1000 Signs you're in GM HELL

1000 Signs you're in GM HELL:

1. Your Rules Lawyers are actually Lawyers.
2. The only monster miniature you can use for the session is is an ixitxachitl... and you have a stutter.
3. Your NPC's engage in an earnest and in depth scholarly discussion of the problems facing the PC's...with each other (and the players don't interrupt).
4. Your Dog just ate your adventure...
5. ...and he's your best player.
6. You've planned a whole session based on an object you thought the PC's were carrying, and then realize they left it on another plane.
7. The only thing that gets your creative juices flowing is the CD: The Funky Celt Hit Parade: Heroes of the Hammond Organ vs The Bagpipe Nine, playing the best of the Britney and the Spice Girls.
8. You're running a solo random dungeon for yourself because you can't find any players, and then you start arguing with yourself about the rules.
9. The movie you based your whole session on, thinking no one would ever see it, was on TV last night.
10. Voting on 'Feat Survivior' was more fun than running your game.


I've done at least one of those
Now it's your turn...

11. One of your regular players brings his new girlfriend...
12. ...and she wants to play an elf-princess mage...
13. ...named Windy Starsprinkle...
14. ...with a pseudo-dragon familiar.
15. Your wife buys sparkling cider instead of Mountain Dew for game night "because it was on sale."
16. One of your players announces that he ate three bean-and-cheese jumbo burritos with extra red sauce a couple of hours before game-time...
17. ...and plans to include sound-effects for his dwarf barbarian "to add to the flavor of the game."
18. Your child has been playing with your plastic collectible minis...
19. ...on the barbecue.
20. You blurt out that evening's BBEG's race, class, and level in the first four minutes of the game.

The Shaman said:

11. One of your regular players brings his new girlfriend...

Click to expand...

21 ...and she brings a gullable friend.
22. Your friend's 14 year old sister wants to play and asked every damn question in the book while the game is playing.
23. ...and she wants to play a half-god in our DM's homebrew world. (which we all started laughing).
24. Pizza guy shows up as one of the players yell "I just killed him!".
25. ...and pizza guy looked scared to death.
26. Boss calls and tells you to get to work for extra hours, when someone on your side yells "I just killed him!".
27. Game almost goes bye-bye because a 14 year old girl decided to awaken a god of death and life, and another god of hate and love.
28. Nose starts to bleed.
29. Dream where the players are all different kind of races, a 'loth, a balor, Gaz'zt, the Simbul, a elf, Vekna.
30. Have to DM and just had a party the day prior and cant remember where the balor went.

31. Your 12 year old sister wants to join in too...

32. ...and completely ignores your clever way to introduce her character into the party, and her character walks off until you tell her what your trying to do.
33. She scared of your goblin ambush impression and starts sulking because you frightened her.
34. They get to a town and she asks for a coke at the Inn...
35. ...then asks for a room with a TV...
36. ...Everyone laughs, then you notice her confused expression. She doesn't know what she's got wrong.
37. She sulks again.
38. You do the next session hiding in the summerhouse down the garden. But she finds you.
39. The rest of the party have already sailed across the lake with the only boat in town (trying to escape her).
40. She sulks again.

A painful and true story, the morale?
If your sister has an Int score of less than 6, think of an excuse Fast!

41. While you had planned for a straightforward wilderness adventure, your players spontaneously decide to visit Menzoberranzan while on the way...

42.
The final cataclysmic battle and Your description of the great BBEG gets interrupted by your girlfriend who asks if he looks "hot"...
(True story)

43. Because you're still thining about all the wilderness encounter goodness you have been creating these past two weeks, you have to ask again what spell the wizard was casting. You did not misunderstand him when you heard teleport
44. The memories of all the dungeon encounters you made because the players' escape route has been blocked by tons of stone are fresh in your mind when the psionicist says something about manifesting disintegrate as often as he has to, which can be as much as a dozen times without breaking a sweat.
45. Fame and fortune awaits and the heroes aren't going.
46. Instead the players visit the brothel - and insist on playing out every "encounter"
47. You hear "What's an attack roll".
48. "What's an attack roll" has replaced "Roll initiative" as the most frequent line.
49. You realize that every player has forgotten to bring his character sheet.
50. "Oh, I'm immune to that" is fighting with the line from No 47 for MFL
51. Players keep taking names from the standard names list from the FRCS - which you used profusely. Suddenly half the Underdark is either called Pharaun or Merinid.

52: "I got bored with my PC... yeah that one with the backstory... yeah, again. Anyway, here's my new character concept..."

-- N

53. Your BBEG makes his mandatory "You are brave, but this is none of your business. I let you leave, go home now" speech, and the party actually goes.

54. Your group decides to track down the pick pocket in town who stole 5 gold from them....
55. He is 12 years old....
56. Its for food for himself and his little sister....
57. The Party casts Discern Location and Teleport w/out Error to get to the kid....
58. Demand 10 gold back