end of my pencil.
Roland: I kept getting a bunch of goo and stuff in my hair at work. It was just all over me, and I washed and washed and washed. I spent over $100 a month in shampoo.
Ulfgard: Yeah, and $300 a month in Liquid Plumber.
Roland: Hey man I got some really cool cards. Anybody wanna trade?
Ulfgard: No, man, you better keep ‘em.

Each player received three hero cards at the beginning of each session in my last campaign. The cards gave them various bonuses for doing things, and it was a fun little addition to the game.

Nepzillian: What’d you get?
Roland: I’ve got Inspired Act. Gain inspiration. Exchange this card for the last card discarded or played by another player.
Longbeard: We’ve got Keen Hearing out the wazoo. Here I’ll switch you a Cognizance for something.
Roland: Waitaminute. Critical Strike. A normal attack becomes a critical hit. Play before damage roll.
DM: That’s awesome.
Roland: No, wait, this is even better. Deadeye. Attempt a called shot without penalty.
Longbeard: That’s yours. That’s freakin’ your card. It was made for you.
Roland: Yep. I’ll use ‘em both at the same time! It’s like, oh look, it’s a seven-headed hydra.
Longbeard: I’m gonna pin all seven heads to the wall with one bow shot.
Ulfgard: Ok, let’s go.
DM: Ok, so the door is now open. What are you doing?
Longbeard: Standing guard.
Roland: Why are we, why are we breaking in here? What time of day is it?
DM: Noon. High noon.
Roland: This is the sunniest place in the world.
Longbeard: Yeah, you didn’t have much objection [to breaking in].
DM: You were, like, “Alright!”
Roland: I don’t like this guy, anyway. I mean, I know that somebody [indistinct]. Why does Nepzillian already have fatigue?
DM: I dunno, ask him.
Longbeard: He still has that from last time.
Roland: Oh, ok. That’s right.
Nepzillian: I didn’t sleep well.

I track wounds and fatigue separately, not combined into a single HP mechanic. Nepzillian is haunted by recurring nightmares, and for a reason as yet unknown to him, he awakens just as fatigued each morning as he was when he went to bed.

Ulfgard: More or less, we made our way back to town--
Roland: He got me caught up. I just wonder why we’re breaking in here at this point in time…
Ulfgard: What do you think, fellas? Should we go in? There’s something weird about this guy.
Roland: Yeah, there’s a lot weird about him. I don’t like him.
Ulfgard: Yeah.
Roland: And I’m a pretty good judge of character.
Ulfgard: Uh-huh.
DM: That’s why you’re hanging around with these guys.
Roland: Other than the fact that we just broke into somebody’s house in the middle of the day.
DM: For the second time.
Roland: Second time?
DM: Last time you broke into the overturned ship.
Roland: Oh yeah!
DM: You’re allowed one break-in per adventure.
Longbeard: [to Ulf] You sure he’ll remember that he was supposed to meet with you today?
Ulfgard: [indistinct]
Longbeard: Well, if he’s not here…
Roland: How do we know he’s not here?
Longbeard: We don’t.
Ulfgard: I say we go in.
Roland: If we go in, and he’s here…
Longbeard: Good god, we’ve already opened the door. Go in!
Roland: I’m gonna shut the door real quick.
Longbeard: Jesus H. Vishnu.
Roland: If we go in right now, and he’s in there… I’m not gonna lock it, though.
Ulfgard: Is the door closed?
DM: [points to Roland] He closed it.
Nepzillian: Now we’re gonna open it.
Roland: It’s not locked. If you go in now…
Longbeard: We know somebody is home up in the other, main part of the house.
Nepzillian: [indistinct] …Maybe Roland didn’t see there. You know where we’re at, right? There’s one half’s the old lady’s and the other half’s the…
Longbeard: Roland, why don’t you and Nepzillian go around [to the other side of the house] and ask the old lady if the doctor-- if she knows where he is?
Roland: ‘Cause I don’t like him.
Longbeard: Maybe *she* doesn’t like him, either.
Roland: Why don’t *you* go around, because he’s expecting him [points to Ulfgard], anyway?
Longbeard: That would be fine.
DM: The goat comes up and sniffs at you.
Roland: I attack and I’m using all these cards right damn now!
DM: The goathandler turns and just runs…
Roland: No, I’ll pet the goat.
Longbeard: Is it female? I want milk! I’m thirsty!
Roland: Is there a goathandler or is it just the goat?
DM: Yes, it’s a female goat, and there’s nobody with the goat.
Roland: Ok.
Ulfgard: I’ll go around the front and knock on the door.
DM: There’s no answer.
Ulfgard: I’ll knock on the door.
DM: Harder this time?
Ulfgard: Yeah.
DM: Still no answer. Not even a sound.
Ulfgard: Alright, let’s go around the back. [to the others] I say we go in, and if something happens and he’s there and we’re confronted by him and all that--
Roland: We leave no witnesses at all.
Ulfgard: I’ll either cast a spell on him that more or less will charm him. I hope that that will work. Or we’ll just say we thought we saw somebody run in here.
Roland: The old woman let us in.
Ulfgard: The old woman let us in.
Roland: She’s old. She won’t remember, and she’s gotta be at least 20, 25…
Nepzillian: The man is messing with my grandfather. We need to find out what the hell is going on.
Ulfgard: Right.
Roland: I just don’t like him. So I’m taking something.
Longbeard: We’ve nicknamed Roland “can-I-have-that”.
Roland: Jeez, he’s a kid for god’s sake. This is a totally retarded town. He don’t care, he’s not coming back here! When I find out what I need to find out, I’m gone.
DM: Ok, who’s doing what?
Ulfgard: Well, I’m going in.
Roland: Hey, let me go in first, because you have the grace of a dead cat. Let me go.
Ulfgard: Alright.
DM: [shows a map of the first room] There’s a door here and there’s steps leading up.
Roland: I listen at the door.
DM: Listening check. You get a +2 on this one.
Roland: Listening is where?
DM: Perception. Perception +3, +5.
Roland: [rolls die] 21.

The rules set being used is completely skills-based, so some of the terminology will be unfamiliar. However, the concept of d20 plus skill level should be familiar enough to third ed. D&Ders.

DM: Ok, you hear distant shuffling, probably not in this room but in the next.
Roland: Ok, I’ll try that door. I’ll turn around and motion to the others to be quiet.
Ulfgard: Roland’s turned into Dr. Evil.
DM: There is some shuffling. You hear something get knocked over on the other side of that door.
Roland: What’s in there?
DM: Are you opening the door? No? Looking in the room? It’s a drawing room. It’s very old. Everything in this house is old. There’s a lot of dust everywhere. There is a door on the other side. There’s lace curtains on the window. Dishes.
Longbeard: Can I have them?
Roland: What kind of dishes?
DM: Dishes in like a rack. Like a nice china set.
Roland: Any drawers or desk, anything like that?
DM: No.
Ulfgard: Wait, what was in here? [points to the first room]
Roland: Steps going up.
Ulfgard: Ok. [whispering] I say we go back and go up the stairs… [indistinct] …doctor’s room…
Longbeard: Alright, back to open this door.
DM: Ok, you hear some tapping on the outside door. It’s like *thump thump thump*.
Ulfgard: Goat.
Roland: I’ll open the-- I’ll look out the door.
DM: There’s a goat.
Roland: Bring the goat in.
DM: I’ve got a goat miniature.
Nepzillian: I’ve got my dogs here. Is it white or black?
DM: Black.
Ulfgard: White or black, oh hell!
Roland: [whisper] Change of plans. We’re bringing a goat.
Longbeard: If I’d only known we’d had a goat…
Roland: Listen, if he catches us, we’re bringing him a present.
Ulfgard: We could always say, the goat came in, and we followed it.
Roland: Damn goat.
Ulfgard: Or if somehow we can get out and leave the goat in, he’ll think the goat opened the door.
Roland: That’s right!
Ulfgard: It’s a red herring.
Longbeard: I thought it was a goat.
DM: So everyone is going back out into this hallway again?
Longbeard: Yeah.
Ulfgard: I like it. It’s a plan.
Longbeard: I’m excited to be a part of this plan.
DM: And you’re closing the door behind you?
Roland: Quietly.
DM: You get up to the landing there, and there’s one door and the hallway ends.
Ulfgard: Go in, daddy.
Roland: Listen first.
Longbeard: You’re here. [points to miniature]
DM: Where are you in the pecking order? You’re way behind these people?
Roland: No, I’m up…
Longbeard: Which one is you?
Ulfgard: He’s first.
Longbeard: This one’s you? [points to miniature]
Roland: I don’t know.
DM: He’s the little kneeling dude.
Roland: Oh, I’m that guy. [points to miniature] Here, hold my goat. Hold my goat!
Ulfgard: You know, I think we ought to take the goat.
Roland: I am taking the goat!
Ulfgard: I mean, like, with us. Like, pay somebody for the goat.
Roland: I agree! It’s a goat giving milk.
Ulfgard: Yeah, ‘cause it’s a good way to get nourishment. ‘Cause we seem to lack that a lot.
Roland: She’s kinda cool, anyway. I’ll listen.
Nepzillian: If it comes down to it, we can eat it.
Roland: [rolls die] 18.
DM: You don’t hear anything.
Roland: Ok, I’ll try it.
DM: Ok, you going in?
Roland: I’ll send the goat in.
DM: “On a rope…” *thump* “I draw it back.”
Ulfgard: I guess we’re eating the goat.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

Session 5 : Part 2

THE STORY SO FAR: The heroes have returned to their home town to meet with the healer Kelakor, whom they suspect has sinister intentions for Nepzillian’s grandfather. But the healer is not at home, so they break in.

SESSION 5 : PART 2
Summary: The heroes sneak through the rooms as best they can, with the goat in tow. While upstairs, they discover a painting (of a woman Roland saw with Kelakor the night Ulfgard’s sister nearly died), a washbasin filled with putrid water and a small three-legged stand made of brass.

Roland: Go in.
DM: Ok, you go on in, and this is a sitting room. Couple chairs. Here’s one chair just to show you what’s in there.
Ulfgard: Anything on the table?
Longbeard: The chair.
DM: Flowers.
Ulfgard: Ok. What else is in the room?
DM: It seems like a fairly normal furnished room. Actually kind of sparse. There is a painting of a woman.
Roland: Yummy.
DM: Looks like that. [shows picture of the painting]
Roland: Hey!
Ulfgard: Wait, who is that?
Roland: Isn’t that that girl we met before?
Ulfgard: Yes, she was here.

The heroes had spoken with Kelakor less than a week earlier in the foyer downstairs. He had a woman with him then, but the heroes were in a hurry, and there was no time for introductions. When her eyes caught Roland’s, however, the minstrel saw a weird symbol on her forehead, and an unusual bond was created between them, though he said nothing to the other heroes.

DM: And there’s also a door.
Roland: Who was she?
Ulfgard: We never figured out, but she was the sultry beauty.
Nepzillian: The whoeewhat?
Roland: No, no, that’s not her.
Ulfgard: Yes, it is. Is that picture of the woman we saw?
Roland: Is that the girl that we met when we came here?
DM: It looks very strikingly like the woman who was with the healer that one day.
Ulfgard: Right.
Roland: Yes.
Nepzillian: Do we remember if anything was said about her?
DM: [to Roland] You remember her quite clearly.
Roland: I know. Um, is the painting able to take-- is it in a frame, I assume?
DM: Yes.
Roland: I’m gonna take it out of the frame.
Ulfgard: [whispering] You can’t take that. He’s gonna know. He’ll be robbed.
Roland: I’ll leave him a goat.
Ulfgard: You can’t take that.
Roland: I want to take it. Hey, look. Look what he’s been doing to Nep’s grandfather. He’s not a good man.
Ulfgard: I know that. However, we will also take the high road.
Roland: He doesn’t deserve to have this. She’s my muse. I like the picture of her.
Ulfgard: That’s great, perhaps when we find--
Roland: Maybe I can draw him another one.
Ulfgard: Perhaps, let’s do this. When we find that he is something in the darkness, and we do slay him out of our…
Roland: Goodness?
Ulfgard: Yeah, the goodness of our heart…
Longbeard: Then we’ll come back here and get it.
Ulfgard: That’s fair.
Roland: I’d really like to keep that painting.
Ulfgard: Tell you what, why don’t…
Nepzillian: We’ll keep it right here.
Longbeard: Let’s remember where it is.
Ulfgard: That’s right. Let’s remember where it’s at.
Roland: Each of you give me a gold piece, and I’ll leave it. I’ve got to get that bow, remember?
Ulfgard: Yeah, I remember. However, extortion is not the way to do it, especially…
Roland: I can probably get it for… Can you spell extortion?
Ulfgard: E-X-T-O-R-T-I-O-N.
Nepzillian: I’ll attach this gold piece to this hammer and I’ll deliver it to you. Just leave it alone.
Roland: Alright, I’ll put it back.
DM: Ok.
Roland: I don’t want to put it back, though. I like her. She’s cute. She’s beautiful.
Ulfgard: Uh-huh. Yes. Exactly. Let’s press on.
Roland: Let’s check out the rest of the house, er-- room.
Ulfgard: Is there anything else in the room? Let’s look behind the picture.
Roland: Is there a name on the back of the picture?
Ulfgard: Or a nameplate on the front of the picture?
DM: No. No.
Ulfgard: Alright. Keep going.
Nepzillian: Listen at the door.
Roland: I’m gonna feed the flowers to the goat.
DM: It munches them.
Roland: And then I’ll put the pot back on the table.
Ulfgard: Are there any kind of drawers in the table or anything like that?
Roland: I really don’t like this cat. I think we ought to take that picture.
Nepzillian: Listen at the door.
Ulfgard: Listen at the door.
Roland: [rolls die] Alright! Dudes, I’m on it tonight. 21.
Ulfgard: Yeah, you are. That’s good. Anything?
DM: It’s silent.
Ulfgard: Let’s go in.
Roland: Too silent?
Ulfgard: I’ll bet it’s a hallway.
DM: Well, you still hear somebody shuffling around downstairs.
Ulfgard: …plus the click-click-click of the goat.
Roland: Hey, while the goat is eating, let’s go. Let’s leave it in here to eat.
Ulfgard: Ok.
Roland: That way it’s over here like…
Longbeard: “I think I hear seven people upstairs, because there’s 14 feet. Two of the guys are really small and stay close together.”
Roland: Let’s go while he’s eating potted plants.
Ulfgard: That’s funny. “There’s two homosexuals up there walking around.”
Nepzillian: “In high heels.”
Ulfgard: In high heels, yeah.
Roland: Go up here and listen at this door.
DM: Make a roll.
Roland: [rolls die] 10.
DM: You don’t hear anything.
Roland: Hey, as far as I know I’ve been doing real good. I’ll open it.
DM: Ok, it opens right up. This room has a round table, for which I don’t have a miniature…
Ulfgard: Oo, King Arthur!
Roland: If I put the sword in his skull, then I’m king, right?
DM: The window is open about eight inches. Bird droppings are all over this room. There’s a bathtub in this room. It’s got stagnant, scummy water in it. And there’s a tripod-like stand sitting in the middle of the round table.
Ulfgard: I go up to the tripod. What’s in it?
DM: Nothing. It looks like this. [shows picture]
Ulfgard: Ok, so it’s not holding anything.
DM: It’s not holding anything, and there’s a sack on the floor.
Ulfgard: What’s in the sack?
DM: Nothing. It’s sort of a-- like a potato sack.
Ulfgard: Are there any remnants of anything that’s been in it, like plant matter?
Roland: Drain the bathtub.
Longbeard: I’m dwowning.
Ulfgard: What’s that?
Longbeard: Dwain the bathtub. I’m dwowning.
DM: You got a bucket?
Roland: Oh yeah, I guess so. Um… Is there a bucket there?
DM: Yes.
Roland: I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna take…
DM: Bird droppings are everywhere, keep in mind.
Roland: Is there a stick or anything, not a stick but like a bath brush or anything like that in here?
DM: No.
Roland: Is there any towels?
DM: No. It’s actually quite a sparse room.
Ulfgard: Can we see through the water?
DM: No, it’s murky.
Ulfgard: How deep is it?
DM: Hmm, three feet.
Nepzillian: Throw the goat in it.
Roland: Hey, the goat’s back there eating!
Ulfgard: Is there anything in the room that’s long and that has a handle or anything like that?
Roland: Yeah, but I ain’t getting in there.
DM: One of the weapons you’re carrying.
Ulfgard: Alright, give me my spear.
Roland: Whoa, whoa. We don’t want to pierce anything.
Ulfgard: I’m not. I’ll use the butt of my spear. I’m gonna just sort of-- is there anything in the water?
DM: No, nothing that you bump against.
Ulfgard: Ok. I’m looking for dead bodies.
Roland: Yeah, I’m gonna sniff the water. Does it smell like stagnant water?
DM: It smells salty… and disgusting. Like a swamp.
Ulfgard: It might have been seawater.
Roland: I’ll taste it. What’ll you give me [if I do]?
Longbeard: Nothing.
Roland: Why would a doctor have stagnant saltwater…?
Ulfgard: Is there any kind of medicinal remedy? Like, there’s no medicinal remedy that I can think of that requires saltwater, is there?
DM: Uh, nothing off the top of your head, no.
Roland: Does the tripod fold?
DM: Yes. And it’s made of brass.
Nepzillian: Why don’t we try some other rooms? Maybe it will help explain the situation.
Ulfgard: Yeah, let’s go in the other rooms.
Roland: Should we take the tripod?
Nepzillian: I say we look around first.
Ulfgard: Is it ornate in any fashion?
Roland: It folds down…
DM: It’s pretty simple, but it’s made of brass.
Roland: And it folds.
DM: And it folds. It looks like it would hold--
Longbeard: What size of a sphere would that…
DM: It looks like it would hold a bowl or a sphere of about this big.
Ulfgard: Palantir.
Roland: The Palantir of Orthanc! Bastard. Let’s leave it for now.
Ulfgard: Ok, let’s leave it and see what else is…
Roland: We can come back and get it when we get the picture.
Ulfgard: Right. [does a double-take] Right.
Roland: Shut the door.
Ulfgard: Keep going.
Roland: I’m gonna go over here and listen at this. [points to a door on the map]
DM: Ok.
Roland: [rolls die] 7. I’m sure there’s nothing in there.
DM: That’s right.
Roland: I’ll open it.
DM: Alright. You open it up to a bedroom.
Ulfgard: He’s in there whacking.
Roland: Throw the Palantir at him! Screw this!
DM: There’s a portion of this chimney… you can’t get into the hallway. This is a bed. There’s a chair sitting under the table…
Ulfgard: Really.
DM: Sitting under the desk. It’s, um…
Roland: Is there a fire going?
DM: There is no fire going in the fireplace. It’s furnished pretty well. And dust does not cover everything, so it looks like it has been recently used.
Ulfgard: Um, can we… I’m going to look at the ashes and see how long it’s been since the fire has been lit.
DM: Maybe it was lit last night.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: There’s also some remnants of paper in there.
Ulfgard: Ooh. I’m going to get those out.
DM: Alright.
Roland: While he’s doing this, I’m going to check the bookshelf.
Nepzillian: I think it’s a headboard, ain’t it? Or is it a bookshelf? [looks closer at the miniature]
Roland: Is that a bookshelf or a headboard?
DM: That is a bookshelf.
Roland: I’ll check the bookshelf.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: Longbeard, are you out in the hallway?
Longbeard: Yes.
Ulfgard: Great.
DM: [throws a bunch of torn bits of paper up in the air] The paper that you find is whatever you can pick up from that.
Roland: Not now, though. Let’s get out of here and get what we…
Ulfgard: I’m gonna pick it all up. I’m gonna pick it all up. [starts collecting bits of paper]

I’m a firm believer in giving the players something tactile to puzzle over. I don’t like just describing an object and having the player make a skill roll… where’s the fun in that?

Roland: I’ll check the bookshelf.
DM: Ok, he’s digging through the ashes.
Roland: Right.
DM: The bookshelf…
Nepzillian: Ha, that’s good.
Ulfgard: There’s one on your foot, too, Longbeard.
Roland: Don’t let the goat have it. You know what happened to Nash. You know what happened to Nash. We can’t take that. Hey, we can’t take that.
Longbeard: You can’t take the paper?
Roland: No, you can’t take that.
Ulfgard: I’m going to use a spell to piece it all together.
Roland: You wouldn’t let me have the portrait. You can’t have that.
Ulfgard: This is for the…

Here follows a discussion of Lord of the Rings trivia and upcoming movies, and it is presented here only for completeness’ sake. Feel free to skip ahead to Part 3, if you like.

DM: Hey, do you know what he won before you got here?
Roland: What?
Ulfgard: One of those. [points to a Lord of the Rings poster on the wall] We had Lord of the Rings trivia, and I won.
Roland: I would’ve beat him!
Ulfgard: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Roland: That’s not fair.
DM: You know what, he won on… what was the question?
Ulfgard: What’s J.R.R. stand for?
DM: Yep, he won on what’s J.R.R. stand for, and he even got a bonus question.
Roland: What was the bonus question?
DM: What was Aragorn’s ring that he gave to Arwen?
Ulfgard: The Ring of Barahir.
DM: The Ring of Barahir.
Roland: Wow.
DM: He knows his stuff.
Roland: You do. I would’ve lost… maybe. I think I should get a chance.
DM: Do you want to see how well he can do?
Ulfgard: Not really. Not right now.
Roland: Yeah, I can’t really.
Ulfgard: Um, would, but this is more fun.
Roland: Good, ‘cause I just stopped caring about stuff like that. That’s not true. Hey, man…
DM: Yeah.
Roland: What was the dude’s name that changed into a bear?
DM: Oh, I know that one.
Ulfgard: Radagast?
Roland: No.
Longbeard: Changed into a bear…
Roland: Changed into a bear.
DM: In The Hobbit.
Roland: In The Hobbitses.
Ulfgard: In when?
Roland: In The Hobbit.
Ulfgard: The Hobbit, ooh. Boy. That I don’t know.
Roland: Beorn. Beorn and the Beornings.
Ulfgard: Hmm.
Roland: What was the guy’s name that got ‘em out of the Barrow Downs?
DM: Yeah, there you go.
Ulfgard: Tom Bombadil.
Nepzillian: Tom Bombadil.
Roland: What was his girlfriend’s name?
Ulfgard: Oh, boy.
Roland: I’d’ve whooped your ass! I’d’ve whooped your white ass!
Ulfgard: Yeah, but I’ll tell you what, I hate that part.
Roland: Oh, I love that part.
Ulfgard: I hated that part with Tom Bombadil.
Roland: I loved that part.
Ulfgard: You know, and I thought…
Roland: [imitates accent] I oughta write something in here about the Irish in here…
Ulfgard: I thought you know that they could’ve put Radagast the Brown in.
Roland: Radagast was only in it for like 2 pages, dude.
Ulfgard: Great.
Roland: Ever.
Ulfgard: Yeah, but there’s another wizard they could’ve had.
Roland: There’s actually 2 others. There’s also…
Longbeard: The more wizards, the better.
Roland: Pelegast, and there’s another one.
DM: He didn’t name those. They’re not in the books.
Roland: Right. That’s in Silmarillion, I believe.
DM: No, that’s made up by some game company, I.C.E., Iron Crown Enterprises or something.
Roland: Was it?
DM: Yeah, he never names any of those.
Roland: I thought they were in Silmarillion.
DM: I don’t think so, no.
Roland: There was like a bunch of them, but a lot of them died.
DM: In all of this Lord of the Rings rage, I’m waiting for somebody to jump in and do Lewis’ Narnia series.
Roland: Aw, that’d be cool.
Ulfgard: I’ve heard that they’re gonna be doing those.
DM: I betcha they will.
Ulfgard: They’re gonna do The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Roland: Aw, that would be cool.
Ulfgard: And what’s really funny is that Nicole is into this series of books that’s called A Series of Unfortunate Events, and the author is a fictitious name called Lemony Snicket. And they’re really cute, sort of macabre, books. They really are a little odd.
Roland: Yeah.
Ulfgard: It’s about these three, it’s set in Victorian times and the parents of these three children, they were wealthy, and they died, and they were killed in a fire. So in turn, this benefactor, Count Olaf, has taken these children in and he’s trying to kill them to get their fortune. And there’s like 11 books already; well, they’re making a movie about it too.
Longbeard: You got some hooch I can borrow?
DM: Yeah.
Roland: You know what, I think I’m going to break down…
Nepzillian: That I don’t doubt.
Roland: Yeah, but you’ve gotta go get the next one…
Ulfgard: Have you seen the movie, Return of the King?
Roland: No. I think I’m gonna actually break down and read the Harry Potter books.
Ulfgard: I read the first one.
Roland: They say their really good.
Ulfgard: Do you have a DVD?
Roland: When it works, yeah.
DM: When it works?
Roland: It’s been coming up No Disc. I’m about to buy a new one.
Ulfgard: ‘Cause I’ve got, I borrowed the, a girl at work has Return of the King…
Roland: I’m gonna buy it.
Ulfgard: Well, you can borrow it and read it, er, watch it.
DM: I’ve got it.
Roland: Yeah, he’s got it, I mean.
Ulfgard: I really can’t wait for the uncut version.
DM: Yeah, I know.
Roland: That’s what I’m waiting on.
Ulfgard: Oh. I’m not gonna buy-- because The Two Towers, the extended version of that was great!
Roland: Oh yeah!
Ulfgard: I mean they had so much more of Boromir.
Roland: That a hell of a difference.
Ulfgard: I thought, man, so good.
Roland: Hell of a difference.
Ulfgard: Well, both the movies, all three movies.
Roland: Um, the first one, you know, the thing about the first one was, they really shouldn’t have left that stuff out, because that explained a lot later on. But I don’t think the one in the second one actually explained anything too much.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

Session 5 : Part 3

THE STORY SO FAR: The heroes broke into the rented rooms of the healer Kelakor, bringing with them a befriended goat. While upstairs, they discovered a painting, a basin of stagnant water, and a small brass tripod.

SESSION 5 : PART 3
Summary: In the fireplace, Ulfgard finds a lot of unburnt scraps of paper. Meanwhile, Roland searches through the healer’s books and ingredients. The obligatory combat scene for this session begins, and one player turns another player's undead wife.

DM: Who was looking at the bookshelf?
Roland: I was.
DM: Ok…
Roland: I waited long enough, now I’m just gonna say screw ya.
DM: Ok, so you look at the books, and to the best of your limited knowledge, they look like medical texts. Like, “The Muscles of Locomotion” is one, and “A Comparison of the Circulatory Structure Between the--”
Roland: I’m not really looking at the titles of the books. What I’m doing is…
Longbeard: [singing] Everybody’s doing the locomotion…
Ulfgard: It’s sad that you know that.
Longbeard: Grand Funk Railroad.
Ulfgard: Grand Funk Railroad.
DM: I’m sorry. I can’t hear you. What?
Roland: I’m gonna look for loose leafs inside the books, kind of stuffed in, like notes. I’ll quickly flash through and see if there’s any markings in the--
Ulfgard: It’s amazing how many D&D characters have come from names of songs, such as like the Marrakech Express, you know. [Roland’s player] had a Talislanta character named Zafaal Marrakesh. I said, “Marrakesh, that’s a cool name.” He said, “yeah, it’s from Crosby, Stills, and Nash.”
Longbeard: It’s a Crosby, Stills, and Nash song.
Ulfgard: I said, “wow, that’s right.”
Longbeard: It’s also a city in Morocco.
DM: I don’t know. I mean, you’d have to take some time to do that. You want to do that?
Roland: Yeah. Now in the course I’m going to look and see if there’s anything wrong with the books, anything out of the ordinary. And if a title catches my eye, like, “How To Take Over Somebody’s Mind With…,” then I…
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: I’m glad you guys have the books for the 7th Sea.
Roland: What’s that about the 7th Sea?
Ulfgard: I said, I’m glad you guys have those books.
Roland: Oh, that is such a great system.
Ulfgard: It really is.
DM: What do the rest of you guys want to do while he’s digging through [the bookshelf] and he’s digging through [the fireplace]?
Longbeard: I was guarding…
DM: [to Ulfgard] You’re digging through the ashes.
Ulfgard: Right. Ok.
DM: I want to make sure everybody gets a chance to do something. What do you want to do?
Longbeard: I’m guarding in the hall. I’ll just keep my eyes open.
Nepzillian: I’ll check out the table.
DM: [to Longbeard] Make a Listening roll.
DM: The table is actually a desk. That thing. [points to the miniature] The desk.
Ulfgard: As he comes down the hallway, somebody turns the corner and you go, THUMP!
Ulfgard: It’s that little old lady. Actually, it’s the goat.
Longbeard: [rolls die] 11.
DM: When you don’t have the skill, you have to roll a d12.

In our rules set, unskilled attempts require the roll of a d12 instead of d20.

Longbeard: Oh that’s right. Sorry.
DM: I’ll give you a re-roll, heh. Alright, checking out the desk.
Roland: Man, this is just gonna go bad real quick.
Ulfgard: I know. I’m just waiting.
Roland: We’ve [indistinct] too much. This is gonna go bad. Hey, I’m gonna get reaped by Mr. [indistinct] in a backwaterass town that I shouldn’t even be in anyway.
Ulfgard: I think the funny thing is…
DM: [gives handout to Nepzillian]
Longbeard: I got some!
Ulfgard: I think the thing is, he’s not really going to be mad that we’re in here. He’s going to be mad that we let the goat in.
Roland: Oh, sure! Blame it on the goat!
DM: [puts a miniature on the map]
Ulfgard: Uh oh.
Roland: What is it?
Ulfgard: I don’t know, but the dwarf about ready to enter melee.
Roland: Oh hell.
Nepzillian: Uh oh. Is there a window in this?
DM: Yes.
Longbeard: “Dwarf, hold ‘em off as long as you can!”
DM: You are on the second storey, though. But yes, there is a window.
Roland: I’ve got rope!
Ulfgard: What about the goat, though?!?
Roland: Hold this rope. I’m gone! “Hey, throw my goat down!”
Ulfgard: Do this. [imitates goat] They’ll never recognize you.
Roland: Stand real still. Maybe they’ll think you’re a statue.
Ulfgard: You’ll look like a goat.
Longbeard: Oh gosh.
Ulfgard: “He looked like a dwarf, but I didn’t see his face.” Did he ever talk?
DM: Ok. Nepzillian’s looking at that. Roland’s digging through books. Ulfgard’s digging through that. And Longbeard, you see this figure, sort of looking like this. [shows picture]
Longbeard: Anything I recognise? Does it look familiar at all?
DM: There’s not a lot of light in this hallway.
Longbeard: Ok.
Nepzillian: Kill it! No wait, don’t do that.
Roland: It’s a shade. Kill it.
Longbeard: I’m stepping back slowly. [pounds door] “Guys.”
DM: What do you guys do when he says that?
Roland: Keep looking.
Nepzillian: I’ll look out in the hall.
Ulfgard: I look out in the hall.
DM: Ok. [to Ulfgard] You get all the pieces out [of the fireplace] that you think [are salvageable].
Nepzillian: [holds up the handout] I’m sticking this down my shirt thing, whatever.
DM: Make sure you write it on your character sheet so that I give it back to you next session.
Roland: Hey man, can I read that since you can’t?
Nepzillian: You’ll have to read it to me, yeah.

Nepzillian never learned to read, which is one of the things that’s prevented him from actually becoming a full-fledged priest thus far in his life.

DM: The books, they all seem legit. There are a few that seem kind of odd, like, you know, treatises on dissecting monsters, and stuff like that, um… quasi-medical, they seem to be. A lot of stuff about dead bodies, bone structure, stuff like that.
Roland: But nothing that is--
DM: Diagrams of bones, but no hidden notes or anything.
Roland: Ok, then I’ll leave, and I’ll go look out in the hallway also.
DM: Ok, you peek your head and look over the dwarf’s head…
Longbeard: [imitates the Three Stooges] Hello… hello… hello…
Ulfgard: Hello.
DM: And there’s somebody coming.
Roland: Let’s rush ‘em now.
Ulfgard: I don’t think we should rush. I’m going to walk out into the hall.
DM: Well, there’s a dwarf standing in the doorway.
Ulfgard: Oh. Excuse me, I’m going to…
Roland: He can’t step over a dwarf? He’s eight foot tall.
Nepzillian: Did you say this is like a book, er…?
Longbeard: He’s wide.
DM: And he’s got like five weapons.
Longbeard: Yeah.
Roland: Oh, yeah.
Longbeard: No, he’s got his spear back. [pointing to Ulfgard]
DM: Ok, four weapons.
Ulfgard: I’ll try to make my way around him and look down the hall. Do I recognise…?
DM: It’s up to him whether you get around him, I mean, seriously.
Ulfgard: Ok. Yeah.
DM: He’s…
Ulfgard: Stout.
DM: …wide enough to take up the whole hall.
Longbeard: You can come into the hall behind me, if you like.
Nepzillian: Then we’ll just stay behind him… Actually he’d be better off behind him, you’re taller than him, you can go over…
Ulfgard: Yeah, we got two ranks.
DM: There’s an old woman walking toward you. You reckon she’s maybe 80 years old. Skin, I mean, wrinkled as hell, thin…
Longbeard: Hello, dear.
DM: She’s walking toward you with a butcher knife.
Ulfgard: Marel!
Nepzillian: Is it Marel?
DM: Make a Night Vision roll at +2.
Nepzillian: Night Vision?
DM: It’s under Perception.
Longbeard: Do I know who Marel is?
Roland: I shoot a flaming arrow at the figure. That way they can see it better. Ha ha. Shoomp.
Nepzillian: Just a Perception roll?
Longbeard: He said Night Vision.
Nepzillian: Well, I don’t have Night Vision. So that’s a d12 then. [rolls die] That’s a 9.
Longbeard: Plus 1, well, the Perception.
DM: If your Perception is a +1 or better, you get a d20.
Nepzillian: Oh, ok. [rolls die] 9!
DM: You’ve got no clue who it is. And besides, you’re looking over everybody else’s shoulders, so--
Nepzillian: Ok.
DM: …it’s not like you could really tell.
Nepzillian: Hell, I’m staying in the room in case something bad happens. Then I can come out.
DM: Roll initiative, d6 and add your Dexterity.
Longbeard: [rolls die]
Roland: The woman’s gonna whoop your butt.
Longbeard: She is. She’s gonna kill me.
DM: What’d you roll?
Longbeard: I rolled a 1.
DM: Ok, you have initiative. She slowly raises the butcher knife up as she’s walking toward you.
Ulfgard: Give me a 20-sided. I’m casting a spell.
Roland: Oh God.
DM: Well, roll initiative then.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: Make sure you get a level 1 in order to do it before him.
Ulfgard: Plus Dexterity?
DM: Yep.
Roland: It’s a 1.
Ulfgard: What’s your Dexterity?
Longbeard: Uh, 0.
Ulfgard: Mine’s 0, too.
DM: He acts at the same time. So what are you doing?
Longbeard: I am just, I’m going to block whatever she’s going to--
DM: Do you have a shield or anything?
Longbeard: No, I’ve just got my mace. I’m going to swat it.
DM: Ok, use it to parry?
Longbeard: Yeah.
DM: Ok.
Roland: Into the side of her friggin’ head.
DM: What are you doing?
Ulfgard: I’m gonna cast a spell.
DM: Alright, do it. No, hold on a second.
Roland: I’m gonna parry to her temple.
Nepzillian: Freeze motion on the dwarf.
DM: Alright, what are you doing?
Roland: You actually wrote down her stats?
Longbeard: I really don’t want to kill this old lady, but…
Ulfgard: Enslumberment.
Roland: You wrote down her stats?
DM: Oh yeah!
Nepzillian: I wonder if it’s not undead maybe or something.
Roland: Oh God. Kill it. If he wrote… Don’t ever pet a duck in a dungeon.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] 16.
DM: What is it? What are you doing?
Ulfgard: Enslumberment.
DM: Ok, do it.
Ulfgard: Ok. Enbililu! [claps hands]
Roland: Enbililu? What the hell’s that?
Longbeard: It’s the Enslumberment spell.
Ulfgard: It’s what I have to say.
DM: Oh yeah, ok.
Nepzillian: …we all stand around, even the old lady. “What the hell’s that?”
DM: Let me see your spellbook.

All spells gained by characters in the game were discovered by the players within prop spellbooks. I tried to make the prop books look as realistic as possible. The formulae were written out in full, complete with arcane sigils and such. Ulfgard’s player actually had to figure out what to do to make a spell work, in a manner similar (though greatly simplified) to what his character had to go through. (Most of the spell names were changed to add interest. As the name suggests, Enslumberment is a Sleep spell.)

Ulfgard: Oh, also, I sprinkle my dust.
DM: Are you reading it from the book?
Ulfgard: Huh? Yes.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: I think I’ve got time.
DM: Ok. And what did you roll?
Ulfgard: 16.
DM: Is that modified?
Ulfgard: Yes.
DM: Ok. That’s a partial.
Ulfgard: Ok.

Our rules set has partial successes built into it moreso than other rules, so you'll notice that term used frequently.

Longbeard: Her left arm falls asleep.
DM: Um, let me see the spellbook. I just want to check the details…
Ulfgard: That’s fine. I also, I have some sand that I had to sprinkle also.
DM: Ok.
Roland: It gives us time to get our goat and get out of here. That’s all I care about.
DM: You gotta get the goat.
Roland: Oo, and he’ll think the woman ate the flowers.
Longbeard: Yeah, there’s a woman and a goat in the room…
DM: Ok, she attacks you. [rolls die] And she misses.
Roland: Ok, is she close enough-- Is she close enough to--
DM: She within reach, but she’s still walking toward you.
Roland: Can these guys--
Nepzillian: If she’s undead, I might be able to turn her.
Roland: Wait a minute, is she close enough to recognise yet?
Ulfgard: Ok, somebody light something.
Longbeard: Don’t light the dwarf!
Roland: I catch a book on fire.
Ulfgard: Look for a candle maybe.
Roland: I catch a candle on fire.
DM: There’s nothing lit in here.
Roland: I catch a candle on fire.
DM: You’re going to use a tinderbox?
Roland: Yes, I am.
DM: Do you have one…
Roland: Yes, I do.
DM: Ok, it’s Fire Building. Roll. In the meantime--
Roland: What the hell’s Fire Building under?
DM: Survival. In the meantime, Longbeard has initiative.
Roland: This should be good.
DM: Keep blocking?
Longbeard: No, I am going to…
DM: The stench of death is hitting you [Longbeard] and you [Ulfgard].
Longbeard: Oh.
Ulfgard: Ok. [to Longbeard] I guess that’s not you.
Nepzillian: “I’m sorry, guys.” That’s what you hear behind you.
Longbeard: I’m taking a whack.
Roland: Where in the hell is…
DM: Make a roll.
Longbeard: [rolls die] Weapon skill in the mace, nope, that’s an 11.
DM: Miss.
Roland: Where the hell’s Survival at?
DM: In the S’s.
Roland: Oh. Ok.
DM: Fire Building, so you need a d12.
Nepzillian: Can I try to turn undead?
Roland: [rolls die] 11!
DM: You’re very close. You’re making sparks.
Nepzillian: Ulfgard, let me in front.
Ulfgard: [to Longbeard] Let him in front of us.
Roland: Ok, I’m gonna start pulling pages out of a book. What the hell do I care?
Nepzillian: No, you [let me in front]. Not him.
Ulfgard: I’m gonna let Nepzillian in front [of me].
DM: Oh, I’m sorry, wait a minute. You cast a spell. That’s one fatigue point.
Roland: Way to go, dufus.
Ulfgard: Ok, that’s fine.
DM: Ok, now what are you doing?
Ulfgard: I’m stepping out of the way so Nepzillian can get in front of me.
DM: Ok, just switch figures then.
Longbeard: Which one’s Nep, this one? [points to a miniature]
Nepzillian: The one with the shield. [pushes two miniatures together] Oops, sorry, didn’t mean to…
Roland: That’s alright. That mace was in my butt. I liked it.
DM: Ok, you see this elderly woman with a knife.
Nepzillian: I’m going to take it I can turn undead. I’m going to find out.
DM: You had to switch places, though. She’s going to attack. [rolls die] She gets a partial on you.
Longbeard: Ah!
DM: If you parry-- you can lose an action next turn to parry, if you want.
Longbeard: [shakes his head no]
DM: Four points. Wound damage. Blood drips from her knife now, and there’s a line of blood on the wall where--
Longbeard: Ow.
DM: Nepzillian, what are you doing?
Nepzillian: I’m going to try to turn undead.
DM: That’s Spirit Lore. Do you have any Spirit Lore?
Roland: Yes, he does.
Ulfgard: Does he?
Nepzillian: +1.
Ulfgard: Yes!
Roland: Hoo-hah.
Ulfgard: …pulled out my spellbook.
Nepzillian: I’m going to go, “witchcraft witchcraft hex hex, gitchee gitchee cats-ass.”
Longbeard: Gitchee gitchee gas-ass?
Roland: He said, “witchcraft witchcraft hex hex hex, gitchee gitchee ass-ass.
Nepzillian: Cats-ass.
Roland: Cats-ass. Gitchee gitchee cats-ass.
Longbeard: Witchcraft witchcraft hex hex hex.
Roland: Gitchee gitchee cats-ass.
Longbeard: Oh my.

This particular phrase eventually became a standard mantra used whenever the players’ felt they needed a supernatural bonus to the die roll.

DM: Ok, what are you doing, specifically. I mean, I want you to roleplay.
Nepzillian: Well, I don’t know really.
Ulfgard: “Back, foul demon!”

At this point, Melanie--Ulfgard’s player’s wife--entered the room. On a whim, I decided to instruct Nepzillian to roleplay the turning of undead as if Melanie were the unholy creature being turned. Hey, whatever works.

DM: [points to Melanie] Do it as if she was the person [in front of you]. I want to see it. Come on. Your success depends upon it.
Ulfgard: Do it. Do it.
Melanie: Am I missing something? I’m missing something, aren’t I?
Ulfgard: Stand right there. You are portraying the undead old lady that we’re-- that’s attacking us with a butcher knife.
Longbeard: You’re the old hag with the butcher knife that just stabbed me.
Ulfgard: Yeah. So, and [Nepzillian]’s getting ready to [indistinct] your undead form.
Nepzillian: Which we enjoyed, but you have to go.
Melanie: So I’m a dead, old woman?
Ulfgard: Yes.
Melanie: Oh.
Roland: Go get a knife.
DM: …and stab him. [points to Longbeard]
Roland: Make sure there’s blood on it.
Longbeard: That’s already happened, thank you.
Nepzillian: I’ve still got my shield, but… “By Pelor, God of Light, depart! Go where you came from!”
Ulfgard: Ooh!
Melanie: I’m going.
DM: Ok, she’s leaving, so…
Longbeard: …it works!
Nepzillian: I scared the hell out of her.
Ulfgard: You rock! She’s in there going, “What a bunch of morons.”
Roland: Right now she’s thinking, “Any of you guys get laid in high school?” No!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

Session 5 : Part 4

THE STORY SO FAR: In the rented rooms of the healer Kelakor, the heroes are confronted by their undead grandmother, who slashes Longbeard with a butcher knife.

SESSION 5 : PART 4
Summary: The obligatory combat scene draws to a gruesome end. Meanwhile, odd ingredients and a sketch of the town’s dilapidated windmill are found.

DM: Alright, make a Spirit Lore roll.
Nepzillian: [rolls die] No, I didn’t.
DM: Yeah, you pretty much suck. What was the modified total?
Nepzillian: Uh, 4.
DM: Ok.
Nepzillian: Not worth a damn.
DM: Ok, new round.
Nepzillian: If all else fails, I’ll throw a hammer.
DM: What are you doing?
Roland: Did I start a fire?
Longbeard: Can I hammer this…
DM: You’re allowed to make another [Fire Building] roll.
Longbeard: …prehistoric…
Roland: Ok.
DM: Fire Building.
Roland: [rolls die] Good God.
Nepzillian: Is that 1 hard to read?
Roland: 7.
Nepzillian: Kills me. Who created that thing?
DM: You’re making sparks.
Roland: I’ve got book-- I’ve got paper now.
DM: I know you do. You’re making sparks.
Roland: Fine, dumping oil on it.
DM: Alright, yeah yeah yeah. Next turn. That’s that other game. Where you get 13 actions a round. That’s that other game.
Roland: Why does everybody gotta be a b--? I see.
DM: Ok. Your turn.
Roland: I’d let you have two [turns].
Longbeard: Take another whack at her.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: Who’s whacking?
DM: What are you whacking with?
Longbeard: The mace that I have handy all the time. [rolls die]
DM: Only air.
Roland: Man, this old woman’s gonna whoop you, and I’m gonna give you hell for the rest of your life.
Longbeard: Well…
DM: The next person is Nepzillian. What are you doing now? She didn’t budge. I mean, she’s still raising that knife up again to strike.
Nepzillian: I’ll throw my hammer at her.
DM: Ok, over the dwarf’s head?
Nepzillian: Yeah.
DM: Alright. It’s close range so you get a +5.
Nepzillian: Man! Hammer (thrown), I get +2 here.
DM: If you botch, you hit the dwarf on the head.
Roland: Eh, it’s worth it.
Nepzillian: Hell, make it on top of the head, make it interesting.
DM: Ok, alright. Instant death?
Nepzillian: [rolls die] 10. 15. Do I get the +2 here?
Roland: Hell, yeah.
Nepzillian: 17.
DM: Ok, partial.
Ulfgard: The sad thing about it is, I just can’t believe that [Nepzillian] actually tried to turn my undead wife. I can’t believe that we’re sitting here and we actually did it. It’s just like, oh boy, we’re whacked.
DM: Yeah, you don’t play D&D for 10 years and not learn a little something about the spirit world.
Ulfgard: What was that in?
DM: X-Files.
Roland: X-Files. “I’m not scared-- I’ve played D&D since 1984; I’m not scared of anything.”
DM: So half whatever you roll is the damage.
Nepzillian: [rolls die] Big ol’ deuce.
DM: Add your Strength to the roll.
Ulfgard: I love it.
Nepzillian: 3… 4. Then 2, halved. And then I’m grabbing my flail. Or mace rather.
DM: Is that what you call it?
Nepzillian: Mace, excuse me.
DM: Alright, Ulfgard, are you doing anything important?
Roland: [indistinct] …ball and chain.
Ulfgard: Yeah, you know, I’m going to-- do I have room in here to jab with a spear? I’m going to hit her with my hand axe. Can I throw it?
DM: He’s in front of you. [points to Nepzillian]
Ulfgard: Ok, I can’t really do anything in here, can I?
DM: Not melee-wise.
Nepzillian: Just sit back, relax.
Ulfgard: I’m going back in the room then.
Roland: Hey!
Ulfgard: Back in the room, what are you doing?
Roland: Trying to get this candle to light.
Ulfgard: I’ll light it.
DM: Fire Building, under Survival.
Roland: Here. Here’s some oil-soaked paper.
Ulfgard: Where’s it at, where’s it at, Survival, Survival.
Roland: Go second from the left…
DM: Second column, near the bottom.
Roland: Under Strength.
Ulfgard: Yeah. [rolls die] 14.
DM: Partial. That’s enough. It’s-- you’re going to have to blow on it and work on it for a couple turns, but it’ll be fine.
Ulfgard: Fine.
Roland: Show off.
DM: Ok, she attacks. She swings at you, Longbeard, chink, and buries her knife in the wall.
Longbeard: Yeah!
Ulfgard: Just go, kidney punch, bam, bam, bam.
Longbeard: Maybe I can actually do something…
Roland: Now it’s going to be undead urine.
Nepzillian: Heh heh. Undead urine.
DM: New turn. People in the room, what are you doing?
Ulfgard: Getting the…
DM: Nursing the fire?
Ulfgard: Well, do you want to nurse the fire, and I’ll look around?
Roland: No, go ahead. I’ll look around.
Ulfgard: Well, I mean, I might recognise some stuff and you might not.
Roland: Ok, I’m going to start looking at the books that I found about dead things. I’m going to start gathering them up, and putting them all in--
DM: There’s quite a few of them.
Roland: Yeah.
DM: I mean, it’s a big bookshelf. I mean, there might be 50 books here.
Roland: Right, but just the ones about dead things.
DM: 20 of them.
Roland: Ok, I’m going to look under the mattress, under the bed.
DM: Alright, do a little bit of searching. Make a Searching roll.
Roland: I’m going to make a Searching roll.
DM: Under Perception, isn’t it?
Roland: Yeah. +3. [rolls die] 21!
Ulfgard: Hey, rockin’!
DM: Ok, excellent.
Roland: I’m on it tonight, guys.
Ulfgard: That’s good.
Roland: Until I get in combat.
Ulfgard: That’s why we’ll keep you non-combatal tonight.
Roland: I think that’s a good idea.
DM: Ok, in a drawer, in the drawers of this desk, he keeps medicinal type items.
Roland: Are they labelled?
DM: Some of them are. Some of them aren’t.
Roland: Are any of the labelled--
DM: A lot of them are just very small jars with various things in them and you have to guess what they are.
Roland: Are any of them labelled what he’s been giving to Nepzillian’s grandfather?
DM: If you know what that is, then I’ll tell you whether they are.
Roland: I don’t remember from, like, a month ago.
DM: Then your character doesn’t know off the top of your head, but you can make a Memory roll.
Roland: Where is it?
DM: Under Intelligence. +3.
Roland: Oh, I get a +3?
DM: +2 for Intelligence… 10.
Ulfgard: I’m writing them down here…
DM: No, you don’t know.
Roland: Fine, put everything on top of the desk.
DM: Ok, pulling them all out.
Roland: Pulling them all out.
DM: Now, uh, you. [points to Longbeard]
Ulfgard: Yeah, you!
DM: What are you doing?
Longbeard: She got her knife jammed in the wall?
DM: Yes, she did.
Longbeard: Let’s see.
Ulfgard: Can I write in this? [holds up his spellbook]
DM: I’d rather you didn’t.
Ulfgard: Ok.
Roland: Screwed up, didn’t you?
DM: However, I can give you some index cards, and you can just slip them in.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: Do you want to do that?
Ulfgard: Yeah.
Roland: You screwed up and started drawing in there, didn’t you?
Ulfgard: No, no, I wanted to add Fate’s Tendril.

Fate’s Tendril is what Kelakor had told Ulfgard that Nikkathyr (Nep’s grandfather) was receiving. Ulfgard assumes it is a drug, so he adds it to a list of other medicinal herbs listed in his mother’s journal/spellbook.

Roland: Evard’s Black Tentacles would be good.
DM: Ok, what are you doing?
Longbeard: It’s brawling time. I mean, how far away from--
DM: Oh, you’re right there at her.
Longbeard: Yeah, I’m going to absolutely just grab this thing and throw it around.
DM: Ok, that’s Wrestling.
Longbeard: Yeah, I know it is.
DM: Ok.
Longbeard: +2. I’m better at that than I am with the mace.
DM: Alright. Now specifically what are you doing, though? You’re grabbing her around the waist?
Nepzillian: Piledrive her!
Roland: Piledrive her!
Longbeard: I’m reaching whatever arm level is, which is probably around her waist.
Roland: Put her in a half-nelson! Put her in a half-nelson!
DM: And then throw her down?
Longbeard: …just throwing her across the [indistinct].
Roland: …back suplex. Dude, dude, dude, high half-nelson. Back suplex.
Longbeard: I can’t reach that high.
Ulfgard: He’s like this tall with +8 Strength.
Roland: She’s old…
Longbeard: [rolls die] Ok, that’s a 17, plus 2 would be 19.
DM: That’s full, and she’s not dodging it.
Ulfgard: Damn! [makes noises]
Roland: DDT her!
DM: So the damage is a d3 plus your Strength.
Ulfgard: Two-four leg lock.
Longbeard: Which is half a d6?
DM: Half of a d6 plus Strength.
Roland: You see this little dwarf… this skeleton tapping out.
Longbeard: [rolls die] Half of 3?
DM: 2.
Longbeard: Plus 6.
DM: 8.
Ulfgard: Bad!
Roland: Don’t ever, ever touch another weapon.
Nepzillian: Yeah, I know.
Ulfgard: It’s like, “I’m a pugilist!”
Roland: I don’t expect you to know the explanation of that word.
DM: Ok, here’s what happens. He grabs the woman, flings her against the wall. She splats like this. Bits of blood and teeth go against the wall, and parts of her flesh are dangling now.
Roland: I’m going to stop what I’m doing. That didn’t sound good.
Ulfgard: Bad! It’s like, geesh.
Longbeard: The knife is still buried in the other wall?
Ulfgard: It looks like somebody ran over a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
DM: What are you doing?
Nepzillian: I’ll hit her with my mace.
DM: Ok, alright, that’s fine. You can do that. I’m going to give you a -2 because you’re reaching over the dwarf. And again with the botching of the roll.
Nepzillian: Ok, I’ll wait for the-- Well, I mean, he threw her against the wall, I mean.
DM: She’s right there. You can still reach over him, but…
Nepzillian: Is she going to fall down to the ground when she…
DM: She might.
Roland: So right now she’s stood up?
Nepzillian: I mean, I’m not going to-- I’m going to wait a second, like, to see--
DM: You can wait until next turn, and see what happens.
Nepzillian: Alright, I’ll do it.
DM: She goes, Grrrr! [makes angry face and attacking motion, rolls die]
Ulfgard: Bad!
DM: And she gets a partial.
Ulfgard: …at least the dwarf can kick some butt.
DM: Are you going to try to dodge or anything?
Longbeard: What is she doing?
DM: She’s just grabbing you. She’s just grabbing you.
Ulfgard: Uppercut!
Longbeard: I’ll wrestle with her.
DM: She’s wrestling with you.
Longbeard: I’m rolling her!
DM: She gives you a partial for four points.
Ulfgard: Put her legs out!
Roland: Bite her!
DM: You are now at-- you’ve lost two-thirds of your hit points.
Longbeard: Yes, I have.
DM: You’re at -2 on all future physical rolls.
Ulfgard: You see this dwarf with this big, long, braided beard standing there going, smack! [makes boxing motions] I love it.
Roland: Is the fire going?
Ulfgard: Yeah.
DM: Alright, next turn. People in the room. The fire’s going.
Roland: Alright, I’m going to go out and get that sack that we found in the bathroom.
Ulfgard: Uh, we can’t get through there.
Nepzillian: We’re kind of busy right now.
Roland: Yeah, I can. I haven’t seen anything go on out here.
Ulfgard: Oh, ok.
DM: Ok, you can go out to the hall and stand in line.
Nepzillian: Move a little closer there, alright? Now is there any chance that he went this way to her, or they’re wrapped around…
DM: No, they’re still in that same orientation.
Nepzillian: Ok.
DM: [to Longbeard] Alright, what are you going to do now?
Ulfgard: Me?
DM: No, the dwarf.
Roland: Wait!
DM: What?
Roland: I’m going to try to make my way through there.
DM: They’re fighting, man, and it’s not a big hallway.
Roland: I’m not a big guy.
DM: Well, seriously, I don’t think you can do it.
Roland: I’m only 5’5”.
DM: Ok, what-- Basically what it’s going to be is a Brawling attack on everybody in front of you.
Roland: I’ll wait.
DM: Ok.
Roland: Actually, I get my bow ready.
DM: That’s fine. Well, not your bow. You get someone else’s bow ready, don’t you?
Roland: Not until I get Ulfgard to kill him.

The head of the Rangers of Veemme loaned Roland a long bow a few days earlier, and the minstrel hasn’t seen fit to return it yet.

DM: Ok, dwarf?
Longbeard: Wrestling her again.
Ulfgard: Bad.
DM: Specifically--
Roland: Piledrive her!
Longbeard: I don’t know what a piledriver is, alright?
Roland: DDT her!
Ulfgard: Alright, just grab her and just snap her head into the wall. Grrr!
Roland: No, no. Grab her around like this so her head’s pointed that way and just drop straight back. It would work for Jake ‘the Snake’ Roberts.
Longbeard: What I really want to do is grab her and, like, charge her into the wall.
Roland: Dude, that never works.
DM: Alright, which wall?
Longbeard: This one.
DM: Ok, good. Do it.
Longbeard: [rolls die] Nope.
DM: Ok. She slips aside, and you’re now facing each other sideways in the hall like this.
Nepzillian: Well, I’m sure I’ll get a better swing at her then.
DM: And it’s your turn.
Longbeard: Did I hit the wall or anything?
Ulfgard: This is cool.
DM: No.
Longbeard: Ok.
DM: No, if you’d gotten a 1, you would’ve.
Longbeard: Ok.
Nepzillian: It’s a footman’s mace. [rolls die]
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: It’s like, she turns around and it’s like she goes, whoom!
DM: Now your bonuses. What do you get?
Nepzillian: Uh, let’s see…
DM: Weapons skill. Look at Weapons skill.
Nepzillian: +2.
Roland: What I said was, for you in the cheap seats, deep high! Crack!
Nepzillian: +2 for the mace.
DM: Ok, so you’re definitely in full [success], and just roll your damage. She’s not going to dodge.
Roland: d8.
Ulfgard: If you could get-- like, here’s her head and here’s the wall. Hit this side, so when like, everything just sort of--
Nepzillian: No, that’s a 6 + 1, + 2 with Strength. [rolls die] 6.
Roland: Crack!
Ulfgard: Plus Strength?
Nepzillian: That’s everything.
Roland: What I said was, get out!
Ulfgard: Get the hell out of my way.
Nepzillian: I hit her with the hammer earlier for a couple, so…
DM: Alright, you slap--
Longbeard: …taste right out of her mouth.
DM: You slap the end of your weapon across her head, and an eyeball goes flying, and you know, other parts of her go flying, flesh, blood, all this stuff. And of course, she’s shaken, but she’s still standing. And she has the presence of mind, or whatever, to reach one claw at you.
Ulfgard: Well, now it’s a claw. Earlier it was a hand that…
Longbeard: Long, uncut fingernails.
Roland: Hey, I don’t think it’s the same woman.
Ulfgard: I dunno.
DM: New turn.
Roland: I’m in the room. I ain’t watching.
Nepzillian: If you can, just kind of hold her still, I’ll hit again.
Roland: I’m going to start picking up the medicine and putting it in my bag.
Ulfgard: Yeah, I’m going to search the room, too.
DM: Make a Searching roll.
Ulfgard: Ok.
Longbeard: I found me something.
Roland: Screw this. I don’t want to see people’s body parts go flying all over the place.
Nepzillian: Dwarf, grab her and hold her. I’ll hit her again. Tear her arm off.
DM: Ok, on the windowsill, you find a small piece of paper. And it looks like a sketch of the windmill.
Ulfgard: Oo.
DM: From this angle. If you look out the window you can see the windmill.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: And here’s a sketch of it.
Ulfgard: Anything in particular on the sketch that is different than the windmill?
DM: It looks very similar.
Ulfgard: Fine.
DM: All of the details aren’t correct, but…
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: I mean, you know, maybe the tines are in a different position and you know.
Ulfgard: Ok. Just the windmill on it? Look on the back of the sketch.
DM: No, just the picture of the windmill.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: Dwarf?
Longbeard: The old Irish whip across to the opposite wall.
DM: Ok. Roll.
Ulfgard: Gitter done.
Longbeard: [rolls die] I’ll be damned.
Ulfgard: What’d you get? What’d you get?
Longbeard: Deuce.
Ulfgard: Aww! Oh well.
Roland: Dude, she reversed it. She’s about to put you in a figure four herself.
Longbeard: I’m about to go down.
Roland: What’d you find, Ulfgard?
Ulfgard: A sketch of the windmill…

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[the Jester]

So far this is very cool!

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

THE STORY SO FAR: In the rented rooms of the healer Kelakor, the heroes are attacked by an undead woman.

SESSION 5 : PART 5
Summary: The heroes finish the obligatory combat scene, realise whom they’ve slain, and search her house.

But first we have a brief discussion of various game systems.

Longbeard: Wow.
Ulfgard: A picture of--
Roland: Well, guess where our next, uh, place to go is.
DM: I’ve got to go to the restroom. Wait a second.
Longbeard: He’s got to go think of what happens [next].
Ulfgard: No, that’s [Roland]. [The DM] has everything planned out for the next two months.
Roland: Hell, he’s had everything planned out eight years ago.
Ulfgard: Yeah, probably. He even had his clothes laid out for tonight.
Nepzillian: Oh my God.
Ulfgard: [indistinct] …which colours look more ominous on a Dungeon Master. Yeah. I’ll tell you what, I have to give him this. He does go to the Nth degree.
Longbeard: Yes.
Longbeard: Well, I’m gonna be-- I’m gonna be scouring eBay for the next couple of weeks to get a Marvel Superheroes set.
Ulfgard: Is there any other games you’ve ran?
Roland: Try Champ-- hey, if you like, if you really like superhero games…
Ulfgard: Well, the good thing about Marvel Superheroes was, it’s simple.
Roland: So’s Champions.
Longbeard: It’s very simple, very quick.
Ulfgard: Yeah.
Roland: Yeah, that’s true.
Longbeard: I’ve run, let’s see, I’ve run Marvel, I’ve run…
Roland: DC?
Ulfgard: DC’s harder.
Roland: Yeah, DC’s harder. DC’s harder.
Longbeard: Yeah, I ran DC once, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it.
Roland: DC’s about as bad as the comics. Champions is a good one.
Ulfgard: Well, I’m looking forward to 7th Sea.
Roland: I am, too.
Longbeard: I ran a Ghostbusters… [indistinct]
Nepzillian: Why don’t sometime I just come over to your place and before we play, I just roll up a character, have it ready, you know how I am with that crap.
Roland: Hey, Nep. Thing about 7th Sea is, it is-- you know how Talislanta is very, very roleplay-oriented. 7th Sea is twice as much. You can actually do seven things in one turn.
Nepzillian: I can bring my foils and stuff there.
Ulfgard: I’ve got a couple myself.
Roland: Um, do you want to do that before I do Vampire?
Ulfgard: No, ‘cause I have to read the rules.
Roland: The rules are kind of funky, but--
Ulfgard: Still. Yeah.
Nepzillian: Yeah, I was kind of reading that stuff. That was kind of confusing to me.
Longbeard: Nep!
Roland: Finish this broad.
Nepzillian: I’m sorry.
Ulfgard: You’re up.
Nepzillian: I’m hammering her. I’m just gonna try to just--
DM: From what you can make out of what features are left, it’s your great grandmother.
Nepzillian: I’m gonna try to-- Oh really? Oh. Really?
DM: She’s lost an eye and a lot of teeth and flesh and she’s bleeding profusely and she’s wicked as hell, but it’s your great grandmother.
Nepzillian: Great grandmother? Wait a minute now. I’m whipping out the paperwork.
DM: Ok, you lose a turn while you check your facts.
Longbeard: The dwarf falls.
Nepzillian: Wait a minute, hold this here, please.
Ulfgard: [indistinct] … “Hold this for me.”
Nepzillian: Ok, we got the grandfather. Well, she supposedly died of old age, it says here.
Roland: Looks like it.
Nepzillian: Ok, I’m aiming the mace for right about here.
DM: Ok.
Longbeard: Make sure nobody can recognise her after you finish her off.
Nepzillian: Yeah. I don’t want to be known for being a grandma-killer. [rolls die]
Ulfgard: Oh yeah.
Nepzillian: 16, 17, 18.
Longbeard: Crunch!
DM: Alright, the mace hits her here--
Longbeard: And stops about here.
DM: …hits her in the forehead region, her head goes flying, over the dwarf, down the hall. The rest of her, headless body and all, sort of slumps down.
Ulfgard: Fellas, I’ll tell you what, if you don’t mind, too, if we could stop tonight around 12:30 ‘cause you know, with the kids and all that, it’s just, the next day I’m just pretty worthless I think, so…
Roland: I’ve got to work tomorrow anyway, so that works.
Ulfgard: Oh, ok.
Nepzillian: That’s still two and a half hours, though.
Ulfgard: Ok, let’s go.
DM: So lay that figure down. She’s down.
Ulfgard: [sings] Lay me down, soft music…
Roland: We’re not leaving until everybody uses their cards tonight. ‘Cause these are like the coolest cards ever.
Ulfgard: So she’s down?
Nepzillian: You know what? I just forgot all about that.
Longbeard: She is headless now, also.
Ulfgard: Cool.
Nepzillian: But I don’t think mine really…
Ulfgard: What’s the head doing? Who cut it off?
Longbeard: Nep knocked it off with his mace.
Ulfgard: Bad!
Roland: Again, I’m going to say, is it over?
DM: The goat’s munching on it.
Roland: I’m going to say, I’m going to say, is it over?
Longbeard: He probably is!
Ulfgard: Then all of a sudden, the goat gets up and goes, arrgh!
Roland: Is it over?
Ulfgard: I think it’s over.
Nepzillian: Roland, feed your goat.
Roland: I’ll go out in the hallway now. Ok, is this the old woman from downstairs?
Longbeard: Yeah, I killed her.
Ulfgard: Yep, I think that’s her.
Roland: Is that the old--
Nepzillian: I’ll look at him… [indistinct]
DM: I don’t know. Go check the head.
Roland: Is that the old woman from downstairs?
Nepzillian: Was that the old woman from downstairs?
Ulfgard: Yeah, I guess so. Who knows? Probably.
Roland: You guys live here! Is this the woman from downstairs?
Ulfgard: I think it is, isn’t it? Who knows? We haven’t seen her forever. Who knows? It could be.
Nepzillian: Apparently we don’t know. We don’t know.
Ulfgard: We’re going to have to see. I mean, it’s a--
Roland: Turn her face over. Is this the woman you saw?
Longbeard: You’d have to go get her head.
DM: You’d have to go get her head.
Roland: Ok, I’ll go down and get her head.
Longbeard: And its missing an eye and all the teeth…
DM: Yeah, they really battered that head.
Roland: I’m going to kick it down the hallway. Is this the woman you saw downstairs?
Ulfgard: I think so, yes.
DM: It vaguely resembles a human head now.
Longbeard: He’s going to take the head out into the streets. “Is this the woman who lives in that house?!?”
Roland: Ok, I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’m going to take that sack. I’m going to put all of the medicine in it.
DM: Ok.
Roland: And I want to put that tripod in…
Ulfgard: Search the room again.
Roland: And then I’m going to get my goat.
DM: What room?
Ulfgard: Search this room again. [points to the map]
Nepzillian: What’s over here? [points to the map]
DM: Ok.
Nepzillian: We know something’s over here because there’s lines.
DM: There’s just a wall.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] 22.
DM: You’re pretty sure there’s nothing else.
Ulfgard: Ok, let’s go to the next room.
Roland: Is the goat-- there is no next room until we get down here, dude.
DM: There’s no doors.
Ulfgard: There’s no doors?
Roland: There’s a door here. [points to the map]
Nepzillian: Aw, there’s a door-- I didn’t know there’s a door. Cool.
DM: No, there’s not a door there.
Roland: Oh, there’s not a door there? Hey…
Nepzillian: Can we put one there?
Longbeard: There’s no doors on that wall at all.
DM: Your goat’s still there.
Roland: Ok.
Ulfgard: So what else is down this hallway? Are there any doors on the other side of the room?
DM: No.
Ulfgard: Nothing?
Roland: Let’s go downstairs and see if it was the old woman. If it was, then we’re safe to check the rest of the house.
Ulfgard: Fine. Yep.
Roland: If it wasn’t, then we say we’re here to see the doctor. [indistinct]
Ulfgard: Right. That’s a June bug.
Roland: [sings] June bug sitting on a lily pad looking through-- in the sky. Lily slipped, June bug fell. He got water in his eye. Ain’t gonna--
DM: Ok, so what are you doing now? Tell me again.
Ulfgard: Ok. We go downstairs. Go to the rest of the house.
Roland: Should we take the body?
Ulfgard: No.
Roland: ‘Cause I ain’t carrying it. It’s nasty.
Longbeard: Let’s put it in the bathtub.
Nepzillian: I grab my hammer.
DM: Ok.
Nepzillian: By Pelor, I’m gonna kill this guy when I find him.
Roland: Why?
Nepzillian: Well, ‘cause I’m going to.
Ulfgard: Anything else equipment-wise in the room that would be, like, any kind of, like, um--
Roland: Hey, what’d you find? Let me see.
Ulfgard: …you know, alchemical equipment, anything like that?
DM: Pen, ink.
Ulfgard: Magical seeing glass, anything like that?
DM: No.
Nepzillian: I don’t know. Oh wow, I’ve got the Eye of Ar-tec, too. Cool. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.
Ulfgard: Right. Let’s go downstairs.
DM: Ok. Line up in marching order.
Ulfgard: Let’s go. Put Roland in front.
Roland: Right now I’ve got to go get my goat.
Nepzillian: Keep him safe.
Longbeard: When we get to the bottom…
DM: Ok, what are you doing?
Longbeard: Is this door closed or open? [points to the map]
DM: Open.
Roland: We closed all doors.
Ulfgard: Open.
DM: It’s open.
Longbeard: Well, it’s open.
Ulfgard: She came through.
Longbeard: We closed it.
Ulfgard: She opened it.
Longbeard: Somebody came through that door.
Ulfgard: Let’s go into the sitting room.
Roland: She let the goat pass. She had a purpose. From what I know of undead, which is very little--
Ulfgard: There’s somebody out there.
Roland: They would eat anything alive. Either the goat’s undead also…
Ulfgard: Shut up.
Roland: …or she had a purpose. So he’s renting, he’s renting--
Longbeard: It’s not a porpoise, it’s a goat.
Roland: So he’s renting off a dead woman.
Ulfgard: Pretty much. He’s more or less created her to guard the place. Go in. Keep going.
Roland: There is no--
Longbeard: There is a door over here. [points to the map]
Roland: There was? Oh yeah, yeah.
Nepzillian: There is?
Ulfgard: Uh-huh.
Longbeard: On the lower level.
Nepzillian: Is this the first floor?
DM: First floor.
Nepzillian: First floor.
Roland: [indistinct] I’ll open it.
DM: Ok.
Roland: Is there-- wait, wait, stop.
DM: It’s actually open.
Roland: Whoa.
Nepzillian: It probably was her that came upstairs.
Roland: Oh yeah, ok.
Ulfgard: What’s in this room? [points to the map]
DM: This is sort of a foyer and a living room combined.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: There’s another fireplace down here in this corner [points to the map], and there’s just various things. Overstuffed chairs and things like that.
Ulfgard: Search the room.
DM: Roll.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] 20. 23.
DM: You’re pretty sure that this is a normal room.
Nepzillian: For dead people.
DM: However, the stench of death pervades everything. There’s a lot of dust over everything. Eating utensils have not been used. Plates have not been used.
Ulfgard: Ok. Go to the next room.
DM: Ok.
Roland: Hold on.
Longbeard: 20’s not good enough. He’s got to search too.
Roland: No. We have concluded beyond a shadow of a doubt this is an evil man, correct?
Ulfgard: Pretty much.
Roland: So can I have that painting?
Ulfgard: Take the painting!
Roland: I’m going to go upstairs and get the painting.
DM: Ok.
Nepzillian: Do you remember who that was?
Roland: That one chick.
Nepzillian: That’s about all you can remember, huh?
Roland: Yep. We never did find out her name.
DM: The next room is some sort of kitchen or dining room. There’s a table, some chairs, mostly overturned. A lot of rotting food, a few bottles of water that’s stale.
Roland: Is any of the food not rotting?
DM: No.
Roland: Ok.
DM: Make sure you write down the portrait.
Roland: I did.
Ulfgard: Ok. Go through the next door.
DM: Ok. The next one is a hallway, and there’s a door to the remaining two rooms on this level.
Ulfgard: Go in the first one.
DM: Ok, the first one’s a bedroom. Looks pretty much like a normal bedroom. Everything in here is unused, pristine.
Roland: Dusty?
DM: Dusty. The bed’s made. There’s a window that looks out.
Roland: Look in the drawers and stuff.
DM: There’s clothing.
Roland: Clothing as in female’s, I assume?
DM: Yep.
Roland: Older, I mean, older style.
DM: Yep.
Ulfgard: Petticoats.
Nepzillian: Anything going upstairs yet from here?
DM: No.
Ulfgard: Those are the only stairs in the place.
Roland: Go to the next-- I’ll check the--
Longbeard: Is he back with the painting?
DM: Indoor lavatory.
Roland: Ooh, indoor outhouse.
Longbeard: Indoor plumbing.
DM: It’s very crude by modern standards, but pretty posh for this town.
Roland: Used?
DM: Again, hasn’t been used in a long time.
Roland: Look for some candles.
DM: There’s some magic candles.
Roland: Heck with all that. Alright. Ok, let’s get out of here. Let’s go somewhere safe.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

THE STORY SO FAR: While searching the rented rooms of the healer Kelakor, the heroes slew their undead grandmother.

SESSION 5 : PART 6
Summary of this part: The heroes get sidetracked by the fact that the map of the building’s upstairs is smaller than that shown for the downstairs. Meanwhile, the realization that they’ve killed their grandmother slowly sinks in.

Nepzillian: Can we go-- there’s something over here, I think, is there not?
Roland: Yeah, the outside.
Ulfgard: Outside.
Roland: That’s the front door.
Nepzillian: Upstairs?
Ulfgard: We’ve already been upstairs.
Longbeard: No, up--
Roland: Not necessarily.
Nepzillian: We know the dimensions of the house. Is there something upstairs we’re not seeing?
Roland: Yeah.
Nepzillian: Let’s go upstairs.
Ulfgard: Gotcha.
Roland: Ok, good man. Good man.
Ulfgard: Yeah, good man.
Roland: Let’s check the--
Ulfgard: I see what you’re saying.
Roland: Yeah.
Nepzillian: I’m going to tap on the wall here.
Ulfgard: Wait. Tell you what.
Nepzillian: I was just going to drill a hole through the wall.
Ulfgard: Do you want me to, uh…
Nepzillian: Or you want somebody to look for something, correct?
Roland: Why don’t you let me look?
Ulfgard: Or why don’t I cast, like, Detect Magic Aura or something like that, to see if there’s like an illusion that’s covering up…
Roland: Well, why don’t we just assume it’s a regular secret door first before you go spending fatigue points… [indistinct]
Ulfgard: Ok. Alright. Alright.
Roland: What do I need to roll, Search?
DM: Searching, yeah.
Roland: +3. [rolls die] Ok, now you can use your stuff.
Ulfgard: Let me try. [rolls die]
DM: What room are you searching, the hallway?
Roland: No, the drawway, er… the drawing room.
Ulfgard: The drawing room, upstairs.
DM: Ok.
Nepzillian: Of course it could be the hallway, too, though.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] 7.
Nepzillian: Try the hallway real quick.
Roland: I’ll try the hallway.
DM: It seems like a pretty sound wall.
Roland: I’ll try the hallway.
Ulfgard: Yeah.
Roland: [rolls die] 6.
Ulfgard: I’ll try the hallway, or like this section of the hallway. [rolls die]
Nepzillian: You got any extras on that or…?
Ulfgard: 12.
DM: Seems like a pretty sound wall.
Ulfgard: This one.
DM: They all seem like pretty sound walls.
Roland: Now’s a good time to use your…
Ulfgard: Alright.
Nepzillian: The dwarf’s a strong… [indistinct]. He’d probably drill a hole quicker than I could.
Ulfgard: And these are brick walls, right?
Longbeard: The dwarf’s hurting right now though.
Nepzillian: Well, it wouldn’t hurt me none. Go ahead.
Ulfgard: Let me see what kind of radius I get with this.
Nepzillian: What if I just drill a hole in the--
Longbeard: Is the wall wood?
DM: Brick.
Longbeard: Brick.
Nepzillian: Ok. That figures.
Ulfgard: Ok. Up to 60 feet away, so pretty much anything within 60 feet of what I’m casting--
Roland: Right. Will glow.
Ulfgard: …will glow. So what I’m going to do is, I’m also going to look in the study room, too, see if there’s anything else in there, too.
Roland: This is magical?
Ulfgard: Yeah, Detect Magical… so I need to touch the first and third fingers, index, ring. This is plus…
Roland: Read it. That way…
Ulfgard: And I’ll also read it. [rolls die] Didn’t do it.
Roland: Can I check again?
DM: You get 1 fatigue for that.
Nepzillian: Do you have any cards, anybody, to help with something of this nature? I know I don’t have any.
Ulfgard: [rolls die]
Nepzillian: Alright, I guess there ain’t no reason why I can’t go ahead and-- can I roll a 20-sided to try to search?
DM: What’s your Searching skill?
Nepzillian: Probably don’t have nothing.
DM: It’s under Perception.
Nepzillian: Oh, I don’t have nothing, just Perception +1.
DM: Well, that’s a d20 + 1.
Nepzillian: Ok. [rolls die]
Roland/Nepzillian: 3.
DM: It seems like a pretty stout wall.
Ulfgard: Anybody give me any kind of… support or anything like that?
Longbeard: No, I can’t.
Ulfgard: I’m going to try one more time.
Roland: Tell you what.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] There we go! 19.
DM: What are you saying? What are you doing?
Ulfgard: Uh, it’s Detect Magical Aura.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: Kinma!
Roland: When he does this, I’m going to look in my bag.
DM: And you rolled a 19?
Ulfgard: Yes.
DM: Ok.
Roland: I will look in the bag.
DM: You gain 6 fatigue points.
Roland: Ok, it’s time to go away.
DM: And what are you looking at?
Ulfgard: I’m looking at the walls.
DM: They look normal.
Roland: Look in the bag. Look in the bag.
Ulfgard: I’ll look in the bag…
Roland: Look in the bag.
Ulfgard: Any of the books…
DM: Normal.
Ulfgard: I’ll go in the study. Anything in there?
DM: Pretty much everything you see looks normal.
Ulfgard: Um… just look around-- I’m just going to do a whole scan--
Roland: Let’s go downstairs.
Ulfgard: …scan of the whole, of all the stuff in here.
Roland: Run downstairs.
DM: Ok.
Ulfgard: Anything? And I’m even going to go downstairs. I would have time to do that.
Nepzillian: There’s no cellar, I take it, downstairs?
Roland: I doubt it.
DM: Make a, make a Searching roll.
Ulfgard: Searching roll?
DM: Yeah.
Ulfgard: This is +3. [rolls die] 16.
DM: Ok. You’re pretty sure that there’s nothing of a magical nature that you can see within range.
Roland: Here’s what we do. Let’s get out of here. Let’s come back later-- tomorrow or something. We’ve got plenty of leads. Let’s just get our goat out of here.
Nepzillian: I want to know what’s over here.
Ulfgard: I do, too.
Roland: Well, short of busting down the wall…
Nepzillian: Well, bust down the wall.
Roland: Or! Or we can go downstairs and look in the ceiling.
Ulfgard: But there wouldn’t be anything…
Roland: If we look in the ceiling, like a trap door or something.
Ulfgard: Try it.
Roland: Go downstairs to the foyer. I’ll look at the ceiling.
DM: Searching.
Roland: 15.
DM: Nothing.
Roland: Nothing here. Check in the front room.
DM: That was the front room?
Roland: Er, this room.
DM: Kitchen?
Roland: Kitchen. 5.
DM: Seemless. Nothing.
Ulfgard: Alright, let’s go.
Roland: Out the back door.
Ulfgard: I know.
Roland: We’ll come back later. We’ll come back later.
Nepzillian: I want to--
Ulfgard: How about this? We’ll walk around the front and look in the…
Nepzillian: Yeah, but, if there’s something over there. If this guy’s actually not here, he comes back, if there’s anything important, it’ll probably be gone.
Roland: Do we take the body?
Ulfgard: No. I don’t think so.
Roland: We’re just going to leave this--
Ulfgard: Tell you what. Let’s do this. Let’s climb out, let’s go out and go around the side and the front and just walk around and just see if there’s anything like windows. Are there windows?
Roland: No.
DM: Yeah, there’s windows.
Ulfgard: To this part, this slanted part…
DM: Upstairs in front, yeah.
Roland: Ok, we come back at night. Listen. Somebody’s body is up there, and I have a real problem with leaving it lay. So he can do it again. I have a real problem with that.
Ulfgard: Yeah, but what’s it gonna-- if we take the body, what’s that going to do?
Roland: We bury it! We give it a proper burial.
Ulfgard: Ok. Let’s do this. Let’s take the body. That way at least it will look like maybe she wandered off.
Roland: Not only that, it doesn’t matter. He’s going to know somebody was here.
DM: Notice the blood stain.
Longbeard: The blood, yeah.
Ulfgard: I don’t know.
DM: The knife imbedded in the wall.
Roland: He’s going to know somebody was in here anyway.
Ulfgard: Right.
Roland: We take the body and we bury it. That way at least this person gets a decent, a little bit of rest.
Ulfgard: Alright. Wrap it up.
Nepzillian: We’re--
Roland: Somebody carry it out.
Longbeard: Get the body. Get the head.
Ulfgard: Yeah. Keep ‘em separate.
Roland: I’ll watch, ‘cause I ain’t touching no dead bodies.
Nepzillian: I think we should drill a hole through the wall. That’s what I think.
Roland: We need to get--
Nepzillian: I still think shouldn’t leave until… [indistinct]
Roland: We come back--
Ulfgard: Tell you what. You guys wrap up the body. Let Nep and I look at the walls and all that… Is there any part of the wall that looks like it’s been walled up? You know what I’m saying? Fresh mortar, fresh brick.
DM: You already did a search of the walls. And nothing looked suspicious.
Ulfgard: Ok. Right.
Roland: While they’re doing this, I’m going to search that fireplace.
DM: Ok.
Roland: [rolls die] 18.
DM: It’s been well combed through.
Roland: Damn.
Ulfgard: There’s nothing here to find.
Roland: We come back later. We find a way in.
Ulfgard: I know but we’re not finding-- whatever it is, we’re not finding the way in.
Roland: I promise you we’ll come back at night.
Nepzillian: Make a way in.
Ulfgard: Why don’t we do this? [points to Roland] He’s a thief who has certain skills--
Roland: I’m not a thief!
Ulfgard: You know what I’m saying. Why don’t we have him at night climb up, if anything, we’ll have him climb up the front of the building to the windows.
Roland: I can do that later, at night.
Ulfgard: Let’s do that later. Under the cover of night we’ll have him climb up and look in the windows, ‘cause there’s--
Nepzillian: How about--
Ulfgard: There’s windows that look into this.
Nepzillian: Well, how about if I go, I’ve been meaning to go over to the church for a while. I’ll just go over to the church and stay there.
Ulfgard: Ok.
Longbeard: Is there any sort of--
Nepzillian: …kind of help keep an eye on the place.
Roland: We’ll meet at his dad’s.
Ulfgard: Right, we’ll meet at the smithy.
Longbeard: Is the outside wall of this house…
Roland: Where’s your sister at?
Ulfgard: The smithy.
Longbeard: It’s pretty well smooth, isn’t it?
DM: Well, it’s a stone wall covered with plaster.
Roland: We’ve got to figure out something to do. If nothing else, we burn the body, throw it into the sea, or something.
Ulfgard: I say we burn the body. Burn the body. Let’s go. We’re going to go.
Roland: Does this woman have any family?
Ulfgard: Him. [points to Nepzillian]
Roland: What?!?
Nepzillian: Apparently he said it’s my grandmother.
Longbeard: Yeah.
Ulfgard: It’s his grandmother.
DM: It’s the second wife--
Roland: It’s his grandmother?
Nepzillian: I kicked her butt. I kicked my grandma’s butt.
Ulfgard: Knocked her head off.
Nepzillian: Yeah.
DM: Great grandmother.
Ulfgard: Great grandmother.
Roland: Great… This is your great grandmother and you were going to leave her upstairs?!?
Nepzillian: It’s not my grandma any more, technically.
Ulfgard: Ok, let’s go. Come on.
Roland: Awww, I hate this town.
Ulfgard: We’re out.
DM: Ok, you’re not taking the body?
Roland: Yeah, we are taking the body! I insist on taking the body.
Ulfgard: [indistinct] …wrap her up in sheets and take the body.
DM: Ok.
Nepzillian: I don’t know. I’m questioning whether I should just take it over to the temple and talk to them. What do you think about that?
DM: Hold on, let me…
Nepzillian: How do you feel about that? Say, here’s somebody who should’ve been dead eons ago…
Ulfgard: I don’t know. It’s to the point where it’s like, you know.
Roland: They may question the fact-- they may question your sanity.
Ulfgard: They also may question, you know, yeah. Plus I don’t think outwardly there’s anything showing that she was undead.
Roland: Where-- how did she die?
Ulfgard: Who knows?
Nepzillian: A mace.
Roland: First off, how did she die?
Ulfgard: We thought she was still alive.
Longbeard: The story was that she died of old age.
Ulfgard: Yeah.
Roland: [indistinct] It was one of-- Was she alive or did she die of old age?
Longbeard: The story was that she died of old age, right?
Nepzillian: As far as I remember, she died of old age.
DM: And her head just fell off.
Roland: When did she die?
Nepzillian: Did you hear what I said to him?
DM: What?
Nepzillian: He said, “how’d she die?” I said, “a mace.”
Roland: How long ago did this woman supposedly die?
Nepzillian: Well, here, hold on. Let me look at the …
Ulfgard: Was she buried?
DM: Her name was Marel.
Longbeard: Supposedly.
Nepzillian: …great grandmother, five-- wait. Oh, her name was Marel? It didn’t say nothing then.
Ulfgard: Well, let me ask you this.
Nepzillian: 503, she was born.
Ulfgard: Did I think that she was alive all this time, living here?
DM: Yeah. It’s the Old Man’s second wife.
Roland: Ok, we need to go to the Duck and discuss this.
Ulfgard: Ok.
Roland: Seriously--
Longbeard: But everything had that dead smell. Food hadn’t been eaten.
Roland: My question, I guess my question I was going to was, how long has he had her in his thrall?
Ulfgard: Who knows? You know as much as we do.
Roland: That’s not true. I didn’t know that she was you guy’s aunt or whatever.
Nepzillian: Here you go, Roland. [hands over an outline of his character’s lineage]
Ulfgard: Then he just--, I mean. He told us, he told us… and you were sitting right here.
Nepzillian: That’s Marel. [points to lineage]
Roland: I know, but I mean my character does not.
Ulfgard: Oh, well, but I mean--
Roland: No! All he said was, “you notice that’s your great grandmother.”
Ulfgard: Ok.
Roland: He didn’t say, “you guys--”
Nepzillian: Step great grandmother. [points to lineage] There’s me, down there, 558. 503.
Roland: See, that’s what I’m saying. I mean, my character doesn’t know anything about your people. Doesn’t really want to know, but he’s just there.
Nepzillian: As far as what we knew--
Roland: As far as I know, everybody here is…
Nepzillian: …we just thought she just disappeared then, or what the hell then?
Ulfgard: See, the thing is--
DM: Marel. She was born in 503 and she’s been living ever since.
Nepzillian: As far as I know, I never knew anything about her, though.
Roland: Everybody in this town--
Nepzillian: Did she supposedly disappear?
DM: She moved to town with the Old Man when he did. He opened the smithy. They lived in this place. [points to the town map]
Ulfgard: Well…
DM: When he died…
Roland: He opened the smithy?
DM: Rhohof took over. She moved up over to this house. [points to the town map]
Roland: [looks at Ulfgard] So what is she to you?
Ulfgard: Absolutely nothing. I mean she’s--
Roland: Everybody in this town is related somehow.
Ulfgard: Pretty much.
DM: She’s your grandmother.
Ulfgard: What?
Roland: She’s your grandmother?
Ulfgard: She was my grand-- yeah. She was my grandmother.
Nepzillian: I kicked your grandmother’s butt.
DM: And his step great grandmother.
Ulfgard: So let me ask you this. When was the last time that I-- that somebody from our family visited her?
DM: You visited her a while back.
Ulfgard: What’s that mean? A couple weeks?
DM: Uh, we roleplayed it. You barged in, and…
Roland: Oh, crap. That’s right.
DM: She was taken aback. And you left real quick.
Roland: That’s right.
Ulfgard: So she’s-- so this hasn’t been very long.
Nepzillian: The point is, was she actually--
DM: A week maybe? I don’t know.
Nepzillian: Was she acting normal? She didn’t stink then, I mean, I gather, or what?
Roland: That’s right.
Ulfgard: Yeah, was she-- did she--
DM: Make a Memory roll.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] 2.
DM: Who knows?
Ulfgard: I mean, she acted normal then, I guess. Maybe. Well, who knows?
Nepzillian: I’m sure we’d remember the same stench, if that was the case, I mean.
Roland: How many times have you ever seen an undead thing taken aback?
Ulfgard: Yeah, exactly, so…
Nepzillian: Yeah.
Roland: Frankenstein’s monster was when he got the torch in his face, but other than that…

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

THE STORY SO FAR: While searching the rented rooms of the healer Kelakor, the heroes slew their undead grandmother.

SESSION 5 : PART 7
Summary of this part: The heroes carry the body to the fields west of town and build a funeral pyre. Ulfgard confesses to his brother, Osevelar.

Ulfgard: Well, where do we go from here, fellas?
Roland: Well, right now I think we ought to go to the goo-- the Duck…
Ulfgard: Actually--
Nepzillian: I feel sick.
Roland: Yeah, well…
Nepzillian: This is disgusting.
Roland: We go to the Duck. Let’s relax a little.
Ulfgard: This is a bad-- we need to get rid of this body.
Roland: Well, that’s easy enough. We’ll just--
Ulfgard: And I tell you what. And I really don’t want to stow it someplace. We’ll just get rid of it for good.
Roland: I say we go--
Nepzillian: I’ve had some bad dreams, but I never dreamed we’d be kicking grandma’s butt.
Roland: Let’s go to the Bloody Hell and put it with the rest of them.
[laughter]

The Bloody Hell was a ship in our Talislanta game.

Ulfgard: Well, we’ll take it someplace and burn it. We need to burn it. Period.
Roland: Or put it in the sea.
Longbeard: It’s going to come back.
Ulfgard: Well, it’s… especially something undead, we need to burn it.
Nepzillian: Would that feel right for me to do? Would that feel, I mean…
DM: Yes.
Roland: You’ve got a torch.
Nepzillian: Yes, I agree with it.
Ulfgard: What’s that?
Nepzillian: Burn it.
Roland: Take it out in back of the Duck. Nobody will question.
DM: Out in back of the Duck?
Nepzillian: We’ll just prop her up in the bar. It won’t make any difference.
Roland: Sit her out back of the Drunken Duck. Nobody will…
Longbeard: …take it outside of the city proper, over here towards the shore.
Ulfgard: Oh gosh, that’s a long way.
Roland: Let’s just take it out into the street.
Ulfgard: Let’s take it here.
Longbeard: I don’t want to carry this thing through town.
Ulfgard: Well, that’s a good point.
Nepzillian: Why don’t you go this way? [points to the town map]
Ulfgard: How about behind the temple?
Nepzillian: Why don’t you go out this way? [points to the town map]
Longbeard: Why don’t we just unwrap it and drag it through town!
Nepzillian: Right here. Look. Lookee. [points to the town map]
Longbeard: …behind the friggin’ temple!
Ulfgard: Ok. Ok.
Nepzillian: Wouldn’t that make sense, instead of going all the way…?
Ulfgard: Yeah, yeah. Take it that way.
Nepzillian: When all else fails, move the cards.
Ulfgard: Is there anything combustible, you know, hay, straw, over there?
Nepzillian: Just don’t have him light it.
Longbeard: Go over there through that tunnel.
Roland: The sheets that we have it wrapped in are combustible.
Ulfgard: Yeah, but that’s not going to burn very well.
Longbeard: I’ve got, uh…
Ulfgard: Any oil?
Longbeard: I’ve got some lamp oil.
Roland/Ulfgard: I’ve got some oil.
Nepzillian: We’re going to wrap her up in something, right? I mean, it’s daylight, right? I mean…
Ulfgard/Longbeard: Yeah, we’ve got her wrapped up in sheets.
Roland: What time of day is it?
DM: You'd guess it’s about 1.
Longbeard: I’ve got lamp oil. I’ve got flint and steel.
Ulfgard: Let’s douse her in, like, oil and light it.
Longbeard: Pile some wood over it.
Ulfgard: Yeah, or bits of brush… you know, kindling. Search around.
Roland: If somebody asks, what are we going to say?
Ulfgard: You know, we found a dead goat and we’re going to just get rid of it. We didn’t want it to draw coyotes or the… you know.
Roland: Giant bees.
Ulfgard: Giant bees.
Longbeard: Out of town. Off the path.
DM: Ok, you’re out in the field somewhere?
Roland: Yeah. Somewhere’s a good place.
DM: And you’re looking around for dead things, dead plants, and your piling them up…
Ulfgard: Brush.
DM: Ok, and you’re putting the body on top of that? Kind of a sorry pile, but it’s a pile.
Ulfgard: Dousing it with oil.
DM: Who’s oil?
Ulfgard: I’ve got oil.
Longbeard: I’ve got lamp oil.
Ulfgard: We’ve all got oil.
DM: Ok. Somebody has to mark it off.
Nepzillian: We’ve got 2 gallons of it.
Ulfgard: I’ll mark mine off. It was my grandmother.
Nepzillian: I’ll say a prayer.
Ulfgard: [singing] Say a little prayer for me…
Longbeard: I’ll say a gypsy blessing.
Ulfgard: [singing] Forever, forever, I’ll kill you with maces, and…
Roland: I’ll sing a dirge.
Longbeard: Aw, geez.
Nepzillian: Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Let’s bury the broad and drink ‘til we bust.
Roland: Let me see that little thingy you’ve got…
Nepzillian: My thingy?
Roland: …and I’ll read it.
Longbeard: Heh heh, let me see your thingy. He needs a flute.
Nepzillian: That’s different roleplaying.
Longbeard: Oh my.
Roland: Alright, anybody interested in hearing this? [holds up a bundle of papers retreived from Kelakor's rooms]
Ulfgard: Sure.
Longbeard: While we watch this thing burn?
Roland: Yeah, while we’re watching it burn. [begins reading] Night of 28th of Flocktime. What’s Flocktime?
Ulfgard: I dunno.
Roland: What is Flocktime?
Ulfgard: Is that-- would we know if that’s part of the year here?
Roland: Second month. 28th fell on a Freeday.
Nepzillian: What month is it now?
DM: This is Reaping.
Ulfgard: It’s Reaping.
DM: It’s the 3rd of Reaping.
Roland: Ok, so… 2 months ago. All crew, and this is in parentheses, including Skipper, succumbed to mal de mar. Skipper recovered quickly. Rest of crew lay dormant all day. What is mal de mar?
Nepzillian: Do we know?
Ulfgard: I’m going to use my Herb Lore to see if that’s something I can…
DM: It would actually be Healing though.
Ulfgard: Ok, Herbal Healing then.
Nepzillian: Oh, I’ve got that.
Longbeard: Yep, me too.
Ulfgard: [rolls die] 15.
DM: 15. Partial.
Longbeard: [rolls die] Uh… 19+1 is 20.
DM: Full.
Longbeard: Full. Ok.
DM: It’s some sort of malady. The evil air. Usually it involves diarrhoea, vomiting…
Roland: Got the trots.
Nepzillian: That’s pretty normal for ship stuff…
Ulfgard: Dysentery?
DM: Yeah, dysentery.
Roland: Morning of 1st of Wealsun, which is the next month. Good start this morning. ‘S’ knot wind blowing 20, er, 2 ‘S’ degrees just before dawn.
Longbeard: ‘S’ knot, not…?
Roland: South knot wind…
Longbeard: Or 5 knot? Is it a funny looking 5?
Nepzillian: Yeah.
Roland: Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. 5 knot wind blowing 25 degrees just before dawn. I’m sorry. Loaded and checked bill of lading. Departed… is that Cyrax? …after sunrise. At 6 knots standing on a port track, it will be 2 days to Gradsun. Gradsun?
Longbeard: This is a ship’s log?
Roland: Uh, it is probably the, uh…
Ulfgard: Merrimaid.

The Merrimaid was a merchant ship that missed its normally scheduled arrival date. The heroes had discovered the wreck a few days earlier.

Roland: Merrimaid’s. Night of the 3rd of Wealsun. Arrived in Gradsun in the early evening under clear skies. Crew is recovering nicely--
Longbeard: Ok, what is the last entry?
Roland: [indistinct] …took on supplies. Pirates.
Ulfgard: Is there anything else there?
Longbeard: What’s right before that? I mean, what’s the last entry before where it says pirates, anyway?
Roland: Night of the 22nd of Wealsun. Beat to windward up to 7 knots today. Arrived Cryptonmill by nightfall. Wind continues northwest at 10 knots. Sky partly cloudy. Celene almost full. Morning of 23rd of Wealsun. Skipper said leave early this morn. Raised the main and mizzen for quick leave. Headed south for Waen Fawr, 2 days’ sail. Morning of 24th of Wealsun. Anchored 20 miles off shore in rough seas last night. Now making 4 knots.
Nepzillian: And then pirates?
Longbeard: So they stopped in rough seas. They were forced to stop in rough seas.
Nepzillian: Apparently.
Longbeard: And then after they stopped…
Roland: It didn’t rain at any time that--
Longbeard: The pirates nail ‘em.
Roland: It didn’t rain on our trip to Waen Fawr.
Ulfgard: No.
Nepzillian: [indistinct]
Longbeard: That sounds spooky. They were forced, somebody wanted them to stop there.
Roland: You guys continue on burning your grandmother.
Ulfgard: I’m going to burn the grandmother.
Nepzillian: I’m saying a prayer.
Ulfgard: What’s left of her.
Longbeard: We got any more grandmothers to burn?
DM: That’s a d6 experience.
Ulfgard: [indistinct] … it probably is.
Nepzillian: I’ll say a prayer too.
Longbeard: I’ll do another gypsy blessing.
Nepzillian: Seven Hail Marys.
Longbeard: Hail, Mary, full of grace. Blessed art thou…
Roland: [still reading] It says storm is building, storm is building on the 5th.
Longbeard: After they left.
Roland: We’ll anchor 20 miles off Seaton Cape when she hits. A perceptible swell is coming already from the southwest. Air is cool. We expect to ride out the sea and depart in the morning.
Ulfgard: …which storm--
Roland: That was on the 5th of Wealsun. Morning of 6th of Wealsun. 2 stowaways in the galley. Man and lady friend. They have an ill aspect. Probably from the Pomarj. Do I know what the Pomarj is, where that’s at? I assume it’s a land?
DM: Geography/Maps +3.
Roland: Partial.
DM: That is a wild land to the northeast of everything.
Nepzillian: Waen Fawr…
DM: It’s quite far left. It’s on the other side of Keoland.
Nepzillian: Where’s that? [holds up a regional map]
DM: Keoland is the giant kingdom to the north of this entire map.
Nepzillian: Ok.
Roland: Wow. Skipper says they’ll be dropped at… Nespercu? …sooner if they cause trouble. Rain with overcast skies. Turned the jib and sailed wing before the wind. Nespercu is a town, I assume?
DM: Nesprescu?
Roland: Or Nesprecu?
DM: Sounds like it’s a town.
Roland: Is Nesprecu a town around here?
Ulfgard: Do I know?
DM: Geography/Maps.
Roland: Oh crap.
Ulfgard: 12-sided.
Roland: Hold on. 14.
DM: Partial. It’s somewhere within the Hold of the Sea Princes.
Roland: Wow. Where the hell is the Hold of the Sea Princes? [searches on the regional map]
DM: The entire map is the Hold of the Sea Princes.
Roland: Ok.
Ulfgard: While he’s doing this, I’m going to run back to the smithy, and I going to--
DM: Ok, when you get to the tunnel…
Ulfgard: Yeah?
DM: Somebody’s standing there.
Ulfgard: Who is it?
Nepzillian: Kill ‘em. No.
Longbeard: [makes old man’s voice] Say, any of you boys smithies?
Nepzillian: Is that it?
Roland: Yep. Where the hell’d they come with that damn anvil?
Longbeard: …or otherwise trained in the metallurgical arts?
DM: The guy’s about as tall as you are.
Ulfgard: Oh yeah.
Longbeard: Me or him?
DM: He’s standing there, sort of, almost not really intending to but blocking the way.
Ulfgard: What’s his name?
DM: He’s watching you burn the body.
Roland: I forget but…
DM: Jead.
Ulfgard: Yeah, Jead.
DM: He just looks at you.
Ulfgard: Hello, Jead.
DM: [no response]
Ulfgard: I walk by.
DM: [indistinct] He keeps watching.
Ulfgard: Ok.
DM: Where are you going?
Ulfgard: Back to the smithy.
DM: Ok. Up the hill and back down.
Ulfgard: Yep.
DM: Which part do you go in, the house or the smithy part?
Ulfgard: Smithy.
DM: Ok. Osevelar’s there.
Osevelar: Ah, Ulfgard. You look worried.
Ulfgard: Can I talk to you?
Osevelar: Sure.
DM: He stops and sets his hammer down.
Ulfgard: This is going to sound crazy.
Osevelar: What doesn’t that comes from your lips?
Ulfgard: I had a meeting-- I was supposed to have a meeting today with Kelakor, the healer.
Osevelar: Oh, right.
Ulfgard: There’s something peculiar about him.
Osevelar: Tell me about it. [rolls eyes]
Ulfgard: I know. Really peculiar. So I went to the house…
Osevelar: Oh, you don’t mean gay?
Ulfgard: No. I went to Marel’s house were he’s renting rooms.
Osevelar: Ah-ha. How’s Marel doing?
Ulfgard: Well, that’s the problem. We went in…
Nepzillian: She’s got a splitting headache.
Ulfgard: We went in…
Longbeard: She’s just not herself.
Ulfgard: …and we went to the house and nobody answered. Well, so we went around back and the door was open, so we went in.
Osevelar: Hmm.
Ulfgard: The place was a wreck where Kelakor was renting the rooms.
Osevelar: Oh yeah?
Ulfgard: I mean a wreck.
Osevelar: Someone got in there.
Ulfgard: Wait, wait, no, no. Like it hadn’t been used. Stagnant water, uh, dust everywhere…
Osevelar: Oh…
Ulfgard: This is serious stuff here. And this may sound strange.
Osevelar: You said it was a wreck though?
Ulfgard: We went up-- so we went upstairs and as we-- in the part that he rents and we looked down the hallway and there was a figure walking toward us, a withered, old, bent-over figure with a butcher knife. And I thought, well, it’s Grandmother Marel, and she’d come to see who was up here, ok?
Osevelar: Mm-hmm.
Ulfgard: Well, you know I said, “Grandmother Marel.” She kept coming.
Osevelar: Mm-hmm.
Ulfgard: And she attacked us with a butcher knife.
Osevelar: WHAT?!?
Ulfgard: There’s more. Do you--
Osevelar: What did you do to provoke her?
Ulfgard: No, no, no, no. Something had been done to her. She… was dead.
Osevelar: Wait, wait, wait. You just said she attacked you.
Ulfgard: She had been brought back to life.
Osevelar: Now you know that’s not possible.
Ulfgard: We both know that magic exists.
Osevelar: Oh, sure. A little wisp here, a little smoke there.
Ulfgard: Come now.
Osevelar: Can you bring people back to life?
Ulfgard: Yes. And I do believe that Kelakor is the root of this. He is an evil, wicked man.
DM: A shudder runs down his spine.
Ulfgard: But we are handling this, but there is something awry going on in this town that is not--
Osevelar: What do you mean you’re handling this? Wait, I don’t want to know.
Ulfgard: Fine.
Osevelar: It’s none of my business.
Ulfgard: Perhaps, but we are handling this and we need your help to at least keep your eyes and ears open for anything that’s odd. I need a small piece of glass, clear glass.
Osevelar: You’ll need to go to the glasier.
Ulfgard: I’ll go.
DM: Ok.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[the Jester]

Still very much enjoying this.

I find the glimpse at your system and your table talk to both be very interesting.

 

[xnosipjpqmhd]

I find the glimpse at your system and your table talk to both be very interesting.

Glad to hear it.

We use a rules set I developed in the late 90's as a derivative from Talislanta and FUDGE systems, with a lot of my own stuff thrown in (like the fatigue rules, etc.), and it bears a surprising number of similarities to 3/3.5e. In fact, I can use most 3e material out there with only minor changes/conversions.

The campaign was developed with the goal of playing the quintessential D&D game. It had a very localised, realistic, and detailed setting; I included a lot of "iconic" experiences; I made heavy use of purpose-driven props; and I tied all of the subplots and background info together (which was a bit of a headache when Roland's player dropped out of the group)...

I think the table talk in our group is pretty clever, if a bit distracting.

ironregime