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Story Hour
DARK•HERITAGE -- 16 installments to date, updated April 20th
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<blockquote data-quote="RangerWickett" data-source="post: 1696083" data-attributes="member: 63"><p>Nifty pic. Considering the trouble they've had with more 'natural' foes, I'm sure the critter you got there will be sufficiently frightening.</p><p></p><p>I really loved the beginning. It was just a great mood-piece. Likewise, the concept of the setting is phenomenal. It reminds me of Trigun in an odd way, only with huge cloud expanses instead of deserts. I'm also imagining some time in the future, the moons and planets are going to line up, and the entire world will be pitch black for days. But maybe I'm just amalgamating a few too many sci-fi settings. *grin*</p><p></p><p>From a reader's standpoint, you do occasionally have over-long paragraphs, and you tag your conversation a bit awkardly. It's usually easier to know who's talking if you tell us at the beginning of the paragraph, or in the middle of the first sentence. As for the paragraph length, sometimes you mix a lot of description with some action, and it distracts from the action because the reader's mind is thinking it's still just something being described.</p><p></p><p>I enjoyed the stuff on the airships the most, but I am hoping to see more of their investigation. It's the interactions that make the characters stand out more, and good characters are what make for interesting stories.</p><p></p><p>I'll keep a look-out for updates on this one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RangerWickett, post: 1696083, member: 63"] Nifty pic. Considering the trouble they've had with more 'natural' foes, I'm sure the critter you got there will be sufficiently frightening. I really loved the beginning. It was just a great mood-piece. Likewise, the concept of the setting is phenomenal. It reminds me of Trigun in an odd way, only with huge cloud expanses instead of deserts. I'm also imagining some time in the future, the moons and planets are going to line up, and the entire world will be pitch black for days. But maybe I'm just amalgamating a few too many sci-fi settings. *grin* From a reader's standpoint, you do occasionally have over-long paragraphs, and you tag your conversation a bit awkardly. It's usually easier to know who's talking if you tell us at the beginning of the paragraph, or in the middle of the first sentence. As for the paragraph length, sometimes you mix a lot of description with some action, and it distracts from the action because the reader's mind is thinking it's still just something being described. I enjoyed the stuff on the airships the most, but I am hoping to see more of their investigation. It's the interactions that make the characters stand out more, and good characters are what make for interesting stories. I'll keep a look-out for updates on this one. [/QUOTE]
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DARK•HERITAGE -- 16 installments to date, updated April 20th
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