GravyFingerz
Gravymancer
So, in my current campaign, the party has finished B1 and B2, and we are currently playing The Isle of Dread adventure in Dungeon issue 114. Well, this group I play with is lighthearted and a little silly. To give you an idea, let me give basic bios on the characters.
Rex "Man of Action/Nazi Smasher" Steel, Human Ftr8
Krunk, Half-Orc Bbn8
Bastard McBastard of Clan McBastard, Dwarf Clr8 of Moradin
Nugnar, Dwarf Wiz7
"Spoony", Human Brd7
Brenya, Halfling Rog6
Anyway, there are a few moments in this game that were so funny, I felt compelled to share it with you. You've probably had experiences like this, or you probably haven't. Either way, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you may wet your pants.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Hermit and the Barbarian
In the Keep on the Borderlands, you can encounter a mad hermit (human rog3) and his pet puma. They hide out in a huge misshapen tree. Well, the party camps out by this tree, and Krunk is on watch. The hermit makes his Move Silently check and Krunk fails his Listen check. The hermit sneaks up behind him and attacks ... as the GM, I rolled a 1 on the attack. Krunk leaps up and the hermit begins this long insane rant, something along the lines of "This is MY TREE! It belongs to me, my tree, my precious, away from my tree, it's mine!!!" After the hermit was done, Krunk speaks a simple phrase that was simultaneously profound and hilarious.
"Krunk no like!"
Krunk then attacks, hits and threatens a critical hit, confirms the crit, and does something like, 50 or more points of damage. Well, the poor hermit only had 24 hit points, so he was sliced in half.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Elite Hobgoblins
The party is exploring the Hobgoblin Tribe cave, when they come across a room with 13 hobgoblins. The PCs were pretty scared, because they were outnumbered, and I described the hobgoblins as having high quality armor (compared to the other goblinoids), and as appearing as more seasoned, efficient, tactical, and better than other goblinoids.
Well, the hobgoblins were slaughtered. Slaughtered is too nice a word. It was a massacre, like a murderer killing unconscious victims. I used the best tactics I could conceive for these guys ... unfortunetly, when I rolled attack rolls for them, I never rolled anything above a 6! They never landed a blow, and the PCs easily dispatched them. In fact, the PCs dont describe it as a combat; they refer to it as "the time we found 13 longswords, 13 light wooden shields, and 13 suits of studded leather armor".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Kobold and the Cat
The PCs come across three kobolds being held prisoner in a cell in the Bugbear Tribe caves. They wanted to release them, and they tried to reason with the kobolds, but the kobolds would not reason. They didn't know what to do, until they had a bright idea. Inspired by my stories of the housecat vs. the human commoner threads on EN World, they decided to take these cats they found in the Bugbear mess hall, and have the kobolds fight them for their freedom. The first kobold agreed, thinking he was better than the cat.
Well, the kobold and the cat began the fight, and well, through lucky rolls and the fact that the kobold was unarmed and unarmored, the cat knocked the kobold unconscious, and then did a coup de grace. The kobold failed his save, and we now have one dead kobold.
Their humor sated, they let the other two kobolds go; however, they turned the other two cats loose after them. When one of the players (who was cameoing for a few sessions) stalked the tracks of the PCs through the cave, he saw two kobolds running for their lives, followed by two cats.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gelatinous Cube
(This is my favorite, btw)
The party enters a storeroom and finds a lone gelatinous cube. The wizard and the cleric fail to see the cube, so there is a surprise round. In the surprise round, Rex Steel and Krunk threw javelins at the cube. The cube, being a short distance away, decides to move forward and engulf the front row (which is Rex and Krunk).
Now, according to the rules for engulfing, the PCs can either make a Reflex save to avoid, or make an attack of opportunity. Well, the two players look at each other and come to the conclusion that they should take the attack of op and do lots of damage, since, as I put it, "you need to roll anything higher than a 1".
So Rex makes his attack ... the die is cast, and he rolls ... a 1. Laughter ensues, and then Krunk makes his attack roll ... the dice is cast and he rolls ... a 1. More laughter ensues, and then they are engulfed. They need to make Fortitude saves to avoid paralyzation. Well, they both fail their saves, and they are both engulfed for 8+ rounds. Well, we are laughing our everloving arses off at this event.
As it turned out, the cleric got engulfed too. Only through the expenditure of fireballs spells did the wizard slay the gelatinous cube, freeing the rest of the party and avoiding a tpk.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Cleric and the Squirrel
At one point, Bastard McBastard was exactly 3 experience points from leveling. It was the end of the session, and it seemed a bad state to let it end with him on the cusp of the next level. So I made him a deal for my own amusement. The deal was, if he defeated a rabid squirrel, he could have the extra 3 xp.
The squirrel got initiative, and ended up doing 2 points of damage to the cleric, before he squashed it with his mighty warhammer. It had initiative as well, and the cleric had a hard time hitting it. This went on for 4-5 rounds. At the end of it, I told him to make a Fort save to avoid contracting rabies.
Luckily, he made his save, and made the next level.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bard's Shining Moment (Newest)
So, the party is fighting a tendriculous. Somehow, me and "Spoony's" player get in to talking about his poetic talent, so I tell him that if he writes an awesome poem on the spot, relevant to the current battle, by his next turn in combat, I will double his bardic inspire courage bonus from +1 to +2. In under 2 minutes, this is what he came up with:
"A mighty shambling mound he come
to crush the Band of Steel
and men and foe both filled the air
with cries of strength and zeal.
And through the water murky black
through melee without end
the shambling mound would come to learn
good steel will never bend."
Needless to say, I was amazed and astounded, so I tripled his bardic music bonus to a +3. Note, that he thought it was a shambling mound (even though it was a tendriculous), and that the party has officially adopted their party name as "the Band of Steel".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If more stories happen, and if people want to hear about them, I'll keep updates. I felt these were too funny not to share.
Rex "Man of Action/Nazi Smasher" Steel, Human Ftr8
Krunk, Half-Orc Bbn8
Bastard McBastard of Clan McBastard, Dwarf Clr8 of Moradin
Nugnar, Dwarf Wiz7
"Spoony", Human Brd7
Brenya, Halfling Rog6
Anyway, there are a few moments in this game that were so funny, I felt compelled to share it with you. You've probably had experiences like this, or you probably haven't. Either way, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you may wet your pants.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Hermit and the Barbarian
In the Keep on the Borderlands, you can encounter a mad hermit (human rog3) and his pet puma. They hide out in a huge misshapen tree. Well, the party camps out by this tree, and Krunk is on watch. The hermit makes his Move Silently check and Krunk fails his Listen check. The hermit sneaks up behind him and attacks ... as the GM, I rolled a 1 on the attack. Krunk leaps up and the hermit begins this long insane rant, something along the lines of "This is MY TREE! It belongs to me, my tree, my precious, away from my tree, it's mine!!!" After the hermit was done, Krunk speaks a simple phrase that was simultaneously profound and hilarious.
"Krunk no like!"
Krunk then attacks, hits and threatens a critical hit, confirms the crit, and does something like, 50 or more points of damage. Well, the poor hermit only had 24 hit points, so he was sliced in half.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Elite Hobgoblins
The party is exploring the Hobgoblin Tribe cave, when they come across a room with 13 hobgoblins. The PCs were pretty scared, because they were outnumbered, and I described the hobgoblins as having high quality armor (compared to the other goblinoids), and as appearing as more seasoned, efficient, tactical, and better than other goblinoids.
Well, the hobgoblins were slaughtered. Slaughtered is too nice a word. It was a massacre, like a murderer killing unconscious victims. I used the best tactics I could conceive for these guys ... unfortunetly, when I rolled attack rolls for them, I never rolled anything above a 6! They never landed a blow, and the PCs easily dispatched them. In fact, the PCs dont describe it as a combat; they refer to it as "the time we found 13 longswords, 13 light wooden shields, and 13 suits of studded leather armor".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Kobold and the Cat
The PCs come across three kobolds being held prisoner in a cell in the Bugbear Tribe caves. They wanted to release them, and they tried to reason with the kobolds, but the kobolds would not reason. They didn't know what to do, until they had a bright idea. Inspired by my stories of the housecat vs. the human commoner threads on EN World, they decided to take these cats they found in the Bugbear mess hall, and have the kobolds fight them for their freedom. The first kobold agreed, thinking he was better than the cat.
Well, the kobold and the cat began the fight, and well, through lucky rolls and the fact that the kobold was unarmed and unarmored, the cat knocked the kobold unconscious, and then did a coup de grace. The kobold failed his save, and we now have one dead kobold.
Their humor sated, they let the other two kobolds go; however, they turned the other two cats loose after them. When one of the players (who was cameoing for a few sessions) stalked the tracks of the PCs through the cave, he saw two kobolds running for their lives, followed by two cats.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gelatinous Cube
(This is my favorite, btw)
The party enters a storeroom and finds a lone gelatinous cube. The wizard and the cleric fail to see the cube, so there is a surprise round. In the surprise round, Rex Steel and Krunk threw javelins at the cube. The cube, being a short distance away, decides to move forward and engulf the front row (which is Rex and Krunk).
Now, according to the rules for engulfing, the PCs can either make a Reflex save to avoid, or make an attack of opportunity. Well, the two players look at each other and come to the conclusion that they should take the attack of op and do lots of damage, since, as I put it, "you need to roll anything higher than a 1".
So Rex makes his attack ... the die is cast, and he rolls ... a 1. Laughter ensues, and then Krunk makes his attack roll ... the dice is cast and he rolls ... a 1. More laughter ensues, and then they are engulfed. They need to make Fortitude saves to avoid paralyzation. Well, they both fail their saves, and they are both engulfed for 8+ rounds. Well, we are laughing our everloving arses off at this event.
As it turned out, the cleric got engulfed too. Only through the expenditure of fireballs spells did the wizard slay the gelatinous cube, freeing the rest of the party and avoiding a tpk.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Cleric and the Squirrel
At one point, Bastard McBastard was exactly 3 experience points from leveling. It was the end of the session, and it seemed a bad state to let it end with him on the cusp of the next level. So I made him a deal for my own amusement. The deal was, if he defeated a rabid squirrel, he could have the extra 3 xp.
The squirrel got initiative, and ended up doing 2 points of damage to the cleric, before he squashed it with his mighty warhammer. It had initiative as well, and the cleric had a hard time hitting it. This went on for 4-5 rounds. At the end of it, I told him to make a Fort save to avoid contracting rabies.
Luckily, he made his save, and made the next level.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bard's Shining Moment (Newest)
So, the party is fighting a tendriculous. Somehow, me and "Spoony's" player get in to talking about his poetic talent, so I tell him that if he writes an awesome poem on the spot, relevant to the current battle, by his next turn in combat, I will double his bardic inspire courage bonus from +1 to +2. In under 2 minutes, this is what he came up with:
"A mighty shambling mound he come
to crush the Band of Steel
and men and foe both filled the air
with cries of strength and zeal.
And through the water murky black
through melee without end
the shambling mound would come to learn
good steel will never bend."
Needless to say, I was amazed and astounded, so I tripled his bardic music bonus to a +3. Note, that he thought it was a shambling mound (even though it was a tendriculous), and that the party has officially adopted their party name as "the Band of Steel".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If more stories happen, and if people want to hear about them, I'll keep updates. I felt these were too funny not to share.
Last edited:
But I think he just wanted to give the poor player one last chance to have his ranger live and made a judgement call. He rolled the dice in front of us and everything...
