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<blockquote data-quote="jasper" data-source="post: 8062055" data-attributes="member: 277"><p>My changes to the write up.</p><p>Drop the background color on the page. Just make it black ink on white.</p><p>What Does This Chair Do? In left column keep the first and last paragraphs. Drop all right hand column paragraphs. Why? Most the column is defending the product or is trying to start an argument.</p><p>Equipment Drop gloves. Include wording the chair has materials not requiring gloves. Move the Pouches bullet point to Equipment. Why? To me pouches are part of equipment and not Anatomy.</p><p></p><p>the Anatomy of the Chair</p><p>Rewrite opening paragraph. It sounds like designer notes to me.</p><p></p><p>Slanted Wheels. This seems mostly fluff. Change the second sentence to some like, the chair treats the above as normal terrain.</p><p></p><p>Seat Tilt Lever. Drop “Action” from second sentence. Add third sentence to reflect this is like “interacting with objects around you”.</p><p></p><p>Adjustable Armrests. Drop. This mainly a set up for the Beacon stone bullet point. Roll into that bullet point.</p><p></p><p>Seatbelts. Hmm is a “Bonus Action” or just “Interact with object”?</p><p></p><p>Beacon Stone. Artificer is an EBERRON class not Realms. Maybe change to artisan. Or include wording mentioning Eberron. Drop last paragraph. Add wording to effect of “tapping beacon stone twice moves to hover mode to ascend/descend normal stairs.”</p><p></p><p>Drop Ascending & Descending Stairs due to rewriting last paragraph of page 2.</p><p></p><p>Self Propulsion Variant NO changes.</p><p></p><p>Actions. No Changes.</p><p></p><p>How Tough is the Chair. This section wanders. And is not consistent. It doesn’t have hit points in second paragraph but does take Critical hits and takes 1 repair pt of damage. Review and possible rewrite to tighten it up.</p><p></p><p>Swift. Second paragraph drop first sentence. Second sentence open with “If using Swift” replacing “Instead”</p><p></p><p>Stable. Still don’t liked the advantage against prone. Second sentence change from “If the chair” to “If you”.</p><p></p><p>Attuning No change.</p><p></p><p>Staring Out with the Chair</p><p></p><p>Drop the (as it has been …. ).</p><p></p><p>Drop first sentence after Remember:</p><p></p><p>Upgrades</p><p></p><p>Drop first two paragraphs. Chatty. Sounds like a sales clerk. And is not needed. Drop last paragraph on page 4 for the same reason.</p><p></p><p>Agile Suspension. Hmm 180 gp for advantage on Dex saves and the rest. ??? This sounds like a free feat to me.</p><p></p><p>All-Terrain Tyres . Not needed you are still in most normal terrain. But some modules do charge some gp for snow shoes and other stuff. Review after research snow shoe cost.</p><p></p><p>Arcane Absorption. Sound like an Eberron thing. If not 260 gp is too low.</p><p></p><p>Armoured plates. +2 to ac for 40 pds weight. Weight is too high. Cut to 25 to 30 pds.</p><p></p><p>Floats no change</p><p></p><p>Mounted Sniper no change</p><p></p><p>Parting Ram. Drop the half cover. Or this cannot be used with armoured plates. Or include wording it does not stack with armoured plates.</p><p></p><p>Razor Edges No change</p><p></p><p>Scatter tacks. Rework to some like. “as an action you drop caltrops.” Drop the repeat of what caltrops do.</p><p></p><p>Shin Shredders. Drop the Con Save.</p><p></p><p>Spider Legs. Confusing. How about verbal it casts spider climb twice per short rest with need of concentration check.</p><p></p><p>Suppression Tyres. See All-terrain tyres. And I trying to remember what is difficult terrain.</p><p></p><p>Thunder Trip. Needs a little rewrite. Last sentence can be reduced to “casts Thunderwave DC 14)</p><p></p><p>What Constitutes an upgrade? Drop first paragraph. Change second paragraph to. Attaching shields, armour, and other items don’t count as upgrade. Drop fourth paragraph.</p><p></p><p>Mundane Items Is this paragraph really needed?</p><p></p><p>The article occasionally is very chatty.</p><p></p><p>edit to add.</p><p>My firewall hates part of the original article. And some of links. So if someone wants to forward this to the creator. Feel Free.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jasper, post: 8062055, member: 277"] My changes to the write up. Drop the background color on the page. Just make it black ink on white. What Does This Chair Do? In left column keep the first and last paragraphs. Drop all right hand column paragraphs. Why? Most the column is defending the product or is trying to start an argument. Equipment Drop gloves. Include wording the chair has materials not requiring gloves. Move the Pouches bullet point to Equipment. Why? To me pouches are part of equipment and not Anatomy. the Anatomy of the Chair Rewrite opening paragraph. It sounds like designer notes to me. Slanted Wheels. This seems mostly fluff. Change the second sentence to some like, the chair treats the above as normal terrain. Seat Tilt Lever. Drop “Action” from second sentence. Add third sentence to reflect this is like “interacting with objects around you”. Adjustable Armrests. Drop. This mainly a set up for the Beacon stone bullet point. Roll into that bullet point. Seatbelts. Hmm is a “Bonus Action” or just “Interact with object”? Beacon Stone. Artificer is an EBERRON class not Realms. Maybe change to artisan. Or include wording mentioning Eberron. Drop last paragraph. Add wording to effect of “tapping beacon stone twice moves to hover mode to ascend/descend normal stairs.” Drop Ascending & Descending Stairs due to rewriting last paragraph of page 2. Self Propulsion Variant NO changes. Actions. No Changes. How Tough is the Chair. This section wanders. And is not consistent. It doesn’t have hit points in second paragraph but does take Critical hits and takes 1 repair pt of damage. Review and possible rewrite to tighten it up. Swift. Second paragraph drop first sentence. Second sentence open with “If using Swift” replacing “Instead” Stable. Still don’t liked the advantage against prone. Second sentence change from “If the chair” to “If you”. Attuning No change. Staring Out with the Chair Drop the (as it has been …. ). Drop first sentence after Remember: Upgrades Drop first two paragraphs. Chatty. Sounds like a sales clerk. And is not needed. Drop last paragraph on page 4 for the same reason. Agile Suspension. Hmm 180 gp for advantage on Dex saves and the rest. ??? This sounds like a free feat to me. All-Terrain Tyres . Not needed you are still in most normal terrain. But some modules do charge some gp for snow shoes and other stuff. Review after research snow shoe cost. Arcane Absorption. Sound like an Eberron thing. If not 260 gp is too low. Armoured plates. +2 to ac for 40 pds weight. Weight is too high. Cut to 25 to 30 pds. Floats no change Mounted Sniper no change Parting Ram. Drop the half cover. Or this cannot be used with armoured plates. Or include wording it does not stack with armoured plates. Razor Edges No change Scatter tacks. Rework to some like. “as an action you drop caltrops.” Drop the repeat of what caltrops do. Shin Shredders. Drop the Con Save. Spider Legs. Confusing. How about verbal it casts spider climb twice per short rest with need of concentration check. Suppression Tyres. See All-terrain tyres. And I trying to remember what is difficult terrain. Thunder Trip. Needs a little rewrite. Last sentence can be reduced to “casts Thunderwave DC 14) What Constitutes an upgrade? Drop first paragraph. Change second paragraph to. Attaching shields, armour, and other items don’t count as upgrade. Drop fourth paragraph. Mundane Items Is this paragraph really needed? The article occasionally is very chatty. edit to add. My firewall hates part of the original article. And some of links. So if someone wants to forward this to the creator. Feel Free. [/QUOTE]
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