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I need bad D&D jokes! (my players stay out)
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<blockquote data-quote="Old Fezziwig" data-source="post: 331447" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>The first might be a trifle long, and the last one's pretty terrible, but here are three:</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Two dwarves, Cearmac and Vezzin, are travelling across the Great Sea in a rather large ship. Although initially apprehensive at first, they settle down as the first two weeks of the voyage are pretty uneventful. Then the third week comes, and, bang, pirate attack. Somehow the dwarves manage to get into one of the life boats.</p><p></p><p>So the two dwarves are floating along, and they notice a crate from one of the ship's holds next to their little boat. They manage to pull it aboard, and using a dagger, crack it open. Inside is a small lamp. On a lark, Ceamac pulls it out and rubs it.</p><p></p><p>Poof. A Djinni appears and gratefully tells Cearmac that for freeing him, he will now grant him one wish.</p><p></p><p>Cearmac thinks for a moment, and then says "I wish the sea were full of fine dwarvish ale."</p><p></p><p>The Djinni bows, and the wish is granted. Overjoyed, Cearmac starts scooping the ale up from over the side of the boat and guzzling it out of his helm. After a bit he notcies that Vezzin isn't drinking any.</p><p></p><p>"Say, Vezzin, what's the problem?"</p><p></p><p>"Cearmac, you bloody fool, now we have to pee in the boat."</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>A Cleric of Pelor somehow gets separated from his party deep inside a cave. Turning around a dark corner, he bumps into a fairly good sized black dragon. Frightened out of his wits, he drops to his knees and starts praying to Pelor. Oddly, the dragon does the same. The cleric leaps up, dancing, shouting "I'm saved!" The dragon cocks his head and says, "No, you don't understand...I'm saying 'Grace.'"</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Myconid walks into a bar.</p><p></p><p>The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here."</p><p></p><p>The myconid says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p></p><p>best,</p><p>tKL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Old Fezziwig, post: 331447, member: 59"] The first might be a trifle long, and the last one's pretty terrible, but here are three: --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two dwarves, Cearmac and Vezzin, are travelling across the Great Sea in a rather large ship. Although initially apprehensive at first, they settle down as the first two weeks of the voyage are pretty uneventful. Then the third week comes, and, bang, pirate attack. Somehow the dwarves manage to get into one of the life boats. So the two dwarves are floating along, and they notice a crate from one of the ship's holds next to their little boat. They manage to pull it aboard, and using a dagger, crack it open. Inside is a small lamp. On a lark, Ceamac pulls it out and rubs it. Poof. A Djinni appears and gratefully tells Cearmac that for freeing him, he will now grant him one wish. Cearmac thinks for a moment, and then says "I wish the sea were full of fine dwarvish ale." The Djinni bows, and the wish is granted. Overjoyed, Cearmac starts scooping the ale up from over the side of the boat and guzzling it out of his helm. After a bit he notcies that Vezzin isn't drinking any. "Say, Vezzin, what's the problem?" "Cearmac, you bloody fool, now we have to pee in the boat." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Cleric of Pelor somehow gets separated from his party deep inside a cave. Turning around a dark corner, he bumps into a fairly good sized black dragon. Frightened out of his wits, he drops to his knees and starts praying to Pelor. Oddly, the dragon does the same. The cleric leaps up, dancing, shouting "I'm saved!" The dragon cocks his head and says, "No, you don't understand...I'm saying 'Grace.'" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Myconid walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here." The myconid says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- best, tKL [/QUOTE]
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