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CERAMIC DM March 2012
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<blockquote data-quote="SteelDraco" data-source="post: 5859593" data-attributes="member: 359"><p>First, thanks for the great round, Wild Gazebo!</p><p></p><p>I didn't want to respond to any of the judge's comments before all of them had posted, so I'll do so below.</p><p></p><p>[sblock]</p><p>Thanks to everybody for their critiques! Very helpful and reasonable. I hadn't written anything in a while, so the start is rocky - I had trouble getting started and didn't do as much editing as I would have liked. Word choice and a better start were definitely a problem on this one. The timeline of the first two scenes doesn't line up very well either.</p><p></p><p>steeldragon mentioned wanting to see Patricia fleshed out better - totally true. I wanted another character development scene to flesh her out but I couldn't get it to come together in a way that didn't drag the pacing way down. I didn't want to add any more characters, and too much conversation between the two of them would have felt too... show-y, I suppose. In my head, she's a political science student who's working toward being a chief of staff type; she works as a personal assistant for money while she's in college. I wanted to have a scene of her doing homework at the house and get distracted by visions of the door, but it slowed things down too much.</p><p></p><p>To Mirth, regarding telegraphing the ending: yeah, totally true. I knew she was going to die from the beginning, though I had to axe a long bit at the end - originally she snuck on the boat while he was disposing of the previous specimen, but that didn't really work at all after I started on it. I hacked it back to the basics.</p><p></p><p>I'm surprised (but glad!) people liked the use of the stone heads - I actually thought putting one of the images in the denouement was a bit of a cop-out on my part.</p><p>[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SteelDraco, post: 5859593, member: 359"] First, thanks for the great round, Wild Gazebo! I didn't want to respond to any of the judge's comments before all of them had posted, so I'll do so below. [sblock] Thanks to everybody for their critiques! Very helpful and reasonable. I hadn't written anything in a while, so the start is rocky - I had trouble getting started and didn't do as much editing as I would have liked. Word choice and a better start were definitely a problem on this one. The timeline of the first two scenes doesn't line up very well either. steeldragon mentioned wanting to see Patricia fleshed out better - totally true. I wanted another character development scene to flesh her out but I couldn't get it to come together in a way that didn't drag the pacing way down. I didn't want to add any more characters, and too much conversation between the two of them would have felt too... show-y, I suppose. In my head, she's a political science student who's working toward being a chief of staff type; she works as a personal assistant for money while she's in college. I wanted to have a scene of her doing homework at the house and get distracted by visions of the door, but it slowed things down too much. To Mirth, regarding telegraphing the ending: yeah, totally true. I knew she was going to die from the beginning, though I had to axe a long bit at the end - originally she snuck on the boat while he was disposing of the previous specimen, but that didn't really work at all after I started on it. I hacked it back to the basics. I'm surprised (but glad!) people liked the use of the stone heads - I actually thought putting one of the images in the denouement was a bit of a cop-out on my part. [/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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