The one night stand culture

Bullgrit · Feb 17, 2014

I heard a story on the radio this weekend that made me think about this. I've never really understood the one-night-stand culture. Going to bars every night, (or even just on weekend nights), picking up random strangers for an intimate encounter.

I've known players, both male and female, who seemed to live for the game and/or the hook ups. The idea of having a steady relationship was something to belittle. The movie Wedding Crashers comes to mind as an example. In my opinion, the main characters in that movie were douchebags.

Have you ever participated in the one-night-stand culture? Or do you know people who are? What is it about that culture? Is it the game? Is it the variety? Is it about keeping a score/number? Is it avoiding all emotional investment?

Bullgrit

Kramodlog · Feb 17, 2014

Culture? That is funny. Like there are those who do this regularly, hang out with similar people, etc, and those who never done it. Like there is no middle ground. Like it is not human behavior that manifest itself in various ways throughout various cultures.

The media coverage does exist though.

Zombie_Babies · Feb 17, 2014

I don't see anything wrong with it. Some people like to have their fun that way and some don't.

Viking Bastard · Feb 17, 2014

Yes and no.

I have partaken in something akin to what you describe, but I'd just call it dating--or just partying--depending on context/motive. I have gone down town with a casual hook-up in mind--read: was damn horny--but usually it just kinda happens in the heat of the moment. Or used to (I'm married now). I didn't really have any longing for a girlfriend/partner until I was 22-23, yet I had sexual wants.

Then, for reasons unclear to myself, I starting longing for a deeper connection. And started "dating"... which still followed the same pattern of going down town, only with a different mindset.

This is pretty standard for Icelandic dating culture, at least for young people. You generally don't go on formal dates until after you're going steady. Some people are always locked in one mindset or another, but most people I know have displayed both behaviors at different times in their lives.

And yeah, I've also known people like the guys in the Wedding Crashers (or y'know, more nuanced, less exaggerated versions thereof) and they're just douches (or douchettes). There are always gonna be douches.

Ahnehnois · Feb 17, 2014

I'm not a big fan of repression. To me, it makes sense that people have high sex drives and want them satisfied. That's one of our defining qualities as humans. Casual consensual sexual relationships to me are a great step towards bringing sexuality out in the open and killing taboos.

There's no inherent reason why it has to be tied to any long-term commitment, and as long as people are aware of the risks (which wasn't always the case but is getting to be now) and are doing in consensual and honestly, they should be doing it if that's what they want.

Then again, my own personal perspective has always been very romantic (perhaps influenced by fantasy fiction?). Even if I could engage in casual sexual relationships, I don't know that I would.

Richards · Feb 17, 2014

Personally, I've never understood the one nightstand culture. To me, that just makes the bedroom look lopsided and off-balance. I definitely prefer two nightstands, one on either side of the bed. That way, I've got room for my stuff in mine, and my wife has room for her stuff in hers. And, it goes without saying, it makes the bedroom more symmetrical.

...Wait, what?

Johnathan

Bullgrit · Feb 17, 2014

Ahnehnois said:
I'm not a big fan of repression. To me, it makes sense that people have high sex drives and want them satisfied. That's one of our defining qualities as humans. Casual consensual sexual relationships to me are a great step towards bringing sexuality out in the open and killing taboos.

Repression? Where'd that idea come from? And high sex drives and one night stands aren't necessarily related. One can have a high sex drive and never have a one night stand, and folks hooking up for one nighters don't necessarily have high sex drives. Heck, I'd even posit that folks in steady relationships have more sex than those looking for one-time hook ups.

I remember conversations with guys who always bragged about hooking up with a different girl every Saturday night, and I, (in a steady relationship), was always left thinking, "I've had sex four times before the weekend." So the one night stand thing is not about sex drive.

Bullgrit

Janx · Feb 17, 2014

Bullgrit said:
Repression? Where'd that idea come from? And high sex drives and one night stands aren't necessarily related. One can have a high sex drive and never have a one night stand, and folks hooking up for one nighters don't necessarily have high sex drives. Heck, I'd even posit that folks in steady relationships have more sex than those looking for one-time hook ups.

I remember conversations with guys who always bragged about hooking up with a different girl every Saturday night, and I, (in a steady relationship), was always left thinking, "I've had sex four times before the weekend." So the one night stand thing is not about sex drive.

Bullgrit

The Repression comment is similar to the "slut shaming" comment when I mentioned I disapprove of affairs or promiscuity on the other thread.

I don't see where me not thinking excessive promiscuity is good for society becomes a rampant attack on somebody else's lifestyle preference.

I have a right to not like carrots, just as you have a right to enjoy them. Just because I don't like them, doesn't mean I'm putting on a bed sheet and burning cabbages on people's front lawns to scare them away from veggies.

Ahnehnois · Feb 17, 2014

Bullgrit said:
Repression? Where'd that idea come from?

Do I have to justify that in general? That sexual repression is a cornerstone of many cultures (and definitely in modern America)?

And high sex drives and one night stands aren't necessarily related.

Well, not necessarily. But it seems an intuitive enough connection to me. Surely, they're not completely unrelated.

One can have a high sex drive and never have a one night stand, and folks hooking up for one nighters don't necessarily have high sex drives. Heck, I'd even posit that folks in steady relationships have more sex than those looking for one-time hook ups.

Which may very well be true. However, it does raise a few follow-up issues.

For one thing, even if people in relationships have more sex, it isn't always with the person they are in the relationship with. Cheating is very common. I think it's better to reserve monogamy for people who are genuinely committed to it, which does not seem to be everyone. I've seen a lot of relationships built on lies, perhaps because the people involved were trying to conform to social norms, or for various other reasons (money, for example).

For another, a relationship is not necessarily an option for everyone at all times. Quite the opposite, I'd argue. If it isn't, that doesn't mean everyone should have to wait until they can find one. If your contention is true and singles have less sex, to me that suggests all the more that they should be trying to get some any way they can, assuming that's what they want (which they may or may not).

I remember conversations with guys who always bragged about hooking up with a different girl every Saturday night, and I, (in a steady relationship), was always left thinking, "I've had sex four times before the weekend." So the one night stand thing is not about sex drive.

I'm sure there's more going on there, yes. But whatever else it is about is not necessarily bad. For example, if these example people derived self-confidence from their ability to successfully court numerous partners, that may very well be a good thing for them, independent of any satisfaction from the act itself.

It also may be that people lie about these things for various reasons.

bone_naga · Feb 17, 2014

As long as they are all consenting adults, who cares? I don't look at it any different than someone being straight/gay/bi. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, do whatever works for you.