1)
Empire Strikes Back. It changes everything and shakes up the status quo like no one's business. Leia loves Han. Luke becomes a Jedi. Vader is Luke's father. Force Users can move objects with their mind! Jedi can be ghosts! The rebellion is on the ropes. Han is lost. Luke spends the entire more separated from everyone else.
If released now, this movie would be way more polarising than
The Last Jedi.
2)
The Last Jedi. Full of surprises as well. It made me excited about the franchise again after the mediocrity of
The Force Awakens, and set the stage for an "anything could happen" final chapter. So many amazing performances and great, unexpected twists that just made sense. Of course the million-to-one plan would fail. The odds were a million-to-one! Of course the selfish codebreaker would betray everyone for money. That's what criminals do.
And at the climax, Luke returns and saves the entire resistance with the single most Jedi move ever, delaying an army without ever throwing a single punch, or lightsaber strike in the ultimate pacifistic victory.
3)
A New Hope. Imaginative and unique despite wearing its inspirations unapologetically on its sleeve. And a master class of worldbuilding through throw-away lines.
4)
Rogue One. Sneaks ahead of the pack for two standout elements. One, the absence of the Jedi and Skywalkers. It was the first Star Wars film without any, and the first to try and break out of that mold. But also the downer ending. In a time of constant franchises, the idea of killing off the entire cast still feels like a surprise.
5)
Solo /
Return of the Jedi. Tie, because they're both in the middle and demonstrate some general laziness. RotJ was decent, but really feels like a retread. Especially as the last half is basically pulling and recycling the planned climax of
A New Hope.
Solo was more entertaining than it had any right to be, and worked despite making three of the biggest moments of Han's life all largely connected. But it's not nearly as bad as people think.
6)
Revenge of the Sith. Decent enough. Nothing special.
7)
Phantom Menace. Not as bad as everyone thinks or remembers. It's failings are largely one of editing. I have a fan cut that makes some very minor tweaks, and it works quite well. And all the "boring politics" people whine about is a couple minutes at most.
8)
Attack of the Clones. Adequate. Soft in the middle. But the solid ending makes up for that. It's easier to forgive films with a good ending that leave you walking away happy.
8) Saved for Episode IX.
9)
Force Awakens. This movie is
. Unoriginal, uninspired dreck that completely and unabashedly milks the original trilogy. And somehow the science and scenes make less sense than anything else in Star Wars, which is an impressive feat. It completely and utterly fails at worldbuilding, characterisation, plotting, establishing motive, and many other aspects, and is held together by a frenetic pace and stop watch action scenes that never let you stop and think for long, otherwise you'd realise how terrible everything is.
Say what you will about the prequels, at least they did something freakin' different. A completely different tone and feel, while still being Star Wars. Episode VII makes it feel like nothing has changed. If not for the familiar characters looking older, it could have been set a year after
The Return of the Jedi.
10) Pause for effect.
11)
The Star Wars Holiday Special. Yeah, this is so much worse than anything that you need to separate it from the rest of the films to demonstrate the magnitude of its horror.
