Two wary groups, both bearing arms, will most likely have plans of their own is something goes down. If more people show up after introductions are made they might back away... if the other side moves too close they may draw steel, and if the other side draws, they most definitely will- even if only one member of the other side does. If crossbows or bows are aimed at each other through the meeting, almost the slightest thing could start a battle. This is akin to the first guy to fire at the Boston Massacre or what have you.
Generally, parties who are unfamiliar with each other waste absolutely no time defining what is acceptible to them, and making clear the consequences of any unacceptible actions. "If anyone starts casting a spell, we will open fire. If anyone draws steel, we will engage you. Swords must remain secure in their scabbards at all times..." and so on. Parties also tend to keep meetings as brief and to the point as possible when in neutral territory, because neutral territory means "a place both sides can maneuver to ambush each other if given the time, and thusly a great risk to all present." Only warrior codes or cultural codes that are well known and accepted by parties will allow anything close to trust to come into play.
Unless two groups are fairly amicable towards eachother, I'd allow the initiator to enjoy his surprise round and then have everyone react to that in the first round of combat. If both sides are prepared to act (and they should be), then the guy who starts it quite literally starts it. If one side is prepared and the other isn't, and its really up to the DM whether or not the other side is lacking foresight or sufficient jitters, then the entire team of PCs may get off actions before the enemy or even vice versa. Heck, you could have one nervous nobody guard waiting in the woods with a crossbow lose his nerve or just screw up and fire a bolt, either hitting a PC or a nearby bit of terrain, sparking a huge fight over a rather critical misunderstanding ("We've been Set UP!")
Sense Motive should be used in such social interaction to sense a set up or possibly tell how on edge the opposing side, while Bluff can be used to cover up such arrangements. It should be pretty obvious that everyone's more than willing to defend themselves, but if they're planning to attack, that should be dealt with with SM, as mentioned.