Samuel Leming
First Post
The scene is Golarion 10,001 years ago. Within the Hall of Gates under Celwynvian, two elves plot and scheme.
First Elf: These verminous humans breed like… vermin. They have no fashion sense. Have you seen what Karzoug wears… Something must be done!
Second Elf: Agreed, but what? The vile aboleth are supplying them with magic, clothing and technology. They’ll overrun us!
First Elf: We can drop a big-ass space rock in the middle of their, ehem, ‘civilization’. The impact would kill millions and sink their worst dressed cities beneath the waves. The debris kicked up will blot out the sun for generations!
Second Elf: Yes! We can all flee back to Sovyrian until the skies clear. Nobody will suspect anyone was wonderful as we elves of doing anything as capricious, cruel, arrogant & disloyal as this. We can even blame the aboleths. Let’s make it happen!
As the elves perform their arcane big-ass space rock summoning ritual, a purple haired gnome enters through the glowing gate from the Feyworld.
Gnome: Howdy y’all!
Second Elf: To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?
Gnome: It was the rock…
Fearing discovery, the two elves gape at the gnome in horror.
Gnome: We switched from playing country music to punk rock. Do you believe they had the gall to evict us?!
First Elf: Um, I really couldn’t say. We’re all going back to Sovyrian for quite some time. Your folk are welcome to Golarion while we’re gone.
Gnome: Really? That’s awfully kind of y’all. You don’t mind if I poke around a bit to check the place out?
Second Elf: Why certainly. Take as MUCH time as you need.
Gnome: Thanks. I’ll just be a bit though. Say… are those ears real?
First Elf: As real as anything else on Golarion.
As the gnome leaves to explore an aboleth slithers through an arched doorway.
Second Elf: Greetings
Aboleth: Why have you asked me here?
First Elf: You guys win. We’re going back to Sovyrian and you and your humans can have Golarion for good.
Aboleth: Excellent! This is all for the best. We’ll send you a Lamashtuday card every year.
Second Elf: Yes! We mustn’t harbor any malice towards one another. As a token of our good will, we gift you with this bag of elven magic.
The Aboleth takes the bag carefully, as if it contained venomous snakes or even an angry cat.
Aboleth: What does it do?
First Elf: It’s a bag of our finest enchantments and glamers!
Second Elf: A bag of elven beauty.
Aboleth: Eww… Well, maybe the humans would like it. We’ve done a bit of magical trade with them before.
First Elf: So we’ve heard.
Second Elf: Why, look at how time flies.
First Elf: Yes, we really must be going. Remember us!
Aboleth: Sure. Farewell.
The elves depart through the gate to Sovyrian.
Aboleth: Mwahahaha… Suckers.
As the aboleth looks about greedily, the gnome reenters through one of the darkened archways.
Gnome: Hey y‘all! Looks like there’s still some elves down in the basement having an orgy. You may want to…
Aboleth: They’ve already gone. By the way… What are you?
Gnome: Gnome.
Aboleth: Ah.
Gnome: What are you?
Aboleth: Your new lord and master.
Gnome: Oh.
***BLAM***
Aboleth: What was that?!
Gnome: From the sound of it, it must have been a big-ass space rock striking the planet hard enough to kill millions, sink continents & kick up enough debris to blot out the sun for several generations.
Aboleth: Dammit! Was this your doing?
Gnome: Of course not! Don’t be silly… I’m not a monster.
Aboleth: It was those duplicitous elves. I’ll have their ears for this!
Gnome: Probably not. Look, the gates are dimming.
Aboleth: Dammit!
Just then, A dwarf, halfling, human & orc step into the chamber. All of them heavily armed.
Gnome: Eff this! See y’all when the dust settles.
The gnome jumps towards one of the now darkened gates and passes through as if it was just a shadow.
Halfling: This looks safe enough here. What happened out there?
Orc: I believe a celestial impact occurred in the middle east, leaving nothing but a crater rapidly filled by the sea.
Human: Uff da! We were going to need the oil…
Dwarf: Hmph.
Halfling: All that dust!
Orc: The seismic disturbances will hinder our subterranean expansions.
Dwarf: No, all the shaking will make it hard to dig our tunnels.
Orc: Indeed.
Aboleth: Greetings. Together we can struggle through the trying times ahead as we rebuild.
Halfling: What’s that over there?
Human: That is the aboleth. It sells magic and funny clothes.
Orc: Magic? Could yon aberration have brought down this stellar doom?
Human: Ja… Something smells fishy here.
Aboleth: Well! It’s not me!
Dwarf: What’s that bag he’s holding?
Halfling: It’s got elven script on the side. Say’s it’s a Bag of Big-Ass Space Rock Summoning IX.
Aboleth: No, wait… It was the elv…
Dwarf: Git ‘im!
Human: Kill it until it dies!
Aboleth: Dammit!
Orc: You shall pay for every drop of orc blood spilled by your perfidy!
Halfling: ROAR!!!
The aboleth flings itself towards the same gate the gnome slipped through and splats its face onto the cold dark surface.
Aboleth: Gah!
Goblin: Hehehehehehe…
First Elf: These verminous humans breed like… vermin. They have no fashion sense. Have you seen what Karzoug wears… Something must be done!
Second Elf: Agreed, but what? The vile aboleth are supplying them with magic, clothing and technology. They’ll overrun us!
First Elf: We can drop a big-ass space rock in the middle of their, ehem, ‘civilization’. The impact would kill millions and sink their worst dressed cities beneath the waves. The debris kicked up will blot out the sun for generations!
Second Elf: Yes! We can all flee back to Sovyrian until the skies clear. Nobody will suspect anyone was wonderful as we elves of doing anything as capricious, cruel, arrogant & disloyal as this. We can even blame the aboleths. Let’s make it happen!
As the elves perform their arcane big-ass space rock summoning ritual, a purple haired gnome enters through the glowing gate from the Feyworld.
Gnome: Howdy y’all!
Second Elf: To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?
Gnome: It was the rock…
Fearing discovery, the two elves gape at the gnome in horror.
Gnome: We switched from playing country music to punk rock. Do you believe they had the gall to evict us?!
First Elf: Um, I really couldn’t say. We’re all going back to Sovyrian for quite some time. Your folk are welcome to Golarion while we’re gone.
Gnome: Really? That’s awfully kind of y’all. You don’t mind if I poke around a bit to check the place out?
Second Elf: Why certainly. Take as MUCH time as you need.
Gnome: Thanks. I’ll just be a bit though. Say… are those ears real?
First Elf: As real as anything else on Golarion.
As the gnome leaves to explore an aboleth slithers through an arched doorway.
Second Elf: Greetings
Aboleth: Why have you asked me here?
First Elf: You guys win. We’re going back to Sovyrian and you and your humans can have Golarion for good.
Aboleth: Excellent! This is all for the best. We’ll send you a Lamashtuday card every year.
Second Elf: Yes! We mustn’t harbor any malice towards one another. As a token of our good will, we gift you with this bag of elven magic.
The Aboleth takes the bag carefully, as if it contained venomous snakes or even an angry cat.
Aboleth: What does it do?
First Elf: It’s a bag of our finest enchantments and glamers!
Second Elf: A bag of elven beauty.
Aboleth: Eww… Well, maybe the humans would like it. We’ve done a bit of magical trade with them before.
First Elf: So we’ve heard.
Second Elf: Why, look at how time flies.
First Elf: Yes, we really must be going. Remember us!
Aboleth: Sure. Farewell.
The elves depart through the gate to Sovyrian.
Aboleth: Mwahahaha… Suckers.
As the aboleth looks about greedily, the gnome reenters through one of the darkened archways.
Gnome: Hey y‘all! Looks like there’s still some elves down in the basement having an orgy. You may want to…
Aboleth: They’ve already gone. By the way… What are you?
Gnome: Gnome.
Aboleth: Ah.
Gnome: What are you?
Aboleth: Your new lord and master.
Gnome: Oh.
***BLAM***
Aboleth: What was that?!
Gnome: From the sound of it, it must have been a big-ass space rock striking the planet hard enough to kill millions, sink continents & kick up enough debris to blot out the sun for several generations.
Aboleth: Dammit! Was this your doing?
Gnome: Of course not! Don’t be silly… I’m not a monster.
Aboleth: It was those duplicitous elves. I’ll have their ears for this!
Gnome: Probably not. Look, the gates are dimming.
Aboleth: Dammit!
Just then, A dwarf, halfling, human & orc step into the chamber. All of them heavily armed.
Gnome: Eff this! See y’all when the dust settles.
The gnome jumps towards one of the now darkened gates and passes through as if it was just a shadow.
Halfling: This looks safe enough here. What happened out there?
Orc: I believe a celestial impact occurred in the middle east, leaving nothing but a crater rapidly filled by the sea.
Human: Uff da! We were going to need the oil…
Dwarf: Hmph.
Halfling: All that dust!
Orc: The seismic disturbances will hinder our subterranean expansions.
Dwarf: No, all the shaking will make it hard to dig our tunnels.
Orc: Indeed.
Aboleth: Greetings. Together we can struggle through the trying times ahead as we rebuild.
Halfling: What’s that over there?
Human: That is the aboleth. It sells magic and funny clothes.
Orc: Magic? Could yon aberration have brought down this stellar doom?
Human: Ja… Something smells fishy here.
Aboleth: Well! It’s not me!
Dwarf: What’s that bag he’s holding?
Halfling: It’s got elven script on the side. Say’s it’s a Bag of Big-Ass Space Rock Summoning IX.
Aboleth: No, wait… It was the elv…
Dwarf: Git ‘im!
Human: Kill it until it dies!
Aboleth: Dammit!
Orc: You shall pay for every drop of orc blood spilled by your perfidy!
Halfling: ROAR!!!
The aboleth flings itself towards the same gate the gnome slipped through and splats its face onto the cold dark surface.
Aboleth: Gah!
Goblin: Hehehehehehe…
