Help. I've lost confidence as a GM.

[jayoungr]

WARNING: Long, self-pitying wall of text below. TL;DR, how do I get my mojo back?

I feel like I've been in a downward spiral as a GM over the last year or so. My GMing experiences have become fewer and worse.

At one point, I was highly active with two different gaming groups (one oneline, one in person). I ran all of Tyranny of Dragons for the online group, plus a couple of follow-up adventures. It was my ambition to get that party up to level 20 so we could all experience the full range of levels in D&D 5E. The follow-up adventures both started out badly, and although they did come to successful conclusions, it felt like an uphill battle.

So in early September, I decided to take some time off, hoping one of the other players would step in and run some games as he'd been talking about doing, allowing me to recharge my batteries as a player. But then that guy got sucked into another commitment and didn't have time to prep games. Okay, fair enough.

I thought I'd run a one-shot of Death House in October; the group really likes Ravenloft, and hey, it was just a one-shot, right? But the group hated the ending, and although we had an interesting conversation about it, it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I should say that I fully acknowledge that I could have handled parts of all these adventures better. But I only realized that in hindsight.

That's the online group. My in-person group plays a variety of systems, both "traditional" and indie games. But we had trouble getting together in 2016 due to a variety of scheduling problems, and in 2017, our play has been just as spotty due to the fact that one member of the group is having fairly serious health issues. I absolutely don't begrudge the fact that this disrupts our schedule, but it does mean that I have fewer opportunities to "get back on the horse." (For anyone who's worried, his treatments are going very well.)

I had a brief bright spot in January when I ran several successful sessions of Leverage in preparation for a con. But the con itself was kind of a disaster. I ambitiously scheduled myself to run three games, partly because I was already feeling starved for a chance to game. One went well, one had the problem of starting out badly again, and the last one (an indie game) was a complete disaster. I was trying to teach the game with a migraine and at one point had to leave the table to go throw up. And of my four players, two got up and left before the slot was over.

That was a major blow to the confidence. I wanted just to play for a while, but that's been irregular for reasons mentioned above. This week, only part of the group could make it, so I thought we could try out Microscope. No prep, no GM, and all I have to do is teach. Should be a nice way to ease myself back into running games, right? And I was so sure that the hardest-to-please person in our group would like the game, because she hates crunch and fiddly bits, and this is so simple. But at the end of the session, when I asked how people liked the game, she said she disliked it because it was "not collaborative," and she didn't want to play again.

That might not be so bad if it weren't on top of all these other things, but it is; part of GMing is choosing the right game for the group, after all. And then there's the fact that my mother passed away unexpectedly at the beginning of June, which isn't helping anything.

I'd been throwing myself into planning to restart the online group's game as a project to distract me, but now I just don't know if it's worth it. I tried listening to recordings of our old, fun sessions to cheer me up, and all I can hear are the places where I missed cues that the players wanted to do something different or where I was scrambling to react to things they did. And the online group isn't sure when we can restart anyway.

I've also committed myself to teaching some indie games at a con later this summer, and I just don't know if I'll be ready. Or whether I'm ready to run for either of my other groups. Or whether the online group even really wants me to run, or whether they're just being polite. GMing suddenly seems so hard, and every choice I'm tempted to make about a game suddenly seems guaranteed to be wrong.

What's a GM who's lost faith in his/her abilities to do?

 

[Nagol]

Stop.

Work through the grief, reduce the pile on the plate and recover.

Once you feel substantially more in control and rested, pick a favourite system and offer trusted players a one-shot adventure that will run 1-3 sessions. If they accept, spend to time to prep well (whatever that means for you and the system of choice) and then run it well. Take stock and review afterwards what went well. Ask the players if they enjoyed themselves and how you compare to previous campaigns (that's why they're trusted) and take their praise to heart.

 

[innerdude]

First, I'd go back and re-read the "Lazy GM" threads posted here and elsewhere. Seriously. Most of the advice in those threads was stuff I was already doing, but it was a great reminder to see it all codified like that.

Second, you've talked about trying several different kinds of systems, but it doesn't sound like you've found one that really "resonates" with you as a GM. You played 5e to level 20 with the online group, but it doesn't really sound like you're "in love" with 5e, or that the choice to run it was actually a choice you made and not just as "the default." When I moved from Pathfinder to Savage Worlds, my GM-ing took off exponentially, because I no longer had to worry so much about the choices the players were making. I could improvise on the fly with ease, and let them go wherever their actions decided to take them. I had found my "zen," my "center" as a GM there. There's way less "scrambling," massively less prep, and way more time in play to actually listen to the players.

The only other thing I'd add is, how much of your GM-ing is really for you, and really for the players? There needs to be some balance, but truthfully, I find the vast majority of it should lie on the player's side of things. Probably 5/6 player desire, 1/6 GM desire, maybe less.

The other thing to ask, are there basic GM skills you could improve? Could you improve building NPCs and NPC motivations? Maybe review some acting lessons online, or online essays on character building in fiction. Is it worldbuilding? Find some fun historical research to look at. Whatever it is, there's resources out there.

The thing about GM-ing, success is rarely tied to any one single element. But there are almost always (at least as it's happened with me) things that have a bigger impact, or make a more immediate impact on my success because they are cross-threaded, or tied, to other things that also make a difference.

And last of all, don't be so hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know). Like any pursuit that's worthwhile, there will be ups and downs. When you're ready and refreshed, like [MENTION=23935]Nagol[/MENTION] said, your mojo will come back.

 

[THEMNGMNT]

As a DM, I've found one of the best things I can do is spend time on the other side of the screen as a player. It's a great way to quit judging myself as a DM by the perfect ideal I have in my head. Instead, I can see how other DMs master the dungeon. Sometimes they're better than me. Sometimes they're worse. Other times they're just different. It's a tricky job. Nobody's perfect. You are never going to have a flawless session. It's highly dependent upon your players. A great session is a collaboration between great players and great DMs sharing an ephemeral moment in time. The important thing is that you give of yourself to show other people a good time. Remember, it's nothing more than--or less than--a game.

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

Losing a parent is a parent is a traumatic thing, and you have my condolences. We all grieve in different ways, but maybe now is not the time to be worried about running a game. But then again, maybe that social outlet is also needed. I can’t speak for how you process grief, and wouldn’t dream of doing so.

All that being said, I think one of the best things for GM burnout is just playing at a game. If there are open table sessions at your FLGS or other venue, try taking advantage of that.

Or if you’re into videogames or books, I find a good one of those (paired with a tasty, likely alcoholic, beverage of your preference), one you can really get lost in, can do wonders to unwind and reinvigorate.

 

[ccs]

but it is; part of GMing is choosing the right game for the group, after all.

Have you considered just asking them what games & types of campaigns they'd like to play? That should simplify things quite a bit.

Then you take their list & compare it to what you're willing to run....

 

[jayoungr]

Thanks to all who have answered. I truly appreciate everyone's thoughts, and would welcome any others you have to share.

Second, you've talked about trying several different kinds of systems, but it doesn't sound like you've found one that really "resonates" with you as a GM.

I'm not game-monogamous, so the number of different systems mentioned shouldn't be taken as a sign of something wrong.

The only other thing I'd add is, how much of your GM-ing is really for you, and really for the players? There needs to be some balance, but truthfully, I find the vast majority of it should lie on the player's side of things. Probably 5/6 player desire, 1/6 GM desire, maybe less.

I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here--are you saying to be on guard against selfish motivations for running games?

Have you considered just asking them what games & types of campaigns they'd like to play? That should simplify things quite a bit.

I did have agreement to try all of these. I should perhaps mention that the in-person group has two frequent GMs and two others who step in occasionally. But the other frequent GM besides me is the guy with the health problems, and neither of the occasionals has run anything all year. So we've only played when the guy with the health problems feels up to running something.

The in-person group has even gotten excited over a campaign idea I tossed out a few weeks ago as a "maybe sometime we should..." type of idea. They made characters and everything. I'm just feeling very off-balance and not ready to actually run it.

 

[Silver Moon]

Okay, I have been a GM for the last 36 years. Here is my advice. Put the past behind you, ignore it, and move on. You are by your own admission a GM who is having a period of doubt and lack-of-confidence. Carrying yourself with self-confidence is one of the most important characteristic to successful GMing. Read some of the above advice, incorporate it into a positive attitude adjustment, and move forward.

 

[kalil]

General advice in this type of situation: Dial it back, keep it simple. Try to find a game and scenario you are really confident in and focus on making it the best experience possible for yourself and your players. Running indie games on conventions and running new types of games (microscope is a very different beast from D&D) is probably not the best idea.

Examlifying: Lets assume this was me. In my case I have tons of experience running CoC. I know I can do and do it well. If I had a need for a confidence boost I would run a simple haunted house mystery in CoC 5e and make it the best, coolest and most ooen ended haunted house EVAH!

 

[pogre]

Don't put so much pressure on yourself to have a great game every time. Just enjoy running and do your best. I also agree with playing on the other side of the screen for a while. It has certainly recharged my GMing batteries.