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Ceramic DM- The Renewal ( Final judgement posted)
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<blockquote data-quote="BSF" data-source="post: 2061786" data-attributes="member: 13098"><p>I think Eeralai's story perhaps suffered from being a little too regional and possibly a little too music oriented. That first paragraph is a little hard to get through, but then again I am the person that used "Meat" 10 times in an opening paragraph. Who am I to criticize an opener that the author uses to try to hold the mental perspective of the main character? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>There are a lot of references to stuff that might not translate well outside of our localized region. I think losing the context of those references really obscures the problem of the main character. As well, if you aren't enough a Steely Dan fan to know the lyrics of their songs, there are hints that get missed in that context. </p><p></p><p>Speaking as the spousal unit, I was really surprised by this story. Eeralai usually avoids the subject of suicide like the plague. It was a serious departure from her normal writings. Stepping outside your comfort zone in writing can be risky, but it is a good opportunity to grow. I think Eeralai would welcome more commentary if anybody felt like sharing. Either in the Spectator thread, or possibly in this one if the judges don't mind. (After all, the story is judged so there is no bias to be had now.) Barring that, you can also email me and I will forward to Eeralai. </p><p></p><p>Congrats to Mythago and to everyone else advancing to the next round. It seems like we are getting a lot of varied stories in this contest with some very strong writing. It is so much fun to watch and see what people are cranking out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BSF, post: 2061786, member: 13098"] I think Eeralai's story perhaps suffered from being a little too regional and possibly a little too music oriented. That first paragraph is a little hard to get through, but then again I am the person that used "Meat" 10 times in an opening paragraph. Who am I to criticize an opener that the author uses to try to hold the mental perspective of the main character? :) There are a lot of references to stuff that might not translate well outside of our localized region. I think losing the context of those references really obscures the problem of the main character. As well, if you aren't enough a Steely Dan fan to know the lyrics of their songs, there are hints that get missed in that context. Speaking as the spousal unit, I was really surprised by this story. Eeralai usually avoids the subject of suicide like the plague. It was a serious departure from her normal writings. Stepping outside your comfort zone in writing can be risky, but it is a good opportunity to grow. I think Eeralai would welcome more commentary if anybody felt like sharing. Either in the Spectator thread, or possibly in this one if the judges don't mind. (After all, the story is judged so there is no bias to be had now.) Barring that, you can also email me and I will forward to Eeralai. Congrats to Mythago and to everyone else advancing to the next round. It seems like we are getting a lot of varied stories in this contest with some very strong writing. It is so much fun to watch and see what people are cranking out. [/QUOTE]
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