How do you mentally prepare yourself to DM? or Help me save my player!

I'm new to being DM and have started discovering that I enjoy coming up with ideas for adventures, stories, magic items, etc.

However, when it is actually time to play, I find myself sluggish, lethargic, and a little less enthusiastic.

Last session didn't happen because I got into a small arguement with my player about her not reading enough of the rules for combat, (she is a newbie player) and that I get frustrated sometimes when she disputes what I say when combat occurs. (Side note: Now I know why my old DM was pissed off all the time ) We ended up not playing and she went off to read the rules by herself for around an hour or so. She came back ready to play, but I felt that it wouldn't be good for us to play in that type of situation.

Anyways, I feel bad because I told her that I would show her how to play the game as we went along and I don't want to sour her to the game from this experience.

be more descriptive.

if she isn't understanding your setup...add more text.

saying you enter a 10x10 room may not be enough for her.

describe the smell, sounds, feel, lighting, etc... (even if there aren't any, say there aren't any)

so you might say the room is occupied by an orc. again that might not be enough.

describe how the orc looks, how well he handles his weapons, if he is in armor, is he alert, etc...(give his intentions thru the description of body language)

does he looked bored? is he on duty here alone? or is he watching another door waiting for his relief? is he a lowly grunt that barely knows which end of his sword to use? or is he a champion and decked out with the skulls of his victims on his belt?

I feel for you, dread. I am also an inexperienced DM, and find myself in this situation often I can't offer much in the way of advice, except to stick with it.

dreaded_beast said:

I'm new to being DM and have started discovering that I enjoy coming up with ideas for adventures, stories, magic items, etc.

However, when it is actually time to play, I find myself sluggish, lethargic, and a little less enthusiastic.

Last session didn't happen because I got into a small arguement with my player about her not reading enough of the rules for combat, (she is a newbie player) and that I get frustrated sometimes when she disputes what I say when combat occurs. (Side note: Now I know why my old DM was pissed off all the time )

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Ah! I knew this sounded like a "previous 'player-only' now becomes a DM". I love it when the tables are turned...

I'm afraid I can't help you and explain "how". For me, it's simply a "do or do not" kind of thing. You either have good management (people, time, organizational) skills - which allows you to keep the enthusiasm and not get beaten down by overly-demanding (or incompetent) players - or you don't.

Maybe try listening to inspiring/appropriate music (eg. Lord of the Rings, other various soundtracks) right before and during the very beginning of the session - it might give you the "oomph" of inspiration needed so you can deal with the player and still keep interested in the game.

This is a new DM trait, and by no means anything to worry about. The more you DM, the more experiences you gain and the more comfortable you become doing it.

The important thing here is that the players FEED off of the energy and confidence you have as a DM. Uncertain and lethargic DMs will very likely bring about uncertain and lethargic players.

Have you ever seen someone you just looked back on and said, "MAN, that was a great DM!" Whether they were really proficient at the rules or not, the one thing I'm willing to bet that that DM had that you don't yet is confidence and comfort at putting himself or herself out there, and not being afraid to be either dramatic or funny as the situation calls for it.

Don't be afraid to be descriptive, as Diaglo says. Don't be afraid to put emphasis on something. Don't be afraid to also slightly bend the rules when the situation calls for it, and tell your players that you might do so, so they won't be surprised by it.

As you yourself gain familiarity with your players and the situation of simply BEING a DM, your comfort will increase, and I think theirs will, too.

Last session didn't happen because I got into a small arguement with my player about her not reading enough of the rules for combat, (she is a newbie player) and that I get frustrated sometimes when she disputes what I say when combat occurs.

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I'm curious as to why she disputes you when she doesn't know the rules. It does help to remind a player that the rules are somewhat cinematic, and not everything is going to happen according to the laws of physics, or how someone thinks it would happen. That's because in the movies, cinema and drama trump reality and physics too, so there's a small amount of suspension of disbelief going on here as well.

Good luck in your new role! Don't be afraid to ham up the NPC's, insert drama and tension in a situation, or correct a player politely when they don't know the rules. In your case, the player is learning how to be a good player, too!

Hmm, that's a sensitive situation you've got there, newbie DM with newbie player. She wouldn't happen to be your wife/girlfriend/SO also? That wouldn't exactly make things easier.

Assuming she is "just" a player and there's no relationship complications involved, here's a few of thoughts.

First, maybe leave her alone with the rules-reading right now. My experience with newbies is that once they are ready to learn tactics they'll go to the books by themselves. Being given tasks to do in preparation to play isn't fun. Let her imagine and decribe to you what her character does, and describe NPC responses.

Second, when you go into combat, do yourselves a favour and use a battle grid. This will enable her to see where everything is and describe any moves she takes.
Don't worry her with technical explanations about AoOs and stuff. If she is about to provoke an AoO, point to the foe and explain that she's standing right next to this guy with the big axe (or whatever) and he'll get a free swing at her if she doesn't step back before she drinks that potion. If she still wants to drink, let her drink and live with the consequences. Conversely, let her have fun with AoOs, get foes to do things in her threatened area and remind her she gets a free swing.

Third, IME complaining about rulings in combat is an unusual thing for a newbie to do. Can you give more specific examples on what her problems seem to be?
In fact maybe point her to this thread and let her join in the discussion.
It's a style thing I guess but I'm all for getting a player's input when I have a problem to solve.

Try to keep it Simple. When you first start DMing the number of rules you need to remember is overwhelming. Keep the number of monsters small and other factors minimal.

Start at a lower level (makes things simpler - less player options.)

Also try to find out what your new player likes about RPG. Maybe have a private "combat" training session. Just place the figures in a moch combat and go over the basic rules (BAB, AC, Number of attacks, basic AOO).

After a few sessions she will be comfortable with the basics and then you can get more advance.

Something I do and have done for many years is play out the scenes in your head of the Coming Session. If I know The characters are likely to go see the General. then I play out in my head thier potential Conversation. this gets me thinking aboutthe General and what he is thinking, His voice and mannerisms and such. I can't predict the players speech but after a while you have a good idea of what and how they will say things. I don't force this "vision" of the world on the players but it does help me plan things out. I play out combat scenes in my head and most everything in advance.

think of it as previews for a TV show or movie. They show you things that are snippets of the movie/TV show to whet your appetite to get you going about what they are selling. Most times what they show isn't even a big part of the TV show/Movie. Your just previewing things to yourself.

It helps not only get you excitied about the session but develops your skill in predicting players wants and wishes, lets you develop voices/personalities for your NPC's and helps you get things mentally organized.

Also an interesting side affect is if your having a crappy day you tend to color your scenes witha tinge of pissed off. No reason not to let this affect the NPC. Who says becuase they have been nice to the PC's every time that one day they are just snippy to the player. Just have a reason. maybe home life isn't going well or work is getting to them. You'll find that if the PC has a relationship with the NPC they'll start wondering why the NPC is acting odd. They take an active interest in who the NPC is and why they feel/act certain ways. This leads to some great roleplaying sometimes. When a PC and NPC will sit sipping tea or wine talking about how much it stinks that he king has raised taxes. It adds that 3rd dimension to the NPC.

Of course you can do Fights the same way. Picture the kobolds firing their Crossbows desperately at the PC's who continue moving toward the kobolds position hiding behind an overturned table. Picture them scrambling for the door and the squell of one Kobold dieing that suddenly breaks the rest of the Groups morale and they all scramble for safety away from those mad adventurers.

just think about it when you have free time. Elevator rides, long tarffic lights, When work is boring you and you need a 5 minute break, during comercials etc. You would be surprised how much free time you have to play a short scene out in your head.

later

Before you get to a complicated place, like combat, make sure the players are clear with what's going on. For instance before you roll iniatitive, make sure the characters are clear with what is going on. If people are doing difficult things in combat like grapple, trippind, disarming, or other options that you and the players might not be 100% familiar with, take 15 minutes and go through it with the players so that everyone understands.

Rules compliants are can be tough to handle. Even experienced DMs can get fazzaled with that. If its a serious rules glitch and will drastically effect the way the games is going, handle it right then. However, if it isn't that big of deal at the time ask the player to write it down, and you can discuss it with them after the game.

You should go through mock combats with any newbie, stressing what their character can and cannot do.