Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
http://slumbering.lungfish.com/ is often the home of dorko humor, but today's update is especially great. Enjoy!
Daniel
Daniel
Best D&D Joke
- Thread starter Pielorinho
- Start date
Altamont Ravenard
Explorer
If you told that joke at my table, you'd have dice thrown at you 
AR
AR
Cthulhu's Librarian
First Post
Boo! Hiss! Get off the stage! 
Henry
Autoexreginated
A burly adventurer is drinking in a bar at a jungle outpost, when in stumbles an obviously drunk, dirty, half-naked man. The half-naked drunk man mumbles for a drink, and says to the barkeep, "Boy, Murphy, your Whiskey is the best stuff on the planet! When I drink this stuff, it makes me strong enough to wrestle a Gorilla to sumbishum..err, sumbis... submission!"
"Get out of here, drunken fool!" The burly adventurer says. "No one can wrestle an ape to submission, and certainly not while drunk."
Surely just then, a thundering noise from outside erupts, as an Ape has broken through fortifications and is terrorizing the populace outside. The Burly man draws his weapon, but the drunken fool says, *GLUGGLUGGLUG* "No wait, let me handle it!" And amazingly, the crowd watches through the doors as he stumbles outside, gives the massive gorilla a noogie, and wrestles it to the ground.
"That's impossible!" Burly says. He grabs a bottle of whiskey from Murphy, drinks the whole bottle in one slam, and lurches forward to give the ape his own piece of what-for. The man is beaten senseless by the ape, slung over his shoulder, and taken back to the jungle forest.
The Drunk fool saunters in without the least trace of drunkenness, takes Burly's spot and wallet from the table, and orders another round.
Murphy chuckles under his breath and says, "Tarzan, you are one crazy mother."
"Get out of here, drunken fool!" The burly adventurer says. "No one can wrestle an ape to submission, and certainly not while drunk."
Surely just then, a thundering noise from outside erupts, as an Ape has broken through fortifications and is terrorizing the populace outside. The Burly man draws his weapon, but the drunken fool says, *GLUGGLUGGLUG* "No wait, let me handle it!" And amazingly, the crowd watches through the doors as he stumbles outside, gives the massive gorilla a noogie, and wrestles it to the ground.
"That's impossible!" Burly says. He grabs a bottle of whiskey from Murphy, drinks the whole bottle in one slam, and lurches forward to give the ape his own piece of what-for. The man is beaten senseless by the ape, slung over his shoulder, and taken back to the jungle forest.
The Drunk fool saunters in without the least trace of drunkenness, takes Burly's spot and wallet from the table, and orders another round.
Murphy chuckles under his breath and says, "Tarzan, you are one crazy mother
."
Yea, and why to orcs have such big noses?
---------> ever look at their fingers!
---------> ever look at their fingers!
Turanil
First Post
The generator of droid names (that I found on that site) is especially cool. It should be of great use when DMing D20 Future. Here are two examples:
Attachments
Dark Jezter
First Post
Archived thread containing a lot of D&D jokes.
I used that thread to find jokes for the halfling bard I'm making that has ranks in Perform (Comedy). I'll keep an eye on this thread as well.
I'll contribute a joke of my own...
One day, a bard who was visiting the city of Silverymoon decided to tour the countryside surrounding the city. As he was walking through the woods, he heard a growling noise and decided to investigate. When he reached the spot where the noise was coming from, he saw an elf being mauled by a 10-foot-tall grizzly bear.
Things were looking grim for the elf, when suddenly three dwarves burst out of the forest. One dwarf shot the bear with a crossbow, causing him to drop the elf. The other two dwarves then drew their axes and charged the bear, hacking at it until it was dead.
The bard was so amazed by this scene that he motioned for the dwarves to come to him, which they did.
"That was the bravest thing I've ever seen," said the bard. "I'd always heard that elves and dwarves didn't get along with each other very well, but you have shown me that in the face of adversity, even elves and dwarves can set aside their differences and help each other. Rest assured that I will write a song to commemorate your heroic deeds."
After the bard leaves, one of the dwarves said "Who was that?"
"I think he's one of those traveling bards. They go from place to place, preserving events they witness in the form of song and poem." Replied another dwarf.
"Well," said the first dwarf. "He may know a lot about poetry, but he obviously dosen't know jack squat about bear hunting. Now, is the bait doing okay, or do we need to go back to town and grab another elf?"
I used that thread to find jokes for the halfling bard I'm making that has ranks in Perform (Comedy). I'll keep an eye on this thread as well.
I'll contribute a joke of my own...
One day, a bard who was visiting the city of Silverymoon decided to tour the countryside surrounding the city. As he was walking through the woods, he heard a growling noise and decided to investigate. When he reached the spot where the noise was coming from, he saw an elf being mauled by a 10-foot-tall grizzly bear.
Things were looking grim for the elf, when suddenly three dwarves burst out of the forest. One dwarf shot the bear with a crossbow, causing him to drop the elf. The other two dwarves then drew their axes and charged the bear, hacking at it until it was dead.
The bard was so amazed by this scene that he motioned for the dwarves to come to him, which they did.
"That was the bravest thing I've ever seen," said the bard. "I'd always heard that elves and dwarves didn't get along with each other very well, but you have shown me that in the face of adversity, even elves and dwarves can set aside their differences and help each other. Rest assured that I will write a song to commemorate your heroic deeds."
After the bard leaves, one of the dwarves said "Who was that?"
"I think he's one of those traveling bards. They go from place to place, preserving events they witness in the form of song and poem." Replied another dwarf.
"Well," said the first dwarf. "He may know a lot about poetry, but he obviously dosen't know jack squat about bear hunting. Now, is the bait doing okay, or do we need to go back to town and grab another elf?"
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