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<blockquote data-quote="Macbeth" data-source="post: 1520775" data-attributes="member: 11259"><p>My thoughts on BSF's 3rd round story:</p><p></p><p>Awesome Opening! It really drew me in. I was intrigued by the world, and Rainmaker really did come across as being quite evil. Good stuff.</p><p></p><p>But then it faltered a little. The middle had some pacing issues, I think. Still very good, but it just seemed to slow down, then jump forward, then slow down again, and then jump forward. </p><p></p><p>I also know that you were thinking about stating out your protagonist. I think that shows through in your writing. It is both a strength and a weakness. It does codify the hero's abilities, making it clearer what he can do, as opposed to my story, which had fairly vague "rules." On the other hand, I just don't like the feel of writing to the rules, so to speak. It's really just my preference: when it becomes clear that your hero has a set of rules binding him, it becomes to easy to guess what he can and cannot due, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I think the time limit worked against you alot. Then end of the story was good, but it could have been great, It did seem like you just barely got it in on time. Suddenly the story just rushed by, what could have been a dramatic confrontation seemed too rushed.</p><p></p><p>But now I'm sounding too neagtive. I really liked your story, the protagonist was memorable, Rainmaker was a great villian, and the world it set up would make an awesome d20 Setting. My biggest advice , if I could give any (who am I to give advice) would be to not limit your writing by game rules. Obviously having stats helped some aspects of the story, but at the same time, the infiltration of the tower in particular just got a little too close to just relating d20 combat, which is fun to run, but not so fun to read.</p><p></p><p>Argh, I still sound too negative! I can't figure out how to make this sound any nicer, I really am just trying to tell you my thoughts on the story. It was a great story, and I don't mean to rip it apart, I just want to tell you what I think of it, and I like it alot. Please don't read my comments as critizing, I really did like the story alot, I just want to give you some feedback.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Macbeth, post: 1520775, member: 11259"] My thoughts on BSF's 3rd round story: Awesome Opening! It really drew me in. I was intrigued by the world, and Rainmaker really did come across as being quite evil. Good stuff. But then it faltered a little. The middle had some pacing issues, I think. Still very good, but it just seemed to slow down, then jump forward, then slow down again, and then jump forward. I also know that you were thinking about stating out your protagonist. I think that shows through in your writing. It is both a strength and a weakness. It does codify the hero's abilities, making it clearer what he can do, as opposed to my story, which had fairly vague "rules." On the other hand, I just don't like the feel of writing to the rules, so to speak. It's really just my preference: when it becomes clear that your hero has a set of rules binding him, it becomes to easy to guess what he can and cannot due, in my opinion. I think the time limit worked against you alot. Then end of the story was good, but it could have been great, It did seem like you just barely got it in on time. Suddenly the story just rushed by, what could have been a dramatic confrontation seemed too rushed. But now I'm sounding too neagtive. I really liked your story, the protagonist was memorable, Rainmaker was a great villian, and the world it set up would make an awesome d20 Setting. My biggest advice , if I could give any (who am I to give advice) would be to not limit your writing by game rules. Obviously having stats helped some aspects of the story, but at the same time, the infiltration of the tower in particular just got a little too close to just relating d20 combat, which is fun to run, but not so fun to read. Argh, I still sound too negative! I can't figure out how to make this sound any nicer, I really am just trying to tell you my thoughts on the story. It was a great story, and I don't mean to rip it apart, I just want to tell you what I think of it, and I like it alot. Please don't read my comments as critizing, I really did like the story alot, I just want to give you some feedback. [/QUOTE]
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