Menu
News
All News
Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
Pathfinder
Starfinder
Warhammer
2d20 System
Year Zero Engine
Industry News
Reviews
Dragon Reflections
Columns
Weekly Digests
Weekly News Digest
Freebies, Sales & Bundles
RPG Print News
RPG Crowdfunding News
Game Content
ENterplanetary DimENsions
Mythological Figures
Opinion
Worlds of Design
Peregrine's Next
RPG Evolution
Other Columns
From the Freelancing Frontline
Monster ENcyclopedia
WotC/TSR Alumni Look Back
4 Hours w/RSD (Ryan Dancey)
The Road to 3E (Jonathan Tweet)
Greenwood's Realms (Ed Greenwood)
Drawmij's TSR (Jim Ward)
Community
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Resources
Wiki
Pages
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Downloads
Latest reviews
Search resources
EN Publishing
Store
EN5ider
Adventures in ZEITGEIST
Awfully Cheerful Engine
What's OLD is NEW
Judge Dredd & The Worlds Of 2000AD
War of the Burning Sky
Level Up: Advanced 5E
Events & Releases
Upcoming Events
Private Events
Featured Events
Socials!
Twitch
YouTube
Facebook (EN Publishing)
Facebook (EN World)
Twitter
Instagram
TikTok
Podcast
Features
Top 5 RPGs Compiled Charts 2004-Present
Adventure Game Industry Market Research Summary (RPGs) V1.0
Ryan Dancey: Acquiring TSR
Q&A With Gary Gygax
D&D Rules FAQs
TSR, WotC, & Paizo: A Comparative History
D&D Pronunciation Guide
Million Dollar TTRPG Kickstarters
Tabletop RPG Podcast Hall of Fame
Eric Noah's Unofficial D&D 3rd Edition News
D&D in the Mainstream
D&D & RPG History
About Morrus
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Community
Hosted Forums
Creature Catalog Forums
Monster Homebrews
Blue Fire Giant
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Cleon" data-source="post: 8564165" data-attributes="member: 57383"><p>Well that's a major advantage of having the monster posted on Enworld rather than D&D Beyond. Once I add them to the Index they post can be corrected without having to change the link.</p><p></p><p>Okay, getting back to the actual monster.</p><p></p><p>I like the revised lore, it makes it a clearer these are from a specific milieu.</p><p></p><p>There appear to be a few minor spelling or grammar errors in the text and some sections that seem to be worded oddly or clumsily but are grammatically correct.</p><p></p><p>Here's the ones I noticed in the <strong>Description</strong> entry, with corrections of apparent typos in <span style="color: red">RED</span> and <span style="color: blue">BLUE</span> for suggestions for polishing some bits of phrasing (these are numbered, with explanations as footmarks):</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 26px">Blue Fire Giant</span></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify">"Many years ago, <span style="color: red">too</span> long to count for most mortals, and barely thought of by those <span style="color: blue">with lives long enough to possibly remember the event¹</span>, two powers fell in love<span style="color: blue">:²</span> a storm with a volcano, and the volcano a storm. While others saw their love as cursed they <span style="color: red">themselves</span> could not care for they had each other. Through the seasons their love grew, till one day they had a child, a small island <span style="color: red">whose</span> heat was that of the sun. They saw the child as perfect, and brought it to the <span style="color: blue">Mother of Earth³</span> for blessing, who saw how beautiful the child was and blessed it with magic to craft <span style="color: red">whatever</span> toy it wished. <span style="color: blue">Sadly,⁴</span> as the blessing ended the <span style="color: blue">Mother of Earth's³</span> husband, the <span style="color: blue">Father in Heaven⁵</span>, saw the child and only saw a monster. The pair fought with the <span style="color: blue">Father in Heaven⁵</span>, begging him to spare the child, but all he had in his heart was anger for he felt their union was a betrayal of creation. With a massive hurricane he absorbed the <span style="color: blue">storm⁶ and</span> sank the volcano, next was the small island child who <span style="color: red">did</span> not even <span style="color: red">know</span> what life was. The <span style="color: blue">Father in Heaven⁵</span> was only <span style="color: blue">stopped⁷ by</span> his wife!</p> <p style="text-align: justify"> "You may kill the storm and volcano, for they sinned against you, but <span style="color: blue">the child is</span> pure and undeserving of the sin. <span style="color: blue">Please</span> spare it, so it may spread the power of your wrath."</p> <p style="text-align: justify"> The <span style="color: blue">Father in Heaven⁵</span> agreed, but cursed the child, so it would never know the love of its parents, and so the toys it made with the magic the <span style="color: blue">Mother of Earth³</span> gave it would simply burn to ash. The <span style="color: blue">Father in Heaven⁵</span> called out!</p> <p style="text-align: justify"> "To all storms of <span style="color: blue">heaven¹⁰</span>, and <span style="color: red">volcanoes</span> of earth, the children you <span style="color: red">bore</span> when in union shall be cursed the <span style="color: blue">same.¹¹ For</span> I am the <span style="color: blue">Father¹²</span> who allows creation, and <span style="color: red">to do</span> so against my law deserves only this!"</p> <p style="text-align: right"><span style="color: blue">— <em>An old story found in a bards college.</em>¹³</span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: justify"></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><strong><span style="color: red">Outcast</span> by Father</strong></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><span style="color: blue">Blue fire giants are a rare and special sight; lumbering in height with skin like grey stone covered in dry cracks and hair like massing white clouds.¹⁴</span> While not part of the ordning created by the All Father god of giants, they are protected by the goddess of earth, Othea. It is said they are born when royals of the fire and storm giants disobey the ordning, meeting with one another in secret to love. Sadly if this is true it seems their respective societies must see such children with <span style="color: red">disdain,</span> as most blue fire giants are seen solitarily, in places far away from other giants and even further from societies. <span style="color: red">It's</span> unknown if they can even produce young of their own as they have never been seen in pairs.</p> <p style="text-align: justify"></p> <p style="text-align: justify"><strong><span style="color: blue">Brilliant Craftsmen, Horribly Cursed¹⁵</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: justify">These giants <span style="color: blue">are noted to have amazing crafting magic that most people of other races can only dream of¹⁶</span>, but with a minor catch. Their bodies produce a <span style="color: red">blistering</span> heat that often <span style="color: blue">burns⁶ or</span> melts the things they craft. Luckily they can use this magic at a distance <span style="color: red">from themselves,</span> so they can still craft without harming their creation<span style="color: blue">. However,¹⁷</span> it is still sad to know they will never get to enjoy the things they make. <span style="color: red">It is</span> almost like they have been cursed by the gods. No one knows where they gained this magic or how they know of it, as its clear no one taught it to them, the best most adventurers who have met them can tell, <span style="color: red">it's</span> just natural to them, like breathing.</p> <ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">"lived long enough to even have a chance to remember the event" seemed overly clunky.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Maybe a colon here to break up the sentence more cleanly?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Should this being's name be Capitalized? Also, one of them (the "mother of earths") was missing an apostrophe.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">I think it reads more smoothly with Sadly at the start, the other way round works but would benefit from a comma or commas, depending on intend (i.e. "As the blessing ended sadly," or "As the blessing ended, sadly" or "As the blessing ended, sadly,")</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">I'm suspecting "haven" should be "Heaven", and it's inconsistently Capitalized, with a few fathers and a bunch of Fathers.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Doesn't need the intervening comma.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Doesn't need "however" in "stopped however by".</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">The "it is the child who is" can be polished down to "the child is" without losing anything.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">While it could be a run-on sentence ("of the sin, please spare it, so") does it not scan better as two sentences?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Now I'm more confident "haven" should be "heaven"!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">It's got a new sentence starting with "For" so should be preceded by a full stop, not a comma.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Guess this father should be "Father" too. He seems the Type To Refer To Himself In Capitals!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">You had two quotes here (" ") instead of one ("), and I took the liberty of italicizing and right-aligning the "source credit" to its own sentence.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">This sentence was so messy I took the liberty or reordering and rephrasing. "Blue fire giants, Lumbering in height with skin grey like stone covered in dry cracks with hair white like clouds before they mass, are a rare and special sight"?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">As it refers to multiple giants, it's "craftsmen" not "craftsman". Plus capitalizing "Horribly" and not "craftsman" and "cursed" doesn't appeal to me unless it's two mini sentences (i.e. "Brilliant craftsmen. Horribly cursed"). 5E prefers to Capitalize words in these titles that aren't connecting fragment (i.e. the <em>Monster Manual</em> Aaracokra has <strong><em>Enemies of Elemental Evil</em></strong> not <strong><em>Enemies of elemental evil</em></strong>). Oh and it uses <strong><em>BOLD ITALIC</em></strong> rather than just <strong>BOLD</strong>, but that isn't important.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">This sentence can be compressed in several places without losing anything important. The "have been seen and noted to have" can become "are noted to have" and I don't see the purpose of the "in the" before people. I took the liberty of adding "can only" before the dream.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">The "however" appears to be the start of a sentence and could do with a comma. It could also be joined to the following sentence ("However, it is still sad to know they will never get to enjoy the things they make, it is almost like they have been cursed by the gods.") if you prefer that wording.</li> </ol></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cleon, post: 8564165, member: 57383"] Well that's a major advantage of having the monster posted on Enworld rather than D&D Beyond. Once I add them to the Index they post can be corrected without having to change the link. Okay, getting back to the actual monster. I like the revised lore, it makes it a clearer these are from a specific milieu. There appear to be a few minor spelling or grammar errors in the text and some sections that seem to be worded oddly or clumsily but are grammatically correct. Here's the ones I noticed in the [B]Description[/B] entry, with corrections of apparent typos in [COLOR=red]RED[/COLOR] and [COLOR=blue]BLUE[/COLOR] for suggestions for polishing some bits of phrasing (these are numbered, with explanations as footmarks): [B][SIZE=7]Blue Fire Giant[/SIZE][/B] [JUSTIFY]"Many years ago, [COLOR=red]too[/COLOR] long to count for most mortals, and barely thought of by those [COLOR=blue]with lives long enough to possibly remember the event¹[/COLOR], two powers fell in love[COLOR=blue]:²[/COLOR] a storm with a volcano, and the volcano a storm. While others saw their love as cursed they [COLOR=red]themselves[/COLOR] could not care for they had each other. Through the seasons their love grew, till one day they had a child, a small island [COLOR=red]whose[/COLOR] heat was that of the sun. They saw the child as perfect, and brought it to the [COLOR=blue]Mother of Earth³[/COLOR] for blessing, who saw how beautiful the child was and blessed it with magic to craft [COLOR=red]whatever[/COLOR] toy it wished. [COLOR=blue]Sadly,⁴[/COLOR] as the blessing ended the [COLOR=blue]Mother of Earth's³[/COLOR] husband, the [COLOR=blue]Father in Heaven⁵[/COLOR], saw the child and only saw a monster. The pair fought with the [COLOR=blue]Father in Heaven⁵[/COLOR], begging him to spare the child, but all he had in his heart was anger for he felt their union was a betrayal of creation. With a massive hurricane he absorbed the [COLOR=blue]storm⁶ and[/COLOR] sank the volcano, next was the small island child who [COLOR=red]did[/COLOR] not even [COLOR=red]know[/COLOR] what life was. The [COLOR=blue]Father in Heaven⁵[/COLOR] was only [COLOR=blue]stopped⁷ by[/COLOR] his wife! "You may kill the storm and volcano, for they sinned against you, but [COLOR=blue]the child is[/COLOR] pure and undeserving of the sin. [COLOR=blue]Please[/COLOR] spare it, so it may spread the power of your wrath." The [COLOR=blue]Father in Heaven⁵[/COLOR] agreed, but cursed the child, so it would never know the love of its parents, and so the toys it made with the magic the [COLOR=blue]Mother of Earth³[/COLOR] gave it would simply burn to ash. The [COLOR=blue]Father in Heaven⁵[/COLOR] called out! "To all storms of [COLOR=blue]heaven¹⁰[/COLOR], and [COLOR=red]volcanoes[/COLOR] of earth, the children you [COLOR=red]bore[/COLOR] when in union shall be cursed the [COLOR=blue]same.¹¹ For[/COLOR] I am the [COLOR=blue]Father¹²[/COLOR] who allows creation, and [COLOR=red]to do[/COLOR] so against my law deserves only this!"[/JUSTIFY] [RIGHT][COLOR=blue]— [I]An old story found in a bards college.[/I]¹³[/COLOR][/RIGHT] [JUSTIFY] [B][COLOR=red]Outcast[/COLOR] by Father[/B] [COLOR=blue]Blue fire giants are a rare and special sight; lumbering in height with skin like grey stone covered in dry cracks and hair like massing white clouds.¹⁴[/COLOR] While not part of the ordning created by the All Father god of giants, they are protected by the goddess of earth, Othea. It is said they are born when royals of the fire and storm giants disobey the ordning, meeting with one another in secret to love. Sadly if this is true it seems their respective societies must see such children with [COLOR=red]disdain,[/COLOR] as most blue fire giants are seen solitarily, in places far away from other giants and even further from societies. [COLOR=red]It's[/COLOR] unknown if they can even produce young of their own as they have never been seen in pairs. [B][COLOR=blue]Brilliant Craftsmen, Horribly Cursed¹⁵[/COLOR][/B] These giants [COLOR=blue]are noted to have amazing crafting magic that most people of other races can only dream of¹⁶[/COLOR], but with a minor catch. Their bodies produce a [COLOR=red]blistering[/COLOR] heat that often [COLOR=blue]burns⁶ or[/COLOR] melts the things they craft. Luckily they can use this magic at a distance [COLOR=red]from themselves,[/COLOR] so they can still craft without harming their creation[COLOR=blue]. However,¹⁷[/COLOR] it is still sad to know they will never get to enjoy the things they make. [COLOR=red]It is[/COLOR] almost like they have been cursed by the gods. No one knows where they gained this magic or how they know of it, as its clear no one taught it to them, the best most adventurers who have met them can tell, [COLOR=red]it's[/COLOR] just natural to them, like breathing.[/JUSTIFY] [LIST=1] [*]"lived long enough to even have a chance to remember the event" seemed overly clunky. [*]Maybe a colon here to break up the sentence more cleanly? [*]Should this being's name be Capitalized? Also, one of them (the "mother of earths") was missing an apostrophe. [*]I think it reads more smoothly with Sadly at the start, the other way round works but would benefit from a comma or commas, depending on intend (i.e. "As the blessing ended sadly," or "As the blessing ended, sadly" or "As the blessing ended, sadly,") [*]I'm suspecting "haven" should be "Heaven", and it's inconsistently Capitalized, with a few fathers and a bunch of Fathers. [*]Doesn't need the intervening comma. [*]Doesn't need "however" in "stopped however by". [*]The "it is the child who is" can be polished down to "the child is" without losing anything. [*]While it could be a run-on sentence ("of the sin, please spare it, so") does it not scan better as two sentences? [*]Now I'm more confident "haven" should be "heaven"! [*]It's got a new sentence starting with "For" so should be preceded by a full stop, not a comma. [*]Guess this father should be "Father" too. He seems the Type To Refer To Himself In Capitals! [*]You had two quotes here (" ") instead of one ("), and I took the liberty of italicizing and right-aligning the "source credit" to its own sentence. [*]This sentence was so messy I took the liberty or reordering and rephrasing. "Blue fire giants, Lumbering in height with skin grey like stone covered in dry cracks with hair white like clouds before they mass, are a rare and special sight"? [*]As it refers to multiple giants, it's "craftsmen" not "craftsman". Plus capitalizing "Horribly" and not "craftsman" and "cursed" doesn't appeal to me unless it's two mini sentences (i.e. "Brilliant craftsmen. Horribly cursed"). 5E prefers to Capitalize words in these titles that aren't connecting fragment (i.e. the [I]Monster Manual[/I] Aaracokra has [B][I]Enemies of Elemental Evil[/I][/B] not [B][I]Enemies of elemental evil[/I][/B]). Oh and it uses [B][I]BOLD ITALIC[/I][/B] rather than just [B]BOLD[/B], but that isn't important. [*]This sentence can be compressed in several places without losing anything important. The "have been seen and noted to have" can become "are noted to have" and I don't see the purpose of the "in the" before people. I took the liberty of adding "can only" before the dream. [*]The "however" appears to be the start of a sentence and could do with a comma. It could also be joined to the following sentence ("However, it is still sad to know they will never get to enjoy the things they make, it is almost like they have been cursed by the gods.") if you prefer that wording. [/LIST] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Community
Hosted Forums
Creature Catalog Forums
Monster Homebrews
Blue Fire Giant
Top