My grandmother has died

My grandmother, Evelyn Baase (born May 31, 1922), has been sick for a very long time. Whenever I have asked, people tell me it is not Alzheimer's although to me the symptoms sound very much the same. My dad tells me that she has shown symptoms of this for decades, actually, even when he was a kid. Things really took a turn for the worse after my grandfather Fred died in 1991. The last time I saw her was in 1993 at the age of 18, when my cousin got married.

My dad was born in upstate New York, in a little town called Hamlin in Monroe county (near Rochester). He moved to Chicago in the late 60s where he met and married my mom and settled down. I've lived my whole life in Chicago. Before my grandpa died, we used to visit Hamlin often - every other year or so, it seemed, or relatives from there would come out here to visit us. My parents, my two sisters, and myself had not gone up there since my cousin's wedding.

I decided to take a trip back up there in 2002 with my sisters and not-yet-fiancée. We got to see my uncle Rick Baase. We had a great time, and it was a great road trip. Rick told us that seeing grandma would be a bad idea. We had known that she was sick, but what he told us really got us downhearted. She was simply not herself anymore. It started with her being merely forgetful and confused. At the time of my cousin Gretchen's wedding I remember my uncles telling my father that she always though that grandpa "Fritz" was outside doing chores or something, and they had to keep reminding her that he was gone. As we lost touch with my uncles, we didn't get news about her as frequently, but we found out that this disease progressed. She started forgetting people she knew - she thought that Rick was actually her beloved Fritz on more than one occasion - and eventually, she could not even remember who her sons were. A few years ago, she didn't even respond to her own name. When we were there in 2002, she was nonverbal and bedridden. So, trusting our uncle's advice, we dropped our plans to see her. We have talked about plans to go back to NY, but have not gotten around to it. In fact, I was just at my other grandma's house just last week telling her about grandma "Evvy".

My uncle Rick sent me this e-mail on New Years Eve (which hampered my festive evening a bit):

"Hi. Please tell your mom and dad that grandma is not eating anymore. She cannot swallow and the only option to feed her is by using a tube, which we have told the nursing home to not do. We have instructed them to not assist her by any artificial way to keep her alive. Her quality of life has left her long ago. Say a prayer for her. Take care."

So now, she is really dying. I called my Mom that afternoon and told her the news (dad was at work). I haven't spoken to the old man yet, but I heard that he was upset - I will see him at church tomorrow morning (if I can get to bed early enough to wake up for it that is). I guess they called my unlce, and his wife told them that the doctors don't expect her to live for more than a week or so without artificial means.

So, I guess, this is it.


Edit: updated title...

I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother, Boz.

Between work and personal experience, I have watched many people suffer and pass away. I have worked in a couple of assisted living homes, and watched my own relatives - including my grandmother - slowly wither away. No matter how many people around me die, it never gets easy.

It is incredibly painful, Boz. For what it is worth, I understand... and, what is more important, your whole family is in my prayers.

Dwell on the good things - happy memories of family visits and laughter... and know that in her passing, she does not end her journey, but begins.

::hugs::

--Liz and Kennon aka Queen_Dopplepopolis and The_Universe

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:

know that in her passing, she does not end her journey, but begins.

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she has been waiting long enough, i'm sure... whether it was her body or her will that was keeping her here, it looks like it's time that both are giving up.

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:

It is incredibly painful, Boz. For what it is worth, I understand... and, what is more important, your whole family is in my prayers.

::hugs::

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oh, and thank you.

Boz,

You have my deepest condolences and hopes she finds peace even in this most horrid of states.

I do have some idea of what it is she's suffering from. Much like Alzheimer's, the term dementia is something that's often tossed around. Unlike some other forms of mental illness, dementia can often masquere as another disease. A neighbor of mine has it, and my own experience/research into abberant behavoir, leads me to suggest that she does suffer from it. Some times these causes are organic, a lesion on the brain or some other problem might have induced this. I can't say for certain if that's the case but it's entirely probable. In any event I thought it might help to know what it is I believe is causing this. Again this all second hand info and I've not had a chance to look at my notes from my psychology class. But I do wish you the best Boz.

Saddening, sorry to hear this and I hope that she has suffered as a least amount that is possible. I wish you and yours well through this adversity.

Thoughts and Prayer

The Seraph of Earth and Stone

May love be the strongest emotion you feel at this time, even though the grief is necessary. I lost my grandparents during high school, and it was a hard time, but it was good to see all our family gather to cherish our loved ones.

Sorry to hear this, Boz. My thoughts are with you and your family.

BOZ,

sorry for your news. we'll keep her in our prayers for you.

Take heart, BOZ, in that she is headed someplace better and happier, and she will finally be able to rest.

My prayers go to her, you and all of your family.

::hug::