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A short story that I've written
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<blockquote data-quote="Richards" data-source="post: 8855854" data-attributes="member: 508"><p>Okay, I'll be your first reviewer.</p><p></p><p>First off, the reason I initially ignored this thread after having read your first post: I'm not a fan of cats. (Allergies will do that - I prefer to be able to breathe over any comfort a cat might bring.) But then curiosity struck me, as I too had noticed nobody had responded to your thread in a week and a half, and I know how frustrating it can be hoping for feedback and getting nothing back.</p><p></p><p>So, general impressions: the stories are well written. They're also apparently out of order, given it's the second one (and is "A short story" the actual name of that short story?) that details the meeting of Henren the Bloody and the Cat. The stories were short enough to overcome my original hesitancy to devote a lot of time to reading something I wasn't originally inclined to read. Their short length obviously makes it difficult to advance very much as far as worldbuilding goes, but I already get a good feel for what type of world in which these tales take place, and you've dropped a few intriguing details (like a talking stone face over a river) that hint at the bigger world. And despite my general dislike of cats, the Cat is an intriguing character - enough so I wouldn't mind reading more, to learn more about him.</p><p></p><p>Are you thinking of eventually publishing these? While they are both already very polished, I did note a missing word at the end of the fifth paragraph of "The gift of speech" ("As if it my fault his peace and quiet was being disturbed" could probably use a "were" after "it".) I was also struck by the oddity (to my American eyes) of the word "pedlar" - but Google informs me that's a British variant of "peddler." Likewise, "miaow" stood out as looking strange, as I'm much more accustomed to "meow," but that's just a stylistic choice.</p><p></p><p>So, well done! Of the two, I think I enjoyed "The gift of speech" better because it was more standalone; "A short story" is apparently only the first part of a series of encounters, assuming Henren the Bloody and the Cat seek out the Grand Duchess and eventually find out the details of the Sea Prince's whereabouts.</p><p></p><p>Johnathan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Richards, post: 8855854, member: 508"] Okay, I'll be your first reviewer. First off, the reason I initially ignored this thread after having read your first post: I'm not a fan of cats. (Allergies will do that - I prefer to be able to breathe over any comfort a cat might bring.) But then curiosity struck me, as I too had noticed nobody had responded to your thread in a week and a half, and I know how frustrating it can be hoping for feedback and getting nothing back. So, general impressions: the stories are well written. They're also apparently out of order, given it's the second one (and is "A short story" the actual name of that short story?) that details the meeting of Henren the Bloody and the Cat. The stories were short enough to overcome my original hesitancy to devote a lot of time to reading something I wasn't originally inclined to read. Their short length obviously makes it difficult to advance very much as far as worldbuilding goes, but I already get a good feel for what type of world in which these tales take place, and you've dropped a few intriguing details (like a talking stone face over a river) that hint at the bigger world. And despite my general dislike of cats, the Cat is an intriguing character - enough so I wouldn't mind reading more, to learn more about him. Are you thinking of eventually publishing these? While they are both already very polished, I did note a missing word at the end of the fifth paragraph of "The gift of speech" ("As if it my fault his peace and quiet was being disturbed" could probably use a "were" after "it".) I was also struck by the oddity (to my American eyes) of the word "pedlar" - but Google informs me that's a British variant of "peddler." Likewise, "miaow" stood out as looking strange, as I'm much more accustomed to "meow," but that's just a stylistic choice. So, well done! Of the two, I think I enjoyed "The gift of speech" better because it was more standalone; "A short story" is apparently only the first part of a series of encounters, assuming Henren the Bloody and the Cat seek out the Grand Duchess and eventually find out the details of the Sea Prince's whereabouts. Johnathan [/QUOTE]
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