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Iron DM 2012 -- R2 complete, Finals in Progress
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<blockquote data-quote="phoamslinger" data-source="post: 5968499" data-attributes="member: 2342"><p>3rd Judgement....</p><p></p><p>[sblock]... ok, after reading the two entries and thinking about them for a couple of days, I pretty much knew how things were going to go. </p><p></p><p>judging the round two entry between Lwaxy and Waylander, I spent about four hours typing everything up. and I realize that the critiques are important, so I will offer just one.</p><p></p><p>kitchen sinks.</p><p></p><p>in your entry Waylander, you strung one ingredient in after another. they were all there, but they really didn't connect to each other very well. taking any one item and comparing it to another ingredient, the connnections were very tenuous at best. and the problem with this approach is that eventually you start getting a situation of "Why is he a seared seer? If we made him a ribald drunkard, would it change things much?" ...and the answer would be "No, it wouldn't." your entry reminded me of early early D&D modules, where you'd have 6 orcs in one room and a minotaur in the next, with no rhyme or reason from one to the other (S2 would be a good example of this).</p><p></p><p>I thought that Deuce Traveler did a better job of explaining things and connecting them <u>to each other</u> than did Waylander. why was the terrasque terraced? why was the rogue rouge? how did the two connect? in Kings they just seemed to be adjectives without connections or really reasons for being the way they were, where as in Blues, there was some background explaining and helping draw the connections.</p><p></p><p>which brings me to kitchen sinks. I remember an Iron DM a long while back that had something ridiculous like 20 ingredients in the final matchup. and darned if I wasn't going to use all 20. my entry did not win, btw. sometimes it's better to let the optional stuff go instead of trying to force everything together. just my $0.02.</p><p></p><p>...</p><p></p><p>ok, second critique point.</p><p>if the ingredient is <strong>axe</strong>, then you should use an axe in a way that procludes replacing it with a great sword or a rapier.</p><p></p><p>but if the ingredient is <strong><em>warped</em> axe</strong>, not only should the above be true, but also <em>why</em> is it a warped axe.</p><p></p><p>Traveler's rogue was an efrit, therefore red, therefore rouge.</p><p>Waylander's rogues were rouged, well, just because it was cool window dressing.</p><p></p><p>there were several other instances of this in comparing the two entries, which should be easy to spot.</p><p></p><p>Waylander, if you had stuck with just the basic six ingredients and linked all six firmly together, like you did in your round two entry, it would have been a much better entry. I suppose the lesson should be, 45 minutes just doesn't cut it, especially with a tough list of ingredients.</p><p></p><p>checking the other judges, it would appear it's 3/3 for Deuce Traveler. </p><p></p><p>Congrats DT on the win![/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="phoamslinger, post: 5968499, member: 2342"] 3rd Judgement.... [sblock]... ok, after reading the two entries and thinking about them for a couple of days, I pretty much knew how things were going to go. judging the round two entry between Lwaxy and Waylander, I spent about four hours typing everything up. and I realize that the critiques are important, so I will offer just one. kitchen sinks. in your entry Waylander, you strung one ingredient in after another. they were all there, but they really didn't connect to each other very well. taking any one item and comparing it to another ingredient, the connnections were very tenuous at best. and the problem with this approach is that eventually you start getting a situation of "Why is he a seared seer? If we made him a ribald drunkard, would it change things much?" ...and the answer would be "No, it wouldn't." your entry reminded me of early early D&D modules, where you'd have 6 orcs in one room and a minotaur in the next, with no rhyme or reason from one to the other (S2 would be a good example of this). I thought that Deuce Traveler did a better job of explaining things and connecting them [U]to each other[/U] than did Waylander. why was the terrasque terraced? why was the rogue rouge? how did the two connect? in Kings they just seemed to be adjectives without connections or really reasons for being the way they were, where as in Blues, there was some background explaining and helping draw the connections. which brings me to kitchen sinks. I remember an Iron DM a long while back that had something ridiculous like 20 ingredients in the final matchup. and darned if I wasn't going to use all 20. my entry did not win, btw. sometimes it's better to let the optional stuff go instead of trying to force everything together. just my $0.02. ... ok, second critique point. if the ingredient is [B]axe[/B], then you should use an axe in a way that procludes replacing it with a great sword or a rapier. but if the ingredient is [B][I]warped[/I] axe[/B], not only should the above be true, but also [I]why[/I] is it a warped axe. Traveler's rogue was an efrit, therefore red, therefore rouge. Waylander's rogues were rouged, well, just because it was cool window dressing. there were several other instances of this in comparing the two entries, which should be easy to spot. Waylander, if you had stuck with just the basic six ingredients and linked all six firmly together, like you did in your round two entry, it would have been a much better entry. I suppose the lesson should be, 45 minutes just doesn't cut it, especially with a tough list of ingredients. checking the other judges, it would appear it's 3/3 for Deuce Traveler. Congrats DT on the win![/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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