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CERAMIC DM March 2012
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<blockquote data-quote="Gregor" data-source="post: 5850466" data-attributes="member: 11751"><p><span style="font-size: 15px">Gregor's Judgement</span></p><p></p><p><strong>ROUND I: Match 2</strong></p><p><strong>Rune v. Rodridgo Istalindir</strong></p><p></p><p>[sblock="My disclaimer:"]</p><p></p><p>I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perpsective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and criqique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. And now, onto the judgements. [/sblock]</p><p></p><p><strong>Transition vs. The Hitchhiker</strong></p><p></p><p><u>Writing Style & Skill</u></p><p></p><p>Two very, very different writing styles in this one. However, both Rune and Rodrigo have high skill with the written word.</p><p></p><p>Rune starts off with a short piece that mixes poetry and prose to good effect. Quite literally he gives us an actual poem which articulates a prophecy near the beginning of his tale (which was a clever way of weaving in the pictures - but more on that below). The writing is very tight, well-constructed and in some places rather beautiful (“nourished by the remnants of its ancestors”). </p><p></p><p>Rodrigo submits a well-polished piece that flows extremely well. The story is neatly divided into different settings and the dashes of dark humour are well-played and effective both in their placement and effect. The author’s vocabulary is impressive and there are also some great word combinations in this story (e.g. “glottal fricatives”) which cements this as excellent writing.</p><p></p><p><u>Use of the Photo Elements</u></p><p></p><p>This was a tricky set of photos – maybe the trickiest of the first round (maybe...) so let us see how our brave competitors fare.</p><p></p><p>Rune puts forth some good picture use in his short poem/prophecy, where I picked up on elements of the llama and the tree. I enjoyed that the story theme of a mind crossing vast gulfs of space and time served as the link between obscure pictures like a tree, an artisan and a totally weird looking llama. ‘The mind’ touches each in turn and brings us a unique perspective from each. That being said, I thought that the pictures themselves could have maybe been elaborated upon, or worked in with a bit more detail. </p><p></p><p>Rodrigo does a really great job of using the pictures in his story. I felt that they were used as integral pieces in the tale and in some cases even as primary characters. For example, the llama plays a key role as Paz’s puppet creature and the artisan is Hamiz. The extrapolation of Hamiz’s steel-tube tool to inscribe the diagrams on the urn was awesome. I wasn’t blown away by the circuit-board imagery but it fit and made sense. Above all I thought that the images and their use were well thought out and utilized. </p><p> </p><p><u>Personal Enjoyment</u></p><p></p><p>Rune, I think you put together a really creative story that was written from a very unique perspective and with rather daring style. I thought it was a bit short and I wish I had more to chew on, but I dug up what you put forward. I think you captured the sense of a wandering mind really well and I enjoyed how you described the feelings and emotions of various living and inanimate objects – the tree in particular. There was an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness in your story and I was left wondering if the finality of death for the artisan was really the end, or the segue into the immortality of his mind.</p><p></p><p>Rodrigo, you put forward a great story that cleverly used the images in a believable way. I enjoyed it immediately, but your story really grew on me once the interactions between Paz and Hamiz started to take shape. The imagery of a llama and an artisan working with radioactive materials in the middle of a remote village was fantastic. I also enjoyed the scenes of Paz trying to get the llama to vocalize and your general mixture of fantasy and science-fiction elements. Parts of your story genuinely made me chuckle (e.g. the llama watching Hamiz from the window) including the all-for-naught ending of Paz at the hands of a fervent mob. Above all though I felt that this was a very well constructed short story that grabbed my attention and never let me go.</p><p></p><p><strong>Final Verdict</strong></p><p></p><p>I was really torn on this decision. I enjoyed both of these stories and I think that both of you can write so freaking well. Ultimately I thought one of you used the pictures more effectively and generally wove a more enjoyable tale.</p><p></p><p>My vote is for Rodrigo Istalindir.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gregor, post: 5850466, member: 11751"] [SIZE="4"]Gregor's Judgement[/SIZE] [B]ROUND I: Match 2 Rune v. Rodridgo Istalindir[/B] [sblock="My disclaimer:"] I am humbled by the talent arrayed before me and I appreciate the opportunity to provide any kind of critique on your work. Having competed in Ceramic DM a couple of times myself, I know that it takes courage to put your thoughts down on paper and then hand that over for public scrutiny. Please keep in mind that my review and judgement of your work comes completely from my personal perpsective and opinions. I am in no way a professional random-picture-driven-short-story reviewer. I also realize that in criticizing your stories I set myself up for your own counter judgement and criqique (e.g. how can I judge your use of grammar when I make mistakes myself?). Please take my judgement with a grain of salt and know that I respect the creativity, hard work and imagination of everyone in this competition. And now, onto the judgements. [/sblock] [B]Transition vs. The Hitchhiker[/B] [U]Writing Style & Skill[/U] Two very, very different writing styles in this one. However, both Rune and Rodrigo have high skill with the written word. Rune starts off with a short piece that mixes poetry and prose to good effect. Quite literally he gives us an actual poem which articulates a prophecy near the beginning of his tale (which was a clever way of weaving in the pictures - but more on that below). The writing is very tight, well-constructed and in some places rather beautiful (“nourished by the remnants of its ancestors”). Rodrigo submits a well-polished piece that flows extremely well. The story is neatly divided into different settings and the dashes of dark humour are well-played and effective both in their placement and effect. The author’s vocabulary is impressive and there are also some great word combinations in this story (e.g. “glottal fricatives”) which cements this as excellent writing. [U]Use of the Photo Elements[/U] This was a tricky set of photos – maybe the trickiest of the first round (maybe...) so let us see how our brave competitors fare. Rune puts forth some good picture use in his short poem/prophecy, where I picked up on elements of the llama and the tree. I enjoyed that the story theme of a mind crossing vast gulfs of space and time served as the link between obscure pictures like a tree, an artisan and a totally weird looking llama. ‘The mind’ touches each in turn and brings us a unique perspective from each. That being said, I thought that the pictures themselves could have maybe been elaborated upon, or worked in with a bit more detail. Rodrigo does a really great job of using the pictures in his story. I felt that they were used as integral pieces in the tale and in some cases even as primary characters. For example, the llama plays a key role as Paz’s puppet creature and the artisan is Hamiz. The extrapolation of Hamiz’s steel-tube tool to inscribe the diagrams on the urn was awesome. I wasn’t blown away by the circuit-board imagery but it fit and made sense. Above all I thought that the images and their use were well thought out and utilized. [U]Personal Enjoyment[/U] Rune, I think you put together a really creative story that was written from a very unique perspective and with rather daring style. I thought it was a bit short and I wish I had more to chew on, but I dug up what you put forward. I think you captured the sense of a wandering mind really well and I enjoyed how you described the feelings and emotions of various living and inanimate objects – the tree in particular. There was an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness in your story and I was left wondering if the finality of death for the artisan was really the end, or the segue into the immortality of his mind. Rodrigo, you put forward a great story that cleverly used the images in a believable way. I enjoyed it immediately, but your story really grew on me once the interactions between Paz and Hamiz started to take shape. The imagery of a llama and an artisan working with radioactive materials in the middle of a remote village was fantastic. I also enjoyed the scenes of Paz trying to get the llama to vocalize and your general mixture of fantasy and science-fiction elements. Parts of your story genuinely made me chuckle (e.g. the llama watching Hamiz from the window) including the all-for-naught ending of Paz at the hands of a fervent mob. Above all though I felt that this was a very well constructed short story that grabbed my attention and never let me go. [B]Final Verdict[/B] I was really torn on this decision. I enjoyed both of these stories and I think that both of you can write so freaking well. Ultimately I thought one of you used the pictures more effectively and generally wove a more enjoyable tale. My vote is for Rodrigo Istalindir. [/QUOTE]
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