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CERAMIC D.M. the final judgement is in!
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<blockquote data-quote="alsih2o" data-source="post: 638764" data-attributes="member: 4790"><p>ALSIH2O-</p><p></p><p> shadoe's lady- brings us right to the edge of Wonderland</p><p></p><p> the dung beetle and the snake seemed a little tacked on. however, i really did</p><p> like the idea of a dungbeetle character (are you listening disney?). i was quite taken by the mouse being</p><p>the center of the story, an unexpected twist. i normally do not like it when someone uses the pics as pictures IN</p><p> the story, but the use of the ship, and it coming to life with a crew singing a beatles song really worked.</p><p></p><p> with the final racial twist it really set the story in my mind. bravo SL!</p><p></p><p> mirthcard- takes us on a dark trip</p><p></p><p> i really liked the combo of the bird and mouse being the muscular goons, beautiful stuff.</p><p> the first 2 paragraphs have a dark mood and gritty details that grabbed me fast, but the ending seemed a bit hurried.</p><p> a good story, as mirthcard has us used to, but without bonus pics and the quick ending it doesn't take it this time for me</p><p></p><p></p><p> my vote is for shadoe's lady as the new ruler of ceramic d.m.land <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p> MALDUR-</p><p></p><p> Shadoes lady</p><p>Nice idea, a psycic PI traveling through a painting in search of someone.</p><p>Its very "alice", or "Erik and the little book of insects"(a dutch litterary</p><p>classic).</p><p>It feels a bit like a gimmick, in a world of the mind you can find anything.</p><p>But nice story.</p><p></p><p>Mirthcard</p><p>Story was aclassic bad guy sets trap, good guy was prepared trap reversed</p><p>kinda story. Even though the story was less original, I think the use of the</p><p>pictures and his writing are very good through.</p><p></p><p>This one was really hard. I had no imidiate preference of one over the</p><p>other. In the end Mirthcards felt better. </p><p></p><p>So Ill have to go with Mirthcard!</p><p></p><p>Sorry folks. I did try to eleborate more in why I went one way or the other.</p><p>But (after about 12 drafts) I still cant say why exactly, It stays instinct</p><p></p><p> ARWINK-</p><p> </p><p> Mirthcard Vs Shadoe's Lady - The finals.</p><p></p><p>Shadoe's Lady</p><p>Again, Shadoe's Lady plays with an interesting mix of the real world and </p><p>fantasy, bringing the mix together in a great idea. The main problem I had </p><p>with her piece was the pacing - the way things were structured I felt far </p><p>too much like someone was saying, "This happened, and then this happened, </p><p>and then this happened." Although there's no need for literal links between </p><p>events in such a surreal realm as her detective is exploring, there is some </p><p>call for stronger narrative links. I was also looking for more links and </p><p>reactions between the narrator and his/her environment. There's a very </p><p>straight approach to the environs and events, but no real personal </p><p>interaction to what's happening and what's being seen. Comparing this to </p><p>her earlier piece, where the characterization of her secret agent is </p><p>immensely strong in the way the story is told, this was a tad disappointing. </p><p> All in all, this was a brilliantly approach to including the images, but </p><p>needs a little more work to pull it off.</p><p></p><p>Mirthcard</p><p>Mirthcard's piece starts very nicely - well paced, a nice balance between </p><p>description and advancing the plot, and some well-planned characterization. </p><p>I was instantly hooked and ready to read more. Unfortunately, he lost me in </p><p>the last half of the piece. The flaw here isn't so much that things fall </p><p>apart, but rather that I feel like I've suddenly come into the movie halfway </p><p>through. The revelation of the transformed bird and mouse very much falls </p><p>under the "Gun on the mantle in the first act, someone gets shot in the </p><p>last" rule of fiction. Without it, it seems to much like a Dues Ex moment </p><p>where everything is solved by unforeseeable changes and the reader feels </p><p>cheated by Siratos escape (or, at least, I know I did). There's a nice DnD </p><p>feel to this piece, but it still keeps the mythological resonance of the </p><p>minotaur alive. The use of the creatures to barbarian warriors is also </p><p>great, but needs more set-up in the earlier stages of the piece to work from </p><p>a narrative standpoint.</p><p></p><p>Again, judging between these two pieces is hard as their strengths and </p><p>weaknesses both lie in completely different areas. Shadoe's Lady piece is </p><p>consistently innovative with the use of ingredients, but falls slightly flat </p><p>in terms of style. Mirthcard's is stylistically more impressive, but it's </p><p>brilliant use of two of the ingredients is let down by an erratic moment of </p><p>plotting.</p><p></p><p>In the end, I give this round to Mirthcard by the hair of a cat's whisker. </p><p>Congratulations to both entrents - it's been a hard field and you've done </p><p>well to get this far. I've enjoyed reading both your work, and look forward </p><p>to seeing you again in future competitions.</p><p></p><p> so, in a split decision Mirthcard retains his crown!</p><p></p><p> congrats!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="alsih2o, post: 638764, member: 4790"] ALSIH2O- shadoe's lady- brings us right to the edge of Wonderland the dung beetle and the snake seemed a little tacked on. however, i really did like the idea of a dungbeetle character (are you listening disney?). i was quite taken by the mouse being the center of the story, an unexpected twist. i normally do not like it when someone uses the pics as pictures IN the story, but the use of the ship, and it coming to life with a crew singing a beatles song really worked. with the final racial twist it really set the story in my mind. bravo SL! mirthcard- takes us on a dark trip i really liked the combo of the bird and mouse being the muscular goons, beautiful stuff. the first 2 paragraphs have a dark mood and gritty details that grabbed me fast, but the ending seemed a bit hurried. a good story, as mirthcard has us used to, but without bonus pics and the quick ending it doesn't take it this time for me my vote is for shadoe's lady as the new ruler of ceramic d.m.land :) MALDUR- Shadoes lady Nice idea, a psycic PI traveling through a painting in search of someone. Its very "alice", or "Erik and the little book of insects"(a dutch litterary classic). It feels a bit like a gimmick, in a world of the mind you can find anything. But nice story. Mirthcard Story was aclassic bad guy sets trap, good guy was prepared trap reversed kinda story. Even though the story was less original, I think the use of the pictures and his writing are very good through. This one was really hard. I had no imidiate preference of one over the other. In the end Mirthcards felt better. So Ill have to go with Mirthcard! Sorry folks. I did try to eleborate more in why I went one way or the other. But (after about 12 drafts) I still cant say why exactly, It stays instinct ARWINK- Mirthcard Vs Shadoe's Lady - The finals. Shadoe's Lady Again, Shadoe's Lady plays with an interesting mix of the real world and fantasy, bringing the mix together in a great idea. The main problem I had with her piece was the pacing - the way things were structured I felt far too much like someone was saying, "This happened, and then this happened, and then this happened." Although there's no need for literal links between events in such a surreal realm as her detective is exploring, there is some call for stronger narrative links. I was also looking for more links and reactions between the narrator and his/her environment. There's a very straight approach to the environs and events, but no real personal interaction to what's happening and what's being seen. Comparing this to her earlier piece, where the characterization of her secret agent is immensely strong in the way the story is told, this was a tad disappointing. All in all, this was a brilliantly approach to including the images, but needs a little more work to pull it off. Mirthcard Mirthcard's piece starts very nicely - well paced, a nice balance between description and advancing the plot, and some well-planned characterization. I was instantly hooked and ready to read more. Unfortunately, he lost me in the last half of the piece. The flaw here isn't so much that things fall apart, but rather that I feel like I've suddenly come into the movie halfway through. The revelation of the transformed bird and mouse very much falls under the "Gun on the mantle in the first act, someone gets shot in the last" rule of fiction. Without it, it seems to much like a Dues Ex moment where everything is solved by unforeseeable changes and the reader feels cheated by Siratos escape (or, at least, I know I did). There's a nice DnD feel to this piece, but it still keeps the mythological resonance of the minotaur alive. The use of the creatures to barbarian warriors is also great, but needs more set-up in the earlier stages of the piece to work from a narrative standpoint. Again, judging between these two pieces is hard as their strengths and weaknesses both lie in completely different areas. Shadoe's Lady piece is consistently innovative with the use of ingredients, but falls slightly flat in terms of style. Mirthcard's is stylistically more impressive, but it's brilliant use of two of the ingredients is let down by an erratic moment of plotting. In the end, I give this round to Mirthcard by the hair of a cat's whisker. Congratulations to both entrents - it's been a hard field and you've done well to get this far. I've enjoyed reading both your work, and look forward to seeing you again in future competitions. so, in a split decision Mirthcard retains his crown! congrats! [/QUOTE]
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