Talking a parent into letting their child play D&D

[Bullgrit]

I'm organizing a game day afternoon to introduce my son and some of his friends to Dungeons & Dragons. You can find the full story here: Organizing a D&D Game for Boys Total Bullgrit

The mother of one of the boys we've invited has said no. She was polite, but I get a sense of the mother's concern and distrust(?) of the game. I've decided that I will not try to talk any parent into letting their child play the game, regardless of what they're basing their decision on, (informed logic, or scary urban myth).

But what's your thoughts on this? Would you try to talk a parent into allowing their child to play in your (kid-friendly) D&D game? Or would you just say okay and not confront their concerns?

Bullgrit

 

[Alan Shutko]

I think there's a middle ground between trying to change the mother's mind and backing away completely. I'd probably say something simple like "It's a shame Bobby can't make the game, because I think he'd really have fun. If you've got any concerns or questions about it, I'd love to discuss them with you and see how we can address them."

Parents never like being told how to raise their kids, but most are open to talking about things as long as it seems like they are being heard, and their authority as the child's guardian isn't being challenged. Setting a tone in the conversation that "You are concerned for your child's wellbeing, and that's valid; let's work together so that Bobby can have fun while mitigating the concerns" is more likely to work than being adversarial.

 

[Cor Azer]

I think there's a middle ground between trying to change the mother's mind and backing away completely. I'd probably say something simple like "It's a shame Bobby can't make the game, because I think he'd really have fun. If you've got any concerns or questions about it, I'd love to discuss them with you and see how we can address them."

Parents never like being told how to raise their kids, but most are open to talking about things as long as it seems like they are being heard, and their authority as the child's guardian isn't being challenged. Setting a tone in the conversation that "You are concerned for your child's wellbeing, and that's valid; let's work together so that Bobby can have fun while mitigating the concerns" is more likely to work than being adversarial.

This. Be there to answer questions/concerns, but don't confront.

 

[Bedrockgames]

I think it is something I would avoid doing. Just like I wouldn't talk a parent into letting their child watch a film, read a book, or participate in a sport they found objectionable. Especially if you know the person, I can see it creating problems, even if you have the best intentions.

 

[Bedrockgames]

Just read the blog entry on this Bullgrit. You did a very good job of explaining the situation and I think having another dad present was an excellent idea as well.

Looking at the actual woman's concern, I am not sure it is the game itself she is worried about, but her son's tendency to get obsessive about leisure activities. While I know you already have a general rule against talking parents into having their kids play D&D if they object, in this case especially I think her objecting isn't to D&D itself. So any amount of dispelling you could do, wouldn't change her concerns about her son obsessing (since it seems to be his obsessing that is the issue).

Unless she is just trying to be polite or dance around the real issue.

 

[IronWolf]

Just read the blog entry on this Bullgrit. You did a very good job of explaining the situation and I think having another dad present was an excellent idea as well.

I agree after having read the blog as well. It does sound more like they have concerns of their child obsessing about the game as he tends to do video games than outright concerns of the game itself. In either case it seems they did give some thought to the idea and not issue a "knee jerk" reaction.

In this case I would not question the parent's judgment, but simply acknowledge the decision and offer a spot at the table in the future should they change their mind. (assuming you end up with an occasional regular game out of this).

 

[Bullgrit]

I am not sure it is the game itself she is worried about, but her son's tendency to get obsessive about leisure activities.

I guess the mother's worry about obsession just sparked a flashback of the Mazes and Monsters hysteria in my mind. It may well be that *I'm* making more out of it than is really there.

Bullgrit

 

[Pbartender]

I'd politely ask her reasons and perhaps briefly try to allay any fears (assuming they were unfounded fears), but I wouldn't push it.

 

[billd91]

I can certainly understand how kids get obsessive about their games. I've been there myself. But I can't shake the feeling that the mother is using the "getting obsessive" idea as a smokescreen for other concerns. I don't have much of a basis for that other than my gut.

Ultimately, I wouldn't worry about this much. The kids are only 10 and Calfgrit will have plenty of opportunities to recruit the obsessive kid into playing or at least wanting to play over the next 8 years of school.

 

[Alaxk Knight of Galt]

You could do a parents only or a parents + child game first.