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<blockquote data-quote="CleverNickName" data-source="post: 7511015" data-attributes="member: 50987"><p>[MENTION=60965]Iron Sky[/MENTION], [MENTION=34958]Deuce Traveler[/MENTION], and now [MENTION=67]Rune[/MENTION]: Thank you for the feedback (and judgment) on my entry! I can't speak for all of the competitors, but feedback and commentary like this are why I compete in the Iron DM contest in the first place. Most of my work as a DM is done in a vacuum, with little encouragement or feedback. Except from my players, and they usually only give me feedback when they are mad at me. I guess that's helpful too.</p><p></p><p><strong>My response to Iron Sky's Judgment</strong></p><p>Thank you for the kind words! I'm an engineer, and--well, let's just say that we aren't known for our writing ability. I truly appreciate the encouragement and feedback.</p><p></p><p>I am my own worst critic, though. After I posted my entry, I re-read it dozens of times and found all sorts of things that I should have changed to tighten the entry up. First, I would have made it clear that this adventure is intended to be played by children. The light-hearted tone and silly names hinted at it, but I probably could (should?) have specified.</p><p></p><p>And I agree, the start of the adventure is really bumpy. I don't do a very good job of setting up the scene, and I put in too many unnecessary distractions that pull focus (Bucky's pen being "suspiciously unlocked," for example), and I needed to sprinkle in more clues--or at the very least, add a few more hints that might implicate the Con Artist. I needed two or three more revision passes here.</p><p></p><p>Spelling errors, comma splices, repetitive word use...I had to physically restrain myself from editing the entry after I had posted it. Seriously. I had to slap the laptop shut and walk away more than once. *sigh* I'll do better next year, I promise.</p><p></p><p><strong>My response to Deuce Traveler's Judgment</strong></p><p>Drat, missed it by one point! *head desk*</p><p></p><p>Like I said above, I should have made it clear in the beginning that this adventure is intended to be played by children. Maybe that would have clarified things a bit as far as tone, pacing, and blocking. It's clear now that Deuce Traveler was looking for a specific kind of adventure (a darker, non-linear story) and I delivered something entirely different.</p><p></p><p>The Sandbox vs. Railroad debate is probably still raging in one of these forums, and I won't take any sides except to say this: if I'm running a game for kids (my favorite way to babysit, btw), a linear game is the only way to go. Kids are too easily distracted by spell effects and fantastical beasts (and fart jokes) to focus on long-term plans, and multiple options will usually do more harm than good to the gaming session. And seriously: the next time you babysit your nieces and nephews, play D&D! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I really struggled with that illithid.</p><p>Oh I agree completely. I would have <em>loved</em> to replace the mind flayer with literally anything else. </p><p></p><p>I've never been able to take mind flayers seriously. They are ridiculous. Purple people from outer space with squids on their faces and ~mind~ powers? O-okay...</p><p></p><p>I couldn't think of a way to use mind flayers that would fit the story and not change every other ingredient. I couldn't find a clever interpretation of "mind" "flayer" that worked either, like I did for "ancient culture" and "royal mint." Since it was the only patently evil ingredient on the list, I shoved it into the role of Main Villain and walked away. Lazy, I know...I totally deserve the harsh criticism. It was the best I could do.</p><p></p><p>Fun fact: his name was originally "Calimari", but I felt that was too slapstick.</p><p></p><p><strong>My response to Rune's Judgment</strong></p><p>Mind-full. Full of minds. Eaten too many brains...how the heck did I miss that?! I must have poured over every possible iteration of "flayer" but that one, and it seems so obvious now! </p><p></p><p>It surprises me that nobody made the connection between the Cake of Kings and Royal Mint. The word "royal" is why I gave the cake its name, and why the story revolves around a royal wedding. (shrug) Ah well. It seemed clear to me, but I obviously didn't illustrate it effectively if I'm the only one who saw it. I should have spelled that out a little more, and maybe dropped the word "royal" from its proper name.</p><p></p><p>Excellent review, Rune. Thank you for the feedback as well. It's a bummer that I didn't win, but I can't really complain. I put forth the best effort I could, and if that wasn't good enough, well...that's what next year is for. You guys haven't seen the last of me, I promise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CleverNickName, post: 7511015, member: 50987"] [MENTION=60965]Iron Sky[/MENTION], [MENTION=34958]Deuce Traveler[/MENTION], and now [MENTION=67]Rune[/MENTION]: Thank you for the feedback (and judgment) on my entry! I can't speak for all of the competitors, but feedback and commentary like this are why I compete in the Iron DM contest in the first place. Most of my work as a DM is done in a vacuum, with little encouragement or feedback. Except from my players, and they usually only give me feedback when they are mad at me. I guess that's helpful too. [B]My response to Iron Sky's Judgment[/B] Thank you for the kind words! I'm an engineer, and--well, let's just say that we aren't known for our writing ability. I truly appreciate the encouragement and feedback. I am my own worst critic, though. After I posted my entry, I re-read it dozens of times and found all sorts of things that I should have changed to tighten the entry up. First, I would have made it clear that this adventure is intended to be played by children. The light-hearted tone and silly names hinted at it, but I probably could (should?) have specified. And I agree, the start of the adventure is really bumpy. I don't do a very good job of setting up the scene, and I put in too many unnecessary distractions that pull focus (Bucky's pen being "suspiciously unlocked," for example), and I needed to sprinkle in more clues--or at the very least, add a few more hints that might implicate the Con Artist. I needed two or three more revision passes here. Spelling errors, comma splices, repetitive word use...I had to physically restrain myself from editing the entry after I had posted it. Seriously. I had to slap the laptop shut and walk away more than once. *sigh* I'll do better next year, I promise. [B]My response to Deuce Traveler's Judgment[/B] Drat, missed it by one point! *head desk* Like I said above, I should have made it clear in the beginning that this adventure is intended to be played by children. Maybe that would have clarified things a bit as far as tone, pacing, and blocking. It's clear now that Deuce Traveler was looking for a specific kind of adventure (a darker, non-linear story) and I delivered something entirely different. The Sandbox vs. Railroad debate is probably still raging in one of these forums, and I won't take any sides except to say this: if I'm running a game for kids (my favorite way to babysit, btw), a linear game is the only way to go. Kids are too easily distracted by spell effects and fantastical beasts (and fart jokes) to focus on long-term plans, and multiple options will usually do more harm than good to the gaming session. And seriously: the next time you babysit your nieces and nephews, play D&D! :) I really struggled with that illithid. Oh I agree completely. I would have [I]loved[/I] to replace the mind flayer with literally anything else. I've never been able to take mind flayers seriously. They are ridiculous. Purple people from outer space with squids on their faces and ~mind~ powers? O-okay... I couldn't think of a way to use mind flayers that would fit the story and not change every other ingredient. I couldn't find a clever interpretation of "mind" "flayer" that worked either, like I did for "ancient culture" and "royal mint." Since it was the only patently evil ingredient on the list, I shoved it into the role of Main Villain and walked away. Lazy, I know...I totally deserve the harsh criticism. It was the best I could do. Fun fact: his name was originally "Calimari", but I felt that was too slapstick. [B]My response to Rune's Judgment[/B] Mind-full. Full of minds. Eaten too many brains...how the heck did I miss that?! I must have poured over every possible iteration of "flayer" but that one, and it seems so obvious now! It surprises me that nobody made the connection between the Cake of Kings and Royal Mint. The word "royal" is why I gave the cake its name, and why the story revolves around a royal wedding. (shrug) Ah well. It seemed clear to me, but I obviously didn't illustrate it effectively if I'm the only one who saw it. I should have spelled that out a little more, and maybe dropped the word "royal" from its proper name. Excellent review, Rune. Thank you for the feedback as well. It's a bummer that I didn't win, but I can't really complain. I put forth the best effort I could, and if that wasn't good enough, well...that's what next year is for. You guys haven't seen the last of me, I promise. [/QUOTE]
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