Menu
News
All News
Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
Pathfinder
Starfinder
Warhammer
2d20 System
Year Zero Engine
Industry News
Reviews
Dragon Reflections
Columns
Weekly Digests
Weekly News Digest
Freebies, Sales & Bundles
RPG Print News
RPG Crowdfunding News
Game Content
ENterplanetary DimENsions
Mythological Figures
Opinion
Worlds of Design
Peregrine's Next
RPG Evolution
Other Columns
From the Freelancing Frontline
Monster ENcyclopedia
WotC/TSR Alumni Look Back
4 Hours w/RSD (Ryan Dancey)
The Road to 3E (Jonathan Tweet)
Greenwood's Realms (Ed Greenwood)
Drawmij's TSR (Jim Ward)
Community
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Resources
Wiki
Pages
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Downloads
Latest reviews
Search resources
EN Publishing
Store
EN5ider
Adventures in ZEITGEIST
Awfully Cheerful Engine
What's OLD is NEW
Judge Dredd & The Worlds Of 2000AD
War of the Burning Sky
Level Up: Advanced 5E
Events & Releases
Upcoming Events
Private Events
Featured Events
Socials!
Twitch
YouTube
Facebook (EN Publishing)
Facebook (EN World)
Twitter
Instagram
TikTok
Podcast
Features
Top 5 RPGs Compiled Charts 2004-Present
Adventure Game Industry Market Research Summary (RPGs) V1.0
Ryan Dancey: Acquiring TSR
Q&A With Gary Gygax
D&D Rules FAQs
TSR, WotC, & Paizo: A Comparative History
D&D Pronunciation Guide
Million Dollar TTRPG Kickstarters
Tabletop RPG Podcast Hall of Fame
Eric Noah's Unofficial D&D 3rd Edition News
D&D in the Mainstream
D&D & RPG History
About Morrus
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Community
General Tabletop Discussion
*TTRPGs General
CERAMIC DM March 2012
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Gregor" data-source="post: 5848314" data-attributes="member: 11751"><p><span style="font-size: 15px">Gregor's Judgement</span></p><p><strong>ROUND I: Match 1</strong></p><p><strong>FickleGM v. phoamslinger</strong></p><p></p><p><em>My disclaimer:</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perpsective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and criqique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. </em></p><p>And now, onto the judgements.</p><p></p><p><strong>Phoamslinger</strong></p><p><em>“Styx Freight, Inc.”</em></p><p></p><p><u>Writing Style & Skill</u></p><p>I enjoy the style and flow of your writing a lot, even though there are a few awkward sentences which I needed to reread a few times. However, your writing has a nice, almost musical, cadence to it which more than makes up for any of my perceived grammatical issues. I also appreciated how you changed your tone and style from casual, funny and snappy in Charon’s storyline and then altered to a darker mood to discuss the affairs of Adelmaro and his wife. </p><p></p><p><u>Use of the Photo Elements</u></p><p>Your photo use was equal parts awesome and banal.</p><p> </p><p>Your use of the ruins (despite using them as their IRL location) and the bird were pretty casual. I won’t go so far as to say they were an afterthought, but they were not as impressive as the other two. For instance, I particularly like the first photo which you use to show your main character Charon and describe the setting by writing: “A hint of smoke forever lingering on the breeze and a chill in the air were ever present nowadays”. Really great and the evocative writing matches the effects in the photo nicely. </p><p>I also really enjoyed your use of the tea kettle. We obviously chose it to be the ‘tricky’ one, but I think you incorporated it extremely well. Focusing more on the reflective surface of the object, as opposed to the object itself was rather clever and it reminded me of something I might see in a well-shot movie. </p><p></p><p><u>Personal Enjoyment</u></p><p>I enjoyed aspects of this story, but it didn’t really grab me.</p><p></p><p>The twist on Charon as an agent of life instead of death was excellent. The added perspective of him being a surly bureaucrat or front line worker in the affairs of the gods was also a great touch. Now that I think of it, your story gave me a strong American Gods vibe. I’m not sure if you’ve read that book, but the biting dialogue between Charon and Artemis reminded me of something Odin and another divine character might have shared in Mr. Gaiman’s book.</p><p></p><p>I also liked Charon’s gaze back in time. Though not an overly original concept: the adulterous wife and the scheming politician, I thought you presented it well. Specifically, I dug the detail in the preparation of the meal (something I, much like your Adelmaro, like to do to relax), Adelmaro’s realization that his wife was having an affair with the Persian, and his chilling calculated decision to poison them. Bringing it full circle with Charon again was also well done. </p><p></p><p>********</p><p></p><p><strong>FickleGM</strong></p><p><em>“The Heart of a Kiwi”</em></p><p></p><p><u>Writing Style & Skill</u></p><p>I thought that this story was extremely well written. There were a few very minor stylistic and grammatical issues, but overall it was solid from beginning to end. Your prose flows very well and I was impressed by your ability to pack so much into so few words. The unique perspective in this story was also very well done. </p><p></p><p><u>Use of the Photo Elements</u></p><p>While I wasn’t blown away by the way you used the pictures, I still think you did a respectable job. However, I would have liked to have seen you use one or two in a more creative manner. </p><p></p><p><u>Personal Enjoyment</u></p><p>As for my own personal enjoyment, I really, really liked this story.</p><p> </p><p>FickleGM, you brought forward something very slim and concise but you jam-packed your 1050 words with a metric tonne of story. </p><p> </p><p>I had an overwhelming sense of pulp, mystery and adventure as I read your tale and it gave me the same feelings I experience when I read something by H.P. Lovecraft. It isn’t that your piece was scary or occult as some of his stories, but you expertly captured that sense of ‘the unknown’. This intangible thing is what makes a great story in the genre you wrote. I also really appreciated how much you believe in your story (or at least your ability to make me think that you do) and you deftly weave it in such a way as to convince me that there are other parts to this story. Where were the chapters of this book that came before? Who are these characters? What is the colonel looking for? Why does this bird have an internal monologue? It is not that you should have put these things into your story. Rather, your story is brilliant because I believe that they exist, even when they do not.</p><p></p><p>********</p><p></p><p><strong>Final Verdict:</strong></p><p></p><p>First off, thank you both for your stories. It was an honor to review them.</p><p></p><p>I was really torn on this one (you guys did not make the first match of the first round easy on me!). On the one hand, Phoam delivered an interesting and well written story with one really excellent example of creative photo use (teapot). On the other hand, Fickle gave us a very well written tale but with less compelling photo use. </p><p></p><p>In the end, I went with my gut as to which story entertained me the most. While I enjoed Phoam's story, Fickle's grabbed me and would not let go. I wanted more, still want more and while I think some more creative use of the photos is needed, I want to see what can he do in the later and more difficult rounds. </p><p></p><p>My vote is for FickleGM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gregor, post: 5848314, member: 11751"] [SIZE="4"]Gregor's Judgement[/SIZE] [B]ROUND I: Match 1[/B] [B]FickleGM v. phoamslinger[/B] [I]My disclaimer: I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perpsective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and criqique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. [/I] And now, onto the judgements. [B]Phoamslinger[/B] [I]“Styx Freight, Inc.”[/I] [U]Writing Style & Skill[/U] I enjoy the style and flow of your writing a lot, even though there are a few awkward sentences which I needed to reread a few times. However, your writing has a nice, almost musical, cadence to it which more than makes up for any of my perceived grammatical issues. I also appreciated how you changed your tone and style from casual, funny and snappy in Charon’s storyline and then altered to a darker mood to discuss the affairs of Adelmaro and his wife. [U]Use of the Photo Elements[/U] Your photo use was equal parts awesome and banal. Your use of the ruins (despite using them as their IRL location) and the bird were pretty casual. I won’t go so far as to say they were an afterthought, but they were not as impressive as the other two. For instance, I particularly like the first photo which you use to show your main character Charon and describe the setting by writing: “A hint of smoke forever lingering on the breeze and a chill in the air were ever present nowadays”. Really great and the evocative writing matches the effects in the photo nicely. I also really enjoyed your use of the tea kettle. We obviously chose it to be the ‘tricky’ one, but I think you incorporated it extremely well. Focusing more on the reflective surface of the object, as opposed to the object itself was rather clever and it reminded me of something I might see in a well-shot movie. [U]Personal Enjoyment[/U] I enjoyed aspects of this story, but it didn’t really grab me. The twist on Charon as an agent of life instead of death was excellent. The added perspective of him being a surly bureaucrat or front line worker in the affairs of the gods was also a great touch. Now that I think of it, your story gave me a strong American Gods vibe. I’m not sure if you’ve read that book, but the biting dialogue between Charon and Artemis reminded me of something Odin and another divine character might have shared in Mr. Gaiman’s book. I also liked Charon’s gaze back in time. Though not an overly original concept: the adulterous wife and the scheming politician, I thought you presented it well. Specifically, I dug the detail in the preparation of the meal (something I, much like your Adelmaro, like to do to relax), Adelmaro’s realization that his wife was having an affair with the Persian, and his chilling calculated decision to poison them. Bringing it full circle with Charon again was also well done. ******** [B]FickleGM[/B] [I]“The Heart of a Kiwi”[/I] [U]Writing Style & Skill[/U] I thought that this story was extremely well written. There were a few very minor stylistic and grammatical issues, but overall it was solid from beginning to end. Your prose flows very well and I was impressed by your ability to pack so much into so few words. The unique perspective in this story was also very well done. [U]Use of the Photo Elements[/U] While I wasn’t blown away by the way you used the pictures, I still think you did a respectable job. However, I would have liked to have seen you use one or two in a more creative manner. [U]Personal Enjoyment[/U] As for my own personal enjoyment, I really, really liked this story. FickleGM, you brought forward something very slim and concise but you jam-packed your 1050 words with a metric tonne of story. I had an overwhelming sense of pulp, mystery and adventure as I read your tale and it gave me the same feelings I experience when I read something by H.P. Lovecraft. It isn’t that your piece was scary or occult as some of his stories, but you expertly captured that sense of ‘the unknown’. This intangible thing is what makes a great story in the genre you wrote. I also really appreciated how much you believe in your story (or at least your ability to make me think that you do) and you deftly weave it in such a way as to convince me that there are other parts to this story. Where were the chapters of this book that came before? Who are these characters? What is the colonel looking for? Why does this bird have an internal monologue? It is not that you should have put these things into your story. Rather, your story is brilliant because I believe that they exist, even when they do not. ******** [B]Final Verdict:[/B] First off, thank you both for your stories. It was an honor to review them. I was really torn on this one (you guys did not make the first match of the first round easy on me!). On the one hand, Phoam delivered an interesting and well written story with one really excellent example of creative photo use (teapot). On the other hand, Fickle gave us a very well written tale but with less compelling photo use. In the end, I went with my gut as to which story entertained me the most. While I enjoed Phoam's story, Fickle's grabbed me and would not let go. I wanted more, still want more and while I think some more creative use of the photos is needed, I want to see what can he do in the later and more difficult rounds. My vote is for FickleGM [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Community
General Tabletop Discussion
*TTRPGs General
CERAMIC DM March 2012
Top