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<blockquote data-quote="BSF" data-source="post: 2760462" data-attributes="member: 13098"><p>I know Jaden is currently out of town. Not sure if she will have access to EN World for a bit here. </p><p></p><p>Sialia - My opening comment is mostly tongue in cheek. It was just a really strange idea to me, given the pictures. I also like hearing where your inspiration comes from. I do wonder if finding out what the picture was about placed artificial constraints on your creativity. But that was a really tough picture to use. Leave it to Mythago...</p><p></p><p>Spacemonkey - Character voice is not always a high priority except when somebody is trying to emulate a specific vernacular. Many times this can come across flat, but it can work. However this is not the specific voice I am referring to for your story. Most people I know have a speech and writing habit. I can sometimes tell my friends apart simply by their manner of communication even when I don't have a voice or other specific cue on the communicator. Abrupt or terse statements vs lengthy statements. Common use of otherwise uncommon terms. That sort of thing.</p><p></p><p>Tiago contemplates writing a paper on the linguistic origins of the strangely accented companions of Atkins. Perhaps this is what helped push character voice up in my mind? In any event, I have a stronger feel for the character voice of Carlos than I do Tiago. It isn't enough to pull me out of the story. But there might be ways you can imply deeper character by consciously adopting a slightly different speech pattern, vocabulary, sentence structure, or whatever for Tiago. Enough similarities that you can sense how Tiago and Carlos are similar, but have slightly different backgrounds. I didn't quite get that from the story. </p><p></p><p>But as I said, don't fret over it. It is one idea on how you might be able to polish up the story a bit more. It might be the wrong idea for you. I only offer it because I thought about it and noticed it. Not because I thought you had a particularly gross failing in that regard. In the end, you didn't leave many other ways for me to offer feedback on how to improve the story. You did a fine job with the story.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BSF, post: 2760462, member: 13098"] I know Jaden is currently out of town. Not sure if she will have access to EN World for a bit here. Sialia - My opening comment is mostly tongue in cheek. It was just a really strange idea to me, given the pictures. I also like hearing where your inspiration comes from. I do wonder if finding out what the picture was about placed artificial constraints on your creativity. But that was a really tough picture to use. Leave it to Mythago... Spacemonkey - Character voice is not always a high priority except when somebody is trying to emulate a specific vernacular. Many times this can come across flat, but it can work. However this is not the specific voice I am referring to for your story. Most people I know have a speech and writing habit. I can sometimes tell my friends apart simply by their manner of communication even when I don't have a voice or other specific cue on the communicator. Abrupt or terse statements vs lengthy statements. Common use of otherwise uncommon terms. That sort of thing. Tiago contemplates writing a paper on the linguistic origins of the strangely accented companions of Atkins. Perhaps this is what helped push character voice up in my mind? In any event, I have a stronger feel for the character voice of Carlos than I do Tiago. It isn't enough to pull me out of the story. But there might be ways you can imply deeper character by consciously adopting a slightly different speech pattern, vocabulary, sentence structure, or whatever for Tiago. Enough similarities that you can sense how Tiago and Carlos are similar, but have slightly different backgrounds. I didn't quite get that from the story. But as I said, don't fret over it. It is one idea on how you might be able to polish up the story a bit more. It might be the wrong idea for you. I only offer it because I thought about it and noticed it. Not because I thought you had a particularly gross failing in that regard. In the end, you didn't leave many other ways for me to offer feedback on how to improve the story. You did a fine job with the story. [/QUOTE]
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