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<blockquote data-quote="Noskov" data-source="post: 1641620" data-attributes="member: 15911"><p>Okay, to start off, I just want to say that I agree with the judges in their decision and back it 100%. Below I have some answers and retorts to the opinions.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Not that I disagree, but the point was that Lonnie's sacrifice was what allowed him to be saved. In keeping with the theme of what Lonnie had to do, I had him serve the same penance. I also wanted the correlation to the rocks pic to be strong.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I was formatting as I typed the story.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I guess it's nice to hear I have a 'style'. I am an extremely poor and inexperienced writer. It's good to know I'm not quite as bad at is as I think I am. I have no idea what terse means.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I wanted so much more depth for this part of the story. I just don't know what else to say for this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm really glad the sympathy for the narrator came through. I wanted him to be despised for being the degenerate he was, but I also wanted it to be somewhat ambiguous if he were truly 'evil'. I wanted to bring up the question of was it really his fault because of his childhood, or did it even matter because of how brutal, selfish and uncaring he was.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I actually left these parts blank until I finished the story, trying to figure out what best to put there. By the time I got done, I had to post it, so I just put the easiest and first things that came to mind....Probably a mistake, but I felt that I needed metaphores at this point in the story to convey the emotion of the situation.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I wanted to...so very very badly. Problem was, I knew exactly how much time I had to complete this story and I knew if I went further, I wouldn't finish. I had to leave some things out.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very interesting because I originally was intending for the storm to be important. I wrote this story, for the most part, from the beginning on and made it up as I went. I had no idea of what I wanted it to be when I started it....It actually started as an effort to come up with a use for the surfing pic (more on that later) and go from there.</p><p></p><p>As the story evolved, I woud come back and make changes as I thought necessary, based on how much time I had. I still considered the storm important, because that is altimately what kills the narrator.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Cramming for time at the end of the story. The fact that English is not a strong suit for me didn't help either. Tense is a major problem for me too, I struggle with it constantly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Assuming you are not just being nice to me, I'm very happy that you liked the story. I thought it was overall mediocre at best. I liked the story and pic usage, but not how I related the story and ideas to the reader....If that makes any sense.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The bane of my Ceramic DM experience. The pic of the surfer was a complete block for me. It just so happened that I saw that very picture on the <a href="http://www.snopes.com/photos/surfer.asp" target="_blank">internet</a> a day or two before it was posted in Ceramic DM. The picture itself is a real picture, but the shape is a dolphin. For whatever reason, I could not bring myself to call it a shark.</p><p></p><p>I did, however, leave the dolphin/shark thing in there on purpose. I knew it seemed pointless at the time, but I thought it was interesting when you came to the end and realized the guy is drowned in the water because he thought he saw a shark in the water and it scared him off his board. Kind of weak, but I thought slightly ironic.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>One of, in my opinion, the story's biggest weaknesses. I had wondered to myself as to his lack of questioning and what not and my basic answer was that he didn't care. This guy was already a victim in his mind and nothing else mattered. That being said....If I had the time, the relationship and dialoge between these two would have been much different.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I wanted to get into the other murders more and his reasons and the emotions and feelings all of it brought to him, but didn't have time.</p><p></p><p>The narrator's style is hands on brutality. It was never expressed, but I tried to imply it. If I had gone further into this scene, I think I would have done a better job of that.</p><p></p><p>His father stole them away from their mother. They were already hiding out and away from other people. They never interacted with anyone except for the father, who's only contact was hookers and junkies. No one really knew about them and the few that did, didn't care. Again, I tried to imply that, but certainly could have done a better job of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Agreed. In my rush to get the entry done the thesaurus had been closed at this point.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I still thought it was important because it was the reason he fell into the water in the first place.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I will kind of skip this one because I think I've more or less addressed all of these comments. I thank you for your enthusiasm for my pic use. The one thing I really thought was good about the story was the pic use.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you everyone for your comments and (very unexpected) praise. I'm truly sorry I couldn't put forth a better effort. When I was put in as an alternate, I never expected to actually play, so I didn't put any time aside in case it did come up. Excuses aside, it was fun and I thank everyone for the experience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Noskov, post: 1641620, member: 15911"] Okay, to start off, I just want to say that I agree with the judges in their decision and back it 100%. Below I have some answers and retorts to the opinions. Not that I disagree, but the point was that Lonnie's sacrifice was what allowed him to be saved. In keeping with the theme of what Lonnie had to do, I had him serve the same penance. I also wanted the correlation to the rocks pic to be strong. I was formatting as I typed the story. I guess it's nice to hear I have a 'style'. I am an extremely poor and inexperienced writer. It's good to know I'm not quite as bad at is as I think I am. I have no idea what terse means. I wanted so much more depth for this part of the story. I just don't know what else to say for this. I'm really glad the sympathy for the narrator came through. I wanted him to be despised for being the degenerate he was, but I also wanted it to be somewhat ambiguous if he were truly 'evil'. I wanted to bring up the question of was it really his fault because of his childhood, or did it even matter because of how brutal, selfish and uncaring he was. I actually left these parts blank until I finished the story, trying to figure out what best to put there. By the time I got done, I had to post it, so I just put the easiest and first things that came to mind....Probably a mistake, but I felt that I needed metaphores at this point in the story to convey the emotion of the situation. I wanted to...so very very badly. Problem was, I knew exactly how much time I had to complete this story and I knew if I went further, I wouldn't finish. I had to leave some things out. This is very interesting because I originally was intending for the storm to be important. I wrote this story, for the most part, from the beginning on and made it up as I went. I had no idea of what I wanted it to be when I started it....It actually started as an effort to come up with a use for the surfing pic (more on that later) and go from there. As the story evolved, I woud come back and make changes as I thought necessary, based on how much time I had. I still considered the storm important, because that is altimately what kills the narrator. Cramming for time at the end of the story. The fact that English is not a strong suit for me didn't help either. Tense is a major problem for me too, I struggle with it constantly. Assuming you are not just being nice to me, I'm very happy that you liked the story. I thought it was overall mediocre at best. I liked the story and pic usage, but not how I related the story and ideas to the reader....If that makes any sense. The bane of my Ceramic DM experience. The pic of the surfer was a complete block for me. It just so happened that I saw that very picture on the [URL=http://www.snopes.com/photos/surfer.asp]internet[/URL] a day or two before it was posted in Ceramic DM. The picture itself is a real picture, but the shape is a dolphin. For whatever reason, I could not bring myself to call it a shark. I did, however, leave the dolphin/shark thing in there on purpose. I knew it seemed pointless at the time, but I thought it was interesting when you came to the end and realized the guy is drowned in the water because he thought he saw a shark in the water and it scared him off his board. Kind of weak, but I thought slightly ironic. One of, in my opinion, the story's biggest weaknesses. I had wondered to myself as to his lack of questioning and what not and my basic answer was that he didn't care. This guy was already a victim in his mind and nothing else mattered. That being said....If I had the time, the relationship and dialoge between these two would have been much different. I wanted to get into the other murders more and his reasons and the emotions and feelings all of it brought to him, but didn't have time. The narrator's style is hands on brutality. It was never expressed, but I tried to imply it. If I had gone further into this scene, I think I would have done a better job of that. His father stole them away from their mother. They were already hiding out and away from other people. They never interacted with anyone except for the father, who's only contact was hookers and junkies. No one really knew about them and the few that did, didn't care. Again, I tried to imply that, but certainly could have done a better job of it. Agreed. In my rush to get the entry done the thesaurus had been closed at this point. I still thought it was important because it was the reason he fell into the water in the first place. I will kind of skip this one because I think I've more or less addressed all of these comments. I thank you for your enthusiasm for my pic use. The one thing I really thought was good about the story was the pic use. Thank you everyone for your comments and (very unexpected) praise. I'm truly sorry I couldn't put forth a better effort. When I was put in as an alternate, I never expected to actually play, so I didn't put any time aside in case it did come up. Excuses aside, it was fun and I thank everyone for the experience. [/QUOTE]
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