Stop smoking, the D&D way!

[Piratecat]

Nerdcore rapper MC Frontalot has a brilliant way to quit smoking:

I don't like to talk about Quitting Smoking. It sounds so final, and it turns the inevitable backslide into a major failure event. But I do Stop Smoking from time to time, which lasts anywhere from a few weeks to three years. I am in process of stopping right now, in fact. Usually I stop by not smoking, which is a pretty okay way to do it. This time I'm trying to make it more interesting by gradually diminishing intake with the help of a couple D&D rules.

You can play too! Here's how.

1. Name your character. Mine's Breathorr Inflatagon, a level 2 Lung Elf. You don't have to roll up stats. If you're a real stickler for form, go get your lungs x-rayed. The x-ray film is your character sheet.

2. Keep a d20 in your pack of cigarettes. If it doesn't fit, keep die, lighter, and pack together in some kind of totable container. May I suggest a pouch?

3. Whenever you feel like smoking, that means the GM (you) is trying to poison your character (also you). Time for a saving throw! I decided the DC (Difficulty Class) for my save vs Poison is 15. Roll the d20. 15 and up: I am saved from that cigarette I wanted! Hooray? 14 and under: oh darn, I get to enjoy another satisfying and flavorful cancer treat.

4. If you make the save, you really can't have a cigarette. Rolls have to be at least an hour apart. If you haven't rolled for two hours, that does not mean you get to roll twice. Be strict, or the GM Regulatory Cabal will revoke your authority. (I assume? I haven't GM'd since like 1988.)

5. Every day of the campaign, your Wisdom increases slightly. You're using Will to save against Poison, so increased Wis modifies in your favor (well, in your character's favor — your GM prefers that the poison attacks land). I'm using a mod of +1 for each day, so on day two rolls of 14 and up are successful saves, on day three it's 13 and up, etc. Fifteen days into the campaign, I will only be allowed to smoke when I roll a natural 1.

6. Rolling a natural 1, of course, is a critical fail. Thus, no matter how wise I get, I will always be able to sneak a cigarette if I can roll a 1. But after fifteen days I'm going to limit myself to one poisoning attempt per day, instead of one per waking hour. The game logic behind this is: f*** you, I do what I want.

You can design your own system, of course. The DC of 15 and the minimum hour between rolls seemed suited to how much I was already smoking. If you go through two packs of Chesterfields a day you are probably not going to survive on so meager an allotment of poison.

I realize also that this system is nowhere near complicated enough for some gamers. Feel free to adapt much more sophisticated rulesets. Probably "internet" would be a good place to post them once you've got the kinks worked out.

Thanks for the link, Blackjack!

Comments

F-ing hilarious

[Scott_Rouse]

I almost want to take up smoking so I can play.*

My character name is Harshcough McLungbutter lvl 1 Dwarf Respirator





* of course smoking is really bad for you and you should never take it up just to play a game

[Scribble]

His DM is totally railroading him. What if he like wanted to go attack the tobacco company head on isntead of just making saves?

This adventure is bunk.


nice post.

[WizarDru]

It's like Orc and Pie, except the Pie is a pack of Marlboros.

[crazy_monkey1956]

I'm sure this system would work quite well for other addictions.

DC 15 Will save vs Alcohol. DC goes up by 5 at bars and Sunday football games.

DC 10 Will save vs WoW. +2 circumstance bonus to the roll if you have a significant other (unless you fail five rolls in a row, in which case make a Fortitude save vs Divorce).

[Ktulu]

I'm going to OGL this into getting exercise. Since my job is largely sitting at a desk not moving and my most frequent hoby is...well, that's sort of obvious (psst..it's D&D), I don't get as much exercise as I used to.

My character will be Hugemongor the Engorged lvl 1 Binger (definitely a defender role; all about not moving much and never letting the pizza get away) I'll use the same rules, but on taking walks during my breaks.

[Mark]

I would have been Gaggler Proudchunks, the Epic level Halflung loogy.

[darjr]

I quit over three years ago. Kinda ( only tangentially ) coincides with my return to the hobby. Things were stressful and crazy. A friend said "Hey, it can't get any MORE stressful, quit smoking". Darned if he wasn't correct. D&D helped a bunch.

Now about physical exercise, Ktulu, I think your onto something.

[Pbartender]

Originally Posted by Mark

I would have been Gaggler Proudchunks, the Epic level Halflung loogy.

Or how about Phlegmentine Hackenkoff, the Half-Hworc?

Comments

Hworc :D

[Woas]

I like how the add on the side of the page when I checked this out was a Quit Smoking ad. Mmmm... I love when big brother is watching me! It makes me feel loved.

[Oni]

Now we just need a campaign setting.

How about FCCG (Flavor Country Campaign Guide)?

[Wormwood]

Since I play 4e I have a 50% shot at that sweet, sweet nicotine.

Just kidding. Of course this is actually a Skill Challenge.

[Mark]

Well, obviously the campaign to use is Grayhock!

[Pbartender]

Originally Posted by Wormwood

Since I play 4e I have a 50% shot at that sweet, sweet nicotine.

No, no, no... In 4E, the sweet, sweet nicotine makes an attack vs. your Will defense, which goes up by +1 every other level.

[Halivar]

Yuck. I think it's pretty safe to say that if you ever hit "bloodied", you're way past half your hit points...