Stupid Player Syndrome

Well, since DM's are taking a beating in another thread, Let's have a thread about player(s) who just.. don't... get.... it.

I had one group who had a standard operating proceedure to attack anything they came across that was remotely hostile in a module. I had told them several times that this was *not* a good idea, sometimes avoiding encounters was more wise. Well, at 5th level they came across 2 hill giants. They could easily avoid the encounter as they were still 500 yards away and the giants were unaware of them. They picked the fight anyway, and the result was a TPK.

Then there was one player who chose to play an antipaladin in a good (mostly lawful good). Party figured him out rather quickly - (killing a 6 year old in front of the neutral good druid wasn't too bright either - wildshape to bear and beat him six ways from Sunday).

Character #2 was - guess - an antipaladin. I warned him again. This time it took them about 20 mins, but again, party killed him. At this point the group shouted at him, no more.

Character #3 was - yep - another antipaladin. That one lasted as long as it took me to say, "You see a figure approaching in black plate mail"

Party's wizard, "Fireball"

He got mad and left, and frankly, I didn't care.

Encounter with 5 hill giants backed up with an evil cleric.

PC #1: I wait and stay hidden until PC #2 casts invisibility on me.
PC #2: I climb up the stairs and stay hidden, moving towards PC #1
PC #3: I cast fly on myself
PC #4: I cast bless.
PC #5 (a barbarian): I charge the hill giants!

PC #1-4: more prepartion
PC #5: I hit the hill giants.

PC #1-4: more preparation
PC #5: I hit the hill giants

PC #1-4: move into position
PC #5: ...

PC #1: "Where's the barbarian?"
PC #2: "There's his head."
PC #3: "And there's his body."
PC #4: "And there's his legs..."

Cheers!

Another true story:

DM: "You see a small room. The only exit from it is an archway with a strange purple mist."
Gnome Illusionist: "Detect Magic"
DM: "It's a strong transmutation aura"
Dwarf: "I walk through it."
DM: "Make a Fort save. A 1? You disintegrate."
Dwarf: "..."

Did they check the room for secret doors first? No. Did they find the special robes that would allow them to pass through the mist? No.

Cheers!

Later the same adventure, the three remaining PCs...

Them: "We infiltrate the cultists."
Me: "Very well. There are about 40 of them, and it looks like their leaders are up on the stage, addressing the cult."
Gnome: "I fireball the audience!"
Other players: "We're in the audience! You didn't tell us that!"

Result: The gnome killed a lot of 1st level commoners. Then the remaining cultists killed the unprepared party.

Cheers!

My favorite was the Necromancer we had that insisted on animated the bodies of the creatures we slain. Other party members were a Paladin and a cleric both of the god that dispises undead.

...then there was the player who, the party having infiltrated a dinner with some slavelords, assumed one of the guests (a slaver) was in fact a slave... and offered to break her out.

The rest of the party looked on in terror.

Being a kind-hearted DM, I agreed that the guest was in fact a slave, and she was rescued - despite the other players warning the original player.

Over a year later (real time), the "slave" having become the PC's lover, the PCs revealed the top-secret location of the base of the faction working against the slavers.

"Thank you lover," said the so-called slave, and teleported away.

The look on that player's face as he realised what he'd done... (and a bunch of other players saying "We told you so!")

Cheers!

Situation: 4 2nd level PCs vs an ettin.

PC #1: I charge the ettin!
PC #2: I shoot an arrow at the ettin. (Misses, PC #1 spoils shot)
PC #3: as PC 2
PC #4: as PC 3.

Ettin: I squash PC #1!
PC #2: I charge the ettin!
PC #3: I shoot an arrow at the ettin. Misses, PC #2 spoils shot.
PC #4: as pc 3.

Ettin: I Squash PC #2!
PC #3: I charge the ettin!
PC #4: I shoot an arrow at the ettin. Misses, PC #3 spoils shot.

Ettin: I Squash PC #3!
PC #4: I charge the ettin!

Ettin: I Squash PC #4!

No, I don't think running away has occured to those players.

Cheers!

Another one with a different party. We had a rogue, a wizard, cleric, barbarian and ranger in this group. We are on the top ledge of a castle with enemy gaurds coming from both directions. THe barbarian gets this idea that he wants to jump and grab a hold of the edge of the tower roof and get on the other side of the gaurd. It was an impossible or nearly feat and he failed, so the ranger goes "I'll save you" and tries to jump to his rescue. They both end up falling about 60 feet, both are basically out of it leaving the three least combat oriented characters to take on the gaurds.

Situation: a PC is ahead of the group, scouting. The group is in a cave system, seeking a rogue Dire Wolf. (Is there any other kind?)

DM: The sound of the growling gets louder.
Player: I put out the light I'm holding. (he doesn't have darkvision).
DM: The last thing you know is a pair of jaws closing around your throat.

Cheers!

I had one similar to Merrics ettin one above. We were using minis and the archer had party members directly in front of the small creatures they were fighting. THe archer fires, hits friend PC twice. Next round does the same. On the third round the PC who just got hit with 4 arrows runs back to the archer and sunders his bow.