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Fear and Loathing for Logg's Angus
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<blockquote data-quote="Jack7" data-source="post: 4718602" data-attributes="member: 54707"><p><strong>Falfla, part two: The wild and naked brunch bunch</strong></p><p></p><p>This story should in no way be construed as being partially autobiographical.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><p style="text-align: center">FALFLA, PART TWO: THE WILD AND NAKED BRUNCH BUNCH</p><p></strong></p><p></p><p>After I eventually checked out I decided to head downtown and see if I could rustle up something to eat. I was in luck. It met me on the way.</p><p></p><p>After that was over I had to clean up a little. In three days I was supposed to meet Wanda and the rest of the guys so we could have an “adventure.” There was a public bath of course, but you had to pay, and there wasn’t much adventure in that. So I just decided I’d do what everybody else named me does, sneak in behind the fat guy. It was pretty painful, and I wondered what he kept scratching at, but it saved me three tokens and a quart of handcream.</p><p></p><p>When I had been splashing around awhile I resurfaced to find my old buddies already in the swim with me. </p><p></p><p>“Hey, how did you guys get in here?”</p><p></p><p>They all pointed to the guy who had floated me in. </p><p></p><p>“Did ya come in separately or all together?” I asked.</p><p></p><p>“Something like that,” replied Father Jyles of Hamm. “But nobody rolled a check to be sure.”</p><p></p><p>Jyles was an interesting chap. Clerical to the bone; he was also good at craps and most forms of women’s armored underwear. He did look funny though because most everybody suspected he was really some kinda blue spaceman from the 33rd and a half Edition. But these days who can be picky? It’s not like halfings don’t have hairfeet.</p><p></p><p>A sour trumpet sounded on both the high and low pitch, and that was followed by a boiling set of sulfur bubbles. Everybody turned towards Rolph Hammered who was still steaming in the middle of all the turmoil. </p><p></p><p>“Hey Man,” Rolph said, “let’s get some brunch up in here.</p><p>This smell reminds me of porridge and cantaloupe!”</p><p></p><p>Ricketts keeled over first though and Jyles had to lay index fingers up both his nostrils. A few minutes later and Ricketts had pretty much resurrected clean though he coughed out Wanda’s old flight ring and three furballs first.</p><p></p><p>Ricketts was a former merchant marine and mountain goat giant who had lost both his legs in an industrial slow-shearing accident, so we took him on after that as a sneak about and footpad. He wasn’t so great at either job but he had a really good looking familiar back from his days as a tribal shaman that everyone was partial too. Except our wizard, Wanda. </p><p></p><p>The funny thing about Sweets though, Rickett’s familiar, is that she could appear to any one of us at any time as either a massively over-sized spectral badger with flaming red eyes and bad breath, or a really cute little beaver who smelled nice and was fun to play with. It just depended on the hormonal levels, the time of the month, and the angle at which you looked at her.</p><p></p><p><strong>“What are you smiling at!”</strong> Wanda blurted out in my direction.</p><p></p><p>I stopped smiling in the case she had a hankering to hex me.</p><p></p><p>“Nuthin, babe. I was just wondering why all of you guys decided to show up early?”</p><p></p><p>She eyeballed me funny and I so looked around to see if there was something I should be aware of.</p><p></p><p>“Do you know a mind flayer named Subhumina?”</p><p></p><p>“I don’t rightly recall my dear,” and truth was, I didn’t.</p><p></p><p>“What about a Sea Hag named Prospera?”</p><p></p><p>That rang a bell and suddenly I had a fuzzy memory of something creepy and wet skittering across my mind’s eye. I shuddered, and smiled again.</p><p></p><p>“You better not be visiting that Warlock again, <em>you idiot!</em> I’ve told you before he makes unholy pacts with owlbears to mix his potions.” </p><p></p><p>That sounded plausible to me, so I nodded my head and pretended that I had just had a sudden realization. And I had. If he really was using owlbears then I could probably trade a barrel of honey-dipped giant rats straight up front to the OBGs and cut out the warlock as the middleman. The only trouble would be getting Jyles to straighten out the rabies afterwards without telling Wanda. But I could probably work that out in magic beans.</p><p></p><p>Apparently though Wanda saw the gears turning in my head and decided she wasn’t finished.</p><p></p><p><em>“What about Logg’s Angus!!??”</em> she demanded. “Have you been anywhere near Logg’s Angus?”</p><p></p><p>“No way baby,” I pleaded. “You know that bull is bad news. Plus, he still owes me a golden flugelhorn, some used pitons, and three big bales of barley oats.”</p><p></p><p>“Uh-huh. Just stay away from Logg’s Angus, and all those other ne’er-do-wells, if you really love me,” she said.</p><p></p><p>“Baby, you know I love you. Straight-up.”</p><p></p><p>“You basilisk!” </p><p></p><p>And with that our brunch arrived...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jack7, post: 4718602, member: 54707"] [b]Falfla, part two: The wild and naked brunch bunch[/b] This story should in no way be construed as being partially autobiographical. [B][CENTER]FALFLA, PART TWO: THE WILD AND NAKED BRUNCH BUNCH[/CENTER][/B] After I eventually checked out I decided to head downtown and see if I could rustle up something to eat. I was in luck. It met me on the way. After that was over I had to clean up a little. In three days I was supposed to meet Wanda and the rest of the guys so we could have an “adventure.” There was a public bath of course, but you had to pay, and there wasn’t much adventure in that. So I just decided I’d do what everybody else named me does, sneak in behind the fat guy. It was pretty painful, and I wondered what he kept scratching at, but it saved me three tokens and a quart of handcream. When I had been splashing around awhile I resurfaced to find my old buddies already in the swim with me. “Hey, how did you guys get in here?” They all pointed to the guy who had floated me in. “Did ya come in separately or all together?” I asked. “Something like that,” replied Father Jyles of Hamm. “But nobody rolled a check to be sure.” Jyles was an interesting chap. Clerical to the bone; he was also good at craps and most forms of women’s armored underwear. He did look funny though because most everybody suspected he was really some kinda blue spaceman from the 33rd and a half Edition. But these days who can be picky? It’s not like halfings don’t have hairfeet. A sour trumpet sounded on both the high and low pitch, and that was followed by a boiling set of sulfur bubbles. Everybody turned towards Rolph Hammered who was still steaming in the middle of all the turmoil. “Hey Man,” Rolph said, “let’s get some brunch up in here. This smell reminds me of porridge and cantaloupe!” Ricketts keeled over first though and Jyles had to lay index fingers up both his nostrils. A few minutes later and Ricketts had pretty much resurrected clean though he coughed out Wanda’s old flight ring and three furballs first. Ricketts was a former merchant marine and mountain goat giant who had lost both his legs in an industrial slow-shearing accident, so we took him on after that as a sneak about and footpad. He wasn’t so great at either job but he had a really good looking familiar back from his days as a tribal shaman that everyone was partial too. Except our wizard, Wanda. The funny thing about Sweets though, Rickett’s familiar, is that she could appear to any one of us at any time as either a massively over-sized spectral badger with flaming red eyes and bad breath, or a really cute little beaver who smelled nice and was fun to play with. It just depended on the hormonal levels, the time of the month, and the angle at which you looked at her. [B]“What are you smiling at!”[/B] Wanda blurted out in my direction. I stopped smiling in the case she had a hankering to hex me. “Nuthin, babe. I was just wondering why all of you guys decided to show up early?” She eyeballed me funny and I so looked around to see if there was something I should be aware of. “Do you know a mind flayer named Subhumina?” “I don’t rightly recall my dear,” and truth was, I didn’t. “What about a Sea Hag named Prospera?” That rang a bell and suddenly I had a fuzzy memory of something creepy and wet skittering across my mind’s eye. I shuddered, and smiled again. “You better not be visiting that Warlock again, [I]you idiot![/I] I’ve told you before he makes unholy pacts with owlbears to mix his potions.” That sounded plausible to me, so I nodded my head and pretended that I had just had a sudden realization. And I had. If he really was using owlbears then I could probably trade a barrel of honey-dipped giant rats straight up front to the OBGs and cut out the warlock as the middleman. The only trouble would be getting Jyles to straighten out the rabies afterwards without telling Wanda. But I could probably work that out in magic beans. Apparently though Wanda saw the gears turning in my head and decided she wasn’t finished. [I]“What about Logg’s Angus!!??”[/I] she demanded. “Have you been anywhere near Logg’s Angus?” “No way baby,” I pleaded. “You know that bull is bad news. Plus, he still owes me a golden flugelhorn, some used pitons, and three big bales of barley oats.” “Uh-huh. Just stay away from Logg’s Angus, and all those other ne’er-do-wells, if you really love me,” she said. “Baby, you know I love you. Straight-up.” “You basilisk!” And with that our brunch arrived... [/QUOTE]
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