Turn 4.4
“Ave it.”
“Leuv 'im 'e’s not worth it.”
“Ferry cross de mersey.”
“We only s'n whun we’re win'n.”
“Come ‘ed.”
The Kobolds are going crackers, the four Freddie’s are instant heroes, an extended family raised to high status in an instant, although now solely comprised of ululating female Kobolds in mourning.
Meepo dances up a storm.
Grand Alf joins in, singing.
“Cos I am the tiger, I’m the cream of the crop
Risin' up to challenge an army of Hobgoblins.
I’m the best known survivor, have my way in a fight
And I’m watchin' you all, cos I am the tiger”
I think you know the tune.
Kobolds holler, shout, and applaud- its carnival.
“De Goblins ay dead - woah. Woah.”
Repeated at volume, and for ages.
Aleso and Saradomin grin and bow, Dartamor acknowledges the Kobolds but remains business as usual. Grand Alf continues to let off steam.
It goes on for a while.
Ten minutes later a jostled and now exhausted group of Lost Boys, and Meepo, find themselves before Isdrayl, the crowds chants are now whispers, just as exultant.
Isdrayl bows before Grand Alf, waves at the Tin Cans- Saradomin and Aleso, and then winks at Dartamor.
The volume drops again as Isdrayl raises her arms.
“Brothers, sistis, ma's, fathers - KOBOLDS.”
The crowd goes wild, apart from the pocket of adventurers.
“Terdee wi' us nicked found friends, and royal body guards- subject ter contract negotiations, de Scousers 'uv, once and fe all, laid waste ter de scumbags from Evertown.”
Kobolds cheer, chuckle and wipe tears from their eyes.
“Tergether, as one, we 'uv stewd side-by-side wi' deez bruv souls dat 'uv come unto us seek'n mercy, forgiveness and restitution fe their previous sins. And we, de bruv kobold-nation, 'uv moulded deez stout yeomun into an elite fight'n force worthy o' exalted status within us ranks.”
Isdrayl motions to the guards and Meepo. The guards shuffle the Lost Boys into line; Meepo takes his place at the head of the queue.
The crowd quieten.
Isdrayl strides forward, to Meepo.
“Meepo, Oo from this dee ed will be known as Meepo de Dragon Lord. ”
She salutes, three quick claps followed by hands outstretched above her head, Meepo salutes back. The crowd cheers then sings.
“Super, super Meepo
Super, super Meepo
Super, super Meepo
Super Meepo Dragon Lord.”
They quieten again.
“Grand Alf, oo from this dee ed will be known as Grand Alf de Once Lucid.”
She salutes again, Grand Alf replies in kind with a little hop and a bow at the end.
“Ma’am, I’ve no idea what you’re saying, but it’s been a pleasure.” Grand Alf offers.
The crowd cheers and sings-
“Eez big, eez mad, ‘e dances like yuz dad,
Grand Allllllllllllf, Grand Allllllllllllf.”
Then fall silent again.
“Aleso, Oo from this dee ed will be known as Aleso de Tin Can Shouter.”
She salutes again, Aleso tries to follow the pattern but fails- one clap, a hop, upraised arms, another clap, a bow, nothing for a bit and then a forlorn final clap.
“PELOR STRIKE DOWN ALL THOSE THAT OPPOSE ME… US.”
The crowd cheer then sings some more.
“Chim chiminee,
Chim chiminee,
Chim chim cheroo,
Oo needs a Vorpal Sword whun yous got Al-es-oooooo.”
Then silence.
“Saradomin, Oo from this dee ed will be known as Saradomin de Uvver Shouty Tin Can.”
Another salute, Saradomin merely looks confused, claps once and bows.
“ST. CUTHBERT MAKE GLORIOUS THIS THE DAY OF OUR RECKONING… So there.” Saradomin folds his arms across his chest and looks tough.
The Kobolds cheer then chant some more.
“Sa-ra-do-min, Sa-ra-do-min, Tin-Can-Sa-ra-do-min,
Eez got nah song 'cos 'is names tew long,
Tin-Can-ShOwTee-Sa-ra-do-min."
“And finally”, Isdrayl winks and smiles, salutes for all she’s worth, “Dartamor, Oo from this dee forth will be known as Dartamor… King o' de Kobolds.”
She twinkles, gives Dartamor the glad-eye, and licks her lips.
Dartamor does nothing- stunned.
“I… dat is, I’m dead flattied….” He mumbles.
“She loves yous Dartamor, she do.
She loves yous Dartamor, she do.
She loves yous Dartamor, she do.
Oh Dartamor she loves yous.”
The Kobold crowd go mental, especially now Dartamor is the queen’s consort. There’s much patting on the back followed by sly nods and winks aimed towards the reddening rogue.
Grand Alf wanders over to a still stunned Dartamor, Isdrayl retreats pouting- beckoning Dartamor to follow her to her inner-sanctum (leave the double-entendre alone).
“You sly dog, I mean she’s not much to look at but… all this.”
Grand Alf puts his hands out to encompass their surroundings, the crappy soot (and worse) smeared corridor, thirty plus Kobolds- guards, females and children, all shouting, screaming and bawling; and finally the corrugated Kobold Queen, Isdrayl, she waves- a dainty, girlish wave.
“Wow. You must be chuffed?”
Aleso and Saradomin have no idea what’s going on, and it’s not just the language barrier.
Dartamor thinks very quickly.
“Suck berd.”
Isdrayl stops where she is, turns, tries to hide her wrinkled visage behind a dirty rag, flutters her eye lashes.
“Suck berd, we cannot remain, we must press ed, de Goblin Chieftain escaped us wrath- 'e 'as gone below. We must grasp us chance… Oh but if ay could stay, ay could juss be wi' yous a little longer. But alas we ay not yet Peti. There’s barely time fe us ter claim us reward… and then… and dun, we must… ed, er off, get off- gone.”
Isdrayl rushes forward, snivelling, and into Dartamor’s arms- he fights off the gagging sensation.
“Must you… Bruv King Dartamor.”
She attempts to cop a feel, it’s like wrestling an Octopuss.
“Alas we must, danger remains, and de Scouser’s fute is not yet sece. We must straightener ed, suck berd.”
Isdrayl clings to Dartamor.
“Mi bruv King.”
Dartamor holds Isdrayl tight, looks up and spots his prize- the Dragon key.
“Me Queen, de key, not only will we destroy, once and fe all, de Goblin menace, but we will also br'n tribute… De key. De Dragon key… and anyth'n else yous 'uv ter graft.”
Isdrayl looks up, her rheumy reptilian eyes full of tears; her snout nuzzles beneath Dartamor’s chin- she’s been eating… well, best not try to guess.
She breaks from the clinch.
“Guards fetch treases fe yer nicked Lord, from oft de altar.”
The Kobold guards scurry to obey; return with the goodies- Grand Alf grabs the lot.
“Ta. Thanks. Love-leee.”
Isdrayl turns back to Dartamor, affects a swoon, he catches her.
“Take de key dun me love, and kun this fe ay remember yer cause, before us paths met, intitwined. De group o' adventis yous seek wuz victims o' de Goblins tew, Durnn, de chieftain, 'ad 'is fun wi' dem and dun dee wuz takun ter below… tew… ter de Outcast.”
The collected Kobolds hiss their disapproval.
“De Outcast is all shouty like yous tin cans, and magic like Grand Alf, and sneaky like yous, me love. Beware 'e 'ath a mighty create dat serveth 'im. it 'ops in place o' walkin’, it 'ath a big sticky terngue dat probe and stickle, and… it goeth ‘CROWK’ afore battle, it is a mighty fearsome.”
“Did she say something about a frog?” Grand Alf translates the “CROWK” part of the sentence, “I love frogs, they’re great- not as good as Skeletons, but a frog for a friend would be ace.”
Grand Alf drops to a crouch and leaps about a bit-
“CROWK.”
And.
“CROWWWW-K.”
His tongue flicks in and out.
The Kobolds, including Isdrayl, scurry away from the pantomime villain.
Dartamor sees his opportunity, darts in- grabs the key.
Tink.
Snaps it off and darts out again.
“Alas me Queen we must depart.”
And bundling the others together, including Meepo, they do depart.
“One neck ter seal us union.”
Isdrayl closes her eyes and puckers up.
Eventually opens her eyes, they’re very gone.
“Retn quick sticks me King.”
A grinning guard starts up.
“Isdrayl and Dartamor sitt'n inna tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
SLAP
Isdrayl flees the scene leaving the guard very red-faced.
Next Turn: Goblinville
To Koboldly go…
“Ave it.”
“Leuv 'im 'e’s not worth it.”
“Ferry cross de mersey.”
“We only s'n whun we’re win'n.”
“Come ‘ed.”
The Kobolds are going crackers, the four Freddie’s are instant heroes, an extended family raised to high status in an instant, although now solely comprised of ululating female Kobolds in mourning.
Meepo dances up a storm.
Grand Alf joins in, singing.
“Cos I am the tiger, I’m the cream of the crop
Risin' up to challenge an army of Hobgoblins.
I’m the best known survivor, have my way in a fight
And I’m watchin' you all, cos I am the tiger”
I think you know the tune.
Kobolds holler, shout, and applaud- its carnival.
“De Goblins ay dead - woah. Woah.”
Repeated at volume, and for ages.
Aleso and Saradomin grin and bow, Dartamor acknowledges the Kobolds but remains business as usual. Grand Alf continues to let off steam.
It goes on for a while.
Ten minutes later a jostled and now exhausted group of Lost Boys, and Meepo, find themselves before Isdrayl, the crowds chants are now whispers, just as exultant.
Isdrayl bows before Grand Alf, waves at the Tin Cans- Saradomin and Aleso, and then winks at Dartamor.
The volume drops again as Isdrayl raises her arms.
“Brothers, sistis, ma's, fathers - KOBOLDS.”
The crowd goes wild, apart from the pocket of adventurers.
“Terdee wi' us nicked found friends, and royal body guards- subject ter contract negotiations, de Scousers 'uv, once and fe all, laid waste ter de scumbags from Evertown.”
Kobolds cheer, chuckle and wipe tears from their eyes.
“Tergether, as one, we 'uv stewd side-by-side wi' deez bruv souls dat 'uv come unto us seek'n mercy, forgiveness and restitution fe their previous sins. And we, de bruv kobold-nation, 'uv moulded deez stout yeomun into an elite fight'n force worthy o' exalted status within us ranks.”
Isdrayl motions to the guards and Meepo. The guards shuffle the Lost Boys into line; Meepo takes his place at the head of the queue.
The crowd quieten.
Isdrayl strides forward, to Meepo.
“Meepo, Oo from this dee ed will be known as Meepo de Dragon Lord. ”
She salutes, three quick claps followed by hands outstretched above her head, Meepo salutes back. The crowd cheers then sings.
“Super, super Meepo
Super, super Meepo
Super, super Meepo
Super Meepo Dragon Lord.”
They quieten again.
“Grand Alf, oo from this dee ed will be known as Grand Alf de Once Lucid.”
She salutes again, Grand Alf replies in kind with a little hop and a bow at the end.
“Ma’am, I’ve no idea what you’re saying, but it’s been a pleasure.” Grand Alf offers.
The crowd cheers and sings-
“Eez big, eez mad, ‘e dances like yuz dad,
Grand Allllllllllllf, Grand Allllllllllllf.”
Then fall silent again.
“Aleso, Oo from this dee ed will be known as Aleso de Tin Can Shouter.”
She salutes again, Aleso tries to follow the pattern but fails- one clap, a hop, upraised arms, another clap, a bow, nothing for a bit and then a forlorn final clap.
“PELOR STRIKE DOWN ALL THOSE THAT OPPOSE ME… US.”
The crowd cheer then sings some more.
“Chim chiminee,
Chim chiminee,
Chim chim cheroo,
Oo needs a Vorpal Sword whun yous got Al-es-oooooo.”
Then silence.
“Saradomin, Oo from this dee ed will be known as Saradomin de Uvver Shouty Tin Can.”
Another salute, Saradomin merely looks confused, claps once and bows.
“ST. CUTHBERT MAKE GLORIOUS THIS THE DAY OF OUR RECKONING… So there.” Saradomin folds his arms across his chest and looks tough.
The Kobolds cheer then chant some more.
“Sa-ra-do-min, Sa-ra-do-min, Tin-Can-Sa-ra-do-min,
Eez got nah song 'cos 'is names tew long,
Tin-Can-ShOwTee-Sa-ra-do-min."
“And finally”, Isdrayl winks and smiles, salutes for all she’s worth, “Dartamor, Oo from this dee forth will be known as Dartamor… King o' de Kobolds.”
She twinkles, gives Dartamor the glad-eye, and licks her lips.
Dartamor does nothing- stunned.
“I… dat is, I’m dead flattied….” He mumbles.
“She loves yous Dartamor, she do.
She loves yous Dartamor, she do.
She loves yous Dartamor, she do.
Oh Dartamor she loves yous.”
The Kobold crowd go mental, especially now Dartamor is the queen’s consort. There’s much patting on the back followed by sly nods and winks aimed towards the reddening rogue.
Grand Alf wanders over to a still stunned Dartamor, Isdrayl retreats pouting- beckoning Dartamor to follow her to her inner-sanctum (leave the double-entendre alone).
“You sly dog, I mean she’s not much to look at but… all this.”
Grand Alf puts his hands out to encompass their surroundings, the crappy soot (and worse) smeared corridor, thirty plus Kobolds- guards, females and children, all shouting, screaming and bawling; and finally the corrugated Kobold Queen, Isdrayl, she waves- a dainty, girlish wave.
“Wow. You must be chuffed?”
Aleso and Saradomin have no idea what’s going on, and it’s not just the language barrier.
Dartamor thinks very quickly.
“Suck berd.”
Isdrayl stops where she is, turns, tries to hide her wrinkled visage behind a dirty rag, flutters her eye lashes.
“Suck berd, we cannot remain, we must press ed, de Goblin Chieftain escaped us wrath- 'e 'as gone below. We must grasp us chance… Oh but if ay could stay, ay could juss be wi' yous a little longer. But alas we ay not yet Peti. There’s barely time fe us ter claim us reward… and then… and dun, we must… ed, er off, get off- gone.”
Isdrayl rushes forward, snivelling, and into Dartamor’s arms- he fights off the gagging sensation.
“Must you… Bruv King Dartamor.”
She attempts to cop a feel, it’s like wrestling an Octopuss.
“Alas we must, danger remains, and de Scouser’s fute is not yet sece. We must straightener ed, suck berd.”
Isdrayl clings to Dartamor.
“Mi bruv King.”
Dartamor holds Isdrayl tight, looks up and spots his prize- the Dragon key.
“Me Queen, de key, not only will we destroy, once and fe all, de Goblin menace, but we will also br'n tribute… De key. De Dragon key… and anyth'n else yous 'uv ter graft.”
Isdrayl looks up, her rheumy reptilian eyes full of tears; her snout nuzzles beneath Dartamor’s chin- she’s been eating… well, best not try to guess.
She breaks from the clinch.
“Guards fetch treases fe yer nicked Lord, from oft de altar.”
The Kobold guards scurry to obey; return with the goodies- Grand Alf grabs the lot.
“Ta. Thanks. Love-leee.”
Isdrayl turns back to Dartamor, affects a swoon, he catches her.
“Take de key dun me love, and kun this fe ay remember yer cause, before us paths met, intitwined. De group o' adventis yous seek wuz victims o' de Goblins tew, Durnn, de chieftain, 'ad 'is fun wi' dem and dun dee wuz takun ter below… tew… ter de Outcast.”
The collected Kobolds hiss their disapproval.
“De Outcast is all shouty like yous tin cans, and magic like Grand Alf, and sneaky like yous, me love. Beware 'e 'ath a mighty create dat serveth 'im. it 'ops in place o' walkin’, it 'ath a big sticky terngue dat probe and stickle, and… it goeth ‘CROWK’ afore battle, it is a mighty fearsome.”
“Did she say something about a frog?” Grand Alf translates the “CROWK” part of the sentence, “I love frogs, they’re great- not as good as Skeletons, but a frog for a friend would be ace.”
Grand Alf drops to a crouch and leaps about a bit-
“CROWK.”
And.
“CROWWWW-K.”
His tongue flicks in and out.
The Kobolds, including Isdrayl, scurry away from the pantomime villain.
Dartamor sees his opportunity, darts in- grabs the key.
Tink.
Snaps it off and darts out again.
“Alas me Queen we must depart.”
And bundling the others together, including Meepo, they do depart.
“One neck ter seal us union.”
Isdrayl closes her eyes and puckers up.
Eventually opens her eyes, they’re very gone.
“Retn quick sticks me King.”
A grinning guard starts up.
“Isdrayl and Dartamor sitt'n inna tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
SLAP
Isdrayl flees the scene leaving the guard very red-faced.
Next Turn: Goblinville
