I just had to share this write up from one of the players in my group. I have cleaned up the language for young ears. I tell you my group is reckless to say the least, but see if this sounds like a typical gaming session in your house, and if it is not then you are not playing the worlds best RPG game right!!! (that's my opinion) Also as a DM I have to be on my toes always trying to get these guys out of sticky situations and TPK's
I remember things a bit differently: The party entered the crypts, but Devora wisely advised against touching anything. 'Cuz she's wiser than everyone. Then everyone who is not nearly as smart as Devora teleports to the Room of Certain Death. Feeling bad, because she knows they will die without her, she follows them. She was able to guess the correct rune to push, because she's in tight with the gods. Room of Certain Death: Four
stoned adventurers, Stedd hanging back (because he's being played by Bad Azz Paul at this point) avoids the stonage, Devora busts out the mirror and defeats what's probably the biggest threat in the dungeon with one move. Owned it! Stedd and Sarius defeat the flesh golem after Devora bravely steps up and tanks, soaking mega-damage. Party get's mostly un-stoned and we soldier on. Can you guess what the biggest threat was?
Room of Obvious Death: It's simple. Two stone trolls looking like they want to kill everyone, and a lever with a big sign over it saying "don't pull me or you're screwed." Phoebe races for the lever, because she's Phoebe, and condemns us to our fate. Pretty sure I overheard her say "If Stedd's gonna die, he's gonna die" before doing it. Fortunately we have Garland, a sorcerer with a ton of fire magic. Sadly, his broken magic backfires and he spends the next ten rounds blowing bubbles and chucking random patches from his robe of useless items at the
trolls. Dogs? Check. Pit? Check. Lantern? Check. Bag of Planters peanuts? Check. So our main weapon is neutered. Phoebe has some inspiration (not in game terms) and says, I'ma light this guy up with my lantern, but I'm all busy beating my drum to inspire you guys, so someone grab it from me. Sarius is like - please, I have sharp weapons that don't do nothing to these trolls and I'm gonna hack away futiley to see if maybe they suddenly stop regenerating. Again Devora saves the day, by smashing the lantern out of Pheoebe's hand and lighting the wall on fire behind the troll.
She totally meant to do that so we could set up a one-two punch of the troll being pushed into the wall and burning up. I forget who did the pushing, it's not that important. Oh yeah, prior to do this, Stedd got his face bitten off. Blood was everywhere and he was blinded with blood. He knows things are going bad, because he's hewing away at random sections of wall while the troll is going all Ray Rice on Phoebe and Devora, leaving the
ladies knocked out on the floor. Stedd decides discretion is the better part of valour and tries to snatch up the ladies and beat feet toward the exit. Unfortunately, Stevie Wonder just walks around in circles and bumps into walls. Eventually the other troll puts him down for the count. Somewhere during all this, Sarius and Garland the Mad Bubbler make a dash for the teleport chamber and vanish off to a different part of the dungeon.
The Misadventures of Sarius and Garland: By now Garland can talk, and thus cast spells. One would think they would immediately return to save the dying girls and the statue of Varris, but instead they are like "we don't need those guys" and they are off to ransack the remaining dungeon. First they find a long corrider with a portcullis at one end and a sculpted red dragon head with built in flamethrower at the other end. Sarius
immediately wants to investigate the dragon's mouth, because... death wish. Nothing happens though. Garland whips out a window from his robe and they use it to move through the portcullis like some kind of cartoon. They follow some stairs up to a throne room wherein lies undead-looking megaboss and a mechanical cat. Boss is like "Whatup Yo?" and our heroes haul buns back to the teleporter. They randomly push glyphs until they port to safety.
The Death of Stedd and the Girls Slumber Party: So Devora wakes up in complete darkness feeling like crap. She sees Phoebe stirring nearby as she regains conciousness. Phoebe promptly throws some healing at Devora and the girls share a moment of bonding in the darkness. Neither seems to care that Stedd's body is missing.
Realizing that they have been abandoned by all the men folk, Posh Spice and Baby Spice decide to make a dash for the teleporter and get to safety. Girl Power! Pheobe creates an illusion of a Taco Bell drive thru to distract the troll and "poof" the girls make it to the first level of the crypt again. They are shortly joined by Butch and Sundance aka Sarius and Garland, and the four decide to just sleep it off, hoping this has been a bad dream.
Magic 8-Ball Room: The four adventurers are healed up and ready to rock. They head back to the scene of the crime and confront the surviving troll. Devora unleashes some radiant goodness and makes him sparkle like a vampire from Twilight. Now that he has a bullseye on him, Garland goes ballistic with some fire and burns that him down like it ain't no thang! The four of them head back into troll room and notice a big female sphynx
statue. Phoebe, having recently discovered the joys of female bonding, decides to grope up on the sphynxette. The sphynx is very grateful and offers to answer one question for anyone willing to cop a feel. Phoebe asks where the altar is, and it's behind a secret door. Question Fail. Sarius asks where is the secret door, and it's in this room. Minor Success. Garland, thinking he's on a Maury Povich show, is like "who's my daddy?" and the answer is Hairball. Question ummm? Devora, because she's wiser than everyone else is like "Who or what was t
that Meekin chick that was following us through the swamp?" and the answer is a Rakshasa who would totally have killed you all, so be glad you all failed perception rolls. We all proceed to loot some little idols and Phoebe throws Varris under the magic steam shower and turns him back to flesh. Still no one seems to notice or care where Stedd's body is, because we are a bunch of self-centered adventurers.
Next week: We kick down the secret door, grab the sphere out of the earth altar, and win D&D forever. Boo Yah!
I remember things a bit differently: The party entered the crypts, but Devora wisely advised against touching anything. 'Cuz she's wiser than everyone. Then everyone who is not nearly as smart as Devora teleports to the Room of Certain Death. Feeling bad, because she knows they will die without her, she follows them. She was able to guess the correct rune to push, because she's in tight with the gods. Room of Certain Death: Four
stoned adventurers, Stedd hanging back (because he's being played by Bad Azz Paul at this point) avoids the stonage, Devora busts out the mirror and defeats what's probably the biggest threat in the dungeon with one move. Owned it! Stedd and Sarius defeat the flesh golem after Devora bravely steps up and tanks, soaking mega-damage. Party get's mostly un-stoned and we soldier on. Can you guess what the biggest threat was?
Room of Obvious Death: It's simple. Two stone trolls looking like they want to kill everyone, and a lever with a big sign over it saying "don't pull me or you're screwed." Phoebe races for the lever, because she's Phoebe, and condemns us to our fate. Pretty sure I overheard her say "If Stedd's gonna die, he's gonna die" before doing it. Fortunately we have Garland, a sorcerer with a ton of fire magic. Sadly, his broken magic backfires and he spends the next ten rounds blowing bubbles and chucking random patches from his robe of useless items at the
trolls. Dogs? Check. Pit? Check. Lantern? Check. Bag of Planters peanuts? Check. So our main weapon is neutered. Phoebe has some inspiration (not in game terms) and says, I'ma light this guy up with my lantern, but I'm all busy beating my drum to inspire you guys, so someone grab it from me. Sarius is like - please, I have sharp weapons that don't do nothing to these trolls and I'm gonna hack away futiley to see if maybe they suddenly stop regenerating. Again Devora saves the day, by smashing the lantern out of Pheoebe's hand and lighting the wall on fire behind the troll.
She totally meant to do that so we could set up a one-two punch of the troll being pushed into the wall and burning up. I forget who did the pushing, it's not that important. Oh yeah, prior to do this, Stedd got his face bitten off. Blood was everywhere and he was blinded with blood. He knows things are going bad, because he's hewing away at random sections of wall while the troll is going all Ray Rice on Phoebe and Devora, leaving the
ladies knocked out on the floor. Stedd decides discretion is the better part of valour and tries to snatch up the ladies and beat feet toward the exit. Unfortunately, Stevie Wonder just walks around in circles and bumps into walls. Eventually the other troll puts him down for the count. Somewhere during all this, Sarius and Garland the Mad Bubbler make a dash for the teleport chamber and vanish off to a different part of the dungeon.
The Misadventures of Sarius and Garland: By now Garland can talk, and thus cast spells. One would think they would immediately return to save the dying girls and the statue of Varris, but instead they are like "we don't need those guys" and they are off to ransack the remaining dungeon. First they find a long corrider with a portcullis at one end and a sculpted red dragon head with built in flamethrower at the other end. Sarius
immediately wants to investigate the dragon's mouth, because... death wish. Nothing happens though. Garland whips out a window from his robe and they use it to move through the portcullis like some kind of cartoon. They follow some stairs up to a throne room wherein lies undead-looking megaboss and a mechanical cat. Boss is like "Whatup Yo?" and our heroes haul buns back to the teleporter. They randomly push glyphs until they port to safety.
The Death of Stedd and the Girls Slumber Party: So Devora wakes up in complete darkness feeling like crap. She sees Phoebe stirring nearby as she regains conciousness. Phoebe promptly throws some healing at Devora and the girls share a moment of bonding in the darkness. Neither seems to care that Stedd's body is missing.
Realizing that they have been abandoned by all the men folk, Posh Spice and Baby Spice decide to make a dash for the teleporter and get to safety. Girl Power! Pheobe creates an illusion of a Taco Bell drive thru to distract the troll and "poof" the girls make it to the first level of the crypt again. They are shortly joined by Butch and Sundance aka Sarius and Garland, and the four decide to just sleep it off, hoping this has been a bad dream.
Magic 8-Ball Room: The four adventurers are healed up and ready to rock. They head back to the scene of the crime and confront the surviving troll. Devora unleashes some radiant goodness and makes him sparkle like a vampire from Twilight. Now that he has a bullseye on him, Garland goes ballistic with some fire and burns that him down like it ain't no thang! The four of them head back into troll room and notice a big female sphynx
statue. Phoebe, having recently discovered the joys of female bonding, decides to grope up on the sphynxette. The sphynx is very grateful and offers to answer one question for anyone willing to cop a feel. Phoebe asks where the altar is, and it's behind a secret door. Question Fail. Sarius asks where is the secret door, and it's in this room. Minor Success. Garland, thinking he's on a Maury Povich show, is like "who's my daddy?" and the answer is Hairball. Question ummm? Devora, because she's wiser than everyone else is like "Who or what was t
that Meekin chick that was following us through the swamp?" and the answer is a Rakshasa who would totally have killed you all, so be glad you all failed perception rolls. We all proceed to loot some little idols and Phoebe throws Varris under the magic steam shower and turns him back to flesh. Still no one seems to notice or care where Stedd's body is, because we are a bunch of self-centered adventurers.
Next week: We kick down the secret door, grab the sphere out of the earth altar, and win D&D forever. Boo Yah!
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