Help! I suck at descriptions!

Confessions of a lame DM

Greetings and Well Met, fellow dice-chuckers! I originally posted this message over on the WotC boards, in the forum titled "What's a DM to do?", but I thought I should run it by the amazing brain trust here at ENWorld also.

I'll admit (and it's been confirmed through solicited feedback) that my greatest opportunity for improvement as a DM is in giving descriptions of things. NPCs, towns, the wilderness, caverns, mines, dungeons and so on. I usually do *pretty* good at giving a description of the action during a combat encounter, but fall flat everywhere else. When I'm writing an adventure outline I have all kinds of ideas pop into my head, but I either think "nah, that's too wordy" or I think I will remember them to use during play - which I never seem to do. I even have a footnote at the bottom of each page of my outlines which says, "Remember! Sight, sound smell, touch, and taste!", but I just don't seem to notice it. Typically my sessions go something like this:

Me: "As you enter the entrance to the mine you proceed down an approximately 10 to 15 foot wide tunnel, the walls are made of rough hewn stone. The large wooden timbers supporting the ceiling and walls are beginning to rot from age. You notice it's a bit colder than it was outside."
Player 1: "I'll move ahead of the rest of the party, moving silently as I go."
Me: "As you proceed down the tunnel you notice that, up ahead about 60 feet, it widens to a 40 or 50 foot cavern with a high-domed ceiling."
Player 1: "What does it look like?"
Me: "The walls are rough hewn stone, just like the tunnel before it. There are three openings in addition to the one you are in. A large wooden platform sits in the center of the chamber, and metal tracks from all four directions meet in the middle..."

and so on. How I'd really like them to go are more like this:

Me: "As you step into the narrow entrance of the mine the hairs on your arms begin to stand up straight as you notice the temperature beginning to drop slowly. You nose tingles a bit as you take a breath of the cold and damp air. The bright light of the outdoors begins to fade, and your eyes quickly adjust to the dim conditions, however you are now seeing everything with a stark black and white contrast. The large wooden timbers supporting the tunnel are showing severe signs of age, and you notice bits of wood and stone strewn across the tunnel floor."

and so on. Maybe I'm being too critical of myself, but as I mentioned I have received feedback from at least one player who agrees with me on this. The only way I can think to improve is to actually write descriptive text like this into the adventure outline. I've always disliked "boxed text" in an adventure, but maybe it's time for me to begin writing some of my own.

So, gentle dungeon masters, here is my request. Please help me come up with a list of texts that can be dropped into a location's description. I figure this is something that everybody might be able to use to enhance their sessions, so it's not (totally) selfish of me. Maybe we can continue to expand and grow the list, and everyone can benefit from it. If it gets big enough I can make it into a PDF file and plop it on a website somewhere.

Here's what I've come up with so far, off the top of my head (and a few added by some folks over on the WotC boards).


Indoors, Crypt/Mine/Other Dungeon
Sight
- The bright light of the outdoors begins to fade, and you eyes quickly adjust to the dim conditions, however you are now seeing everything with a stark black and white contrast.
- The large wooden timbers supporting the tunnel are showing severe signs of age, and you notice bits of wood and stone strewn across the tunnel floor.
- The flame dances on the top of your torch, casting dark shadows across the corridor walls, which appear to sway back and forth.

Sound
- You hear the faint sound of running water ahead and the air becomes noticeibly wetter as you continue through the tunnel.

Smell
- You nose tingles a bit as you take a breath of the cold and damp air.

Touch
- The mine the hairs on your arms begin to stand up straight as you notice the temperature beginning to drop slowly.

Taste



Indoors, Building
Sight
- The crackling fireplace across the room casts ever-changing shadows upon the occupants and contents of the tavern hall.

Sound
- The conversations around the tavern decrease, as people turn towards the door as you enter. It soon raises again. (ManinDarkness)

Smell
- As you enter the inn, a delicious smell, of freshly baked bread and beef stew, fills your nose. (Hal Horn)

Touch

Taste


Outdoors, City/Town/Village
Sight
- The narrow dirt road winds through the center of the village, littered with ruts from years of ill-maintenance.

Sound
- Off in the distance you hear the familiar "clang!" of a smith's hammer striking metal.
- As you approach what appears to be a tavern you hear the drunken slur of several men singing and laughing.

Smell
- The powerful odor of smelted copper permeates the air around you, a constant reminder of the town's single industry.
- The sweet smell of fresh bread pleases your senses as the sun just begins to rise over the horizon.

Touch

Taste


Outdoors, Forest
Sight
- The forest path, though not difficult to travel, narrows at times to only allow single file to pass.
- The moonlight from above filters through the forest canopy, casting spooky shadows across the ground and your travelling companions.

Sound
- You hear the wind lightly blowing through the sturdy branches of the trees around you.

Smell
- The sweet smell of nature's creations pleases you as you draw a deep breath through your nose.

Touch

Taste


Outdoors, Plains
Sight
- The wind causes ripples on the grass, you fell like sailing on a sea of green. (ManinDarkness)

Sound

Smell

Touch

Taste


Outdoors, Hills/Mountains
Sight
- Reaching the top of the hill you can see ominous black clouds in the distance slowly shifting toward you, a low rumble fills your ears fortelling the coming of a storm... (Unreal32)

Sound

Smell

Touch

Taste


Outdoors, Ocean/Lake/River
Sight

Sound

Smell

Touch

Taste

<EOF>

I think your asking me to give you some ideas of what to say, but unfortunantly im not to good at that.

What I suggest is to write down key words on your paper like " Rotting tembers" or Chilly Air"
that way you dont have to remember everything and you dont have to write 5 pages over a single place or item or person. Just write down key words that would help jog your memory.


1st post

Colonelthread, I commend you for doing the hard work as a DM! And it's heartening to hear that your players do want more than a "tactical" description. The problem with your question is that every town and forest will have a different feel, at least in my games they do.

Here are my suggestions:
Never Assume: Never assume emotions or actions of the PC's in your descriptions. In other words "you feel the cold sweat of fear roll down your neck as you brush aside the vines leading into damp musky passageway" isn't good because it assumes both (a) the PC feels fear, and (b) they are brushing aside the vines.
Use Skills: Divide your descriptions of a major area, NPC, or item with descriptions divided according to Skills with varying DCs. For example, for the "Rhyton of Therxes III" you might have a simple physical description that anyone can see. Those with Appraise might be able to learn the base value and culture of the rhyton (DC 12), or even how it was made and who it might belong to. (DC 20) A History check can determine various information about the rhyton's story and owners (varying DCs). And so on.
Less is More: That old rule about incorporating all 5 senses is great, but sometimes we DMs can get bogged down in description at the beginning of the game, and as the night wears on and the action increases our descriptions get less riveting. We burn out. The answer I've found is to stop trying so hard, and to really capture the scene with some unique quality...succinctly. Even smart players can forget the key points of an elaborate treasure chamber's description, but if you describe the treasure reflecting in the jeweled eyes of the golden griffon statues guarding the entrance - that's something that a PC will remember, and maybe even use the reflective surface of the jeweled eyes to their advantage later.
Use emphasis & sound effects: Don't keep your voice in the same monotone. Give important NPCs their own voice; this might be as simple as coughing and hunching over, or it could be a complex combination of nervous ticks and a heavy accent. Also don't hold back with sound effects. You'll laugh at yourself later. "Shhhh" go the willow trees rattling in the wind. "Aaaaa" go the sheeps in the distant pasture. An NPC who is exhausted might breathe heavy. In a cavern, any loud sound makes an eerie echo.

A few ideas which might help:

1) Train yourself to think cinematically - Ask yourself "How would this situation look if it in were a movie? What things would a great director focus on to create the mood?" Focus on the effect you want the area to have, and the details will come. Is this scene from a horror movie? An action film, a thriller? Watch a few genre films and see what directors focus on to make you feel the way they want to. Then imitate them until you get the hang of it.

2) Be succint. Further to Quickleaf's point, most of the time try to avoid describing things in too much detail! You don't need to spell everything out - just emphasize a few features that capture the feel you want to evoke and let the players imaginations do the work. If they want more information they'll ask for it. Most players minds will fill in the gaps according to the mood you've created, and will accomodate any changes as you describe them (though some players can be a little bull headed) >

3)It's from the PC's point of view, so place yourself in the PC's shoes and think what they are likely to be seeing smelling feeling etc. Remember that they haven't always got time to see everything! This is a game of action, not a merchant ivory production! If they've just opened a door and are being charged by a large ogre they are only going to get a glimpse of what's happening on the other side of the door (unless they actually say they are looking through it) so all you need to describe it as is some sort of kitchen, or as a room filled with carpets, or even just as "light bursts forth from the brightly lit room, dazzling your eyes, only to be obsured by something huge and sawtoothed in the doorway" And sure, there will be areas of amazing majesty and scope the players will come across that you will want to describe in detail, so take your time with those, and perhaps do a little prep ahead of time to get the best effect.

Look up some the Ravenloft rules and see what tips they have on creating mood - there are good tips for describing games in general.

You sound like you have a great GM ethic. Keep up the great work.

I recommend two things:

When creating your adventures, write a quick descriptive phrase for each of the senses on a 'cheat sheet'. This falls short of boxed text, but gives you something to say about each sense. Then, when running the game, you have the material you need to hand, and can use as much or as little of it as you please.

Practice describing things. When out and about, use your internal monologue to describe the people, places and things you encounter to yourself. As you do this, you'll find it becomes easier to describe things on the fly. Better still, keep a notebook with you, and take notes of anything you encounter that would be interesting. (But, be aware that you probably don't want to let other people realise you're taking notes on them - too much explaining.)

For extra credit, go visit the same sorts of places your characters are going to encounter. Okay, so you can't take a quick trip to the first layer of Gehenna, but you might be able to visit an abandonned mine, ruined castle, forest, or whatever, depending on where you live.

The one thing I found extremely helpful:

One strong details is better than five weak ones. Compare:

"As you enter the sewers, you stand knee-high in waste Your boots fill with water - at least you hope it's water. Footsteps and what you think is laughter echoes through the hallways. The sewers are made of rough hewn stone, and lichen clings to every nook. It's hot down here, humid, and soon your brows are coated in sweat. The stink of the place makes you retch."

"You're hardened adventurers, but nothing could have prepared you for the stink of the sewers. The smell is sickening, overwhelming. You clamp your noses shut, but to no avail. You can feel the smell on your skin, hear it, taste it. those who have recently eaten fight to keep their meals in, those who haven't are glad for going hungry. The stench is more than offal; it smells of rotting carcasses, or blood and death."

This gives players something to remember, to play off against. The first example has too much going on, and in the end, will be filed away as "sewer descritpion". So the one thing I do, or try to do, is write down one detail for each NPC or location I want the players to remember. This is the one detail I remark upon, and the players can tackle that detail. "Isn't that the guy with the eye patch?" - "No, it's the one with the lisp." - "No, it's the anorexic barkeep."

I think you might be going about this the wrong way... writing down long lists of words to use is going to finish up with you searching through sheaves of paper (or huge computer files) and interrupting the flow.

The simplest way I can sum this up is to say: if you want to describe something effectively, show, don't tell.

Examples:
TELL: "It's dark."
SHOW: "Your torches shed a dim, flickering circle of firelight, extending no more than forty feet or so from the party, beyond which you can make out nothing but shifting shadows."

TELL: "There's a stone floor."
SHOW: "Cold seeps through the leather soles of your boots as you walk, and your footsteps echo off the icy flagstones."

TELL: "It's damp."
SHOW: "You hear the sounds of moisture dripping in the still air, and a weird fungus smell invades your nostrils."

A picture is worth a thousand words, if you see a picture you like use it.
A thesaurus is your friend.
See this thread: http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?threadid=47525

There's a PDF at RPGNow -- by Tabletop Adventures -- called Bits of Darkness.

http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=4188&SRC=EnWorld

It's nothing but descriptions. It might be very useful to you.

Along with the good advice already here, I'd add: don't go overboard the other direction.

Looking over your initial list of descriptions as you give them now, you know what? They aren't that bad, honestly. I used to want to describe everything to give my players the ultimate vision of the world as I saw it in my head, down to relative humidity levls and details like glints of sunlight off of micah chips embedded in the granite.

That's great for a minute or two, but frankly, at some point, the players want to do something! There's orcs to fight, treasure to loot, villagers to rescue, traps to foil, plots to unravel, griffons to tame, portals to close (or open), vampires to vanquish, demons to drive back, lost civilizations to uncover (or rebury), and more. Description is great, and adds a lot, but it can also become burdensome if there's simply too much.

One of the things I came to realize is that the players aren't going to see the world the way I do. And you know what? That's good! They should imagine it as they will, because it's partly their world, too.

So, my advice, is pick a few moments within a session or section of a session, and describe something in strong detail (Show, Don't Tell, as mentioned above -- this is one of the most important artistic maxims that can be applied to game description), and then move on to the action. Later, when there's another important scene, describe something, and keep moving. Players will remember the ornate jade headdress worn by the high priest at the top of the stone pyramid, the still beating heart of his latest sacrificial victim clutched in a bloody hand, while lightning plays out in the clouds overhead lighting the scene in eerie flashes of blue-white. Now start the fight! They won't be as concerned about the clorophyll striations in the lingering bromeliads clutching to the intersteces of stone blocks quarried from a geoglacial cirque some 200 miles away and dragged overland on rolling logs cut from lowland oak.

Good writers (good storytellers) know when to quit. Don't get bogged down in too much detail. Description is great, but unless you're gaming a scientific expedition cataloguing the fauna of a particular region, you don't want to lose focus on the progress of the game.

Also, learn to build descriptions (good, short, tight, evocative ones) as the PCs interact with the world. Players are more likely to remember a description of something they had a hand in! If the players do something that has some descriptive effect, then employ that description. It will act as a signpost to memory of the event later.

Warrior Poet