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<blockquote data-quote="EscherEnigma" data-source="post: 6258644" data-attributes="member: 6750014"><p>Pretty sure that if everyone who's ever had an affair was divorced our divorce rate would skyrocket higher then it already has.</p><p></p><p>Which just proves that the reason queers like me are destructive to marriage is that after you see how fabulous we are at it while flaunting your rules (or at least as you think we are. After all, we're all just dirty man-sluts) you get jealous and want some of that too.</p><p></p><p>Or, to put it another way... humans, as a rule, are pretty bad at monogamy. Any way you want to slice it, we've been breaking the rules regularly (and with gusto!) for a long, long time. Now-a-days divorce and separation are more practical options, and it's talked about more. But don't make the mistake of thinking affairs and "cheating" are a new thing, or even more common, then they used to be. All that's new is the openness.</p><p></p><p>Not really sure what my point was other then forgiveness, compassion and understanding are a lot more humane traits to focus on then petty vengeance and stigmatization. And perhaps if non-monogamous couples weren't so ostracized then people who struggle with it, like, say, half the men on the planet, wouldn't feel the need to to try and hide it and pretend to be good at monogamy which leads to the inevitable pain when, big surprise, they cheat! </p><p></p><p>Long story short: when you put someone in a situation where they're punished for being honest (admitting that they don't do monogamous relationships) and punish them for trying to hide it (getting caught cheating), you've put them in a catch-22. And when you've put someone in a catch-22? You really shouldn't be surprised when they say "<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> you and your rules, I'm gonna be selfish 'cause you're gonna punish me anyway". You have to give people a reason to buy-in, you have to give them an incentive to cooperate. "OBEY OR NOT, YOU'LL BE PUNISHED EITHER WAY" isn't it.</p><p></p><p> </p><p>As much as sexual health and safe practices are important, I hate this line. It portrays sex as this filthy infectious thing that's bad. Yes, use condoms. Yes, get tested (regularly). But this? This is just an attempt at slut-shaming.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="EscherEnigma, post: 6258644, member: 6750014"] Pretty sure that if everyone who's ever had an affair was divorced our divorce rate would skyrocket higher then it already has. Which just proves that the reason queers like me are destructive to marriage is that after you see how fabulous we are at it while flaunting your rules (or at least as you think we are. After all, we're all just dirty man-sluts) you get jealous and want some of that too. Or, to put it another way... humans, as a rule, are pretty bad at monogamy. Any way you want to slice it, we've been breaking the rules regularly (and with gusto!) for a long, long time. Now-a-days divorce and separation are more practical options, and it's talked about more. But don't make the mistake of thinking affairs and "cheating" are a new thing, or even more common, then they used to be. All that's new is the openness. Not really sure what my point was other then forgiveness, compassion and understanding are a lot more humane traits to focus on then petty vengeance and stigmatization. And perhaps if non-monogamous couples weren't so ostracized then people who struggle with it, like, say, half the men on the planet, wouldn't feel the need to to try and hide it and pretend to be good at monogamy which leads to the inevitable pain when, big surprise, they cheat! Long story short: when you put someone in a situation where they're punished for being honest (admitting that they don't do monogamous relationships) and punish them for trying to hide it (getting caught cheating), you've put them in a catch-22. And when you've put someone in a catch-22? You really shouldn't be surprised when they say ":):):):) you and your rules, I'm gonna be selfish 'cause you're gonna punish me anyway". You have to give people a reason to buy-in, you have to give them an incentive to cooperate. "OBEY OR NOT, YOU'LL BE PUNISHED EITHER WAY" isn't it. As much as sexual health and safe practices are important, I hate this line. It portrays sex as this filthy infectious thing that's bad. Yes, use condoms. Yes, get tested (regularly). But this? This is just an attempt at slut-shaming. [/QUOTE]
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