Ascardian - Arcane Melee Striker

[Kreaf]

Hi everybody,
I posted that also at the Wizards boards. But in hope to get a broader response I also want to post it here.

I am trying to make my first own 4 Ed class for my homebrew campaign world.
Because I really love the flavour off the Swordmage class and since I had a Order of Duskblades back in the 3.5 days I started to play arround with a class that brings the channeling back and functions as a melee arcane striker.
(The order should be able to bring out a complete party with a simular style)

So please help me and evaluate my class honestly. If you think something isn't good/to good etc. please say why.

At the moment it is all under construction and by far not complete but I would really appreciate if you would have a look.
The class is in a pdf on my webspace: http://www.diesiebenengel.rpghost.de/images/Bilder/ASCARDIAN.pdf

Thanks

PS: I am completly open for new powers, spelling correction etc.

EDIT:

10.30.2008 06:29 am:
*Swapped power names (english names in the power description)
*Changed Force Armor to 5 points
*Travels of Mind is now a immediate interrupt. Trigger: Faild insight check
10.30.2008 10:00 am
*Changed fire bolt to immobilize instead of stun
10.30.2008 02:50 pm
*Lightning hits the Unwary got rewriten
*Deaths Dances teleport only before the attack
*Change channel magic changed from standard to minor action
10.30.2008 07:55 pm
*Added Level 3 Encounter Spells
10.30.2008 09:45 pm
*Added Level 5 Daily Spells
*Added Level 6 Utility Spells
11.01.2008 06:18 pm
*Added new Ritual
*Added new Weapons
*Added new Feats
11.02.2008 00:20 pm
*Changed Channel Magic to Overcharge
11.05.2008 09:50 pm
*Added Level 7 Encounter Spells
*Added Level 9 Daily Spells
*Added one Level 15 Daily Spell as a Outlook
11.14.2008 09:00 pm
*Added Level 10 Utility Spells
*Added Level 13 Encounter Spells
*Changed Thinblade/Courtblade
*Changed Lightning hits the Unwary
*Changed Crystal Armor (Level and Power)
*Added Mindtrick as a Level 6 Utility
*Added Hide prof.

 

[Engilbrand]

Keep in mind that you want to make it all accessible to the widest audience. Put the Power names in English. I see that there's a note for them, but that's going to be a drawback for a lot of people. Keep the names, nifty as they are, for your own homebrew. It would probably be worth it to include most of that flavor stuff in a separate article so that people can drop that stuff into their own settings.
As it is, I really like the class and I like the direction that it's going.
Force armor's a bit of a lame duck. Give it a static number.
Travels of the Mind would probably be worthwhile if it were an Immediate Interrupt.
What's the action for Channel Magic?
That's what I have for the moment. Hopefully the class will generate a little more buzz. It has potential. Then again, I love the Swordmage.

 

[Kreaf]

Thanks for your reply.

Keep in mind that you want to make it all accessible to the widest audience. Put the Power names in English. I see that there's a note for them, but that's going to be a drawback for a lot of people. Keep the names, nifty as they are, for your own homebrew. It would probably be worth it to include most of that flavor stuff in a separate article so that people can drop that stuff into their own settings.

Your are right. I quarreld with my self over that point for quite a bit. Maybe I could just switch it. English names into the powers, homebrew names into the footnotes. What do you think?

As it is, I really like the class and I like the direction that it's going.

Thanks again.

Force armor's a bit of a lame duck. Give it a static number.

Done. Is 5 points of damage to much/less?

Travels of the Mind would probably be worthwhile if it were an Immediate Interrupt.

Good idea. It also makes more sense this way. (Fluff wise)

What's the action for Channel Magic?

At the moment its a free action to channel the magic into the weapon and it autmatically discharges at the first hit.
I know that the other strikers have to spend a minor action to "mark" their prey (Hunters Querry or Warlocks Curse) but I had no idea to make that work with the channel magic. I mean mechanic wise sure. But it should also fit the fluff. And to spend a minor action every time you want to deal extra damage is kind of lame. Thats why I put the "first hit" clause in.

That's what I have for the moment. Hopefully the class will generate a little more buzz. It has potential. Then again, I love the Swordmage.

Hmm the problem with the buzz is, that I don't want to go over the top. He should be viable but not better than the others. I think the whole teleporting makes it quite powerfull...
But again what do you think?

 

[Engilbrand]

I love the teleporting. As cheesy as it sounds, I get a very positive anime video playing in my head of a guy running "through" an enemy with his sword trailing behind him.
By "generate some buzz" I meant that I hope more people will take a look and comment.
Swapping the English names into the powers and putting the flavor ones at the bottom is exactly what I was talking about. Some people get annoyed by any amount of flavor, even though it's simple to swap out. By having a separate little writeup of that stuff, you make it a generic class that more people might be interested in.
Looking again:
Magic Coat seems more like it should be a Utility. Dailies typically require an attack of some kind to activate.
Lightning Hits the Unwary: Do you teleport up to the enemy instead of move through the spaces?
Death's Dance would probably be better balanced if you could only teleport before the attack. As is, if you're standing next to the enemy, you can stab him in the face, teleport away one square, then move somewhere else. You're practically immune to OAs when you use that.
Force Thunder could probably stand to be 2W.
If Channel Magic is a Free Action, the ability to choose a different element should probably be a Minor Action. Standard is too much for too little. The extra damage is nice, but it's not nice enough to waste a turn changing.

 

[Engilbrand]

Out of curiosity, are you a native Germany? I only ask because I teach German in America. If you have problems with an translations, let me know and I would be happy to assist.
I figured I would wait on correcting spelling until there's more stuff, that way it can all be done to polish it, rather than polish-change-polish-change-polish.

 

[Kreaf]

I love the teleporting. As cheesy as it sounds, I get a very positive anime video playing in my head of a guy running "through" an enemy with his sword trailing behind him.

I am not a real big anime fan, but I loved the video from NWN2 where the warlock just teleportet a view times in his charge against the demon... (One of the higher powers should do exactly that ^^ maybe with leaving a real dangerous trail of force/thunder),
But the idea of teleporting through an enemy and leaving the sword stuck in him is also great (will steal that)

By "generate some buzz" I meant that I hope more people will take a look and comment.

That would be really great *g*

Swapping the English names into the powers and putting the flavor ones at the bottom is exactly what I was talking about. Some people get annoyed by any amount of flavor, even though it's simple to swap out. By having a separate little writeup of that stuff, you make it a generic class that more people might be interested in.

*nods* True and for that I decided that I put them at the end of the document. At least as long as they are here to be evaluated.
Its kind of sad though, because the fluff stuff is what makes it kind of special (nearly every aspect you can put into a power was there before or is to overpowered to put into)

Magic Coat seems more like it should be a Utility. Dailies typically require an attack of some kind to activate.

I had stolen it from a Warlock daily, but yeah it could be a utility (but than I would guess a higher one...). I will have a look with what I could replace it.

Lightning Hits the Unwary: Do you teleport up to the enemy instead of move through the spaces?

Thats what I thought, maybe I should rewrite it to make it more clear.

Death's Dance would probably be better balanced if you could only teleport before the attack. As is, if you're standing next to the enemy, you can stab him in the face, teleport away one square, then move somewhere else. You're practically immune to OAs when you use that.

*nods* also true and it wouldn't take out to much flavour...
changed

Force Thunder could probably stand to be 2W.

I think its powerfull at it is (because of the save ends and not until the end of your next turn) If you have a look at the other strikers (especially the Dazing Strike of the Rouge) they have nearly never a Effect + 2[W] and the Ascardian is not restricted to use light weapons...
Maybe I should put it really to until the end of your next turn but keep the damage.

If Channel Magic is a Free Action, the ability to choose a different element should probably be a Minor Action. Standard is too much for too little. The extra damage is nice, but it's not nice enough to waste a turn changing.

*nods again* Your right. At the first wrote up I had it as a minor but wasn't sure if it is not to much.
Changed...

Out of curiosity, are you a native Germany? I only ask because I teach German in America. If you have problems with an translations, let me know and I would be happy to assist.
I figured I would wait on correcting spelling until there's more stuff, that way it can all be done to polish it, rather than polish-change-polish-change-polish.

Yep I am a native german and the only reason I write all the stuff in english is to get it evaluated over here ;-)
Thanks for the offer I will make use of it if I need it....
Also I would be very pleased if you would point out the spelling errors even now. I think it looks very "unprofesional" with to many spelling errors.

Thanks a lot for your help. I realy appreciate it.

...polish-change-polish-change-polish.

Sounds like Karate Kid ;-)

 

[Engilbrand]

I'll cover more stuff at home later when I'm not butchering the German language for my students. "Was moechtest er essen oder trinke?" Haha... I hate when my students do that.

I could see a higher level power that allows you to teleport X squares to your enemy's square. If it hits, the enemy gets knocked back a certain number of squares and takes damage. You have a teleporting theme here. You might as well stick with it.

 

[Kreaf]

Hmm have you had the time to go over the powers again?

 

[Engilbrand]

You've made a few nice changes and additions. While I see what you're doing with Hold the Ground, that's the sort of power that I would love to have as an Immediate Interrupt. An enemy charges you, and you fling him off instead. That's just me, though. Also, remember that the class should be a Striker. It should be doing a lot of damage. While you have quite a few nice ones, 1W or 1d10 just isn't enough for a Striker, especially a few levels in.
If Crystals are important enough to be part of a class ability, you might want to figure out the plan with them. Will they be integrated into some class powers, or entirely on their own like Rituals?
What is the plan with the Thinblade? We're running low on keyword combinations for weapons.
The spelling mistakes are minor. You use "chose" instead of "choice" or "choose". You put "Inside" rather than "Insight". There some other minor ones. Remember that "then" means that something happens next, and "than" is for comparing. That is like putting an "als" into your sentence. In Lightning Hits the Unwary, you want a "dann", not an "als". Don't worry about it that much, though. A lot of Americans do the same thing. Constantly.

I recently threw a Swordmage at my players. While he didn't beat them, they loved all of the stuff that he could do and they thought that the combat was a ton of fun. I'm going to throw one of these at my players and see what happens.

Random thought: The movie Jumper just jumped into my head. There are definitely some interesting fights that one can do with teleportation. What about causing an enemy to teleport into the air for falling damage? Maybe you teleport part of them into the ground and it shoots them back out. Just some ideas for further powers.

 

[Kreaf]

Yeah I knwo that a lot of the powers aren't that heavy damage dealer. But if you have a look at the other strikers there are also a few powers with that less damage.
But if you can name the specific power I will have a look again.

The crystals get more important the higher lvl it goes (for example the crystal armor)

The crystals will give them a nice little boost afterwards... (the powers as the items). Do you know the Eragon books? The storing the energy in the crystals will be a part of it... as the augmentation crystals from the 3.5 D&D will be...
But thats a bit to go until then...

The plan for the Thinblade is to convert it as a typical "Elven"/Eladrinblade from the 3.5 Races of the wild....

Something like Superior Weapon 1d8 basic attacks are made with dex instead of str....
The blade is light but very thin. The force from your strength doesn't help you fight with it, but your speed will....

Just brain storming atm.

Will have a look for the spelling... not that I would not know that stuff, but keep getting it wrong ^^

Hope they like it ;-)

And yeah Jumper was actually a real fun movie... Will think about a few powers where you take the enemy with you and let him loose in mid air or such... some good ideas *g*

Do you have any ideas for powers for the steady ascardian?

And thanks again