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CERAMIC DM March 2012
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<blockquote data-quote="Mirth" data-source="post: 5865480" data-attributes="member: 5242"><p>Mirth - Judgment</p><p></p><p>Round 1, Match 6</p><p></p><p>Hellefire vs. Daeja</p><p></p><p>More biscuits, less gravy...</p><p></p><p>Style -- These two entries couldn't be farther apart in style and substance if we had ruled them to be so. On one hand, we have Hellefire returning us to the glory days of the earliest Ceramic DM challenges with a good old-fashioned D&D adventure (of which, I wrote my share when I was a competitor). Diametrically opposed to that is Daeja's comedy of two wannabe sorcerers and the havoc they wreak with hardly any effort or remorse. I like elements of both pieces, but ultimately I feel they suffer from some serious deficiencies in their overall craft. In Hellefire's adventure, we have the aftermath of a dungeon (or mansion) looting gone astray. Hardly anyone writes in 2nd person anymore and I thought the voice of the DM was very strong in the opening scene. However, I expected that narrative to continue and perhaps work itself out as a log/journal of one group's campaign, a very risky and very creative choice for a story that I was excited to read. Instead, what I got was a railroad plot (can't go in the water, can't climb the cliff wall, etc.) with some small scenes sketched out between lines and lines of stats. Those small scenes have some tasty morsels in them (which I'll get to a bit in the next section) but sadly I felt the adventure paid short shrift to its narrative and plot and didn't really work as an adventure, either. Daeja's rollicking tale of whacko wizards and their magical misfires had its fun moments, but also suffered from some haunting questions that just weren't answered sufficiently for me as a reader. Given what Shanna and Felix have done at the beginning of the story, why would Yevin ever trust them to be on their own, unsupervised, for a week? Why would he let them take the foot with them? Why are there earth elemental creation eggs just lying around on a beach? Wouldn't the whole village be at risk of turning into raging elementals if the other eggs burst? Why are Shanna and Felix so scared of Yevin if he's so lackadaisical and easy-going about their offenses? The questions go on and on. It's not to say that I didn't enjoy some elements of both works, I'm just saying that both have problems and shortcomings that needed to be worked out. </p><p></p><p>Picture use -- Picture use was also a struggle for both competitors. Hellefire's Rollin' Robby is an interesting concept and it's nice to see a non-combative wandering monster encounter, but he doles out magic and money like nobody's business and he adds nothing to the plot, whatever it might be. The same goes for the Vulture Turtle eggs, the Sharkgulls and the Foot of Marvin -- I love the concepts (truly), but they are just a list of items and monsters and not a story or a plot unto themselves. In Daeja's story, I felt the Sharkgull was used very well as both a character and plot device. The foot was also used in an interesting way, but it felt a bit shoehorned (pun intended) into the story as a whole. The eggs and the bee/tree creature both seemed forced and contrived (although I really liked the framing and description of the egg exploding and the spores hitting Felix).</p><p></p><p>Personal connection -- Not a fan of railroading and Hellefire's adventure left me cold. I believe with some concerted effort, there is enough there to make a grand adventure, but what is on the page isn't it. Daeja's tale was nice, breezy, and funny, but it was a little too light for my tastes -- it needs more meat on the bones, too. </p><p></p><p>Final judgment - For Hellefire, the totality of the adventure needs to be tightened up, given more structure, fleshed out and in general, made whole for it to be serviceable. Some great ideas in there, definitely worth salvaging, but not nearly enough to win this competition without some serious work. Although I have my reservations about Daeja's plot and narrative construction as well, I feel that style and picture use won the day.</p><p></p><p>My nod for Round 1, Match 6 goes to … Daeja!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mirth, post: 5865480, member: 5242"] Mirth - Judgment Round 1, Match 6 Hellefire vs. Daeja More biscuits, less gravy... Style -- These two entries couldn't be farther apart in style and substance if we had ruled them to be so. On one hand, we have Hellefire returning us to the glory days of the earliest Ceramic DM challenges with a good old-fashioned D&D adventure (of which, I wrote my share when I was a competitor). Diametrically opposed to that is Daeja's comedy of two wannabe sorcerers and the havoc they wreak with hardly any effort or remorse. I like elements of both pieces, but ultimately I feel they suffer from some serious deficiencies in their overall craft. In Hellefire's adventure, we have the aftermath of a dungeon (or mansion) looting gone astray. Hardly anyone writes in 2nd person anymore and I thought the voice of the DM was very strong in the opening scene. However, I expected that narrative to continue and perhaps work itself out as a log/journal of one group's campaign, a very risky and very creative choice for a story that I was excited to read. Instead, what I got was a railroad plot (can't go in the water, can't climb the cliff wall, etc.) with some small scenes sketched out between lines and lines of stats. Those small scenes have some tasty morsels in them (which I'll get to a bit in the next section) but sadly I felt the adventure paid short shrift to its narrative and plot and didn't really work as an adventure, either. Daeja's rollicking tale of whacko wizards and their magical misfires had its fun moments, but also suffered from some haunting questions that just weren't answered sufficiently for me as a reader. Given what Shanna and Felix have done at the beginning of the story, why would Yevin ever trust them to be on their own, unsupervised, for a week? Why would he let them take the foot with them? Why are there earth elemental creation eggs just lying around on a beach? Wouldn't the whole village be at risk of turning into raging elementals if the other eggs burst? Why are Shanna and Felix so scared of Yevin if he's so lackadaisical and easy-going about their offenses? The questions go on and on. It's not to say that I didn't enjoy some elements of both works, I'm just saying that both have problems and shortcomings that needed to be worked out. Picture use -- Picture use was also a struggle for both competitors. Hellefire's Rollin' Robby is an interesting concept and it's nice to see a non-combative wandering monster encounter, but he doles out magic and money like nobody's business and he adds nothing to the plot, whatever it might be. The same goes for the Vulture Turtle eggs, the Sharkgulls and the Foot of Marvin -- I love the concepts (truly), but they are just a list of items and monsters and not a story or a plot unto themselves. In Daeja's story, I felt the Sharkgull was used very well as both a character and plot device. The foot was also used in an interesting way, but it felt a bit shoehorned (pun intended) into the story as a whole. The eggs and the bee/tree creature both seemed forced and contrived (although I really liked the framing and description of the egg exploding and the spores hitting Felix). Personal connection -- Not a fan of railroading and Hellefire's adventure left me cold. I believe with some concerted effort, there is enough there to make a grand adventure, but what is on the page isn't it. Daeja's tale was nice, breezy, and funny, but it was a little too light for my tastes -- it needs more meat on the bones, too. Final judgment - For Hellefire, the totality of the adventure needs to be tightened up, given more structure, fleshed out and in general, made whole for it to be serviceable. Some great ideas in there, definitely worth salvaging, but not nearly enough to win this competition without some serious work. Although I have my reservations about Daeja's plot and narrative construction as well, I feel that style and picture use won the day. My nod for Round 1, Match 6 goes to … Daeja! [/QUOTE]
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