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CERAMIC D.M. the final judgement is in!
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<blockquote data-quote="alsih2o" data-source="post: 616974" data-attributes="member: 4790"><p>astralpwka vs shadoes lady- judgement!</p><p></p><p> ALSIH2O</p><p>astralpwka: gives us a dose of the plague, ala poe</p><p></p><p> astralpwka sends us out into this dark world with an elf. his handling of </p><p>the ingredients never really shines, and i felt some of them could have been</p><p> more central to the story with just a bit more effort. the tone of the story </p><p>is handled well, but i think it would have benefitted from one more rewrite.</p><p></p><p> shadoes lady: feeds us a tale of heroines and attitude.</p><p></p><p> the ingredients are handled competently, if not shiningly. the 3 ladies coming </p><p>together to end the demons reign has a definite appeal, even if it was only</p><p> because it is nnice to see women be something beside the barwench <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> the women </p><p>are smart and smart-alec, and this works to nice effect.</p><p></p><p> i have to give this one to shadoes lady.</p><p></p><p>MALDUR-</p><p> astralpwka:</p><p>Story with a nasty twist. death plague and music. Funnny that both</p><p>contestants use a bard <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Shadoe's Lady:</p><p>Funny, heroic and well told. And he can write too, you know!</p><p></p><p>Really hard choise but : Shadoes lady!</p><p></p><p> ARWINK- </p><p> </p><p>Shadoes's Lady</p><p>What at first drags a slightly becomes interesting and quirky with the twist of </p><p>the leading lady telling her story and the men flee. It's got a nice bit of </p><p>style to it, very atmospheric, but unfortunately sets up a tone that doesn't </p><p>carry through to the rest of the entry. Things get really, really bogged down </p><p>in the 4th and 5th paragraphs, where things suddenly go dialogue intensive and </p><p>there's a massive and unnecessarily obvious info-dump on the reader. This is </p><p>also partially a formatting problem - large blocks of dialogue are a pain to </p><p>read, especially when people get into an exchange. After all the dialogue, </p><p>we're given a lot of plot that seems overly hurried, especially when contrasted </p><p>with the lengthy dialogue blocks and the style of the beginning. Overall this </p><p>has some good elements and some very stylish use of the ingredients, but just </p><p>needed more focus on the pacing and structure of the story.</p><p></p><p>Atralpwka</p><p>What initially drew me to this piece was the use of an aria as a plot device. </p><p>It's a very cool idea, very elegant, and music is far to underused as a fantasy </p><p>element. What lets it down is the way the plot unravels. It's very swift, and </p><p>very uneven. There is a lot of focus at the beginning on events and the </p><p>description of Alandor's surroundings, but it gradually gives way to swift </p><p>plotting and rapid shifting from scene to scene. A more paced approach is </p><p>needed in these parts, giving more focus to the plague city, the mercenaries </p><p>and the surroundings leading up to the final confrontation between the bard and </p><p>his patron. Things just slip by too rapidly as it stands; it jumps through </p><p>events so fast it took a couple of reads to get them straight in my head.</p><p></p><p>It's hard to pick a winner here. Both entries have some particularly strong </p><p>elements, and both have some very definite weaknesses in much the same area. </p><p>And while I'm tempted to give Astralpwka a slight edge for the stylistic </p><p>elements of his story that do work, I also feel that Shadoe's Lady piece is </p><p>stronger when it comes to the task of incorporating all of the ingredients.</p><p></p><p>In the end, it came down to Astralpwwka, but only by the slimmest of margins.</p><p></p><p>winner- shadoe's lady...by 2 to 1 vote!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="alsih2o, post: 616974, member: 4790"] astralpwka vs shadoes lady- judgement! ALSIH2O astralpwka: gives us a dose of the plague, ala poe astralpwka sends us out into this dark world with an elf. his handling of the ingredients never really shines, and i felt some of them could have been more central to the story with just a bit more effort. the tone of the story is handled well, but i think it would have benefitted from one more rewrite. shadoes lady: feeds us a tale of heroines and attitude. the ingredients are handled competently, if not shiningly. the 3 ladies coming together to end the demons reign has a definite appeal, even if it was only because it is nnice to see women be something beside the barwench :) the women are smart and smart-alec, and this works to nice effect. i have to give this one to shadoes lady. MALDUR- astralpwka: Story with a nasty twist. death plague and music. Funnny that both contestants use a bard :) Shadoe's Lady: Funny, heroic and well told. And he can write too, you know! Really hard choise but : Shadoes lady! ARWINK- Shadoes's Lady What at first drags a slightly becomes interesting and quirky with the twist of the leading lady telling her story and the men flee. It's got a nice bit of style to it, very atmospheric, but unfortunately sets up a tone that doesn't carry through to the rest of the entry. Things get really, really bogged down in the 4th and 5th paragraphs, where things suddenly go dialogue intensive and there's a massive and unnecessarily obvious info-dump on the reader. This is also partially a formatting problem - large blocks of dialogue are a pain to read, especially when people get into an exchange. After all the dialogue, we're given a lot of plot that seems overly hurried, especially when contrasted with the lengthy dialogue blocks and the style of the beginning. Overall this has some good elements and some very stylish use of the ingredients, but just needed more focus on the pacing and structure of the story. Atralpwka What initially drew me to this piece was the use of an aria as a plot device. It's a very cool idea, very elegant, and music is far to underused as a fantasy element. What lets it down is the way the plot unravels. It's very swift, and very uneven. There is a lot of focus at the beginning on events and the description of Alandor's surroundings, but it gradually gives way to swift plotting and rapid shifting from scene to scene. A more paced approach is needed in these parts, giving more focus to the plague city, the mercenaries and the surroundings leading up to the final confrontation between the bard and his patron. Things just slip by too rapidly as it stands; it jumps through events so fast it took a couple of reads to get them straight in my head. It's hard to pick a winner here. Both entries have some particularly strong elements, and both have some very definite weaknesses in much the same area. And while I'm tempted to give Astralpwka a slight edge for the stylistic elements of his story that do work, I also feel that Shadoe's Lady piece is stronger when it comes to the task of incorporating all of the ingredients. In the end, it came down to Astralpwwka, but only by the slimmest of margins. winner- shadoe's lady...by 2 to 1 vote! [/QUOTE]
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