D&D 5E DMs, what are the most baffling and/or pointless questions your players ask?

Prakriti · Apr 9, 2017

Here's one:

The party encounters a door.
Player: "What sort of door-handle is it?"

I have been asked this question at least 10 times in the past year, and I have no idea why. It never seems to make the slightest difference in what they do.

Next time, I think I'll say, "an octopus," and see what happens.

MiraMels · Apr 9, 2017

"can I roll an insight check?"

This won't follow a particularly suspicious statement made by an NPC. This won't even follow a complete statement made by an NPC. This won't be made by the person interacting with an NPC, and will frequently interrupt another player who is interacting with the NPC. If I ask them "what are you looking for?", they will tell me that they're just trying to get a general sense of...trustworthiness? And if I ask them why their character finds this NPC suspicious, they won't know.

This will happen every single time the party interacts with any NPC.

ccs · Apr 9, 2017

I think the most baffling comes from the people I've been playing with for a decade+.
"Can I make a (insert skill check)?"

Because the answer is YES. It's always yes. It's always been yes....
Just tell me what you're doing (and why) & maybe give me a second to come up with a DC and formulate an answer.
Yet week after week I answer this same question from people who already know the answer. ???

guachi · Apr 9, 2017

I'm DMing a game. The Druid usually shape shifts into a dire wolf. This time, the druid is shape shifted into a giant spider.

She misses several attacks in a row. I say, "Guess you weren't... Hungry Like the Wolf." Everyone laughs and I queue up Hungry Like the Wolf on YouTube on my phone and proceed to play it and many of us sing along. (Note: I had recently been going through songs from the early '80s and had listened to this song a dozen+ times in the last week. I knew the lyrics inside and out).

I'm singing along to the song and other players are talking to me. Or something. "What's its AC? Do I hit? Can I move over here?" Why are they asking me questions? I have an awesome '80s song to sing!!!

"What? Oh, yeah. You hit it. It's dead. I smell like I sound. I'm lost and I'm found. And I'm hungry like the wolf." You just can't beat lyrics that make no sense like that.

Lanefan · Apr 9, 2017

Prakriti said:
The party encounters a door.
Player: "What sort of door-handle is it?"

Next time, I think I'll say, "an octopus," and see what happens.

Tentacle-motif door handles. Nice!

Consider this idea stolen!

alienux · Apr 9, 2017

"Should I do x?"

I have players who ask me for advice on what to do. I just answer by telling them that they can try anything they like, and it's up to them if they think they should or not.

Zardnaar · Apr 9, 2017

"Who is my daddy?"

"Well here is a d12 see that old football team photo..."

Draegn · Apr 9, 2017

Player "Why is she doing that?"

Me "Who are you talking about?"

Player "The girl I just spoke to."

Me "You know you just spoke to four girls. Can you tell me her name?"

Player "Umm I forgot to write it down, anyone know it?"

Lancelot · Apr 10, 2017

Four years ago (real-time), one of my players had a huge ruby pick-pocketed from his character before he managed to get it valued. Every campaign since, that one missing gem gets compared to every other gem that the party finds. "Yeah, but remember that huge ruby my ranger found? That was even bigger than this one, and I bet it was even more valuable! Say, DM... how much was that ruby worth?" The player has asked me that question more than a dozen times in the last four years, and every time I tell him: "Who knows? You never managed to get it valued..." And then he gets mad, and calls me various names... and I smile. I guess it's not the most pointless question, though. The point seems to be that I'm slowly driving one of my players insane, and I'm okay with that.

Other pointless questions from my group:
a) "Is that what it says in the printed module?"
b) "I've got this build spec'ed out all the way to 20th level... are you okay with me taking this ability as a cap-stone?" [usually asked when designing the character at 1st level, with full knowledge the group always TPKs before 14th level]
c) "Bob's character is down, but he has no death boxes yet. Hey, DM, does it look like the monster might coup him next round, or can we just leave him there for a bit?"

LordEntrails · Apr 10, 2017

ccs said:
I think the most baffling comes from the people I've been playing with for a decade+.
"Can I make a (insert skill check)?"

Because the answer is YES. It's always yes. It's always been yes....
Just tell me what you're doing (and why) & maybe give me a second to come up with a DC and formulate an answer.
Yet week after week I answer this same question from people who already know the answer. ???

Now they are trained to always ask that question as the means to starting a skill check. Next time just answer, "Just tell me what you're doing and why. You don't need to ask."