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I need bad D&D jokes! (my players stay out)
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<blockquote data-quote="javapadawan" data-source="post: 334870" data-attributes="member: 1444"><p>I recently wanted to get my player's Half-Orc PC involved in a bar fight, so I altered some old ethnic jokes for him to overhear coming from the table of dwarves...</p><p></p><p>How do you get a one-armed Half-Orc out of a tree?</p><p>Wave to him.</p><p></p><p>---</p><p></p><p>A Halfling, a Gnome, and a Half-Orc are running away from the city guard when they come to a forest, and they each decide to hide by climbing a tree. </p><p></p><p>When the Guardsmen arrive, they go to the first tree where the Halfling is hiding and shout, "We know you're up there, come down!"</p><p>The Halfling, thinking fast, says, "Tweet, tweet, tweet!"</p><p></p><p>The Guardsmen, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the Gnome is hiding and once again shout, "We know you're up there, come down!"</p><p>The Gnome, thinking fast, says, "Whoo, whoo, whoo!"</p><p></p><p>The Guardsmen, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Half-Orc is hiding and once again shout, "We know you're up there, come down!"</p><p>The Half-Orc thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..."</p><p></p><p>---</p><p></p><p>A gnomish bard has an audience with the High Priest of the temple to Gruumsh and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke.</p><p>"Have you heard the one about the two Half-Orc clerics?"</p><p>The High Priest replies, "I <em>am</em> a Half-Orc."</p><p>The gnome pauses for a moment then says, "That's OK, I'll tell it to you slowly."</p><p></p><p>---</p><p></p><p>A Half-Orc is walking down the street, carrying a bag of holding. He runs into one of his friends who asks, "Hey, what do you have in that bag?" The Half-Orc tells his friend that he has some magic potions in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many potions you have in that bag, you'll have to give me one."</p><p></p><p>The Half-Orc says, "I'll tell you what. If you can tell me how many potions I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="javapadawan, post: 334870, member: 1444"] I recently wanted to get my player's Half-Orc PC involved in a bar fight, so I altered some old ethnic jokes for him to overhear coming from the table of dwarves... How do you get a one-armed Half-Orc out of a tree? Wave to him. --- A Halfling, a Gnome, and a Half-Orc are running away from the city guard when they come to a forest, and they each decide to hide by climbing a tree. When the Guardsmen arrive, they go to the first tree where the Halfling is hiding and shout, "We know you're up there, come down!" The Halfling, thinking fast, says, "Tweet, tweet, tweet!" The Guardsmen, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the Gnome is hiding and once again shout, "We know you're up there, come down!" The Gnome, thinking fast, says, "Whoo, whoo, whoo!" The Guardsmen, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Half-Orc is hiding and once again shout, "We know you're up there, come down!" The Half-Orc thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..." --- A gnomish bard has an audience with the High Priest of the temple to Gruumsh and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke. "Have you heard the one about the two Half-Orc clerics?" The High Priest replies, "I [i]am[/i] a Half-Orc." The gnome pauses for a moment then says, "That's OK, I'll tell it to you slowly." --- A Half-Orc is walking down the street, carrying a bag of holding. He runs into one of his friends who asks, "Hey, what do you have in that bag?" The Half-Orc tells his friend that he has some magic potions in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many potions you have in that bag, you'll have to give me one." The Half-Orc says, "I'll tell you what. If you can tell me how many potions I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them." [/QUOTE]
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