sniktch vs drawmack- judgement
ALSIH2O
sniktch: i am not one to enjoy furries, but i liked this tale.
i was a little diturbed at first by the jarring effect of "ambling" and
"nervous" in the same sentence but this was the only language that really
grated on me.
the use of the first picture wasn't the strongest and i
don't think the 2nd was given the best treatment either (it is not the
literary image i would have chosen to illustrate for the story) but the
use of the sloth and the handling of the wall really struck me. the sloth
as a mentor was a surprise twist and it worked very well, throwing off my
guard and keeping me looking for what other twists the author might throw
at me.
as a story i found it entertaining, but the use of two of the pics as
illustrations in a book in the story was bothersome. (we had this in the
last competition too.)
drawmack: Dramack presents us with a slight twist on a familiar tale, the
young man earning the right ot go forth and fight for his cause.
the use of language is neither poor nor bold, but i was slightly disturbed by
"I intone as she teasingly stands up and saunters away in her teasing fashion."
but it was the only truly rough point.
As for his handling of ingredients- i enjoyed his description of the archway
and passage mush more than i enjoyed sniktchs. his description of the frequent
use of the area leaving it looking abandoned really struck a chord in me. his
of the stuffed giant sloth was nice, and i would have liked to have seen some
more come of it. his description of the disorganized, geased fightng is what
really swings it though, i can really see this hapening,and the duality of the
people in his setting pursuing this activity just as the people in the real
picture is very entertaining. The siege notes add an interesting touch to the
main character by lettign us see what he thinks his future path holds, letting
see his confidence and dreams.
both authors can be proud, no stinkers here, but i must award the round to
drawmack.
MALDUR-
Sniktch, The image of a old and wise sloth, teaching the folly of man is
nice, very nice.
Drawmack: Nice story but it seems you tried to write a scenario in a story.
Maybe you should have written a scenario (you are allowed to do so in
ceramic). There are some gems in there: troubled meditations or meditations
filled with images of elven maidens
. Also the doorway as a gauge of
who/what may or may not enter is very imaginative.
My vote goes to Sniktch. Best of luck in the next round. Drawmack, better
luck next time.
ARWINK-
Sniktch
An interesting story, that plays with a classic sci-fi concept. It approaches
the pictures playfully, but where I felt it was let down was ultimately the
tone of the piece. It didn't really grab me straight off, taking on overtones
of overt preaching on the nature of man than exploring the interaction between
mans warlike nature and the philosophy of the giant sloth's that come to
replace us as a species. All in all, I find myself more intrigued by the idea
rather than the story. More focus on the sloths and their world
Drawmack
Drawmack's entry plunges the reader straight into a situation and leaves them
chasing along to pick up the clues about what's happening. It instantly raises
questions that I wanted answered, which is what carries me into the piece. Who
are the characters? What is their relationship? For every question the
opening answers, there's another to take it's place. What are the traditions
of this monk-like elven paladin order? This game of tag he plays with the
reader disappears towards the middle of the story, where exposition is handed
over in large chunks rather than used to tease, but the initial burst of
interest carries things through.
All in all, it's the strength of Drawmack's opening that gives him the edge in
this. Both stories produce things that I'm a total sucker for as a reader
(interesting and unknown cultures), but Drawmack's story fills me with greater
eagerness to learn his characters culture, how they fit into it, and what their
story is. I give this round to Drawmack
so, 2 to 1, winner is drawmack, congratulations