Where Are All the Car Monsters?

[Kilimanjaro]

D20 Modern had demon cars.

 

[Shades of Eternity]

Seeing if this works, before I try to start it out.

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Axeljackers

"Don't leave the generator running. You'll attract an axeljacker."

Few creatures embody the strange relationship between nature and technology found in the Hodgepocalypse as completely as the Axeljacker. These enormous amphibious scavengers resemble a cross between a giant salamander, a road-going whale, and a hermit crab. Their true bodies are soft, flexible, and surprisingly vulnerable, leading them to seek shelter within abandoned vehicles. Once a suitable shell is found, specialized muscular tendrils spread throughout the frame, connecting to wheel hubs, steering systems, axles, and suspension components. The creature effectively "wears" the vehicle, operating it as naturally as another animal might use legs.

To the untrained eye, an Axeljacker appears to be little more than an abandoned car, pickup truck, or bus sitting beside the road. Only careful observation reveals subtle signs of life: a tire turning slightly despite the lack of wind, a suspension shifting under unseen weight, or headlights that seem to watch passersby. When threatened, the creature can partially emerge from its shell, revealing a broad amphibian head, powerful jaws, and the tendrils that manipulate its adopted vehicle.

Axeljackers are cold-blooded creatures that seek warmth whenever possible. They are particularly attracted to recently operated engines, generators, and industrial machinery. Travellers have countless stories of parking a truck overnight only to discover it several hundred meters away the next morning, occupied by a contented Axeljacker enjoying the lingering heat of the engine block. This habit is responsible for the creature's common name. While the animal is not intentionally stealing vehicles, the distinction is often lost on frustrated owners.

Unlike most monstrous fauna, Axeljackers are highly social. They gather in herds known as motorpools, sometimes numbering in the dozens. A motor pool may contain a mixture of vehicle types, including cars, pickups, buses, farm equipment, and occasionally semi-trucks. Seen from a distance, such a herd resembles a traffic jam wandering slowly across the prairie. Motorpools migrate along ancient highways, rail corridors, pipelines, and power lines, following routes used for generations. Scholars believe the creatures navigate using a form of electromagnetic perception, allowing them to sense buried infrastructure and distant power sources.

Axeljackers are primarily herbivores, feeding on roadside vegetation, marsh plants, lichens, and other hardy growths. Despite their immense size, they are generally peaceful and spend much of their lives grazing. However, they are fiercely protective of their young and can become extremely dangerous if startled. Entire settlements have learned to delay travel rather than risk interrupting a motorpool crossing a roadway.

The species continues to grow throughout its life. Young specimens may inhabit bicycles, snowmobiles, or ATVs, while mature individuals prefer pickups, vans, and farm machinery. The oldest known Axeljackers occupy locomotive engines, mining equipment, and massive transport trucks. These ancient individuals often become regional landmarks. Travellers speak of them by name, using their movements to predict seasonal changes, migration patterns, or weather. Some communities regard them with the same mixture of respect and affection once reserved for great herds of bison.

Temperament and Behaviour

Domesticated Axeljackers are highly valued throughout the Hodgepocalypse. Unlike ordinary vehicles, they require no fuel, can navigate difficult terrain, and possess instincts that often keep them and their handlers out of danger. Training an Axeljacker relies upon Animal Handling rather than Vehicle proficiency, and experienced handlers speak of their companions much as horse riders once did. To many frontier settlements, a healthy Axeljacker is not transportation, but a working animal, a family asset, and occasionally a trusted friend.

Despite their fearsome size, Axeljackers are not predators. Most spend their lives grazing, migrating, resting, and seeking warm shelter. Experienced handlers often compare them to a strange mixture of bison, elephants, working dogs, and house cats. They form strong social bonds, recognize familiar individuals, enjoy routine, and can become surprisingly affectionate toward people they trust.

Unfortunately, an Axeljacker's idea of affection can be hazardous.

Axeljackers communicate much of their intent through physical contact. A gentle nudge, bump, or ram serves as greeting, reassurance, play, discipline, or affection depending on the situation. A hatchling might bump a boot. A juvenile might knock over a bicycle. A pickup-sized adult might enthusiastically send a friend tumbling into a ditch. Elder specimens have been known to accidentally demolish fences, sheds, and small buildings when excited.

This behaviour also serves as the basis of their primary defensive response. Rather than relying on claws or teeth, Axeljackers solve most problems through controlled collisions. A warning may begin with a radar pulse, followed by shifting suspension, spinning wheels, or a short bluff charge. If these signals are ignored, the creature will often attempt to physically remove the source of the problem by ramming it. While rarely motivated by malice, an Axeljacker possesses enough mass that even a defensive "love tap" can cause serious injury.

Motorpools display remarkably complex social behaviour. Calves are protected by the entire herd, while mature adults instinctively position themselves between danger and younger members. Elder specimens often act as herd leaders, determining migration routes and resting grounds. During mating season, rival bulls settle disputes through spectacular collisions as they slam their vehicle shells together in contests of strength and endurance. Entire communities sometimes gather to watch these events from a safe distance.

Domesticated Axeljackers form particularly strong attachments to their handlers. Unlike conventional vehicles, they are active partners rather than equipment. The creature is responsible for movement, navigation, and obstacle avoidance, while its handler provides direction, care, and protection. Many trained Axeljackers willingly place themselves between danger and their bonded companions, sometimes charging attackers without hesitation.

This loyalty has led to the widespread use of Axeljackers as working and military animals. Mounted weapons, cargo platforms, passenger compartments, and other modifications are common among trained specimens. The Axeljacker rarely understands the purpose of such equipment but readily accepts it if it benefits a trusted handler. As one Strathcan ranger famously remarked, "The machine gun isn't driving the truck. The truck isn't driving. The Axeljacker is driving the truck."

Ancient Axeljackers can form relationships that span generations. Families, settlements, and travelling companies may work alongside the same individual for decades or even centuries. These immense creatures often become local legends, known by name across entire regions. Although generally calm and patient, locals are quick to remind visitors of a simple rule: an Axeljacker is friendly right up until it forgets how much it weighs.

 

[Mustrum_Ridcully]

Eh, I think vehicle rules are completely unnecessary for making a monster with wheels than wants to run people over. They're as likely to be a hindrance as a help, given how bad are so many vehicle rules and how poorly they work often with a "human" scale.

But are they really? In a game like D&D, with a miniature focus, cars following standard movement rules would be really weird. I mean, they could still be just bag of hit points with a slam attack for everything else, but a car doesn't maneuver like a man, and I suspect it will distract people from the scenario if it does.

 

[Voadam]

But are they really? In a game like D&D, with a miniature focus, cars following standard movement rules would be really weird. I mean, they could still be just bag of hit points with a slam attack for everything else, but a car doesn't maneuver like a man, and I suspect it will distract people from the scenario if it does.

I ran a 5e version of the Pathfinder 1e Iron Gods adventure path and I turned a module climax boss fight insane AI in a spider robot chassis from the AP into it being in a Monster Truck. I was using an equivalent CR construct dragon from a Kobold Press monster book as the 5e stats with a monster truck narrative reskin. They expected it to make jumps and spin outs and such while revving its engine so that helped, as did the fact it had been a very pulpy Mad Max tone for a while. Everyone seemed into it and it felt right, very Fury Road.